Monday, January 5th
Good morning. My name is Jones and I have been recruited by squirrels to read the news which they have apparently written themselves. For those new to the island, I can assure you this is not a hazing ritual.
However I am concerned about their ability to report the news based upon the amount of alcohol they are currently imbibing. I would advise all listeners to take all news stories with the proverbial grain of salt.
To begin, the library was opened by a boy who is apparently named Face. He was visited by Cassandra who talked with Face about blood magic, jedi warriors and acting. Of the three I would suggest acting as a safer career choice though possibly the most unreliable source of income.
Over in the dorms, a boy named Flick was distracted from researching college courses by Isabelle who apparently demanded several kisses. Which leads me to believe that Isabell is either insecure or perhaps just promiscuous. Given this is a high school, it is probably both.
Later, Gwen provided a means of providing new students with valuable information by allowing students to write helpful information on the wall between the boys and girls bathrooms. Thank you for your kind actions, Gwen. The information gathered included:
In town, Sparkle opened Demon Marcus which apparently has cheese and cartoon character onesies and not so many demons. His only customer of note was Hanna who apparently is unfamiliar with both cartoon characters and onesies.
The over at the Magic Box, Anders was doing some vigorous cleaning of said store. He received a visit from Jonothon who was concerned about Anders' run in with Cassandra. Nathan also visited and received tea and a presents in the form of a sketching set.
For those of you who observed a certain altercation between two teachers at the picnic yesterday, you will be happy to know that Mr. Kenobi and Mr. Skywalker were able to resolve their differences when they met today at the hotel. The squirrels were happy to note that it did not even involve Mr. Skywalker being thrown in a duck pond. I'm not sure why that amuses the squirrels... Ah. They have written me a note that with what appears to be an amusing anecdote that happened almost ten years ago. Which involves a duck pond.
*chittering*
No. I don't find it amusing. I also doubt any of the people here on the island know about the incident or would find it amusing. In the future I recommend you drink less alcohol and stick to the facts.
Over at Dr. Lecter's house, Jonothan interrupted Mr. Lecter's musical interlude to discuss the picnic and driving a bus. Later on Bob appeared and apparently the squirrels were distracted by a blimp.
Yet another reason why news items written by squirrels do not appear to be valid.
And then out in the forest Hanna was outside exercising when she came across some angels and then was joined by Kira who told her more about the woods perhaps being a tad bit magical. They then discussed their own personal histories which the squirrels did not delve into. Possibly because they were inebriated.
Those were all of the notes that I was provided. I'm sure more activity occurred but I doubt it is relevant or interesting. Please enjoy your day. Thank you.
However I am concerned about their ability to report the news based upon the amount of alcohol they are currently imbibing. I would advise all listeners to take all news stories with the proverbial grain of salt.
To begin, the library was opened by a boy who is apparently named Face. He was visited by Cassandra who talked with Face about blood magic, jedi warriors and acting. Of the three I would suggest acting as a safer career choice though possibly the most unreliable source of income.
Over in the dorms, a boy named Flick was distracted from researching college courses by Isabelle who apparently demanded several kisses. Which leads me to believe that Isabell is either insecure or perhaps just promiscuous. Given this is a high school, it is probably both.
Later, Gwen provided a means of providing new students with valuable information by allowing students to write helpful information on the wall between the boys and girls bathrooms. Thank you for your kind actions, Gwen. The information gathered included:
- Occasionally you will swap genders
- People are from other universes
- The janitor is an actual troll
- Glitter is commonplace
- Random singing may occur at times
- Nudity forever
- Libarians are not necessarily scary
- And apparently someone drew male genetalia over the wall. How droll.
In town, Sparkle opened Demon Marcus which apparently has cheese and cartoon character onesies and not so many demons. His only customer of note was Hanna who apparently is unfamiliar with both cartoon characters and onesies.
The over at the Magic Box, Anders was doing some vigorous cleaning of said store. He received a visit from Jonothon who was concerned about Anders' run in with Cassandra. Nathan also visited and received tea and a presents in the form of a sketching set.
For those of you who observed a certain altercation between two teachers at the picnic yesterday, you will be happy to know that Mr. Kenobi and Mr. Skywalker were able to resolve their differences when they met today at the hotel. The squirrels were happy to note that it did not even involve Mr. Skywalker being thrown in a duck pond. I'm not sure why that amuses the squirrels... Ah. They have written me a note that with what appears to be an amusing anecdote that happened almost ten years ago. Which involves a duck pond.
*chittering*
No. I don't find it amusing. I also doubt any of the people here on the island know about the incident or would find it amusing. In the future I recommend you drink less alcohol and stick to the facts.
Over at Dr. Lecter's house, Jonothan interrupted Mr. Lecter's musical interlude to discuss the picnic and driving a bus. Later on Bob appeared and apparently the squirrels were distracted by a blimp.
Yet another reason why news items written by squirrels do not appear to be valid.
And then out in the forest Hanna was outside exercising when she came across some angels and then was joined by Kira who told her more about the woods perhaps being a tad bit magical. They then discussed their own personal histories which the squirrels did not delve into. Possibly because they were inebriated.
Those were all of the notes that I was provided. I'm sure more activity occurred but I doubt it is relevant or interesting. Please enjoy your day. Thank you.