Myth Into History, Week 2: The Gods You Thought You Knew (But Didn't) [Thurs. 1st Period]
Today, like last week, the Danger Shop was programmed to look like the interior of a canvas tent on a dig site, with long tables and folding camp chairs set up in two rows for the students to take their seats. Among the simulated artifacts laid out on these tables were a small golden bell, a large diamond, and a perfectly ordinary-looking set of quills and parchments, one for each student. Notable, though, were the plates of brownies and cookies perched on a stack of crates near the door; apparently Janice had taken Dr. Wilson's suggestion to heart.
As for Janice herself, was chomping on her usual cigar, notably irritated that it wasn't lit, as she waited for the students to arrive.
"Okay," she said once everyone was seated. "Now that we've gotten the useless formalities out of the way and I know exactly how much all of you have to unlearn, we're going to start studying the two gods who figure into the Xena Scrolls the most: Ares and Aphrodite. The gods of war and love. Not too surprising, right? Get used to those themes. You'll be seeing a lot of them. The first thing you need to know, though, is that the gods were petty little bastards. Even the rest of the academic world agrees on that, but they don't have the insight I do."
She stepped out from behind her desk and paced around the tent, stopping to affectionately pat the unloaded Gatling gun. "Now, Xena had a lot of dealings with the gods, and a real gift for pissing them off, so she got to see a lot of that pettiness firsthand. And thanks to the Scrolls, we now have an idea of just what little bitches they could be."
"Take Ares, for example," she continued, picking up the tattered remains of an elaborate leather vest. "You'd think the God of War had some pretty big things on his plate to worry about, right? Wrong. He was a god. He had all the time in the world to get himself into some pretty stupid situations. Some of the Scroll fragments we've retrieved seem to hint that he might be Xena's father. Others indicate that they were once lovers. And well, it's Ancient Greece we're talking about. Those two aren't necessarily exclusive. Ares wasn't above manipulating the warlords of the Mediterranean into doing his bidding until they no longer served his purposes. That was fine while they all feared him, but when he became mortal for a while? Yeah, that was a real bitch, and you bet your ass it was Xena who bailed his ass out. She even forced him into hiding once, but that's a story for another time."
Janice moved on to a seven-foot-tall pillar swathed in canvas, and pulled the tarp back to reveal a gaudy golden statue of a woman clad in what could only be described as Victoria's Scantiest. "Aphrodite," she intoned. "Goddess of Love. You want to talk petty? No one did petty better. There's nothing she loved more than herself, and Xena didn't exactly make her look good most of the time, so Aphrodite retaliated by being the ancient world's biggest five-year-old pain in the ass. Bonus points if she could get some laughs out of it. There are examples in your reading, like the time she turned a guy from a useless bumbling fool to a suave hero and back again every time he heard a bell ring."
Janice's grin turned malicious at that. No, it wasn't directed toward Joxer; that's just a trick of the light. "That's a personal favorite of mine. Or when she stole the North Star so she could make it part of her own new constellation, and just to throw Xena and her friends off the trail made all of them obsessed with the first thing they laid eyes on. And then there was the incident with Gabrielle's enchanted scroll, which is what we'll be studying in depth in today's exercise. But first, let's talk a little about last week's exercise."
When everyone had completed today's activity, Janice clapped her hands together. "Your assignment for next week is to think about what you just did. Next discussion will be about whether you think Aphrodite would have done something like this. If your answer is no, you're still wrong, but I want to hear your reasons anyway. That's all for today. Now get out of here."
[OOC: OCD up -- play away.
ETA: Ping me in the OOC thread if you want your character to get detention for anything you write down. *g*
Class Info/Syllabus/Roster]
As for Janice herself, was chomping on her usual cigar, notably irritated that it wasn't lit, as she waited for the students to arrive.
"Okay," she said once everyone was seated. "Now that we've gotten the useless formalities out of the way and I know exactly how much all of you have to unlearn, we're going to start studying the two gods who figure into the Xena Scrolls the most: Ares and Aphrodite. The gods of war and love. Not too surprising, right? Get used to those themes. You'll be seeing a lot of them. The first thing you need to know, though, is that the gods were petty little bastards. Even the rest of the academic world agrees on that, but they don't have the insight I do."
She stepped out from behind her desk and paced around the tent, stopping to affectionately pat the unloaded Gatling gun. "Now, Xena had a lot of dealings with the gods, and a real gift for pissing them off, so she got to see a lot of that pettiness firsthand. And thanks to the Scrolls, we now have an idea of just what little bitches they could be."
"Take Ares, for example," she continued, picking up the tattered remains of an elaborate leather vest. "You'd think the God of War had some pretty big things on his plate to worry about, right? Wrong. He was a god. He had all the time in the world to get himself into some pretty stupid situations. Some of the Scroll fragments we've retrieved seem to hint that he might be Xena's father. Others indicate that they were once lovers. And well, it's Ancient Greece we're talking about. Those two aren't necessarily exclusive. Ares wasn't above manipulating the warlords of the Mediterranean into doing his bidding until they no longer served his purposes. That was fine while they all feared him, but when he became mortal for a while? Yeah, that was a real bitch, and you bet your ass it was Xena who bailed his ass out. She even forced him into hiding once, but that's a story for another time."
Janice moved on to a seven-foot-tall pillar swathed in canvas, and pulled the tarp back to reveal a gaudy golden statue of a woman clad in what could only be described as Victoria's Scantiest. "Aphrodite," she intoned. "Goddess of Love. You want to talk petty? No one did petty better. There's nothing she loved more than herself, and Xena didn't exactly make her look good most of the time, so Aphrodite retaliated by being the ancient world's biggest five-year-old pain in the ass. Bonus points if she could get some laughs out of it. There are examples in your reading, like the time she turned a guy from a useless bumbling fool to a suave hero and back again every time he heard a bell ring."
Janice's grin turned malicious at that. No, it wasn't directed toward Joxer; that's just a trick of the light. "That's a personal favorite of mine. Or when she stole the North Star so she could make it part of her own new constellation, and just to throw Xena and her friends off the trail made all of them obsessed with the first thing they laid eyes on. And then there was the incident with Gabrielle's enchanted scroll, which is what we'll be studying in depth in today's exercise. But first, let's talk a little about last week's exercise."
When everyone had completed today's activity, Janice clapped her hands together. "Your assignment for next week is to think about what you just did. Next discussion will be about whether you think Aphrodite would have done something like this. If your answer is no, you're still wrong, but I want to hear your reasons anyway. That's all for today. Now get out of here."
[OOC: OCD up -- play away.
ETA: Ping me in the OOC thread if you want your character to get detention for anything you write down. *g*
Class Info/Syllabus/Roster]