In the park, through the town, and at the Isle of IKEA, Saturday evening
The park was littered with bears. Unconscious, scared, and disarmed bears. But while the day had been won, the sun had set, bringing the next stage of the bears' plan into effect. As the stars came out, one constellation shone more brightly than usual. It was Ursa Major and on this night it was the source of great power.
There was an unnatural growl as the bears began to rise and stumble into each other. As they touched, they merged into one being, growing ever larger with each bear added to the mix. Before long, all the bears in the park had come together to create a GIANT BEAR that stood as tall as the highest tower at the school. And this bear was angry.
This is why bears shouldn't be allowed to learn magic.
Bridge
Bridge is staring up at the giant bear. How many times, now, had he brought up the fact that Fandom probably wouldn't ever have to deal like something like this? Honestly, he should've known better.
"I really wish I had a-"
Whatever he's about to say is cut off as he turns in to a column of sparkling blue light that streaks upward into the sky.
Z
"Oh, man," said Z, scrambling back from the general vicinity of the giant bear. "We could really use a--"
And then she was cut off as well, disappearing in a beam of shining golden light that streaked off in the same direction as the blue.
Jen
Jen groaned; she'd seen this happen way too many times, though in her case it usually involved a mutant ripping a patch off its body which for reasons she didn't care to contemplate too much made it grow . . . about the size of that bear.
"I don't have access to the Time Flyers any more!" she blurted out. "Plus the island's not big enough to have a --"
Then she, too, was cut off midsentence and streaked off after Bridge and Z in a beam of blindingly fuschia light.
Adam
Out of every thing that had ever happened in Fandom, Adam never thought he'd be witnessing this. Seriously, how could the GIANT BEAR even fit?!
"That was definitely unexpected," he admitted. Though, really? He should have seen that coming. Adam took a few steps back, suddenly wishing he had his Zeo zord to call upon.
As soon as that thought entered Adam's mind, he was whisked away in a flash of teal - yes, that's right - teal light, headed in the same direction as his fellow rangers.
Sky
Sky was speechless. He'd dreaded something like this happening, having come to expect anything from Fandom, and just when he was thinking about what they could use right now, would have access to back home...
He, as well, was turned into light and sent off. Argyle-colored light, because yes, that was possible.
Andros
Andros hadn't been expecting anything like this to happen and stared.
Before he could actually say anything though he also became a flash of light, stripe-colored light and sent off.
Glittery Blue Ranger
"...Zord."
There's still more staring, but now it's at his surroundings. The giant machines housed in the large underground bunker are definitely Zords, there's no mistaking that. It's just... they're not shaped like the typical vehicles or animals. Instead they're... furniture?
He's inexplicably drawn to the blue one, the one that looks like a bookcase. Nearby there's a small device that resembles an extremely bulky wristwatch. Absently, he straps it on to his wrist, fumbling in his pocket for the allen wrench he'd recieved in the mail earlier that week.
Once he's got that out, he executes a series of overly complicated arm movements. It's best not to ask *how* he knows the exact movements, but once they're completed, he's clad in blue spandex. Very, very glittery blue spandex.
Gold Ranger
"--Megazord." Z looked around at her surroundings and said, "Huh." Then she started moving toward the golden Zord that seemed to be modeled on a set of nesting tables. She, too, strapped on her morpher and executed a series of complex arm movements that ended with screwing a hex screw into the morpher. And then she found herself in head-to-toe gold spandex.
If not for the helmet, she would totally be working it.
Fuschia Ranger
Jen swayed a little on her feet when she landed in -- wherever it was she'd ended up, completely unused to teleporting. No, they didn't have teleporting in the year 3000. Shut up.
Her jaw dropped a little at the statue of Thor and the Viking ship that loomed in the background of a pretty dark room -- the kind of room that was just the right shade of dark to make a low-budget set look bigger where you couldn't quite tell how big it was. "Wow. That was really a 1993 way to travel."
Although the giant fuschia Poang chair and matching footstool that she was mysteriously drawn toward kind of hinted at that.
The gold Allen wrench she'd gotten out of the catalog and carried around with her for no apparent reason all week was clutched in one hand as she found the bulky wrist device that looked kind of like her Chronomorpher if you really squinted, and she couldn't help noticing the hexagonal indentation in it. The kind of hexagonal indentation that was a perfect fit for that Allen wrench, funny enough.
She was in a half daze as she strapped the device onto her wrist beside her Chronomorpher and went into a flurry of inexplicable arm movements much like, and yet very different from, the ones she used to transform into a Time Force Ranger. The main difference was cranking the Allen wrench like carpal tunnel syndrome was just an urban legend when she slammed it into the hex socket -- and don't ask how she learned that kind of accuracy on the fly.
She looked a lot like a Time Force Ranger when she was done, too -- just a lot more blinding. Also, with blue and gold trim on her Ranger uniform.
Argyle Ranger
Just when Sky had finished thinking the word "Zord", there he was, in a Zord bay. Being a Ranger, he, of course, instinctively knew what to do- approaching the Zord that looked like a giant chair of some sort, he swiftly pulled the wrench he'd gotten and almost discarded earlier in the week from his pocket. Putting on the wristwatch-like device he'd found, he did as he was expected to as a future Ranger- and did the morphing motions.
To his dismay, he was clad in...
"Argyle?" he demanded, for some reason regretting ever wearing his favorite sweater now. "Argyle?! I'm supposed to be Red!"
Glittery Blue Ranger
"I think Z and I could give you a run for your money in the blinding department," Bridge observes, absently holding one arm up in front of his face and watching the glitter sparkle every which way. "I feel like I'm a little ball of light again. Except more person-shaped. So really, not a little ball of light at all, I guess."
Fuschia Ranger
"Okay, maybe we are going to blind it to --" Jen had to pause and run down a list of options. Gratuitous explosion? Containment card? Action-figure sized cryofreeze?
"Something."
Glittery Blue Ranger
"Blindness?" Bridge suggests. "Only then we'd just have a *blind* giant bear, and that's actually probably more hazardous than one that can see where it's going."
Fuschia Ranger
"At least there are no skyscrapers on the island?"
Well, it seemed worth pointing out.
Glittery Blue Ranger
"Yeah," Bridge admits. "Still. We should probably, uh. You know. Do this thing. Before it decides the lack of skyscrapers isn't gonna stop it from destroying stuff."
Fuschia Ranger
"You guys have never done this before, huh?" asked Jen. "Well, let's try and not make the crash course too literal, okay?"
Glittery Blue Ranger
"Hey, I've totally done this before!" Bridge protests. "...In, you know, practice runs. And stuff."
Argyle Ranger
"At least Crimson was a solid color," Sky grumbled. "I don't think I've ever heard of a patterned Ranger before."
Fuschia Ranger
"Yeah, but at least we don't have to use sunglasses to morph," Jen replied.
Gold Ranger
"There was the Quantum Ranger," Z pointed out. "Quantum's not even a pattern, it's just, like, a random adjective. Sorry Jen."
Fuschia Ranger
". . . yeah, I never got that either," Jen conceded.
Argyle Ranger
Sky was still grumbling under his breath, but he realized there were much more important things than the fact that he was wearing an Argyle-patterned Ranger costume. He could worry about potential blackmail later.
Teal Ranger
Adam wasn't thrown by the sudden teleportation, not really. He was used to it. It was how he traveled.
Finding himself in new surroundings, Adam took a moment to take it all in. It was some kind of Zord bay, there was no mistaking that. He idly wondered how Billy might react to this, if he could see it. "Whoa." His gaze landed on the teal Zord that seemed to be fashioned after a table. He felt drawn to it.
Taking out his morpher and strapping it to his wrist - it felt strangely comfortable there, it was probably because he was used to having his Zeo morpher on his wrist - Adam executed a complicated series of arm movements, strangely like his Zeo morph, and suddenly found himself clad in a teal colored suit. "Huh."
Stripes Ranger
Andros stumbled slightly after he had materialized and he gazed at his surroundings.
He then found himself drawn to the Zord that appeared to be a stripy sofa and after finding the small wrist device and having realized that the object he had gotten last week fitted it, he placed it on his wrist. For some reason he felt compelled to perform a series of arm movements, much more complicated than the ones that were used to operate his astro morpher and then he found himself clad in stripe colored spandex.
He stared at what he was wearing. Words were failing him for the moment.
Glittery Blue Ranger
"At least it's not, uh, sparkly?" Bridge says weakly, trying not to think too much about broken timelines and metaphorical cats being let out of bags.
Stripes Ranger
"I guess..." Andros said, finally managing to say something. He was still rather confused about everything.
Gold Ranger
"We're all so bright! Except Sky. Sky is an old man's sweater."
Fuschia Ranger
"Well, we're never going to be the stealth group of Rangers, that's for sure . . ."
Argyle Ranger
Sky resisted the urge to make a rude gesture at Z.
"Alright, Goldar."
Gold Ranger
"Gold," Z said indignantly, "is a rare and awesome Ranger color. Argyle is socks."
Argyle Ranger
"Hey, I didn't choose this stupid suit!" said Sky, bristling.
Gold Ranger
Z bristled right back. "Yeah, well, Bridge didn't choose to be glittery, either. Let's just go save the world. Island. Whatever."
Argyle Ranger
"Fine," Sky grumbled. "Standing here arguing all day isn't going to accomplish anything. Just stop making fun of me, alright? ... Please?"
Gold Ranger
Z grinned at him. Not that anyone could see it, because, helmet. "Right, like that'll happen."
Argyle Ranger
"Oh yeah... forgot who I was talking to," said Sky with an unseen smirk.
Fuschia Ranger
Jen wandered over to one wall while everyone else was still getting their bearings *rimshot*, bickering over colors, and generally flailing. She thought she'd seen something that looked like a set of giant hieroglyphs in the semi-darkness, but as she got closer . . .
"Why are the Megazord assembly instructions all done in cartoons? Why do we need Megazord assembly instructions?"
Teal Ranger
Adam noticed where Jen had gotten off to and hearing what she had to say, he made his way over to her. "There's assembly instructions? Really?"
Yeah, that was kind of odd.
Fuschia Ranger
"And there's no words," Jen said, pointing up at the wall. "It's just cartoons and pictures of furniture Zords with arrows and numbers."
Teal Ranger
"That's seriously strange," Adam admitted, looking up at the wall. It was almost as if the directions had been made for young kids. "Did they think we wouldn't be able to figure it out if they'd explained it in words?"
Really, it was mind boggling.
Fuschia Ranger
"It's like they're aiming for an audience of three to five year olds." Jen might have sounded just a liiiiiiiiittle bit indignant about that.
A Giant Bear
The Bear, unaware of any shenanigans with IKEA or Power Rangers, made its way down Mallard Way, kicking over trees, eating birds, and generally saving its major mayhem for the school that was coming ever closer to him.
It was entirely possible that some would be foolish enough to challenge it. THE FOOLS. Or, as The Bear would say, "GROWL!"
Glittery Blue Ranger
The Rangers had morphed, found their respective Zords, and figured out how to combine said Zords in to an even *bigger* giant robot. Which was now making its way from the Isle of IKEA to Fandom Island.
Given that it was a giant robot, this didn't actually take much time at all.
Fuschia Ranger
"I officially take back anything I ever said about how completely implausible the Lightspeed Rangers' Zords were," Jen muttered under her breath. "Because giant furniture should not move this well."
Glittery Blue Ranger
"Also is it just me or were those so called instructions really not helpful at all?" Bridge asks. Like the first time they'd tried assembling the MegaZord, and Jen's PoangZord had ended up as a leg instead of an arm.
Fuschia Ranger
"I told you we were better off ignoring the instructions and just going with the Morphing Grid info! Seriously, stupid cartoons . . . can't they treat us like we're adults?"
Beat.
"Teenagers. Whatever."
Argyle Ranger
Sky was smirking underneath his Argyle helmet.
"I have to admit, I completely did not expect this to work," he said, glancing at the schematics to find where all the giant lasers and the sword were located. Because every Megazord had giant lasers and a sword. "It's time to kick some giant bear butt. Let's use the sword."
Gold Ranger
Z rolled her eyes, not that anyone could see it. "You're such a guy. Of course you want to use the sword. Oh oh can I fire the giant lasers?"
Fuschia Ranger
Jen helmetpalmed. A lot.
And then asked, "So do you think this footstool shield doubles as a highly un-aerodynamic boomerang?"
Argyle Ranger
"Wouldn't surprise me," said Sky, choosing to ignore Z's comment. "This thing is packing some impressive weaponry already."
A Giant Bear
It took some time to draw The Bear out of its daydreams of smashing the school, but slowly it dawned on it that there was something behind it. A giant something. Made of furniture. The bear turned around, growled, and charged at the IKEA MegaZord, intent on mauling the crap out of it.
Teal Ranger
"I'm sure it has dual function," Adam nodded, knowing how a good number of Zord equipment tended to have more than one purpose.
He noticed the giant bear and frowned. It was charging. "Incoming," Adam warned, moving to bring up defense maneuvers.
Stripes Ranger
Andros had kept quiet through most of this as he watched the giant bear coming towards them and braced for the attack.
Fuschia Ranger
"Time to find out how well this furniture stands up to heavy use," Jen muttered through her teeth as she plugged her Allen wrench into the console and used it to bring the PoangZord's footstool-shield-thing up into a defensive position.
A Giant Bear
The Bear leaped forward and slashed at the footstool-shield-thing with its claws. It was just a footstool, surely it would be destroyed by the might of a giant bear slash.
Glittery Blue Ranger
The clawing results in a lot of impressive-looking sparking, but no actual damage.
Argyle Ranger
"Lasers!" said Sky, and somewhere on his chair-zord's body, a few cannons raised to fire at the bear.
A Giant Bear
As the lasers hit, causing small explosions on the bear's body, the bear stumbled around for a moment. It growled in RAGE and launched itself at the MegaZord with a flying kick.
Fuschia Ranger
"What do you guys say we find out how well this furniture really maneuvers?" asked Jen, hauling on her controls.
'Well' was entirely relative, of course. MegaZords of any variety weren't exactly known for their nimble grace.
Basically, for all her control-hauling in the name of defensive maneuvers, what this resulted in was the IKEA MegaZord twisting slightly and retreating a step or two.
Argyle Ranger
"Brace for impact! And let's watch out for buildings, please! We don't want to wreck Fandom while we're trying to save it."
This was said because the backsteps had taken the Zord dangerously close to Stuff for Sale. Then came the flying kick-
Glittery Blue Ranger
Bridge does, indeed, brace for impact. Well, okay, he grabs on to the console in front of him, for all the good that does when the kick connects and his world is suddenly very tilty. And again with the impressive sparking. And... is that smoke?
"Gah!" Bridge flails. "Why don't they ever think to equip these things with a fire extinguisher?"
Argyle Ranger
"Because our suits protect us?" Sky grunted as he made with the sparky flailing himself, his heart sinking at the sickening CRUNCH and assorted sparks that let fly as part of the Megazord fell on top of Stuff for Sale. OHCRAPOHCRAPOHCRAPOHCRAPWE'RE SO GONNA GET EXPELLED went his brain, but his mouth went, "Is everyone alright? Come on, let's give it everything we've got!"
Gold Ranger
"Our suits don't protect the consoles!" Z protested. She leaned waaaaay over to get a view of the building. "That was abandoned, right?"
Fuschia Ranger
"Great, property insurance in this town just went up another --" Jen had to take a moment to turn and stare at her. "You worry about this now?"
Glittery Blue Ranger
"Well if there were people inside they could've been hurt!" Bridge points out.
Fuschia Ranger
"Well, we know that," Jen said with a tiny hint of a sigh, "but can we focus on the fight here? Nobody's watching us, so the PSA's not required . . .."
Gold Ranger
Z just kind of stared at her. "What are you talking about? I don't want anyone to be smushed!" Yeah, Z's focus was currently about a mile from the fight.
Stripes Ranger
Andros was rather confused by this and the closest thing he could think of saying was, "huh?"
Glittery Blue Ranger
Bridge helmetpalms. "At least I'm fairly sure the population of Fandom is sensible enough to know when to get out of the path of a giant robot and a giant bear monster. Which is, uh, as soon as possible."
A Giant Bear
Although The Bear couldn't hear Bridge, it decided to prove him right by slashing again at the MegaZord. They should've gotten out of the way.
Teal Ranger
"I hope so," Adam admitted, shaking his head slightly. He was pretty sure most, if not all of Fandom, knew what to do when a giant robot and giant bear appeared. Hey, if the people of Angel Grove knew what to do, he was sure Fandom did, too.
Speaking of Angel Grove, Adam felt like he was back there. What with the bear attacking and all and the MegaZord not exactly cooperating with their commands. "Okay, where's the giant sword when you need one?"
A Giant Bear
The Bear couldn't hear the question either, but it answered anyway with a kick to follow up that slash. It was good at doing things like that at appropriate times.
Gold Ranger
"I found the giant sword!" Z crowed, manipulating her controls to make the MegaZord swing the giant sword at the bear in retaliation for the kick.
Never mind that the giant sword vaguely resembled a CD tower. It was clearly a giant sword.
A Giant Bear
More sparks showered off of The Bear, making it stumble back away from the MegaZord. It patted itself down to make sure none of the sparks set its very nice coat of fur on fire.
Glittery Blue Ranger
Nice coat of fur, yeah, but it's not a very nice bear, which is why Bridge feels no qualms at all about having the MegaZord aim a punch at said bear.
A Giant Bear
The punch connected, knocking the bear to all fours. It retreated a few steps before rearing back up and growling in a way that said, "Oh, it's on!" But it only said that if you could speak Bear.
Fuschia Ranger
Jen, for one, could not speak Bear. And maybe the IKEA MegaZord had a Bear-to-English translator, but she wasn't going to try and find it right now, cartoon instructions and Morphing Grid knowledge aside.
She brought the PoangZord down in an overhand blow -- klutzy, as you'd expect an arm made out of a chair to be, but never underestimate the bruising power of klutziness -- and yelled, "Let's power this thing up and finish him!"
Yes, complete with overly dramatic arm gestures. It was required.
She flipped a few switches and tightened a few hex screws on her console and --
Music started blaring out of, apparently, nowhere. Loud. Lots of electric guitar.
Long ago in days of yore, it all began with a god named Thor . . .
Glittery Blue Ranger
There were Vikings and boats and some plans for a furniture store...
On the word "store", the CD-tower sword began to glow, and the MegaZord itself began to spin, gearing up for the finishing attack. Until finally it lunged forward towards the bear.
Everyone has a home, but if you don't have a home you can buy one there
Argyle Ranger
Sky gave his best battle cry and put on his most fearsome face as the attack was happening.
Rent a car or take the bus, Lay your cash down and put your trust, In the land where the furniture folds to a much smaller size
Gold Ranger
Z pretty much just held on as the CD tower sword of glowy struck out at the giant bear. "Aaaaaahhhhh!"
Ikea: just some oak and some pine and a handful of Norsemen
Ikea: selling furniture for college kids and divorced men
A Giant Bear
For a moment, it was almost as if nothing happened. Then the cut made through the bear by the sword slash started to glow. A series of explosions followed and suddenly the giant bear was no more than a bunch of smaller bears falling through the air to the ground. As they hit, the various bears got up and stumbled away, heading back towards the Plotting Zoo. This whole mayhem thing wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
Teal Ranger
Adam had watched the attack unfold, wondering if the sword was going to hit its mark. When it did hit the bear, he grinned. Adam was glad to see the giant bear wouldn't be bothering Fandom any more.
In his excitement over their apparent victory, Adam accidentally hit a button on the console and suddenly, a hail of meatballs rained down, apparently coming from the Zord. "Oops."
Ikea: plywood, brushed steel
Ikea: meatballs, tasty...
After the battle was over and the IKEA Rangers left their Zords, an empty apartment somewhere in Alexandria found itself filled with furniture once again. And it would remain that way until the power of the IKEA Zords was needed again. And then the owner of the apartment would have to get the delivery guys to bring his furniture back to the Isle of IKEA and he'd have to sit on the floor for a few hours.
[OOC: Preplayed with bridge_carson, multiplez, time_flyer_5, redintraining, im_afrog, and imcalledandros, all of whom really went above and beyond to make this even more awesome than I had hoped. The epilogue was inspired by bridge_carson and time_flyer_5.
Thanks to them and all of my bears from today. You guys are amazing.
The first post is still going and you can ping in through the rest of the night, so feel free to wander in as you please. We'll still bear you!]
There was an unnatural growl as the bears began to rise and stumble into each other. As they touched, they merged into one being, growing ever larger with each bear added to the mix. Before long, all the bears in the park had come together to create a GIANT BEAR that stood as tall as the highest tower at the school. And this bear was angry.
This is why bears shouldn't be allowed to learn magic.
Bridge
Bridge is staring up at the giant bear. How many times, now, had he brought up the fact that Fandom probably wouldn't ever have to deal like something like this? Honestly, he should've known better.
"I really wish I had a-"
Whatever he's about to say is cut off as he turns in to a column of sparkling blue light that streaks upward into the sky.
Z
"Oh, man," said Z, scrambling back from the general vicinity of the giant bear. "We could really use a--"
And then she was cut off as well, disappearing in a beam of shining golden light that streaked off in the same direction as the blue.
Jen
Jen groaned; she'd seen this happen way too many times, though in her case it usually involved a mutant ripping a patch off its body which for reasons she didn't care to contemplate too much made it grow . . . about the size of that bear.
"I don't have access to the Time Flyers any more!" she blurted out. "Plus the island's not big enough to have a --"
Then she, too, was cut off midsentence and streaked off after Bridge and Z in a beam of blindingly fuschia light.
Adam
Out of every thing that had ever happened in Fandom, Adam never thought he'd be witnessing this. Seriously, how could the GIANT BEAR even fit?!
"That was definitely unexpected," he admitted. Though, really? He should have seen that coming. Adam took a few steps back, suddenly wishing he had his Zeo zord to call upon.
As soon as that thought entered Adam's mind, he was whisked away in a flash of teal - yes, that's right - teal light, headed in the same direction as his fellow rangers.
Sky
Sky was speechless. He'd dreaded something like this happening, having come to expect anything from Fandom, and just when he was thinking about what they could use right now, would have access to back home...
He, as well, was turned into light and sent off. Argyle-colored light, because yes, that was possible.
Andros
Andros hadn't been expecting anything like this to happen and stared.
Before he could actually say anything though he also became a flash of light, stripe-colored light and sent off.
Glittery Blue Ranger
"...Zord."
There's still more staring, but now it's at his surroundings. The giant machines housed in the large underground bunker are definitely Zords, there's no mistaking that. It's just... they're not shaped like the typical vehicles or animals. Instead they're... furniture?
He's inexplicably drawn to the blue one, the one that looks like a bookcase. Nearby there's a small device that resembles an extremely bulky wristwatch. Absently, he straps it on to his wrist, fumbling in his pocket for the allen wrench he'd recieved in the mail earlier that week.
Once he's got that out, he executes a series of overly complicated arm movements. It's best not to ask *how* he knows the exact movements, but once they're completed, he's clad in blue spandex. Very, very glittery blue spandex.
Gold Ranger
"--Megazord." Z looked around at her surroundings and said, "Huh." Then she started moving toward the golden Zord that seemed to be modeled on a set of nesting tables. She, too, strapped on her morpher and executed a series of complex arm movements that ended with screwing a hex screw into the morpher. And then she found herself in head-to-toe gold spandex.
If not for the helmet, she would totally be working it.
Fuschia Ranger
Jen swayed a little on her feet when she landed in -- wherever it was she'd ended up, completely unused to teleporting. No, they didn't have teleporting in the year 3000. Shut up.
Her jaw dropped a little at the statue of Thor and the Viking ship that loomed in the background of a pretty dark room -- the kind of room that was just the right shade of dark to make a low-budget set look bigger where you couldn't quite tell how big it was. "Wow. That was really a 1993 way to travel."
Although the giant fuschia Poang chair and matching footstool that she was mysteriously drawn toward kind of hinted at that.
The gold Allen wrench she'd gotten out of the catalog and carried around with her for no apparent reason all week was clutched in one hand as she found the bulky wrist device that looked kind of like her Chronomorpher if you really squinted, and she couldn't help noticing the hexagonal indentation in it. The kind of hexagonal indentation that was a perfect fit for that Allen wrench, funny enough.
She was in a half daze as she strapped the device onto her wrist beside her Chronomorpher and went into a flurry of inexplicable arm movements much like, and yet very different from, the ones she used to transform into a Time Force Ranger. The main difference was cranking the Allen wrench like carpal tunnel syndrome was just an urban legend when she slammed it into the hex socket -- and don't ask how she learned that kind of accuracy on the fly.
She looked a lot like a Time Force Ranger when she was done, too -- just a lot more blinding. Also, with blue and gold trim on her Ranger uniform.
Argyle Ranger
Just when Sky had finished thinking the word "Zord", there he was, in a Zord bay. Being a Ranger, he, of course, instinctively knew what to do- approaching the Zord that looked like a giant chair of some sort, he swiftly pulled the wrench he'd gotten and almost discarded earlier in the week from his pocket. Putting on the wristwatch-like device he'd found, he did as he was expected to as a future Ranger- and did the morphing motions.
To his dismay, he was clad in...
"Argyle?" he demanded, for some reason regretting ever wearing his favorite sweater now. "Argyle?! I'm supposed to be Red!"
Glittery Blue Ranger
"I think Z and I could give you a run for your money in the blinding department," Bridge observes, absently holding one arm up in front of his face and watching the glitter sparkle every which way. "I feel like I'm a little ball of light again. Except more person-shaped. So really, not a little ball of light at all, I guess."
Fuschia Ranger
"Okay, maybe we are going to blind it to --" Jen had to pause and run down a list of options. Gratuitous explosion? Containment card? Action-figure sized cryofreeze?
"Something."
Glittery Blue Ranger
"Blindness?" Bridge suggests. "Only then we'd just have a *blind* giant bear, and that's actually probably more hazardous than one that can see where it's going."
Fuschia Ranger
"At least there are no skyscrapers on the island?"
Well, it seemed worth pointing out.
Glittery Blue Ranger
"Yeah," Bridge admits. "Still. We should probably, uh. You know. Do this thing. Before it decides the lack of skyscrapers isn't gonna stop it from destroying stuff."
Fuschia Ranger
"You guys have never done this before, huh?" asked Jen. "Well, let's try and not make the crash course too literal, okay?"
Glittery Blue Ranger
"Hey, I've totally done this before!" Bridge protests. "...In, you know, practice runs. And stuff."
Argyle Ranger
"At least Crimson was a solid color," Sky grumbled. "I don't think I've ever heard of a patterned Ranger before."
Fuschia Ranger
"Yeah, but at least we don't have to use sunglasses to morph," Jen replied.
Gold Ranger
"There was the Quantum Ranger," Z pointed out. "Quantum's not even a pattern, it's just, like, a random adjective. Sorry Jen."
Fuschia Ranger
". . . yeah, I never got that either," Jen conceded.
Argyle Ranger
Sky was still grumbling under his breath, but he realized there were much more important things than the fact that he was wearing an Argyle-patterned Ranger costume. He could worry about potential blackmail later.
Teal Ranger
Adam wasn't thrown by the sudden teleportation, not really. He was used to it. It was how he traveled.
Finding himself in new surroundings, Adam took a moment to take it all in. It was some kind of Zord bay, there was no mistaking that. He idly wondered how Billy might react to this, if he could see it. "Whoa." His gaze landed on the teal Zord that seemed to be fashioned after a table. He felt drawn to it.
Taking out his morpher and strapping it to his wrist - it felt strangely comfortable there, it was probably because he was used to having his Zeo morpher on his wrist - Adam executed a complicated series of arm movements, strangely like his Zeo morph, and suddenly found himself clad in a teal colored suit. "Huh."
Stripes Ranger
Andros stumbled slightly after he had materialized and he gazed at his surroundings.
He then found himself drawn to the Zord that appeared to be a stripy sofa and after finding the small wrist device and having realized that the object he had gotten last week fitted it, he placed it on his wrist. For some reason he felt compelled to perform a series of arm movements, much more complicated than the ones that were used to operate his astro morpher and then he found himself clad in stripe colored spandex.
He stared at what he was wearing. Words were failing him for the moment.
Glittery Blue Ranger
"At least it's not, uh, sparkly?" Bridge says weakly, trying not to think too much about broken timelines and metaphorical cats being let out of bags.
Stripes Ranger
"I guess..." Andros said, finally managing to say something. He was still rather confused about everything.
Gold Ranger
"We're all so bright! Except Sky. Sky is an old man's sweater."
Fuschia Ranger
"Well, we're never going to be the stealth group of Rangers, that's for sure . . ."
Argyle Ranger
Sky resisted the urge to make a rude gesture at Z.
"Alright, Goldar."
Gold Ranger
"Gold," Z said indignantly, "is a rare and awesome Ranger color. Argyle is socks."
Argyle Ranger
"Hey, I didn't choose this stupid suit!" said Sky, bristling.
Gold Ranger
Z bristled right back. "Yeah, well, Bridge didn't choose to be glittery, either. Let's just go save the world. Island. Whatever."
Argyle Ranger
"Fine," Sky grumbled. "Standing here arguing all day isn't going to accomplish anything. Just stop making fun of me, alright? ... Please?"
Gold Ranger
Z grinned at him. Not that anyone could see it, because, helmet. "Right, like that'll happen."
Argyle Ranger
"Oh yeah... forgot who I was talking to," said Sky with an unseen smirk.
Fuschia Ranger
Jen wandered over to one wall while everyone else was still getting their bearings *rimshot*, bickering over colors, and generally flailing. She thought she'd seen something that looked like a set of giant hieroglyphs in the semi-darkness, but as she got closer . . .
"Why are the Megazord assembly instructions all done in cartoons? Why do we need Megazord assembly instructions?"
Teal Ranger
Adam noticed where Jen had gotten off to and hearing what she had to say, he made his way over to her. "There's assembly instructions? Really?"
Yeah, that was kind of odd.
Fuschia Ranger
"And there's no words," Jen said, pointing up at the wall. "It's just cartoons and pictures of furniture Zords with arrows and numbers."
Teal Ranger
"That's seriously strange," Adam admitted, looking up at the wall. It was almost as if the directions had been made for young kids. "Did they think we wouldn't be able to figure it out if they'd explained it in words?"
Really, it was mind boggling.
Fuschia Ranger
"It's like they're aiming for an audience of three to five year olds." Jen might have sounded just a liiiiiiiiittle bit indignant about that.
A Giant Bear
The Bear, unaware of any shenanigans with IKEA or Power Rangers, made its way down Mallard Way, kicking over trees, eating birds, and generally saving its major mayhem for the school that was coming ever closer to him.
It was entirely possible that some would be foolish enough to challenge it. THE FOOLS. Or, as The Bear would say, "GROWL!"
Glittery Blue Ranger
The Rangers had morphed, found their respective Zords, and figured out how to combine said Zords in to an even *bigger* giant robot. Which was now making its way from the Isle of IKEA to Fandom Island.
Given that it was a giant robot, this didn't actually take much time at all.
Fuschia Ranger
"I officially take back anything I ever said about how completely implausible the Lightspeed Rangers' Zords were," Jen muttered under her breath. "Because giant furniture should not move this well."
Glittery Blue Ranger
"Also is it just me or were those so called instructions really not helpful at all?" Bridge asks. Like the first time they'd tried assembling the MegaZord, and Jen's PoangZord had ended up as a leg instead of an arm.
Fuschia Ranger
"I told you we were better off ignoring the instructions and just going with the Morphing Grid info! Seriously, stupid cartoons . . . can't they treat us like we're adults?"
Beat.
"Teenagers. Whatever."
Argyle Ranger
Sky was smirking underneath his Argyle helmet.
"I have to admit, I completely did not expect this to work," he said, glancing at the schematics to find where all the giant lasers and the sword were located. Because every Megazord had giant lasers and a sword. "It's time to kick some giant bear butt. Let's use the sword."
Gold Ranger
Z rolled her eyes, not that anyone could see it. "You're such a guy. Of course you want to use the sword. Oh oh can I fire the giant lasers?"
Fuschia Ranger
Jen helmetpalmed. A lot.
And then asked, "So do you think this footstool shield doubles as a highly un-aerodynamic boomerang?"
Argyle Ranger
"Wouldn't surprise me," said Sky, choosing to ignore Z's comment. "This thing is packing some impressive weaponry already."
A Giant Bear
It took some time to draw The Bear out of its daydreams of smashing the school, but slowly it dawned on it that there was something behind it. A giant something. Made of furniture. The bear turned around, growled, and charged at the IKEA MegaZord, intent on mauling the crap out of it.
Teal Ranger
"I'm sure it has dual function," Adam nodded, knowing how a good number of Zord equipment tended to have more than one purpose.
He noticed the giant bear and frowned. It was charging. "Incoming," Adam warned, moving to bring up defense maneuvers.
Stripes Ranger
Andros had kept quiet through most of this as he watched the giant bear coming towards them and braced for the attack.
Fuschia Ranger
"Time to find out how well this furniture stands up to heavy use," Jen muttered through her teeth as she plugged her Allen wrench into the console and used it to bring the PoangZord's footstool-shield-thing up into a defensive position.
A Giant Bear
The Bear leaped forward and slashed at the footstool-shield-thing with its claws. It was just a footstool, surely it would be destroyed by the might of a giant bear slash.
Glittery Blue Ranger
The clawing results in a lot of impressive-looking sparking, but no actual damage.
Argyle Ranger
"Lasers!" said Sky, and somewhere on his chair-zord's body, a few cannons raised to fire at the bear.
A Giant Bear
As the lasers hit, causing small explosions on the bear's body, the bear stumbled around for a moment. It growled in RAGE and launched itself at the MegaZord with a flying kick.
Fuschia Ranger
"What do you guys say we find out how well this furniture really maneuvers?" asked Jen, hauling on her controls.
'Well' was entirely relative, of course. MegaZords of any variety weren't exactly known for their nimble grace.
Basically, for all her control-hauling in the name of defensive maneuvers, what this resulted in was the IKEA MegaZord twisting slightly and retreating a step or two.
Argyle Ranger
"Brace for impact! And let's watch out for buildings, please! We don't want to wreck Fandom while we're trying to save it."
This was said because the backsteps had taken the Zord dangerously close to Stuff for Sale. Then came the flying kick-
Glittery Blue Ranger
Bridge does, indeed, brace for impact. Well, okay, he grabs on to the console in front of him, for all the good that does when the kick connects and his world is suddenly very tilty. And again with the impressive sparking. And... is that smoke?
"Gah!" Bridge flails. "Why don't they ever think to equip these things with a fire extinguisher?"
Argyle Ranger
"Because our suits protect us?" Sky grunted as he made with the sparky flailing himself, his heart sinking at the sickening CRUNCH and assorted sparks that let fly as part of the Megazord fell on top of Stuff for Sale. OHCRAPOHCRAPOHCRAPOHCRAPWE'RE SO GONNA GET EXPELLED went his brain, but his mouth went, "Is everyone alright? Come on, let's give it everything we've got!"
Gold Ranger
"Our suits don't protect the consoles!" Z protested. She leaned waaaaay over to get a view of the building. "That was abandoned, right?"
Fuschia Ranger
"Great, property insurance in this town just went up another --" Jen had to take a moment to turn and stare at her. "You worry about this now?"
Glittery Blue Ranger
"Well if there were people inside they could've been hurt!" Bridge points out.
Fuschia Ranger
"Well, we know that," Jen said with a tiny hint of a sigh, "but can we focus on the fight here? Nobody's watching us, so the PSA's not required . . .."
Gold Ranger
Z just kind of stared at her. "What are you talking about? I don't want anyone to be smushed!" Yeah, Z's focus was currently about a mile from the fight.
Stripes Ranger
Andros was rather confused by this and the closest thing he could think of saying was, "huh?"
Glittery Blue Ranger
Bridge helmetpalms. "At least I'm fairly sure the population of Fandom is sensible enough to know when to get out of the path of a giant robot and a giant bear monster. Which is, uh, as soon as possible."
A Giant Bear
Although The Bear couldn't hear Bridge, it decided to prove him right by slashing again at the MegaZord. They should've gotten out of the way.
Teal Ranger
"I hope so," Adam admitted, shaking his head slightly. He was pretty sure most, if not all of Fandom, knew what to do when a giant robot and giant bear appeared. Hey, if the people of Angel Grove knew what to do, he was sure Fandom did, too.
Speaking of Angel Grove, Adam felt like he was back there. What with the bear attacking and all and the MegaZord not exactly cooperating with their commands. "Okay, where's the giant sword when you need one?"
A Giant Bear
The Bear couldn't hear the question either, but it answered anyway with a kick to follow up that slash. It was good at doing things like that at appropriate times.
Gold Ranger
"I found the giant sword!" Z crowed, manipulating her controls to make the MegaZord swing the giant sword at the bear in retaliation for the kick.
Never mind that the giant sword vaguely resembled a CD tower. It was clearly a giant sword.
A Giant Bear
More sparks showered off of The Bear, making it stumble back away from the MegaZord. It patted itself down to make sure none of the sparks set its very nice coat of fur on fire.
Glittery Blue Ranger
Nice coat of fur, yeah, but it's not a very nice bear, which is why Bridge feels no qualms at all about having the MegaZord aim a punch at said bear.
A Giant Bear
The punch connected, knocking the bear to all fours. It retreated a few steps before rearing back up and growling in a way that said, "Oh, it's on!" But it only said that if you could speak Bear.
Fuschia Ranger
Jen, for one, could not speak Bear. And maybe the IKEA MegaZord had a Bear-to-English translator, but she wasn't going to try and find it right now, cartoon instructions and Morphing Grid knowledge aside.
She brought the PoangZord down in an overhand blow -- klutzy, as you'd expect an arm made out of a chair to be, but never underestimate the bruising power of klutziness -- and yelled, "Let's power this thing up and finish him!"
Yes, complete with overly dramatic arm gestures. It was required.
She flipped a few switches and tightened a few hex screws on her console and --
Music started blaring out of, apparently, nowhere. Loud. Lots of electric guitar.
Long ago in days of yore, it all began with a god named Thor . . .
Glittery Blue Ranger
There were Vikings and boats and some plans for a furniture store...
On the word "store", the CD-tower sword began to glow, and the MegaZord itself began to spin, gearing up for the finishing attack. Until finally it lunged forward towards the bear.
Everyone has a home, but if you don't have a home you can buy one there
Argyle Ranger
Sky gave his best battle cry and put on his most fearsome face as the attack was happening.
Rent a car or take the bus, Lay your cash down and put your trust, In the land where the furniture folds to a much smaller size
Gold Ranger
Z pretty much just held on as the CD tower sword of glowy struck out at the giant bear. "Aaaaaahhhhh!"
Ikea: just some oak and some pine and a handful of Norsemen
Ikea: selling furniture for college kids and divorced men
A Giant Bear
For a moment, it was almost as if nothing happened. Then the cut made through the bear by the sword slash started to glow. A series of explosions followed and suddenly the giant bear was no more than a bunch of smaller bears falling through the air to the ground. As they hit, the various bears got up and stumbled away, heading back towards the Plotting Zoo. This whole mayhem thing wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
Teal Ranger
Adam had watched the attack unfold, wondering if the sword was going to hit its mark. When it did hit the bear, he grinned. Adam was glad to see the giant bear wouldn't be bothering Fandom any more.
In his excitement over their apparent victory, Adam accidentally hit a button on the console and suddenly, a hail of meatballs rained down, apparently coming from the Zord. "Oops."
Ikea: plywood, brushed steel
Ikea: meatballs, tasty...
After the battle was over and the IKEA Rangers left their Zords, an empty apartment somewhere in Alexandria found itself filled with furniture once again. And it would remain that way until the power of the IKEA Zords was needed again. And then the owner of the apartment would have to get the delivery guys to bring his furniture back to the Isle of IKEA and he'd have to sit on the floor for a few hours.
[OOC: Preplayed with bridge_carson, multiplez, time_flyer_5, redintraining, im_afrog, and imcalledandros, all of whom really went above and beyond to make this even more awesome than I had hoped. The epilogue was inspired by bridge_carson and time_flyer_5.
Thanks to them and all of my bears from today. You guys are amazing.
The first post is still going and you can ping in through the rest of the night, so feel free to wander in as you please. We'll still bear you!]