Top of the muffin to y'all! I haven't posted in a while, i've been busy with the curtains and the cows and the marmalade. I've missed you, and all your fruity-ness. Well Chaps! big news! Sadly, Popey made an attempt on my life last night. I was shopping in the pimp-mobile, also known as the station wagggggzz, and I was just returning from Dino- ( Read more... )

Well, tonight was poker night with the boys, sir mix-a-lot, candy apple, jehovah's third witness, and popey. I got a royal flush, and then popey took the cake with a straight in hearts. I won 36 pretzel goldfish, and for that I am glad. I have not yet eaten the goldfish, I plan to superglue them to the floor and lick them off slowly whilst ( Read more... )

It seems that i have caused an uproar downtown. One of my branches have taken a bad turn and poked some man. He said "EXCUSE ME!" and i said "Don't mind my protruding." He chased me for about 6 blocks, until his un-fit self collapsed into a nearby alleyway. I then stuffed him into the trash can and had a mugger steal his wallet. Hmph, excuse me ( Read more... )

Well, tis the three month anniversary of the day that I start in a used car add. True, they did cut out the picture of "random naked leafy guy" who appeared in the back of the car...but i was on tv for a minute! I'm feeling a little claustrophobic, dinosaurs can't really fit in chairs, and when i tried to get my pitchfork, i couldn't fit my leafy ( Read more... )

Airing of my privates was highly successful, my motives were set, and i went through with my mission. But let me tell u, it was not as comfortable as one might think. Too air out one's private's in the dead of winter..can be very dangerous. But when you're a leafy dinosaur like myself, its not something to worry about. No frozen juices over here. ( Read more... )

My father is like the fish natzi!It's crazy, he insisted on coming upstairs and doing a "fishy purge" I can see what he's doing. I see his little lips, he wants to eat my fishies! Well, he won't get away with it! I, Johann Gutenschnapps, vow to protect the rights of my gooey ones. On the bright side, I believe i'm starting to look like my pet ( Read more... )

Today, i came home to my father's booming voice on top of the staircase. He was angry. "DAMN YOU JOHANN, WHY CAN'T U JUST BE NORMAL FOR ONCE AND STOP HIDING THE FISH IN UR ROOM." I can't help it. The fish are lonely and cold in the freezer and they must come upstairs and sleep with me. The result, many gooey, but HAPPY fish in my bed. Why can't ( Read more... )