mm Guess I got some more stuff to vent about on the wonderful L-j.  The fact that Ive backed myself into an intense corner, at the mercy of kindig, the only one left with money, starving me, angering me.  My family isnt gonna do anything I dont think, what a sad state of affairs.  I suppose Ill have to do it, and if that is finally the case, if its ( Read more... )

I remember..I remember what Im supposed to do, havent forgotten it.  Its pretty difficult I must say though, everyday I live with doubt in my mind about my abilities..whether Ill amount to what Id hoped too.  Only time will tell, and that time is running thin, always will time tell, tell when youve failed, succeeded, or just plain wasted your time ( Read more... )

How long its been since a post...Its so interesting to look back on the things Ive typed.  The things that Ive thought about, I wonder if at all I really took them to heart, I read them, understand them, but do I REALLY follow them?  I try year after year, and in texas now, has it brought me peace? Id have to say no...what have I done wrong?  I ( Read more... )

I made it through the sickness.  My body and I wouldnt have succumb to such a feat.  Still here though..stuck.  Havent moved at all in a long time.  Another christmas going by,  I remember each of the past ones,  I remember the chances I missed due to stupidity.  I doubt this one will be any different.  The families thinnin...Im about the only one ( Read more... )

Have I been defeated?

While I think Im clear of life threatening situations, the cold still lingers.  Hopefully when I wake up tomorrow...it will have died down a bit more.  Let us hope.

This sickness I have is like none other.  I am fearing for my life. 

Still up, watching more of the OC.  Cant wait to watch it all and fuckin put it behind me...stupid addicting tv shows.  I put on some dress clothes today...I didnt feel the same, at all.  In fact it felt all too wrong to put that suit back on.  I hope I wont have to do it again.  Things have gotten so crazy lately!  Ive prided myself in not having ( Read more... )

Had an OC marathon today, it was pretty interesting.  I enjoy watching shows that interest me, haha I suppose most people do right?  Though, I dont watch as many things as other people do.  My mind is very clustered right now...one second Im thinking something, the next its the complete opposite.  Ive been trying to make things a bit better around ( Read more... )

Sometimes I make things so much harder than they have to be.  I must enjoy the trouble...I used to strongly believe, life isnt interesting unless things are going as sour as could be.  Whats the fun when everything goes the way its supposed too...sure I could make them go as planned, and I could breeze through everything as if it were a walk in the ( Read more... )