Being high, or so wasted to the point where I can barley even function is where I have always been at. When I am not intoxicated, the emotions are so intense, it could drive a person crazy I swear. Everything in my mind is so picture perfect, its just not reality. Its not even a memory. Thats how I learned to hold back all feelings. If not my words ( Read more... )

I disclosed alot about what happened between me and Noori's father, to various people. But I didn't tell you nor did I tell anyone else everything that had happened between us. Maybe thats why I don't feel relieved for letting go of what happened and talking about it, becuase part of me is still hiding a big part of what happened. I want to get ( Read more... )

Dear you ( Read more... )

I cant do this anymore. Everything hurts too much. I dont know what im doing anymore. I dont know what i need anymore. I cant stop thinking. I cant stop crying. I cant stop feeling like i need you. Things are too messed up

You know how I said I was clingy? Like extraordinarily. Well its happening again. And this time I can't just sit around and watch it flare beneath my eyes.  I can feel it. I look for Cindy in everyone, I've been doing it since she left and when I go to my appointments with Erinne I see so much of Cindy in her. The way she looks at me is identical. ( Read more... )

my mother tried to kill herself tonight,
my activity for this thursday night was cleaning the house because it was covered in blood.

my mother put my in my place today, sort to say ( Read more... )

I sent this to her;

Cindy,

I'm dissipointed in myself, I think many others will be too. I told myself I was going to stop this non sense. Stop this contact. I tried, trust me. I just needed to say so many things. I wanted you to see them. I wanted you to know. I thought that maybe if you received my e-mail, you would think about me, even for just a ( Read more... )

i miss you,
baby i miss you and the pain i can't bear.
inside im dead, and outside i'm just pretending so nobody knows.
i'm alive, but i'm not in control,
this fear, this missing insanity is making me go crazy.
and i should of knew better, i should of never thought you cared.
but your eyes they were telling me lies, lies i wanted to believe

you ( Read more... )

it lasted 29 days you know, i lasted 29 days but than i fucked it all up today

and it hurt even more doing what i felt like i needed to do to help myself

shes not going to respond

and im going to die inside, all over again

and i am so scared.