< The blanket, unqualified kind of trust is romantic, and so fragile. How easily betrayed we are when we trust someone to always be there, to not change, to never hurt us.>
I think that is why people created religion, so they could trust the intangible, and not get hurt.
I don't tend to use the word without qualifiers either.
If I trust someone to do something, then what it means to me is that I can relax and don't feel I have to put extra energy into controlling or monitoring the situation.
I build up trust over time, so I trust someone to do something when they have done similar things before.
I do know that things might be different this time, but that knowledge stops clogging up my immediate experience and instead becomes something intellectual and distant, where I can say "Well if something goes wrong we'll deal with it."
I think it's easier to trust when I have less to lose. In a lot of Dharma stuff I encounter there are metaphors of walking off a cliff but not falling.
Without context, I usually think "trust" means "I have faith that this person will not be actively, maliciously hostile and that if they see this kind of thing happen they won't play along." It's a very primal thing--it doesn't mean I get along with them or understand them or feel comfortable with them, but that I imagine that in some kind of mob situation where most people are running around screaming and fighting, they would be the ones to go find and work with, because they won't lose their self and their honor and their responsibility in the mob mentality.
Of course the word "trust" is almost always context-dependent, though. And people have been known to use it to guilt other people into unquestioning obedience, which muddies it for a lot of people. "You've got to TRUST me or I can't help you."
It sounds to me like you're being realistic and also that you want more precise definitions than most people.
trust is a context specific negotiation. trust is an exchange in our society that extends the bounds of our society. there is research/speculation that "trust" in fact is one of the things that allowed humans to grow big brains, as we became collaborative about things such as child rearing and survival giving rise to more esoteric needs and desires. trust may in fact be our evolutionary edge
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wow, thanks for giving so much that's helpful to my exploration around this.
i totally agree that trust can be a burden -- i notice this when i take on more responsibility than i can sustain. i start wanting to step back, and the guilt of fearing i will betray people's trust makes it hard to behave mindfully, rather than in a reactionary, fear-based way. this happens for me especially regarding taking on leadership roles in groups. but there are other dynamics there that complicate my thinking, too.
i'm going to shine the light on trust during my day-long meditation retreat tomorrow and see what comes up.
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I think that is why people created religion, so they could trust the intangible, and not get hurt.
"Trust to do what?" is a reasonable response.
I can be trusted to be sarcastic.
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If I trust someone to do something, then what it means to me is that I can relax and don't feel I have to put extra energy into controlling or monitoring the situation.
I build up trust over time, so I trust someone to do something when they have done similar things before.
I do know that things might be different this time, but that knowledge stops clogging up my immediate experience and instead becomes something intellectual and distant, where I can say "Well if something goes wrong we'll deal with it."
I think it's easier to trust when I have less to lose. In a lot of Dharma stuff I encounter there are metaphors of walking off a cliff but not falling.
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Of course the word "trust" is almost always context-dependent, though. And people have been known to use it to guilt other people into unquestioning obedience, which muddies it for a lot of people. "You've got to TRUST me or I can't help you."
It sounds to me like you're being realistic and also that you want more precise definitions than most people.
Reply
Reply
i totally agree that trust can be a burden -- i notice this when i take on more responsibility than i can sustain. i start wanting to step back, and the guilt of fearing i will betray people's trust makes it hard to behave mindfully, rather than in a reactionary, fear-based way. this happens for me especially regarding taking on leadership roles in groups. but there are other dynamics there that complicate my thinking, too.
i'm going to shine the light on trust during my day-long meditation retreat tomorrow and see what comes up.
Reply
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