for all of you who dont know i have the right to be fucked up and i am so i am fuck you

i am a complete mess i am trying to figure which way is up but i just keep going down. i feel like i am shattered. it hurts like fucking hell and i can't get a grip. i feel like i did when i was four and i was falling off the merry-go-round at that campground in maine. i was afraid of letting go but all that hanging on resulted in was scraped knees ( Read more... )

i can't really even believe how full circle my life has become. i have been here before, but it never hurt this bad. i can't even percieve of when this all broke down. the way andrew tells it it has been this bad for a long time....what the fuck happened to our great communication? when did i get so scary that he couldn't talk to me anymore. what ( Read more... )

this is by far the hardest thing i have ever done. i can't breath half the time and the other time i can't see. i am a big weeping sobbing mess. i wish i could be angry but i can't. it is all my f&*%$ fault. i push too hard, i am too much of a spaz, i have never been able to shut up...amd i thought i finally found someone who could deal with ME.. ( Read more... )

Well finally things are starting to come together. I recieved a job offer today working for the King County Parks Department...but only for hte summer...but then when i got home I had a message from a golf course that i called this morning and they have a couple of fulltime year round openings. I am going out to talk to the guy tomorrow...everyone ( Read more... )

this all doesn't seem to be working out very well. i am starting to feel as if it isn't really worth the struggle anymore. i am so tired of being sad all the time. i am so tired of my opinions and feelings not being taken seriously. i am so damn tired. i feel trapped. there is something seriously wrong when i feel grateful for even a little ( Read more... )

we just got back from an awesome time on the beach. our roommates, and us ( i brought extra wood) had a bonfire on the beach. lots of good people and good times. it was a perfect night...the stars were playing hide-and-seek. it was just really good.

yeah so i got "let go" today at my job. can i just say how much this sucks ( Read more... )

we had an awesome wedding! some things went wrong and my mom alienated a whole lot of andrews family by being her bitchy self, but for the most part everything was great. the weather was awesome, the rabbi was a hit and the party lasted until 5am. so now i am a married woman. i love it!