I am so often drunk here that it is not always possible for me to immediately determine/know/remember my current state. Sometimes I will stand up and stumble towards the door and think, "am I drunk? what time is it?" The answer is just as often "yes" as it is "no." Today at 3.52 pm, it's no, but I will remedy that soon ( Read more... )

I like the way the snow and salt sound under my boots when I walk to school in the morning. I complain about the darkness, but the early morning is my favorite part of the day, while I listen to my iPod with my right ear, and the sounds of Germany with my left. A good friend told me, "separate life from the job, take long walks, and don't worry ( Read more... )

this has become my life/this is a typical night: dinner and drinks with a man two and a half times my age, rubbing his knee while he cries about parzival. for hours. later, passed out on the kitchen floor at a friend's waiting for water to boil. she tells me "you don't need food; you need to go to sleep." waking up at six in the morning when she ( Read more... )

i'm competing with ghosts. this is an interesting feeling. women who have been dead for years and years still hold his attention more than the girl sitting across from him at his kitchen table.

today i start my new job. tomorrow, an interview.

i am a mess. 

jenny grilled me about grad school for about an hour today, and now my head hurts.
lately,
instead of thinking about how hungry and poor and stressed and frustrated and sad i am, i've been sleeping a lot. and looking up pictures of places i will visit when i go on a trip that is not even necessarily happening.


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"Don't be reconciled. Turn off your television sets," Peterson said, "cash in your life insurance, indulge in a mindless optimism. Visit girls at dusk. Play the guitar. How can you be alienated without first having been connected? Think back and remember how it was." ... Peterson went on and on and although he was, in a sense, lying, in a sense he ( Read more... )

i know no one else gives a fuck about anybody else's dreams, but last night his tongue fell off in my mouth. come on, that's got to mean something!

i don't think anyone reads this anymore, besides my roommates, so sometimes i question my motivation for writing in it. self indulgence, i guess. huzzah! (that is a word that my spell check recognizes ( Read more... )

i will never be able to shake the insane, whiny, passive-aggressive seventeen year old girl inside of me. there is no better feeling than catching someone; walking in on his date with another girl. this is, of course, followed by the worst feeling in the world and the overwhelming desire to interrupt with "so is this where you take all your girls? ( Read more... )

i've started having nightmares about the holocaust. this german stuff is getting a little out of control.