This morning I completed my 25th lap around the sun. I think I deserve a beer.

If anyone else wants to steal stuff from my house, you'd best hurry cuz I'll be out by Friday. There's not much left, but you can still get your hands on a 20 year old TV. And if you can carry my electric piano out the door, you deserve to have it.

In the spirit of ironic linguistics, last week Riverside Elementary had emblazoned on its sign, "Florida writes good. 4th Grade."

Of course, if they're as good as they say, it should've said, "Florida writes wellIt is precisely this type of observation that earns Martin Prince a punch in the stomach from Nelson on the Simpsons ( Read more... )

Is it me, or is everybody having a really bad February? My bandmates all have the flu, a friend wrecked his car, my LJ friends page last week was a veritable Gettysburg of woe and despair. Folks got woman trouble, man trouble, money trouble, car trouble, personal injury, fear, famine, pestilence, and grand theft. Just what the hell is going on ( Read more... )

Some of you may or may not remember my betting pool for Bill's Quarterly Catastrophe (posted on 1/2/03). I'm pleased to announce that the winning misfortune was a break-in. Get seven for every dollar bet on burglary! Bets will also be taken on the total insurance settlement.

Tomorrow's forecast in Jacksonville calls for a 60% chance of rain, highs in the mid-50's, and about five dozen mysterious black helicopters.

In the words of Bugs Bunny, "Of course you realize, this means war!"

When one lives in a city without so much as a basement, it is difficult to believe that in some parts of the country there are elaborate systems of tunnels hollowed into the earth's crust for the purpose of whooshing citizens to other parts of town. New York City is such a place, and its labyrinthine subway system has surpassed the Orient Express ( Read more... )

For a good time, check out the Spacebar at Thee Imperial tonight at 9:30. None of last week's campfire stuff. This will be quick and loud.

It's a benefit of sorts. By which I mean, it will strongly benefit you to come.

I've been rather scarce lately, and have neglected my journal and several of my key friendship demographics completely for some time. No offense intended, I've just been incredibly busy lately. That's one of my favorite excuses, but this time I actually mean it. Work and band practice tyrranize my schedule like it's some impoverished third-world ( Read more... )

Winter has found me. I thought I'd escaped when I moved to Florida, but it finally tracked me down today. My thermometer said 30(!) degrees today. I saw my damn breath in the air. I didn't think it had the guts to show its face around here. As the sun retreated from the onslaught, I scrambled to see if I still owned any wintry gear. My house ( Read more... )