Supernatural: If I could have just a taste of you (Jensen/Colin Ford AU) 4/?
Summary, disclaimer etc in chapter 1.
Kink: UNDERAGE (Colin is 14/15 in this fic)
A/N: It's time for Jared's Pov!
<< Back to chapter 3
[Read more]Chapter 4
Jared’s pacing the apartment, desperately trying to calm down enough to think straight. Of course Jensen’s ignoring all but that one of his calls and all of his texts, why wouldn’t he? “God, I’m such and IDIOT!” he screams to the room at large. He’s feeling sick, there’s so much adrenalin rushing around his body from shock at being caught, guilt at having been such a dick in the first place, and from worry about where Jensen’s gone and what he’s doing.
He takes a deep breath through his nose, feeling his lungs fill and holds it in until they burn. He slowly breathes out, trying to release some of the tension in his muscles like they taught him in therapy when he had panic attacks in his teens. How he’s avoided one now, he doesn’t know, he just knows that he needs to get a handle on his rising stress levels before one can take hold.
The urge to call Jensen again is bubbling up, his fingers almost physically itching to pick up the phone from where it’s lying on the kitchen table. He knows it’s pointless, Jensen needs time to calm down, he always does after a fight, but this...this isn’t any ordinary fight. Jared wipes his sweaty palms on his jeans before reaching for his phone. It’s a last resort but he doesn’t know what else to do. He nervously waits for the call to connect, swallowing hard when it’s answered.
“Chris, hey, it’s Jared. Listen, have you heard from Jensen?” he know his voice sounds croaky and more than a little panicked. There’s a delay on the other end before Chris speaks.
“Jared, hey, man. Ah no actually, I haven’t spoken to him for a couple weeks now. Is everything OK?”
Jared can hear the concern in the man’s voice and knows he should say something to reassure Jensen’s best friend, but he can’t form the words. “Uh, no,” he says, honestly, his shoulders sagging as he says the words, “we had a big fight and he walked out.”
Chris sighs, “Look I know it’s none of my business but you guys have done nothing but fight for months, what makes this one any different?”
A new lump forms in Jared’s throat and it burns, almost as much as the tears running down his cheeks. “I screwed up, Chris,” he sobs, feeling what little control he has, waivering, “it’s bad, this time.”
“Stay put, I’m coming over.”
Jared stares at the phone after Chris hangs up. He’s not sure whether to be relieved that Chris is on his way and may be able to help; or panic even more that he’s going to have to say the words to explain how bad it is, out loud. He has to tell Chris the truth, he’s been a good friend over the years and Jared knows if he has any hope in recruiting Chris to find Jensen, he’ll have to tell the whole sorry story.
Jared sets about cleaning himself up a little, he splashes cold water from tap on his face, smooths his hair back with wet hands and then stands there watching the water go down the drain as if it may hold the answers about the best way to try and explain. He jumps when the doorbell rings, realising he must’ve been stood there at least fifteen minutes, staring while Chris made his way across town.
He takes another deep breath before opening the door. Chris looks worried, then Jared sees his face change into a shocked kind of puzzlement. “What happened there?” he asks as he raises a hand to Jared’s cheekbone.
It takes a moment for him to realise what Chris means, then it dawns on him. Jared takes a step back to let Chris enter the apartment, “Oh, umm, Jensen happened.”
The shorter man looks dubious, “Jen did that? Why? I never saw him hit anyone that didn’t deserve it,” he squints and Jared feels six inches high under the weight of the look, “what the hell did you do?”
“I…we...the thing is, things haven’t been good for a long time and...well I didn’t mean to, it just….it’s been so long since anyone made me feel…” he knows he’s babbling, it’s because he’s nervous and scared and doesn’t know what words to use. He has no idea how to say what he has to say because once it’s out there, he can’t take it back. He looks away from Chris and tries to calm his breathing a little more. Tears are burning his eyes, threatening to spill over again. Sighing, he looks up into expectant blue eyes, “I...there’s a guy from the gym…Jensen came home early...”
Chris’ eyes harden, his jaw tightens and the man radiates anger, “You cheated on him? In your own house? ” he asks in a clipped tone, as if in disbelief.
Jared can only nod, no words will come out, only a sound that he thinks is a sob. The tears finally spill over, he can’t stop them. His chest aches, his legs feel like they’re about to give out on him and his head feels like it might explode. His eyes are blurry as he looks at Chris, silently trying to convey his guilt and regret, and beg for help all at once.
“Jesus, Jay,” Chris says, and crosses the room at speed. Jared closes his eyes and braces himself for another punch. He flinches when he feels Chris’ hand on his shoulder, and dares to open his eyes. Chris wants to punch him, Jared can see it in his face, instead he feels himself being pulled into a hug. He throws his arms around Chris and hangs on for dear life, the solid weight of the man grounding him and stopping him falling over, “You’re an asshole!” Chris says, and Jared can only nod frantically and cry some more.
§ § § § § § §
It’s almost dark by the time Jared has said his piece, and although he still feels terrible, getting it off his chest feels a lot better than he expected. To Chris’ credit, he hasn’t automatically taken Jensen’s side, but he’s not about to forgive Jared any time soon, either, and Jared’s grateful for that. He doesn’t deserve it, and anyway, it’s not Chris who’s important here, he needs to tell all of it Jensen.
“How can I try and make him understand, Chris? I need him to understand,” he can hear the desperation in his own voice, “I didn’t plan to do it, I swear I didn’t, I just felt so lonely and Jeff was there and he made me feel so...so wanted.”
Chris shakes his head and takes a sip of his beer, “I don’t know, Jared, you’re gonna have to work that one out on your own. He doesn’t forgive easily, you know that, man.”
Jared nods and takes a long, slow drink of his own beer, letting the cold liquid soothe his sore throat. “I know, and I’m not sure he should forgive me, I don’t think I can forgive myself. I love him, Chris, more than anything, but we just, we’re not the same people we used to be. We need…” he trails off and looks at Chris, a hundred words swimming in his head and none of them the right ones, “I gotta talk to him, man, is there anywhere you can think of that he might have gone?”
“Not anywhere you won’t already have thought of. Maybe it’s best you let him cool down some more.”
Jared scratches at the label of his beer bottle, peeling off the damp paper and rubbing it between his fingers, when suddenly he remembers, “When Jensen did answer the phone, it sounded like he may have been in a bar,” he squints into the distance, trying to remember more, “it definitely sounded like a bar but a quiet one, ya know?”
Chris smacks himself on the forehead with the heel of his hand, “Of course!” he says, “I bet he went to Ford’s.”
Jared trips over his feet in his attempt to get to the door as quickly as possible. He rights himself and spins around to Chris who’s taking too damn long, “Where is it? Let’s go, NOW!”
§ § § § § § §
Jared is so relieved to see Jensen’s truck in the parking lot, at least his boyfriend - could he still call him that? - isn’t driving around aimlessly. He has a habit of shutting off from his surroundings when he’s deep in thought and Jared would never forgive himself if Jensen had gotten into an accident of some kind.
The relief leads to more tears and now, Jared’s terrified of what’s coming. He should go home now he knows Jensen’s safe, wait for Jensen to cool down and come home when he’s ready. He should be the bigger man and respect that if Jensen had wanted to talk he’d have come home by now, or answered the phone again. There are lots of things Jared should do but his mama will tell anyone who’ll listen that he’s never had control over his impulses when it comes to someone he loves.
It’s only been a couple of hours but Jared can’t wait any more, he feels like he’s going to burst if he doesn’t at least see Jensen and check he’s OK...or as OK as he can be under the circumstances..
He takes one deep breath, then another before turning to Chris, "I'm scared to go in," he whispers, more to himself than the other man, "what if he walks out again?"
Chris sighs next to him, “Man, I don’t know what to tell you. He’s got every right to walk out, but that don’t mean he will. This,” he nods towards the bar, “is a public place and you know Jen, anything to avoid personal conversations on public. Do you want me to come in, too? Maybe he’ll freak less if he sees me.”
A wave of gratefulness washes over Jared and his chest tightens with even more emotion. He’s embarrassed that Chris would even ask, but also touched at the same time. He’s an adult, he can face this alone...only he’s not sure he can. If Jensen does speak to him, or worse, walks out again, Jared’s so emotionally drained he can’t be sure he won’t just collapse in a heap on the floor. He doesn’t speak for some time, weighing up the options. Chris doesn’t push him for answer, which he’s also grateful for. After running bad scenario after bad scenario through his head, he makes up his mind. He turns to Chris, who’s looking worried, “Thanks man, you’re a good friend, but I have to do this alone. I got myself into this mess, so I have to face up to it.”
Chris nods, “You want me to wait, give you a ride back?”
Jared swallows and nods back, a smile that he knows must be weak at best, on his lips, “That’d be good, thank you.”
No amount of controlled breathing is going to calm Jared down, now. All he can hear is the blood thundering through his body, all he can feel is his heart thumping, and the butterflies in his stomach. He runs his hands through his hair and nods, “OK, here goes!”
His legs wobble as he gets out of Chris’ truck and it takes him a few seconds to get his balance. He doesn’t look back, just walks towards the door with slow, measured steps. He wants to run but stops himself, he feels queasy as it is, if he moves any quicker he may just throw up.
His hand shakes as he pushes the door open. His eyes take a little adjusting, it’s bright and sunny outside but in the bar it’s dark. He notes that it’s hot and stuffy, too, all of which indicates that there’s no windows to give natural light. Jared looks up to see ceiling fans and he can just about make out a faint whirring sound over the other noises around him. His eyes dart around as he makes his way to the bar, looking out for Jensen. He sees no sign of him, and waits anxiously for the bartender so he can ask her. After what seems like a lifetime, she heads towards him with a smile on her face.
“What can I get you, hon?”
“Uh,” Jared says dumbly. She may as well have asked him to define quantum physics in one sentence, “beer?” he replies, quietly.
The bartender frowns at him slightly, “Are you telling me or asking, sweetheart?” Her voice is soft, not unkind in any way, just confused.
“Sorry,” he says and fumbles his wallet from his pocket, taking out a bill “uh, Miller, please,” While she pours, he turns and looks around some more, “I’m looking for someone, maybe you know him? His name’s Jensen, 6’ 1”, uh…” he pauses when it’s clear she knows who he’s talking about.
“So good to see Jensen in here again, we missed him around here!” she says with a broad smile.
Jared’s confused. He realises he must be frowning, the skin on his face feeling taut and dry from all the crying, and now he thinks about it, his eye and cheekbone throb where Jen punched him. He must look a state, “We?”
“Me and my son, Colin. Between you and me, I think my boy has one hell of a crush on Jensen!” she says with a fond smile on her face, “last I saw, the two of ‘em were heading to the back room.” she nods her head in the direction of a sign reading ‘Pool tables’ and hands Jared his change.
He shoves the money in his pocket and takes a huge swig of beer, feeling its icy coldness trail down his throat and down into his stomach, where it settles uneasily. If it’s possible, Jared’s even more nervous now. He has to speak to Jensen, he has to try and make this right.
“Thanks,” he says, his voice quiet where his throat seems to be constricting, and makes his way over to the darkened area.
Chapter note: I'm sorry to those who wanted to go straight to the J/C sex. This fic has become much more than the PWP I planned and has become more about a whole story. I couldn't leave Jared out any longer!
Chapter 5
.
Kink: UNDERAGE (Colin is 14/15 in this fic)
A/N: It's time for Jared's Pov!
<< Back to chapter 3
[Read more]Chapter 4
Jared’s pacing the apartment, desperately trying to calm down enough to think straight. Of course Jensen’s ignoring all but that one of his calls and all of his texts, why wouldn’t he? “God, I’m such and IDIOT!” he screams to the room at large. He’s feeling sick, there’s so much adrenalin rushing around his body from shock at being caught, guilt at having been such a dick in the first place, and from worry about where Jensen’s gone and what he’s doing.
He takes a deep breath through his nose, feeling his lungs fill and holds it in until they burn. He slowly breathes out, trying to release some of the tension in his muscles like they taught him in therapy when he had panic attacks in his teens. How he’s avoided one now, he doesn’t know, he just knows that he needs to get a handle on his rising stress levels before one can take hold.
The urge to call Jensen again is bubbling up, his fingers almost physically itching to pick up the phone from where it’s lying on the kitchen table. He knows it’s pointless, Jensen needs time to calm down, he always does after a fight, but this...this isn’t any ordinary fight. Jared wipes his sweaty palms on his jeans before reaching for his phone. It’s a last resort but he doesn’t know what else to do. He nervously waits for the call to connect, swallowing hard when it’s answered.
“Chris, hey, it’s Jared. Listen, have you heard from Jensen?” he know his voice sounds croaky and more than a little panicked. There’s a delay on the other end before Chris speaks.
“Jared, hey, man. Ah no actually, I haven’t spoken to him for a couple weeks now. Is everything OK?”
Jared can hear the concern in the man’s voice and knows he should say something to reassure Jensen’s best friend, but he can’t form the words. “Uh, no,” he says, honestly, his shoulders sagging as he says the words, “we had a big fight and he walked out.”
Chris sighs, “Look I know it’s none of my business but you guys have done nothing but fight for months, what makes this one any different?”
A new lump forms in Jared’s throat and it burns, almost as much as the tears running down his cheeks. “I screwed up, Chris,” he sobs, feeling what little control he has, waivering, “it’s bad, this time.”
“Stay put, I’m coming over.”
Jared stares at the phone after Chris hangs up. He’s not sure whether to be relieved that Chris is on his way and may be able to help; or panic even more that he’s going to have to say the words to explain how bad it is, out loud. He has to tell Chris the truth, he’s been a good friend over the years and Jared knows if he has any hope in recruiting Chris to find Jensen, he’ll have to tell the whole sorry story.
Jared sets about cleaning himself up a little, he splashes cold water from tap on his face, smooths his hair back with wet hands and then stands there watching the water go down the drain as if it may hold the answers about the best way to try and explain. He jumps when the doorbell rings, realising he must’ve been stood there at least fifteen minutes, staring while Chris made his way across town.
He takes another deep breath before opening the door. Chris looks worried, then Jared sees his face change into a shocked kind of puzzlement. “What happened there?” he asks as he raises a hand to Jared’s cheekbone.
It takes a moment for him to realise what Chris means, then it dawns on him. Jared takes a step back to let Chris enter the apartment, “Oh, umm, Jensen happened.”
The shorter man looks dubious, “Jen did that? Why? I never saw him hit anyone that didn’t deserve it,” he squints and Jared feels six inches high under the weight of the look, “what the hell did you do?”
“I…we...the thing is, things haven’t been good for a long time and...well I didn’t mean to, it just….it’s been so long since anyone made me feel…” he knows he’s babbling, it’s because he’s nervous and scared and doesn’t know what words to use. He has no idea how to say what he has to say because once it’s out there, he can’t take it back. He looks away from Chris and tries to calm his breathing a little more. Tears are burning his eyes, threatening to spill over again. Sighing, he looks up into expectant blue eyes, “I...there’s a guy from the gym…Jensen came home early...”
Chris’ eyes harden, his jaw tightens and the man radiates anger, “You cheated on him? In your own house? ” he asks in a clipped tone, as if in disbelief.
Jared can only nod, no words will come out, only a sound that he thinks is a sob. The tears finally spill over, he can’t stop them. His chest aches, his legs feel like they’re about to give out on him and his head feels like it might explode. His eyes are blurry as he looks at Chris, silently trying to convey his guilt and regret, and beg for help all at once.
“Jesus, Jay,” Chris says, and crosses the room at speed. Jared closes his eyes and braces himself for another punch. He flinches when he feels Chris’ hand on his shoulder, and dares to open his eyes. Chris wants to punch him, Jared can see it in his face, instead he feels himself being pulled into a hug. He throws his arms around Chris and hangs on for dear life, the solid weight of the man grounding him and stopping him falling over, “You’re an asshole!” Chris says, and Jared can only nod frantically and cry some more.
§ § § § § § §
It’s almost dark by the time Jared has said his piece, and although he still feels terrible, getting it off his chest feels a lot better than he expected. To Chris’ credit, he hasn’t automatically taken Jensen’s side, but he’s not about to forgive Jared any time soon, either, and Jared’s grateful for that. He doesn’t deserve it, and anyway, it’s not Chris who’s important here, he needs to tell all of it Jensen.
“How can I try and make him understand, Chris? I need him to understand,” he can hear the desperation in his own voice, “I didn’t plan to do it, I swear I didn’t, I just felt so lonely and Jeff was there and he made me feel so...so wanted.”
Chris shakes his head and takes a sip of his beer, “I don’t know, Jared, you’re gonna have to work that one out on your own. He doesn’t forgive easily, you know that, man.”
Jared nods and takes a long, slow drink of his own beer, letting the cold liquid soothe his sore throat. “I know, and I’m not sure he should forgive me, I don’t think I can forgive myself. I love him, Chris, more than anything, but we just, we’re not the same people we used to be. We need…” he trails off and looks at Chris, a hundred words swimming in his head and none of them the right ones, “I gotta talk to him, man, is there anywhere you can think of that he might have gone?”
“Not anywhere you won’t already have thought of. Maybe it’s best you let him cool down some more.”
Jared scratches at the label of his beer bottle, peeling off the damp paper and rubbing it between his fingers, when suddenly he remembers, “When Jensen did answer the phone, it sounded like he may have been in a bar,” he squints into the distance, trying to remember more, “it definitely sounded like a bar but a quiet one, ya know?”
Chris smacks himself on the forehead with the heel of his hand, “Of course!” he says, “I bet he went to Ford’s.”
Jared trips over his feet in his attempt to get to the door as quickly as possible. He rights himself and spins around to Chris who’s taking too damn long, “Where is it? Let’s go, NOW!”
§ § § § § § §
Jared is so relieved to see Jensen’s truck in the parking lot, at least his boyfriend - could he still call him that? - isn’t driving around aimlessly. He has a habit of shutting off from his surroundings when he’s deep in thought and Jared would never forgive himself if Jensen had gotten into an accident of some kind.
The relief leads to more tears and now, Jared’s terrified of what’s coming. He should go home now he knows Jensen’s safe, wait for Jensen to cool down and come home when he’s ready. He should be the bigger man and respect that if Jensen had wanted to talk he’d have come home by now, or answered the phone again. There are lots of things Jared should do but his mama will tell anyone who’ll listen that he’s never had control over his impulses when it comes to someone he loves.
It’s only been a couple of hours but Jared can’t wait any more, he feels like he’s going to burst if he doesn’t at least see Jensen and check he’s OK...or as OK as he can be under the circumstances..
He takes one deep breath, then another before turning to Chris, "I'm scared to go in," he whispers, more to himself than the other man, "what if he walks out again?"
Chris sighs next to him, “Man, I don’t know what to tell you. He’s got every right to walk out, but that don’t mean he will. This,” he nods towards the bar, “is a public place and you know Jen, anything to avoid personal conversations on public. Do you want me to come in, too? Maybe he’ll freak less if he sees me.”
A wave of gratefulness washes over Jared and his chest tightens with even more emotion. He’s embarrassed that Chris would even ask, but also touched at the same time. He’s an adult, he can face this alone...only he’s not sure he can. If Jensen does speak to him, or worse, walks out again, Jared’s so emotionally drained he can’t be sure he won’t just collapse in a heap on the floor. He doesn’t speak for some time, weighing up the options. Chris doesn’t push him for answer, which he’s also grateful for. After running bad scenario after bad scenario through his head, he makes up his mind. He turns to Chris, who’s looking worried, “Thanks man, you’re a good friend, but I have to do this alone. I got myself into this mess, so I have to face up to it.”
Chris nods, “You want me to wait, give you a ride back?”
Jared swallows and nods back, a smile that he knows must be weak at best, on his lips, “That’d be good, thank you.”
No amount of controlled breathing is going to calm Jared down, now. All he can hear is the blood thundering through his body, all he can feel is his heart thumping, and the butterflies in his stomach. He runs his hands through his hair and nods, “OK, here goes!”
His legs wobble as he gets out of Chris’ truck and it takes him a few seconds to get his balance. He doesn’t look back, just walks towards the door with slow, measured steps. He wants to run but stops himself, he feels queasy as it is, if he moves any quicker he may just throw up.
His hand shakes as he pushes the door open. His eyes take a little adjusting, it’s bright and sunny outside but in the bar it’s dark. He notes that it’s hot and stuffy, too, all of which indicates that there’s no windows to give natural light. Jared looks up to see ceiling fans and he can just about make out a faint whirring sound over the other noises around him. His eyes dart around as he makes his way to the bar, looking out for Jensen. He sees no sign of him, and waits anxiously for the bartender so he can ask her. After what seems like a lifetime, she heads towards him with a smile on her face.
“What can I get you, hon?”
“Uh,” Jared says dumbly. She may as well have asked him to define quantum physics in one sentence, “beer?” he replies, quietly.
The bartender frowns at him slightly, “Are you telling me or asking, sweetheart?” Her voice is soft, not unkind in any way, just confused.
“Sorry,” he says and fumbles his wallet from his pocket, taking out a bill “uh, Miller, please,” While she pours, he turns and looks around some more, “I’m looking for someone, maybe you know him? His name’s Jensen, 6’ 1”, uh…” he pauses when it’s clear she knows who he’s talking about.
“So good to see Jensen in here again, we missed him around here!” she says with a broad smile.
Jared’s confused. He realises he must be frowning, the skin on his face feeling taut and dry from all the crying, and now he thinks about it, his eye and cheekbone throb where Jen punched him. He must look a state, “We?”
“Me and my son, Colin. Between you and me, I think my boy has one hell of a crush on Jensen!” she says with a fond smile on her face, “last I saw, the two of ‘em were heading to the back room.” she nods her head in the direction of a sign reading ‘Pool tables’ and hands Jared his change.
He shoves the money in his pocket and takes a huge swig of beer, feeling its icy coldness trail down his throat and down into his stomach, where it settles uneasily. If it’s possible, Jared’s even more nervous now. He has to speak to Jensen, he has to try and make this right.
“Thanks,” he says, his voice quiet where his throat seems to be constricting, and makes his way over to the darkened area.
Chapter note: I'm sorry to those who wanted to go straight to the J/C sex. This fic has become much more than the PWP I planned and has become more about a whole story. I couldn't leave Jared out any longer!
Chapter 5
.