Supernatural: If I could have just a taste of you (Jensen/Colin Ford AU) 5/?
Summary, disclaimer etc in chapter 1.
Kink: UNDERAGE (Colin is 14/15 in this fic)
A/N: There's a fair bit of angst and dialogue in this chapter, it's *the* conversation. I hope you like it!
<< Back to chapter 4
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Chapter 5
“Or you could come upstairs, fuck me and then we can have dinner.”
It takes a moment for Colin’s words to sink in and when they do, Jensen thinks he must look like a goldfish the way he can feel his mouth opening and closing. He stares at Colin then shakes his head to make sure he’s actually awake before he speaks, “Um…” he clears his throat which seems to have gone dry all of a sudden, “say what now?”
Colin looks almost as stunned as Jensen feels. There’s a blush spreading quickly across his cheeks and up his neck, soon to meet by the looks of it. “Uh, sorry,” he babbles,“I didn’t mean it...well I meant it but I didn’t mean to say it...I’m sorry, forget I said anything, it’s stupid…I’m stupid, Jesus Christ,” he starts pulling at his t-shirt and looking around the room, anywhere but Jensen, “can I just die now, please?”
Jensen can’t help it, he barks out a laugh, not because it’s funny per se but because the whole situation is ridiculous. He’s just had his dick down the teen’s throat, practically, and it’s twitching again at the thought of getting inside Colin’s sweet, tight ass. His brain, his upstairs one, at least is thinking logically, “Colin, we can’t, I can’t do that, it wouldn’t be right. You’re half my age and then there’s this whole mess with Jared and...fuck!”
He watches as Colin physically deflates. His shoulders sag, he hangs his head and starts picking at a stray piece of cotton on his jeans. He briefly makes eye contact and there are tears in his young eyes, and Jensen goes with his sudden urge to wrap Colin in his arms. The teen doesn’t react, he’s rigid in Jensen’s embrace, so Jensen pulls back and lifts the boy’s head with a firm finger under his chin. Colin doesn’t meet his eyes, “Hey!” Jensen says, dipping slightly so he’s in the teen’s eye line, “look at me,” he waits until he’s looking into watery blue eyes before continuing, “I’ve had a rough fuckin’ day, today, I’m about ready to drop. I’m too…” he pauses, trying to find the right words, “I’m just too fucked up in the head to deal with this right now, OK?”
Colin looks deep into Jensen’s eyes, almost as if he’s searching out a lie in them. He doesn’t look convinced but nods anyway, “I picked the wrong day then, huh?” he says, a sad smile on his face. Jensen breathes a sigh of relief and pulls Colin back in, and this time the teen responds, his arms wrapped tight around the older man’s back. Colin lays his head on Jensen’s shoulder for a moment before taking a deep breath and pulling away. “I’m gonna go and see if Ash has any of his famous pulled pork left, I’m starving.” he says before walking off towards the bar and the brighter lights.
Jensen picks up the almost empty bottle of Jack, pours and drinks just to give himself a moment to get his composure back. He shoves his phone into his jeans pocket, picks his jacket and turns to follow Colin, stopping in his tracks when he sees Jared stood at the next table, watching him. Oh shit!” he thinks as the whisky settles heavy in his stomach, “How long as he been stood there? What did he see?. A cold fear spreads through him and he feels his forehead start to sweat, “Jared?” he asks, his voice almost a squeak.
On closer inspection, Jared looks nervous, scared even, and Jensen can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief - if Jared had seen or heard anything wouldn’t be looking so sheepish. “Hi,” he says, feebly, “I’m sorry to come here,” he takes a few steps towards Jensen and then stops, as if he thought better of it, “I had to speak to you Jensen, I need to explain, I need you to understand, we have to talk.” he’s looking at Jensen with those puppy dog eyes that used to get him almost anything he wanted, but now Jensen’s immune...he’s also furious again.
“What the fuck are you doing here, Jared? How did you find me?” he asks, outraged.
Jared shrugs, he fucking shrugs, and waves a hand nonchalantly, “I asked Chris, I didn’t know what else to do!” his voice broke a little on the last few words, giving away his desperation.
The alcohol, the stress of the day along with the swirl of emotions Jensen’s feeling right now boil up and he snaps, not able to keep his voice down, “So you thought you’d fucking stalk me? You couldn’t just give me a few hours space to try and get my head around this shit? Don’t you think you’ve done enough damage for one day, Jared?” he hisses, surprised at the venom in his own voice.
“Jensen? Everything OK?” Colin asks loudly, reappearing behind Jared and looking pretty damn furious.
Jared turns and speaks before Jensen has the chance, “Back off, kid, this is a private conversation.”
Jensen can only watch as Colin visibly tenses, his shoulders squared in determination as he steps into Jared’s personal space, “This is a public bar,” he says, and Jensen’s a little in awe of how confident Colin sounds, “and I wasn’t talking to you!” he steps back marginally and turns his body towards Jensen, “Jen?”
The older man is thrown a little, hearing the nickname coming from Colin’s lips. It’s a name he’s heard all his life, but hearing it in Colin’s voice, like he’s been using it forever does something to Jensen’s insides. His stomach flips, in a good way, and an involuntary shiver runs through him at how right it sounds. Jensen looks at Colin, “It’s OK,” he says, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Jared was just leaving.”
“Jensen, please” Jared says, taking a few steps towards him with a pleading look in his eyes, “just hear me out, then I’ll go, I promise.”
“Jared would you just-” he cuts himself off as he sees Colin scramble between the two of them, a large hand square in the centre of Jared’s chest, stopping the taller man in his tracks.
Colin’s face is red with anger and he’s breathing heavily, “He said he wants you to leave, I suggest you listen to him.” he almost growls.
Jared looks flabbergasted, “Who the fuck are you?” he says, “and I suggest,” he knocks Colin’s hand away, then pushes him on the shoulder, causing the teen to stagger a little, you mind your own damn business, kid!”
“HEY,” Jensen steps forward and pulls Colin by the arm until he’s out of Jared’s reach, “enough, both of you!” Colin is glaring at Jared, and Jared is staring as if he’s trying to work out what just happened. Jensen turns to Jared, he wants to punch him again for searching him out here at the bar, for not backing off when he was asked to, and because of what he just did to Colin. Shit! “Jared, give me a minute,” he says with a sigh. Jared makes no move and Colin opens his mouth to speak but Jensen stops him, “wait here” he says in Jared’s general direction and pulls Colin back towards the table they just left.
Colin lets himself be manoeuvred by the shoulders so that his lower back and hips are against the edge of the pool table, and Jensen steps as close as he dares. Colin’s jaw is set, anger and defiance clear in his eyes, “What the hell was that?” he asks, softly, sliding one hand up Colin’s neck.
“He has no right be here, Jensen. He shouldn’t be here, it’s totally disrespectful after what he did. The least he could do is have the decency to give you some space,” his hands are balled into fists at his sides, “I’ma kill him,” he says and tries to step around Jensen.
“Whoa, easy there, kiddo!” Jensen says, putting pressure on Colin’s neck and shoulder to hold him in place. As soon as Colin opens his mouth, Jensen can’t help but smile despite himself because he knows what’s going to come out.
“I’m not a kid!” he’s staring at Jensen, tears in his eyes, “please don’t go with him.” he whispers, gripping Jensen’s forearm just above from where his wrist is touching Colin’s neck.
Jensen can only sigh, “This is how he is, Colin, Jared’s...well he’s...tenacious. He’s like a dog with a bone, he’s not going to stop until I hear him out. It’s easier all round if I just get it over with.”
“But he doesn’t deserve it!” Colin snaps, ”he doesn’t deserve...” he bows his head a little, then looks back up, straight into Jensen’s eyes, “he doesn’t deserve you.”
Jensen’s stomach twists with something he can’t name when Colin says that, and he doesn’t know how he can deny the words. He shakes his head, “No, I guess he doesn’t but we...I still care about him. We have a history and I owe it to myself to find out why he did what he did.” Jensen’s determined not to let the last five years of his life fall apart in one day, and yet he wants to cry at the heartbroken look on Colin’s face. He wants to hold him close and take his pain away, he hurts for Colin. When did he develop actual feelings for the teen, instead of just lusting after him?
Colin adjusts his body so that he’s leaning in towards Jensen, the only part to touch him is the teen’s right hand placed tentatively on Jensen’s chest over his heart, heavy and warm “Promise me you’ll come back?” he whispers, and it’s so desperate that Jensen’s throat constricts. He glances out towards the bar to make sure Jared hasn’t come back to find out what’s going on, and then looks Colin dead in the eye. He cards one hand through the teen’s hair before cradling his skull, the other hand cupping his cheek. He does what feels right, leaning in and placing a firm but gentle kiss to soft, pliant, pink lips.
When he pulls back, a tear is making its way down Colin’s cheek, so Jensen wipes it away with his thumb. “Right now, that’s the only thing I can promise.” He suddenly finds himself wanting to tell Colin that he’ll be right back, he’ll come back to him as soon as he can, but he won’t make a promise he knows he can’t keep. He closes his eyes, wishing he could start the day over. When he opens them again, Colin has a sad smile on his face, but at least it’s a smile.
“Guess that’ll have to do for now,” he says, his throat sounding raw, “don’t leave it too long, though…please?”
Jensen swallows the lump in his throat, nods and lets his hands fall away. As he walks back towards Jared, his body feels heavy, like it knows that things are going to get worse and wanting to put off the inevitable.
Jared - miraculously - is still standing where Jensen left him, “You better explain fast Jared because my patience is wearing thin. Meet me at home...” he stops and looks Jared in the eye for emphasis, “meet me at the apartment, I need some time first,” Jared opens his mouth but Jensen cuts him off, “no, Jared, that’s not negotiable!”
Jensen gets the bus back, he’s had too much to drink to be driving and he’s too distracted as well. Yeah, he’s also dragging it out as much as possible, but under the circumstances, who can blame him?
§ § § § § § §
Jared’s sat at the kitchen table nursing a beer when Jensen walks in. He slowly stands as Jensen hangs his jacket up, puts his keys on the side and grabs himself a beer. Probably a bad idea on top of all he’s drank already, a knee trembling orgasm and no food, but he doesn’t give a shit right now.
Uncharacteristically, Jared is silent, he just watches until Jensen sits at the table too, in the seat at the opposite end of the room. Jensen has so many questions, so many things he wants to say, he doesn’t know where to start. He takes a few mouthfuls of beer while he thinks, before finally looking at Jared, “How long have you been fucking someone else?” he says, bluntly, his voice a lot calmer than he feels. He watches as Jared flinches and feels a smug sense of satisfaction at that.
Jared sits back down and sighs, licking his lips before he speaks, “That was the first time, I swear.”
“You actually expect me to believe that?” Jensen scoffs, “if you think that playing innocent is going to make this any easier on you Jared, you’re sorely mistaken.”
Jared flinches again, but doesn’t look away, “It’s true, I’ve never slept with anyone else before today. I know you probably don’t believe that, but it’s the God’s honest truth, baby.”
“Don’t call me that, not now,” Jensen says, furiously. He’d always hated the pet name when his previous boyfriends called him that, but Jared always seemed to use it in the right way, making it all the more special when he did.
“Sorry,” Jared says, his shoulders slumping, “how do you want to do this, Jen, do you want to ask me or should I tell it from my perspective?”
“Whichever’s quickest,” Jensen says, rubbing his temple to try and ease the headache starting there.
“Jen,” Jared pleads, but Jensen doesn’t let up.
“If I’m expected to believe that this was the first time, how do you explain me coming home to…” he can’t bring himself to say it, the images flashing behind his eyes are enough, “why today, what changed?”
Jared swallows half of his beer then sets it aside, “I was…lonely, I guess,” he looks at Jensen and continues, “you’ve been so distant lately, Jen, and things have been getting worse for us for a long time. It was easier to spend extra time at the gym rather than come home and fight. All that effort pretending there’s nothing wrong, Jen, it was so hard and I couldn’t breathe. Then suddenly Jeff was there and he wanted me so much...”
Jensen’s confused, “Lonely? How could you be lonely when I’m right here, trying to get us back on track. You’re the one who keeps going to bed early…and don’t think I didn’t know when you’re pretending to sleep, Jared, I’m not an idiot,” he laughs humourlessly, “but that’s the thing, I have been an idiot, you’ve been screwing around on me all this time and I didn’t even suspect anything.”
“No Jen, I told you, never before today. We never went beyond kissing and hand jobs. I’ve wanted to, I’m not gonna lie to you. Jeff’s been there for me, he’s so easy to talk to and he’s been helping me with my training. He made it clear from the start that he was into me, but I told him I have a boyfriend who I love, and I love you so much, I really do, and I know you love me. That’s what’s been so hard, we love each other but we’ve both been pulling away in our own ways.”
“What do you mean, pulling away? I’ve not been pulling anywhere…” Jensen’s thinking so hard it hurts.
“You have, Jen. You started going to that damn bar with Chris for months, that’s when things started going downhill quicker than they already were. You were never here so I had to do something with my time. We’ve not been having sex so I put all my energy into the gym. I thought,” he sighs, drinking more beer, “I thought you were seeing someone else but I could never build up the courage to confront you about it. Then you just…stopped going there, so I figured it was someone at the bar and that it was over. I didn’t want to know for sure so I just never asked.”
“What?” Jensen asks, appalled, “what makes you think that?”
“Well we stopped having sex for a start, Jen. You flinched every time I touched you so the only reasonable explanation in my head was that you were seeing someone else, and that you didn’t want me anymore,” he sniffs.
“I never said that! I tried Jared, every time I touched you, you pulled away from me. Why?”
“I want a relationship, Jen, not to be roommates with benefits!” he snaps.
Jensen feels the anger building up inside him again, is Jared trying to say Jensen drove him into another man’s arms? “Why would you think that’s what we are, Jay, what gives you that idea?” he asks, hurt at the insinuation.
“We’re strangers living in the same space, we never do anything together, we don’t even talk and watch movies like we used to. What happened to us, Jen?”
Jensen watches tears roll down Jared’s face, and feels the wetness on his own cheeks. He’s still so angry with Jared, but he can’t deny that something with them is so very broken, “I don’t know,” he says, honestly.
“I missed you, so much, Jen,” Jared says, his voice breaking, “I just needed to feel wanted again, I never meant to let it go as far as I did with Jeff. He made me laugh, he sent me silly texts about random shit because he knew I’d like them. He…he made me feel special, the way you used to, Jen, until…” he looked at Jensen like he should know what comes next.
“Until?”
Jared takes a sharp intake of breath and speaks again, quieter now, like Jensen might blow up if he speaks too loudly, “Until you started saying someone else’s name in your sleep.”
Jensen feels like he’s taken a punch to the gut, he doesn’t know why, but he has a very bad feeling all of a sudden, “What? When?” he asks, certain that Jared must be able to hear his heartbeat from across the other side of the room.
More tears roll down Jared’s face now, and he looks at the table rather than Jensen, “About six months ago,” he says, distantly, “it was after you and Chris had been at that stupid bar all night. You were so drunk, like you get when something’s weighing on your mind. You came to bed and started pawing at me, telling me how much you wanted me, how much you’d been thinking about me and how you couldn’t stop. I was so happy. It’d been so long since you said anything like that and I thought it meant we were finally getting out of our funk, you know? You were too drunk to do anything and you passed out, and then,” he sniffed loudly, “then I woke up to you…you must’ve been dreaming, you were rutting against me and when you…when you came you said…”
Jensen could only watch as Jared went to the fridge to get another beer, he felt sick, his head was pounding…Jared couldn’t mean what he thought, surely? Jared turned quickly, his face set like stone and in a tone that left no room for argument, he spoke, “Who’s Colin and how long were you fucking him?”
Chapter 6
End notes: Damn these characters for making me want to write more story! I promise there will be some smut for you soon! :)
So what about that plot twist, huh? Do you hate me now? LOL
Kink: UNDERAGE (Colin is 14/15 in this fic)
A/N: There's a fair bit of angst and dialogue in this chapter, it's *the* conversation. I hope you like it!
<< Back to chapter 4
[Read more]
Chapter 5
“Or you could come upstairs, fuck me and then we can have dinner.”
It takes a moment for Colin’s words to sink in and when they do, Jensen thinks he must look like a goldfish the way he can feel his mouth opening and closing. He stares at Colin then shakes his head to make sure he’s actually awake before he speaks, “Um…” he clears his throat which seems to have gone dry all of a sudden, “say what now?”
Colin looks almost as stunned as Jensen feels. There’s a blush spreading quickly across his cheeks and up his neck, soon to meet by the looks of it. “Uh, sorry,” he babbles,“I didn’t mean it...well I meant it but I didn’t mean to say it...I’m sorry, forget I said anything, it’s stupid…I’m stupid, Jesus Christ,” he starts pulling at his t-shirt and looking around the room, anywhere but Jensen, “can I just die now, please?”
Jensen can’t help it, he barks out a laugh, not because it’s funny per se but because the whole situation is ridiculous. He’s just had his dick down the teen’s throat, practically, and it’s twitching again at the thought of getting inside Colin’s sweet, tight ass. His brain, his upstairs one, at least is thinking logically, “Colin, we can’t, I can’t do that, it wouldn’t be right. You’re half my age and then there’s this whole mess with Jared and...fuck!”
He watches as Colin physically deflates. His shoulders sag, he hangs his head and starts picking at a stray piece of cotton on his jeans. He briefly makes eye contact and there are tears in his young eyes, and Jensen goes with his sudden urge to wrap Colin in his arms. The teen doesn’t react, he’s rigid in Jensen’s embrace, so Jensen pulls back and lifts the boy’s head with a firm finger under his chin. Colin doesn’t meet his eyes, “Hey!” Jensen says, dipping slightly so he’s in the teen’s eye line, “look at me,” he waits until he’s looking into watery blue eyes before continuing, “I’ve had a rough fuckin’ day, today, I’m about ready to drop. I’m too…” he pauses, trying to find the right words, “I’m just too fucked up in the head to deal with this right now, OK?”
Colin looks deep into Jensen’s eyes, almost as if he’s searching out a lie in them. He doesn’t look convinced but nods anyway, “I picked the wrong day then, huh?” he says, a sad smile on his face. Jensen breathes a sigh of relief and pulls Colin back in, and this time the teen responds, his arms wrapped tight around the older man’s back. Colin lays his head on Jensen’s shoulder for a moment before taking a deep breath and pulling away. “I’m gonna go and see if Ash has any of his famous pulled pork left, I’m starving.” he says before walking off towards the bar and the brighter lights.
Jensen picks up the almost empty bottle of Jack, pours and drinks just to give himself a moment to get his composure back. He shoves his phone into his jeans pocket, picks his jacket and turns to follow Colin, stopping in his tracks when he sees Jared stood at the next table, watching him. Oh shit!” he thinks as the whisky settles heavy in his stomach, “How long as he been stood there? What did he see?. A cold fear spreads through him and he feels his forehead start to sweat, “Jared?” he asks, his voice almost a squeak.
On closer inspection, Jared looks nervous, scared even, and Jensen can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief - if Jared had seen or heard anything wouldn’t be looking so sheepish. “Hi,” he says, feebly, “I’m sorry to come here,” he takes a few steps towards Jensen and then stops, as if he thought better of it, “I had to speak to you Jensen, I need to explain, I need you to understand, we have to talk.” he’s looking at Jensen with those puppy dog eyes that used to get him almost anything he wanted, but now Jensen’s immune...he’s also furious again.
“What the fuck are you doing here, Jared? How did you find me?” he asks, outraged.
Jared shrugs, he fucking shrugs, and waves a hand nonchalantly, “I asked Chris, I didn’t know what else to do!” his voice broke a little on the last few words, giving away his desperation.
The alcohol, the stress of the day along with the swirl of emotions Jensen’s feeling right now boil up and he snaps, not able to keep his voice down, “So you thought you’d fucking stalk me? You couldn’t just give me a few hours space to try and get my head around this shit? Don’t you think you’ve done enough damage for one day, Jared?” he hisses, surprised at the venom in his own voice.
“Jensen? Everything OK?” Colin asks loudly, reappearing behind Jared and looking pretty damn furious.
Jared turns and speaks before Jensen has the chance, “Back off, kid, this is a private conversation.”
Jensen can only watch as Colin visibly tenses, his shoulders squared in determination as he steps into Jared’s personal space, “This is a public bar,” he says, and Jensen’s a little in awe of how confident Colin sounds, “and I wasn’t talking to you!” he steps back marginally and turns his body towards Jensen, “Jen?”
The older man is thrown a little, hearing the nickname coming from Colin’s lips. It’s a name he’s heard all his life, but hearing it in Colin’s voice, like he’s been using it forever does something to Jensen’s insides. His stomach flips, in a good way, and an involuntary shiver runs through him at how right it sounds. Jensen looks at Colin, “It’s OK,” he says, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Jared was just leaving.”
“Jensen, please” Jared says, taking a few steps towards him with a pleading look in his eyes, “just hear me out, then I’ll go, I promise.”
“Jared would you just-” he cuts himself off as he sees Colin scramble between the two of them, a large hand square in the centre of Jared’s chest, stopping the taller man in his tracks.
Colin’s face is red with anger and he’s breathing heavily, “He said he wants you to leave, I suggest you listen to him.” he almost growls.
Jared looks flabbergasted, “Who the fuck are you?” he says, “and I suggest,” he knocks Colin’s hand away, then pushes him on the shoulder, causing the teen to stagger a little, you mind your own damn business, kid!”
“HEY,” Jensen steps forward and pulls Colin by the arm until he’s out of Jared’s reach, “enough, both of you!” Colin is glaring at Jared, and Jared is staring as if he’s trying to work out what just happened. Jensen turns to Jared, he wants to punch him again for searching him out here at the bar, for not backing off when he was asked to, and because of what he just did to Colin. Shit! “Jared, give me a minute,” he says with a sigh. Jared makes no move and Colin opens his mouth to speak but Jensen stops him, “wait here” he says in Jared’s general direction and pulls Colin back towards the table they just left.
Colin lets himself be manoeuvred by the shoulders so that his lower back and hips are against the edge of the pool table, and Jensen steps as close as he dares. Colin’s jaw is set, anger and defiance clear in his eyes, “What the hell was that?” he asks, softly, sliding one hand up Colin’s neck.
“He has no right be here, Jensen. He shouldn’t be here, it’s totally disrespectful after what he did. The least he could do is have the decency to give you some space,” his hands are balled into fists at his sides, “I’ma kill him,” he says and tries to step around Jensen.
“Whoa, easy there, kiddo!” Jensen says, putting pressure on Colin’s neck and shoulder to hold him in place. As soon as Colin opens his mouth, Jensen can’t help but smile despite himself because he knows what’s going to come out.
“I’m not a kid!” he’s staring at Jensen, tears in his eyes, “please don’t go with him.” he whispers, gripping Jensen’s forearm just above from where his wrist is touching Colin’s neck.
Jensen can only sigh, “This is how he is, Colin, Jared’s...well he’s...tenacious. He’s like a dog with a bone, he’s not going to stop until I hear him out. It’s easier all round if I just get it over with.”
“But he doesn’t deserve it!” Colin snaps, ”he doesn’t deserve...” he bows his head a little, then looks back up, straight into Jensen’s eyes, “he doesn’t deserve you.”
Jensen’s stomach twists with something he can’t name when Colin says that, and he doesn’t know how he can deny the words. He shakes his head, “No, I guess he doesn’t but we...I still care about him. We have a history and I owe it to myself to find out why he did what he did.” Jensen’s determined not to let the last five years of his life fall apart in one day, and yet he wants to cry at the heartbroken look on Colin’s face. He wants to hold him close and take his pain away, he hurts for Colin. When did he develop actual feelings for the teen, instead of just lusting after him?
Colin adjusts his body so that he’s leaning in towards Jensen, the only part to touch him is the teen’s right hand placed tentatively on Jensen’s chest over his heart, heavy and warm “Promise me you’ll come back?” he whispers, and it’s so desperate that Jensen’s throat constricts. He glances out towards the bar to make sure Jared hasn’t come back to find out what’s going on, and then looks Colin dead in the eye. He cards one hand through the teen’s hair before cradling his skull, the other hand cupping his cheek. He does what feels right, leaning in and placing a firm but gentle kiss to soft, pliant, pink lips.
When he pulls back, a tear is making its way down Colin’s cheek, so Jensen wipes it away with his thumb. “Right now, that’s the only thing I can promise.” He suddenly finds himself wanting to tell Colin that he’ll be right back, he’ll come back to him as soon as he can, but he won’t make a promise he knows he can’t keep. He closes his eyes, wishing he could start the day over. When he opens them again, Colin has a sad smile on his face, but at least it’s a smile.
“Guess that’ll have to do for now,” he says, his throat sounding raw, “don’t leave it too long, though…please?”
Jensen swallows the lump in his throat, nods and lets his hands fall away. As he walks back towards Jared, his body feels heavy, like it knows that things are going to get worse and wanting to put off the inevitable.
Jared - miraculously - is still standing where Jensen left him, “You better explain fast Jared because my patience is wearing thin. Meet me at home...” he stops and looks Jared in the eye for emphasis, “meet me at the apartment, I need some time first,” Jared opens his mouth but Jensen cuts him off, “no, Jared, that’s not negotiable!”
Jensen gets the bus back, he’s had too much to drink to be driving and he’s too distracted as well. Yeah, he’s also dragging it out as much as possible, but under the circumstances, who can blame him?
§ § § § § § §
Jared’s sat at the kitchen table nursing a beer when Jensen walks in. He slowly stands as Jensen hangs his jacket up, puts his keys on the side and grabs himself a beer. Probably a bad idea on top of all he’s drank already, a knee trembling orgasm and no food, but he doesn’t give a shit right now.
Uncharacteristically, Jared is silent, he just watches until Jensen sits at the table too, in the seat at the opposite end of the room. Jensen has so many questions, so many things he wants to say, he doesn’t know where to start. He takes a few mouthfuls of beer while he thinks, before finally looking at Jared, “How long have you been fucking someone else?” he says, bluntly, his voice a lot calmer than he feels. He watches as Jared flinches and feels a smug sense of satisfaction at that.
Jared sits back down and sighs, licking his lips before he speaks, “That was the first time, I swear.”
“You actually expect me to believe that?” Jensen scoffs, “if you think that playing innocent is going to make this any easier on you Jared, you’re sorely mistaken.”
Jared flinches again, but doesn’t look away, “It’s true, I’ve never slept with anyone else before today. I know you probably don’t believe that, but it’s the God’s honest truth, baby.”
“Don’t call me that, not now,” Jensen says, furiously. He’d always hated the pet name when his previous boyfriends called him that, but Jared always seemed to use it in the right way, making it all the more special when he did.
“Sorry,” Jared says, his shoulders slumping, “how do you want to do this, Jen, do you want to ask me or should I tell it from my perspective?”
“Whichever’s quickest,” Jensen says, rubbing his temple to try and ease the headache starting there.
“Jen,” Jared pleads, but Jensen doesn’t let up.
“If I’m expected to believe that this was the first time, how do you explain me coming home to…” he can’t bring himself to say it, the images flashing behind his eyes are enough, “why today, what changed?”
Jared swallows half of his beer then sets it aside, “I was…lonely, I guess,” he looks at Jensen and continues, “you’ve been so distant lately, Jen, and things have been getting worse for us for a long time. It was easier to spend extra time at the gym rather than come home and fight. All that effort pretending there’s nothing wrong, Jen, it was so hard and I couldn’t breathe. Then suddenly Jeff was there and he wanted me so much...”
Jensen’s confused, “Lonely? How could you be lonely when I’m right here, trying to get us back on track. You’re the one who keeps going to bed early…and don’t think I didn’t know when you’re pretending to sleep, Jared, I’m not an idiot,” he laughs humourlessly, “but that’s the thing, I have been an idiot, you’ve been screwing around on me all this time and I didn’t even suspect anything.”
“No Jen, I told you, never before today. We never went beyond kissing and hand jobs. I’ve wanted to, I’m not gonna lie to you. Jeff’s been there for me, he’s so easy to talk to and he’s been helping me with my training. He made it clear from the start that he was into me, but I told him I have a boyfriend who I love, and I love you so much, I really do, and I know you love me. That’s what’s been so hard, we love each other but we’ve both been pulling away in our own ways.”
“What do you mean, pulling away? I’ve not been pulling anywhere…” Jensen’s thinking so hard it hurts.
“You have, Jen. You started going to that damn bar with Chris for months, that’s when things started going downhill quicker than they already were. You were never here so I had to do something with my time. We’ve not been having sex so I put all my energy into the gym. I thought,” he sighs, drinking more beer, “I thought you were seeing someone else but I could never build up the courage to confront you about it. Then you just…stopped going there, so I figured it was someone at the bar and that it was over. I didn’t want to know for sure so I just never asked.”
“What?” Jensen asks, appalled, “what makes you think that?”
“Well we stopped having sex for a start, Jen. You flinched every time I touched you so the only reasonable explanation in my head was that you were seeing someone else, and that you didn’t want me anymore,” he sniffs.
“I never said that! I tried Jared, every time I touched you, you pulled away from me. Why?”
“I want a relationship, Jen, not to be roommates with benefits!” he snaps.
Jensen feels the anger building up inside him again, is Jared trying to say Jensen drove him into another man’s arms? “Why would you think that’s what we are, Jay, what gives you that idea?” he asks, hurt at the insinuation.
“We’re strangers living in the same space, we never do anything together, we don’t even talk and watch movies like we used to. What happened to us, Jen?”
Jensen watches tears roll down Jared’s face, and feels the wetness on his own cheeks. He’s still so angry with Jared, but he can’t deny that something with them is so very broken, “I don’t know,” he says, honestly.
“I missed you, so much, Jen,” Jared says, his voice breaking, “I just needed to feel wanted again, I never meant to let it go as far as I did with Jeff. He made me laugh, he sent me silly texts about random shit because he knew I’d like them. He…he made me feel special, the way you used to, Jen, until…” he looked at Jensen like he should know what comes next.
“Until?”
Jared takes a sharp intake of breath and speaks again, quieter now, like Jensen might blow up if he speaks too loudly, “Until you started saying someone else’s name in your sleep.”
Jensen feels like he’s taken a punch to the gut, he doesn’t know why, but he has a very bad feeling all of a sudden, “What? When?” he asks, certain that Jared must be able to hear his heartbeat from across the other side of the room.
More tears roll down Jared’s face now, and he looks at the table rather than Jensen, “About six months ago,” he says, distantly, “it was after you and Chris had been at that stupid bar all night. You were so drunk, like you get when something’s weighing on your mind. You came to bed and started pawing at me, telling me how much you wanted me, how much you’d been thinking about me and how you couldn’t stop. I was so happy. It’d been so long since you said anything like that and I thought it meant we were finally getting out of our funk, you know? You were too drunk to do anything and you passed out, and then,” he sniffed loudly, “then I woke up to you…you must’ve been dreaming, you were rutting against me and when you…when you came you said…”
Jensen could only watch as Jared went to the fridge to get another beer, he felt sick, his head was pounding…Jared couldn’t mean what he thought, surely? Jared turned quickly, his face set like stone and in a tone that left no room for argument, he spoke, “Who’s Colin and how long were you fucking him?”
Chapter 6
End notes: Damn these characters for making me want to write more story! I promise there will be some smut for you soon! :)
So what about that plot twist, huh? Do you hate me now? LOL