Supernatural: If I could have just a taste of you (Jensen/Colin Ford AU) 6/?
Summary, disclaimer etc in chapter 1.
Kink: UNDERAGE (Colin is 14/15 in this fic)
<< Back to chapter 5
A/N: To move the story along and to give a rounded picture, this chapter’s from multiple points of view.
[Read more]Chapter 6
Jared waits for Jensen to answer but the older man says nothing, he’s sitting there with his mouth hanging open. Jared assumes he’s shocked to have been found out, like he himself was earlier with Jeff. He feels bad for putting Jensen on the spot but he needs answers, he needs to know how long he’s been taken for a fool, no matter how much it will hurt.
“Jesus, Jared, I wasn’t fucking anyone!” he says with an angry tone, “that one’s all on you!”
Jared expected the dig, truth be told, he deserved it, but he wouldn’t be lied to, “I find that hard to believe, Jensen, all the signs were there, clear as day.”
“Signs? What signs?” he shouts, “there were no signs because I wasn’t doing anything!”
“So you being out all the time, having no interest in sex with me at least, no interest in even spending time with me…and then mumbling someone else’s name, none of that is in the least bit suspicious to you?”
Jensen stands quickly, his face getting redder by the second and his breathing becoming faster, “I could say the exact same thing, Jared. You’re always at the fucking gym, you flinch away from my touch so you’re just as guilty of what you’re accusing me of! Oh wait, you ARE guilty of that and now I know why you’re always at the gym. I bet Jeff’s been giving you a real good workout!” he spits.
“I told we didn’t have sex until today!” Jared says, trying to keep his voice calm, even though he feels anything but. Jensen glares at him.
“You just admitted there was kissing and hand jobs - that counts Jared. He may not have fucked you until today, but you’ve still been cheating on me!”
“You cheated first!” Jared yells, aware of how childish that sounds, but he doesn’t know what else to do.
“I didn’t cheat!” Jensen yells back, “I looked but I did nothing about it…unlike you!”
Jared feels a little dizzy so he sits and takes a few deep breaths before looking Jensen dead in the eye, “You looked? Nothing more?”
Jensen throws his head back and lets out an exasperated noise, “Nothing more because I’m with you, asshole! Ask Chris, he was there with me the whole time, every single visit.”
“He’s your best friend, you think he’s not going to cover for you?” Jared scoffs, “I know you’re lying Jensen, you said his name. I deserve to know.”
“No,” Jensen says, leaning over the table and stabbing his finger at it, “you think I’m lying, there’s a difference. I’ve already told you I looked, I can’t help what I dream and I’m sorry if that hurt you, Jay, I really am, but I never acted on it. Shit, I even stopped going in there because I was trying to improve things between us, and now I find out that you were off trading hand jobs with your fancy man.”
Jared opens his mouth to object and is met with a glare from Jensen. All he could do was sigh - it was true, he and Jeff had been fooling around for months. It took a while for what Jensen said to sink in. He’d suddenly stopped going to Ford’s about three months ago and had been going there roughly three or four months before that. Jared suddenly felt sick, the timescale didn’t match. He and Jeff had had their first heavy make out session almost eleven months ago and progressed from there, meaning that even if Jensen had cheated on him, Jared was already having an affair. The beer, the stress and the guilt caught up with him and he only just made it to the sink before he threw up.
§ § § § § § §
Jensen cringed as Jared emptied his stomach contents. On autopilot he reached for a glass to fill so Jared could rinse his mouth when he was done, but Jensen was hurting and as petty as it was, he shut the cupboard, leaving all the glasses where they were. Jared didn’t deserve his sympathy after what he’d done, and what he’d accused Jensen of doing. How could Jared possibly think that he would sleep around? Of course they had their problems, what couples didn’t, but to be so convinced that Jensen was cheating? That hurt, a lot, especially as he’d removed himself from temptation.
He never once considered acting on his attraction to Colin. Dreams and fantasies are one thing, actually acting out any of it was another matter entirely. He was too freaked out and guilty over his age for a start, there was no way anything could ever happen. His guilt was made worse when Colin started looking back - Jensen wasn’t an idiot, he knew very well what the lingering looks, the lip licking and tighter clothes were all about. He’d never been alone in the bar until today, Chris would back him on that, not because he was Jensen’s best friend but because it was true. He’d tell Jared that after he stopped puking.
He left Jared in the kitchen while he went to pee. As he held his dick he was hit the image of it filling Colin’s mouth, earlier, and how good it looked and felt having the teen on his knees after all those months of fantasising about it. All his good intentions had got to pot in his anger at Jared, and now everything was falling apart around him. He had half a mind to go back out there and tell Jared what he’d done with Colin, tell him Colin had wanted to do a lot more. He wondered how Jared would react if he told him that he hadn’t fucked Colin but that he wanted to so badly to, that the kid made him so hard it hurt, but he’d declined despite how angry and hurt he was.
Would it make a difference, though, would Jared think he was still lying? Maybe, but at least then Jared might feel the same pain that Jensen did when he came home to find…that. It won’t solve anything, Jensen knows that, but a spiteful part of him wants to see the look on Jared’s face, anyway.
He tucks himself back in, washes his hands then splashes water on his face. As he closes his eyes, the room spins and he has to grip the sink to steady himself. He’s now realising he was more drunk than he thought. He drinks two glasses of water then brushes his teeth, he doesn’t have the energy to talk any more, he just wants to sleep. The bathroom light is bright enough that when he turns around he can see the unmade bed. One thought repeats over and over in his mind - did Jared not make the bed after he got up, or did he and Jeff fuck there, too?
Suddenly the walls are closing in on him, his chest feels like it’s stuck in a vice and he can feel a cold sweat running down the back of his neck…he has to get out of there.
§ § § § § § §
Chris looks at his watch, he’s been sat outside for an hour now. When he dropped Jared back off, the younger man told him to go home but Chris decided against it. He watched as Jensen came home, then saw the silhouettes of both men moving around the kitchen. From down here in the truck, their voices sounded like murmurs instead of the yells that they’d actually be, but as long as there was no crashing and banging, Chris would assume things were going as smoothly as they could.
He twisted the key in the ignition, ready to start the drive home when the door to the apartment building crashed open and someone almost fell out of it. He quickly realised it was Jensen, shoved his truck door open and ran over to him, “Jen, are you OK, what happened?”
Jensen’s head snapped up and his eyes went wide with surprise, then recognition, “What are you doin’ here, man?” he slurred, wobbling slightly from the force at which he’d come out of the door.
“I brought Jared back and waited. I knew one of you idjits would need your asses babysitting before the night was through.” Jensen wobbled more and Chris reached out to steady him.
“I need to lie down,” Jensen mumbled, rubbing his temple and pinching his eyes closed tight.
“Yeah I can see that, c’mon, you can crash at my place.”
They were both climbing into the truck when there was a crash from behind them. Chris turned to see Jared standing in the doorway looking panicked, obviously running to find Jensen.
“Jen,” he shouted desperately and ran towards them, “Jen wait, we’re not done talking, we -“
“You’re done!” Chris said decisively before Jensen could speak, “go back inside Jared, you both need rest and some space.”
“But I still need to know who he was fucking!” he said, shoulders sagging.
Chris was confused, “What? Who? Unless I got the wrong end of the stick here, man, I’m pretty sure you’re the one fucking someone else.” Chris followed Jared’s eye line to where Jensen was slumped up against the car door. His eyes were shut but from here he couldn’t tell whether this friend was ignoring them, or whether he’d passed out. He looked back to Jared who had tears in his eyes.
“I did, but…” he sighed, looking nervous, “there was something I left out of what I told you earlier. I think Jen was fucking someone else…someone at that bar. He says he wasn’t but I need to know the truth, Chris.”
Chris frowned, even more confused now. There’s no way Jen would do that, he knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt, “Nah, man, that ain’t so, if he was involved with someone there I’d know. We hardly talked to anyone outside of small talk at the bar, we stayed in our booth most of the time, anyways.”
“Who did you talk to?”
Chris frowned, “I dunno names, man, just guys at the bar. The owner, Carol, and her staff,” he was mentally running through faces but couldn’t think of anyone else that Jen may have even looked at twice, “nah, that’s it...unless you count Colin,” he chuckled. Jared’s face went even paler that Chris thought possible, “Jared?” he stepped closer to him and took hold of the man’s upper arms and shook him lightly, “what’s wrong?”
Tears rolled down Jared’s cheeks and he nodded, looking at Chris like the man had just told him the world was about to end. He opened his mouth two, three times, before a whispered, “That’s him,” left his lips.
A combined sense of relief and feeling of utter hilarity caused Chris to bark out a booming laugh, “Man,” he couldn’t help it then, he couldn’t stop. He bent over, trying to catch his breath through the laughter, and eventually he got control of himself. He looked back at Jared who was staring at him in shock. He put a hand down heavily on each of Jared’s shoulders and looked him straight in the eye, “You listen to me now, son, OK? There is no way on God’s green Earth that Jensen would be fucking Colin, he’s just a kid, there’s nothing to worry about!” he said, sincerely.
Jared continues to stare, his eyes getting wider and wider by the second, and Chris was beginning to worry. He shook Jared again, calling his name until the younger man seemed to come back to himself, “The bartender…she said,” Jared spoke slowly, as if he was trying to remember the exact words, “she said ‘I think my boy has one hell of a crush on Jensen’.”
This wasn’t news to Chris, it was obvious for anyone to see that Colin had it bad. It was actually kind of adorable, the way his face lit up the moment he saw Jensen, the way he almost fell over his own feet to bring Jensen’s favourite chilli cheese fries over to their table. In fact, the blush that bloomed across his cheeks when he was caught checking the older man out had been the butt of many of Chris’ jokes about Colin being ‘Jenny’s number one fan’. It made Jensen extremely uncomfortable as time went on, now that Chris thought about it, to the point where his friend had told him aggressively to quit it and mind his own damn business.
“Yeeeahhh,” Chris said, stretching the word out and speaking softly as if to a child, “and Jen was really uncomfortable with it. I think that’s a large part of why he stopped meeting me there, actually. What does that have to do with anything?”
Chris listened as Jared babbled about what happened after he got to Ford’s, how a tall kid had stood between him and Jensen, like he had a right to be there, getting all up in Jared’s face. He shook his head, “That doesn’t mean anything, man, I’m telling you,” Chris said softly. They both looked at Jensen’s sleeping form, “go back inside and get some rest, Jared.” He watched as the younger man obeyed him, knowing there was nothing more they could do. “We’ll get all this resolved tomorrow.”
Jensen let out a pained groan as Chris dumped him onto the sofa having dragged him out of the truck and into his apartment, “Sleep it off, Princess,” Chris huffed as he made his way to the fridge and took out a six pack.
He plonked himself down in the chair opposite Jensen and thought about everything Jared had said today as he watched his friend sleeping. Jared was so convinced that there’d been something going on with Colin, he actually felt bad for the overgrown puppy, maybe the guy needed some kind of professional help for delusions like that, he thought to himself.
Jensen shifted on the sofa, burying his face in the cushions and mumbling something Chris couldn’t work out. He did nothing for a few minutes until Jensen’s breathing got faster and shallower, like he was having a nightmare. He was making a low whining sound in the back of his throat, like he was scared or upset. Chris was worried Jen might suffocate himself, so with difficulty he rolled his friend over. Now he wasn’t face deep in upholstery, Jensen’s words were audible.
Chris blinked, straining his ears to listen harder, making sure he wasn’t mistaking the words. After a minute, it was clear, he hadn’t misheard. Jensen was repeating the same thing over and over, thrashing his arms in front of him.
“No…too young…can’t have…shouldn’t want…Colin… so hot…but Jared …no…can’t have…shouldn’t want…Colin…” he sobbed.
§ § § § § § §
Colin punched his pillow for the umpteenth time, trying to get comfortable but it was no good. Even if he was lay in clouds of light and fluffy marshmallow he still wouldn’t be able to get to sleep. How could he, with the way he was feeling? He hadn’t thought it possible to go through such a range of emotions in such a short space of time, but here he was.
For hours he’s been switching between elation at seeing Jensen, his joy at what they’d finally done giving way to painful sorrow at seeing the man so upset and betrayed, conflicted over his emotions and wants. Colin was beyond angry, first at himself for pushing Jensen, then at Jensen for letting Colin think he stood a chance; and then finally at Jared for…well, everything. He felt guilty for what he’d done, for being selfish enough to not think about the consequences of their actions, all because he’d been so desperate to have Jensen any way he could. One minute he was filled with hope that he’d see Jensen again soon, because the man had promised, and although he didn’t know Jensen nearly as well as he’d like to, Colin thought himself to be a good judge of character. No sooner had he thought about that promise, he felt stupid and hopeless, Jensen was probably just being kind for Colin’s sake so he could get back to Jared.
“FUCK” he yelled out so loud his throat hurt. Before he knew it, a sharp, burning pain was shooting through his hand and up his forearm. As if he was outside of his body looking on, he could see blood running down his knuckles and over his fingers. There was blood on the wall, too, and on his pillow, along with small clumps of plaster. His hand started throbbing in time with his heartbeat, both increasing in pace as his mom ran into the room.
She stopped short, looking between where Colin was now cradling his injured hand in the other, the tears on his face and small the hole he’d punched in the wall. “Honey?” she asked in a quiet but clearly worried tone, “what’s wrong?”
His eyes never leave hers, even as she sits on the bed next to him, wrapping an arm around him. What’s he supposed to say? He and his mom were close, they were a team, them against the world since his shithead father walked out on them. They talked about pretty much everything, there was nothing he couldn’t approach his mom about, even if - and when - it was something he was uncomfortable talking about. Her eyes were begging him for an answer and a fresh wave of guilt rolled over him, for scaring his mom. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, nodding to the wall, “I’ll fix it.”
“Oh screw the wall, baby, tell me what’s going on with you,” she held his shoulders and waited for an answer. When he still says nothing, she continued, “is it school? Is it a boy? You know you can tell me.”
He crumpled then, the tears he’d been trying to stop from coming poured out of his eyes. He stomach felt like it had been turned into a tumble dryer, spinning and spinning. He’s so confused and drained, physically and mentally. He leans forward, knowing she’ll catch him, feeling her arms wrap tight around him.
“I think I love him, mom…why does it hurt so much?”
Chapter 7 >>>
End notes: I'm sorry, I can't seem to stop with the angst! \o/
Kink: UNDERAGE (Colin is 14/15 in this fic)
<< Back to chapter 5
A/N: To move the story along and to give a rounded picture, this chapter’s from multiple points of view.
[Read more]Chapter 6
Jared waits for Jensen to answer but the older man says nothing, he’s sitting there with his mouth hanging open. Jared assumes he’s shocked to have been found out, like he himself was earlier with Jeff. He feels bad for putting Jensen on the spot but he needs answers, he needs to know how long he’s been taken for a fool, no matter how much it will hurt.
“Jesus, Jared, I wasn’t fucking anyone!” he says with an angry tone, “that one’s all on you!”
Jared expected the dig, truth be told, he deserved it, but he wouldn’t be lied to, “I find that hard to believe, Jensen, all the signs were there, clear as day.”
“Signs? What signs?” he shouts, “there were no signs because I wasn’t doing anything!”
“So you being out all the time, having no interest in sex with me at least, no interest in even spending time with me…and then mumbling someone else’s name, none of that is in the least bit suspicious to you?”
Jensen stands quickly, his face getting redder by the second and his breathing becoming faster, “I could say the exact same thing, Jared. You’re always at the fucking gym, you flinch away from my touch so you’re just as guilty of what you’re accusing me of! Oh wait, you ARE guilty of that and now I know why you’re always at the gym. I bet Jeff’s been giving you a real good workout!” he spits.
“I told we didn’t have sex until today!” Jared says, trying to keep his voice calm, even though he feels anything but. Jensen glares at him.
“You just admitted there was kissing and hand jobs - that counts Jared. He may not have fucked you until today, but you’ve still been cheating on me!”
“You cheated first!” Jared yells, aware of how childish that sounds, but he doesn’t know what else to do.
“I didn’t cheat!” Jensen yells back, “I looked but I did nothing about it…unlike you!”
Jared feels a little dizzy so he sits and takes a few deep breaths before looking Jensen dead in the eye, “You looked? Nothing more?”
Jensen throws his head back and lets out an exasperated noise, “Nothing more because I’m with you, asshole! Ask Chris, he was there with me the whole time, every single visit.”
“He’s your best friend, you think he’s not going to cover for you?” Jared scoffs, “I know you’re lying Jensen, you said his name. I deserve to know.”
“No,” Jensen says, leaning over the table and stabbing his finger at it, “you think I’m lying, there’s a difference. I’ve already told you I looked, I can’t help what I dream and I’m sorry if that hurt you, Jay, I really am, but I never acted on it. Shit, I even stopped going in there because I was trying to improve things between us, and now I find out that you were off trading hand jobs with your fancy man.”
Jared opens his mouth to object and is met with a glare from Jensen. All he could do was sigh - it was true, he and Jeff had been fooling around for months. It took a while for what Jensen said to sink in. He’d suddenly stopped going to Ford’s about three months ago and had been going there roughly three or four months before that. Jared suddenly felt sick, the timescale didn’t match. He and Jeff had had their first heavy make out session almost eleven months ago and progressed from there, meaning that even if Jensen had cheated on him, Jared was already having an affair. The beer, the stress and the guilt caught up with him and he only just made it to the sink before he threw up.
§ § § § § § §
Jensen cringed as Jared emptied his stomach contents. On autopilot he reached for a glass to fill so Jared could rinse his mouth when he was done, but Jensen was hurting and as petty as it was, he shut the cupboard, leaving all the glasses where they were. Jared didn’t deserve his sympathy after what he’d done, and what he’d accused Jensen of doing. How could Jared possibly think that he would sleep around? Of course they had their problems, what couples didn’t, but to be so convinced that Jensen was cheating? That hurt, a lot, especially as he’d removed himself from temptation.
He never once considered acting on his attraction to Colin. Dreams and fantasies are one thing, actually acting out any of it was another matter entirely. He was too freaked out and guilty over his age for a start, there was no way anything could ever happen. His guilt was made worse when Colin started looking back - Jensen wasn’t an idiot, he knew very well what the lingering looks, the lip licking and tighter clothes were all about. He’d never been alone in the bar until today, Chris would back him on that, not because he was Jensen’s best friend but because it was true. He’d tell Jared that after he stopped puking.
He left Jared in the kitchen while he went to pee. As he held his dick he was hit the image of it filling Colin’s mouth, earlier, and how good it looked and felt having the teen on his knees after all those months of fantasising about it. All his good intentions had got to pot in his anger at Jared, and now everything was falling apart around him. He had half a mind to go back out there and tell Jared what he’d done with Colin, tell him Colin had wanted to do a lot more. He wondered how Jared would react if he told him that he hadn’t fucked Colin but that he wanted to so badly to, that the kid made him so hard it hurt, but he’d declined despite how angry and hurt he was.
Would it make a difference, though, would Jared think he was still lying? Maybe, but at least then Jared might feel the same pain that Jensen did when he came home to find…that. It won’t solve anything, Jensen knows that, but a spiteful part of him wants to see the look on Jared’s face, anyway.
He tucks himself back in, washes his hands then splashes water on his face. As he closes his eyes, the room spins and he has to grip the sink to steady himself. He’s now realising he was more drunk than he thought. He drinks two glasses of water then brushes his teeth, he doesn’t have the energy to talk any more, he just wants to sleep. The bathroom light is bright enough that when he turns around he can see the unmade bed. One thought repeats over and over in his mind - did Jared not make the bed after he got up, or did he and Jeff fuck there, too?
Suddenly the walls are closing in on him, his chest feels like it’s stuck in a vice and he can feel a cold sweat running down the back of his neck…he has to get out of there.
§ § § § § § §
Chris looks at his watch, he’s been sat outside for an hour now. When he dropped Jared back off, the younger man told him to go home but Chris decided against it. He watched as Jensen came home, then saw the silhouettes of both men moving around the kitchen. From down here in the truck, their voices sounded like murmurs instead of the yells that they’d actually be, but as long as there was no crashing and banging, Chris would assume things were going as smoothly as they could.
He twisted the key in the ignition, ready to start the drive home when the door to the apartment building crashed open and someone almost fell out of it. He quickly realised it was Jensen, shoved his truck door open and ran over to him, “Jen, are you OK, what happened?”
Jensen’s head snapped up and his eyes went wide with surprise, then recognition, “What are you doin’ here, man?” he slurred, wobbling slightly from the force at which he’d come out of the door.
“I brought Jared back and waited. I knew one of you idjits would need your asses babysitting before the night was through.” Jensen wobbled more and Chris reached out to steady him.
“I need to lie down,” Jensen mumbled, rubbing his temple and pinching his eyes closed tight.
“Yeah I can see that, c’mon, you can crash at my place.”
They were both climbing into the truck when there was a crash from behind them. Chris turned to see Jared standing in the doorway looking panicked, obviously running to find Jensen.
“Jen,” he shouted desperately and ran towards them, “Jen wait, we’re not done talking, we -“
“You’re done!” Chris said decisively before Jensen could speak, “go back inside Jared, you both need rest and some space.”
“But I still need to know who he was fucking!” he said, shoulders sagging.
Chris was confused, “What? Who? Unless I got the wrong end of the stick here, man, I’m pretty sure you’re the one fucking someone else.” Chris followed Jared’s eye line to where Jensen was slumped up against the car door. His eyes were shut but from here he couldn’t tell whether this friend was ignoring them, or whether he’d passed out. He looked back to Jared who had tears in his eyes.
“I did, but…” he sighed, looking nervous, “there was something I left out of what I told you earlier. I think Jen was fucking someone else…someone at that bar. He says he wasn’t but I need to know the truth, Chris.”
Chris frowned, even more confused now. There’s no way Jen would do that, he knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt, “Nah, man, that ain’t so, if he was involved with someone there I’d know. We hardly talked to anyone outside of small talk at the bar, we stayed in our booth most of the time, anyways.”
“Who did you talk to?”
Chris frowned, “I dunno names, man, just guys at the bar. The owner, Carol, and her staff,” he was mentally running through faces but couldn’t think of anyone else that Jen may have even looked at twice, “nah, that’s it...unless you count Colin,” he chuckled. Jared’s face went even paler that Chris thought possible, “Jared?” he stepped closer to him and took hold of the man’s upper arms and shook him lightly, “what’s wrong?”
Tears rolled down Jared’s cheeks and he nodded, looking at Chris like the man had just told him the world was about to end. He opened his mouth two, three times, before a whispered, “That’s him,” left his lips.
A combined sense of relief and feeling of utter hilarity caused Chris to bark out a booming laugh, “Man,” he couldn’t help it then, he couldn’t stop. He bent over, trying to catch his breath through the laughter, and eventually he got control of himself. He looked back at Jared who was staring at him in shock. He put a hand down heavily on each of Jared’s shoulders and looked him straight in the eye, “You listen to me now, son, OK? There is no way on God’s green Earth that Jensen would be fucking Colin, he’s just a kid, there’s nothing to worry about!” he said, sincerely.
Jared continues to stare, his eyes getting wider and wider by the second, and Chris was beginning to worry. He shook Jared again, calling his name until the younger man seemed to come back to himself, “The bartender…she said,” Jared spoke slowly, as if he was trying to remember the exact words, “she said ‘I think my boy has one hell of a crush on Jensen’.”
This wasn’t news to Chris, it was obvious for anyone to see that Colin had it bad. It was actually kind of adorable, the way his face lit up the moment he saw Jensen, the way he almost fell over his own feet to bring Jensen’s favourite chilli cheese fries over to their table. In fact, the blush that bloomed across his cheeks when he was caught checking the older man out had been the butt of many of Chris’ jokes about Colin being ‘Jenny’s number one fan’. It made Jensen extremely uncomfortable as time went on, now that Chris thought about it, to the point where his friend had told him aggressively to quit it and mind his own damn business.
“Yeeeahhh,” Chris said, stretching the word out and speaking softly as if to a child, “and Jen was really uncomfortable with it. I think that’s a large part of why he stopped meeting me there, actually. What does that have to do with anything?”
Chris listened as Jared babbled about what happened after he got to Ford’s, how a tall kid had stood between him and Jensen, like he had a right to be there, getting all up in Jared’s face. He shook his head, “That doesn’t mean anything, man, I’m telling you,” Chris said softly. They both looked at Jensen’s sleeping form, “go back inside and get some rest, Jared.” He watched as the younger man obeyed him, knowing there was nothing more they could do. “We’ll get all this resolved tomorrow.”
Jensen let out a pained groan as Chris dumped him onto the sofa having dragged him out of the truck and into his apartment, “Sleep it off, Princess,” Chris huffed as he made his way to the fridge and took out a six pack.
He plonked himself down in the chair opposite Jensen and thought about everything Jared had said today as he watched his friend sleeping. Jared was so convinced that there’d been something going on with Colin, he actually felt bad for the overgrown puppy, maybe the guy needed some kind of professional help for delusions like that, he thought to himself.
Jensen shifted on the sofa, burying his face in the cushions and mumbling something Chris couldn’t work out. He did nothing for a few minutes until Jensen’s breathing got faster and shallower, like he was having a nightmare. He was making a low whining sound in the back of his throat, like he was scared or upset. Chris was worried Jen might suffocate himself, so with difficulty he rolled his friend over. Now he wasn’t face deep in upholstery, Jensen’s words were audible.
Chris blinked, straining his ears to listen harder, making sure he wasn’t mistaking the words. After a minute, it was clear, he hadn’t misheard. Jensen was repeating the same thing over and over, thrashing his arms in front of him.
“No…too young…can’t have…shouldn’t want…Colin… so hot…but Jared …no…can’t have…shouldn’t want…Colin…” he sobbed.
§ § § § § § §
Colin punched his pillow for the umpteenth time, trying to get comfortable but it was no good. Even if he was lay in clouds of light and fluffy marshmallow he still wouldn’t be able to get to sleep. How could he, with the way he was feeling? He hadn’t thought it possible to go through such a range of emotions in such a short space of time, but here he was.
For hours he’s been switching between elation at seeing Jensen, his joy at what they’d finally done giving way to painful sorrow at seeing the man so upset and betrayed, conflicted over his emotions and wants. Colin was beyond angry, first at himself for pushing Jensen, then at Jensen for letting Colin think he stood a chance; and then finally at Jared for…well, everything. He felt guilty for what he’d done, for being selfish enough to not think about the consequences of their actions, all because he’d been so desperate to have Jensen any way he could. One minute he was filled with hope that he’d see Jensen again soon, because the man had promised, and although he didn’t know Jensen nearly as well as he’d like to, Colin thought himself to be a good judge of character. No sooner had he thought about that promise, he felt stupid and hopeless, Jensen was probably just being kind for Colin’s sake so he could get back to Jared.
“FUCK” he yelled out so loud his throat hurt. Before he knew it, a sharp, burning pain was shooting through his hand and up his forearm. As if he was outside of his body looking on, he could see blood running down his knuckles and over his fingers. There was blood on the wall, too, and on his pillow, along with small clumps of plaster. His hand started throbbing in time with his heartbeat, both increasing in pace as his mom ran into the room.
She stopped short, looking between where Colin was now cradling his injured hand in the other, the tears on his face and small the hole he’d punched in the wall. “Honey?” she asked in a quiet but clearly worried tone, “what’s wrong?”
His eyes never leave hers, even as she sits on the bed next to him, wrapping an arm around him. What’s he supposed to say? He and his mom were close, they were a team, them against the world since his shithead father walked out on them. They talked about pretty much everything, there was nothing he couldn’t approach his mom about, even if - and when - it was something he was uncomfortable talking about. Her eyes were begging him for an answer and a fresh wave of guilt rolled over him, for scaring his mom. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, nodding to the wall, “I’ll fix it.”
“Oh screw the wall, baby, tell me what’s going on with you,” she held his shoulders and waited for an answer. When he still says nothing, she continued, “is it school? Is it a boy? You know you can tell me.”
He crumpled then, the tears he’d been trying to stop from coming poured out of his eyes. He stomach felt like it had been turned into a tumble dryer, spinning and spinning. He’s so confused and drained, physically and mentally. He leans forward, knowing she’ll catch him, feeling her arms wrap tight around him.
“I think I love him, mom…why does it hurt so much?”
Chapter 7 >>>
End notes: I'm sorry, I can't seem to stop with the angst! \o/