Addictive Obsession ~ Chapter Twenty-six | part two

[fighter_of_moon]

PART ONE



His head was hurting like hell, but Jin had already gotten used to it after all the days he had woken up with this terrible headache. He didn’t know how much time had passed since he was there as he had been spending almost the whole time sleeping or being drugged and even if Kazuya had said that only a couple of days had passed, Jin didn’t believe him. It seemed to be much longer but it was understandable that the younger one didn’t want to tell him how long he had been there considering the fact that the more days that passed, the higher were the chances for Jin’s men to be looking for them - and finding them.

He sighed. Even if they were found, Kazuya had taken a path that Jin didn’t like at all; he absolutely hated it. The drugs were making Kazuya seem like a totally different person, one that couldn’t understand reason anymore and that Jin had trouble with. He hadn’t been like this when Jin had met him and Kazuya used to drug himself even back then. Something must have changed, there was something different this time that made the younger one take more pills than necessary that were keeping his head heavy and out of this world. Kazuya had even said that he was taking drugs when the nightmares were back, but now he had confessed that he was taking them at a specific hour. After Jin had seen the way his body began to tremble when the pills’ effect had disappeared, he had been convinced that this time was more dangerous than the first time, that now he couldn’t make Kazuya give them up so easily as the first time when the cause had been his mother.

Because now this was happening only because of Jin.

He turned his head and looked at the younger one that was still peacefully sleeping next to him. After that time when Jin had tried to strangle him in his sleep, Jin had thought that Kazuya would avoid to be left so powerless like this in Jin’s presence, but he had been finding the other one like this more than once. It was like Kazuya was desperately trying to prove that Jin still loved him and that he wouldn’t hurt him, that he could still trust him and that they still had a future. It was a stupid thing to do but nevertheless, it made Jin’s heart beat a little faster seeing the efforts that Kazuya was putting into their relationship.

“Kazuya.” The older one whispered in the silence of the room, moving slightly so that he could brush his fingers on the other one’s cheek. “Wake up, love.” He said with a loving tone and pecked Kazuya’s lips a few times, waiting for the younger one to open his eyes.

Kazuya stirred, letting a small whimper leave his lips as he snuggled closer to the one he loved the most. Even through his foggy mind, he still knew where he wanted to be and whom he wanted to protect. “Jin…” he mumbled, searching for his warmth, his eyes still closed. He didn’t want to wake up yet, it was too good being there, holding Jin and having him this close - he didn’t want to wake up to a world that would only want to separate him and Jin.

The older one tried again to nudge the boy, being a little more difficult this time as Kazuya was clinging to him and Jin couldn’t properly use his hands as they were still tied up. “Come on, you have to wake up.” He pouted and pursed his lips in a cute way, letting them fall after that on the boy’s temple and placing a short kiss on that spot. “I’m thirsty.” He then added with a whiny voice, using his nose to poke at the younger one.

Kazuya muttered something as he finally stood up, looking blearily at Jin, pouting in an adorable and sleepy way. “You just want to wake me up.” He whined as he climbed off the bed, more like falling out of it as he went to the other side of it to fill a glass of water. You could see that he was tired - the drugs were wearing him off - and that he was also sleep deprived, but it didn’t seem to stop him from doing this to himself. He turned at Jin and tilted his head in a cute way. “Can you drink or should I feed it to you?” Kazuya asked with a sleepy but perverted smile.

“Mouth to mouth?” Jin asked cutely, tilting his head as he was now standing up, his hands swaying uncomfortably on the bed’s frame.

“Do you know another way?” Kazuya replied, now fully awaken. “Or maybe prefer it another way?” He seemed to be curious about Jin’s choice.

“Kazuyaaaaa…” Jin whined in the same way, stomping his legs a little bit and looking more and more like a frustrated child. “Stop teasing me.” He then demanded with a pout and a move of his hands as he wanted to cross them in front of his chest only to be stopped by his bindings, showing that he was really thirsty and it wasn’t just a whim of his.

The younger one laughed and took the glass to Jin’s mouth, looking how obediently and greedy the older one received the water. “That thirsty you were…” Kazuya said amused, wiping some small drops from Jin’s chin. Then he looked at Jin’s tied hands and a brief regret clouded his face. “Anything else?” He asked Jin as he set the glass on the bedside table and settled his eyes back on Jin, momentarily glancing at the older one’s wet lips. So delicious looking.

“Untie me?” Jin asked in the same way, battling his eyelashes and looking as innocent as he could, hoping that maybe Kazuya would be convinced to grant his wish like he had done with his first one.

The younger one bit his lips, looking for a second unsure about what he should answer. “I can’t.” He whispered the words as he grasped his hands. “You’ll run away and I don’t want you to leave me.” Kazuya added and looked straight into Jin’s eyes, showing just how much scared and determined he was because of this thing. He was willing to hold onto Jin with teeth and nails if he was supposed to.

“I’m not going to leave you, Kazuya, how many times do I have to say it for you to understand?” Jin sighed, obviously getting tired of this conversation. It was already the nth time that they were talking about this but he would get the same answer every damn time!! “You don’t have that much time either, you know perfectly well that it’s only a matter of time until we’re found. And then you’ll really lose everything.” He stated the truth, thinking that it might seem this way for Kazuya who was too stubborn to understand that it was wrong what he was doing and that it won’t make any difference in the end.

Kazuya’s eyes darkened at Jin’s words and he smiled a bit too happy to be true. “See?” He snorted and began walking. “And you want me to untie you when all you think about is when you’ll be found and freed of this place and me.” He stopped at Jin’s feet, gripping the edge of the bed as his eyes bored into Jin’s. “If I lose everything, then you lose me too. Because you’re my everything.” Kazuya confessed, his expression serious and hurt in the same time. Really, falling apart wasn’t option for them.

Jin groaned. “Kazuya, what do you really want to obtain with this?” he asked, trying to at least get the younger one talking. If he presented his reasons one by one, then Jin could explain to him why they couldn’t do that. “Why are you doing this? For what?” he said and his tone seemed to be a little demanding towards the end.

“I want to keep you for me.” Kazuya said bluntly, sort of exasperated that Jin still didn’t understood his reasons. “I want to protect you from that world. I want you to be here with me -” He made a pause and then added “- forever.”

“But you also know that we can’t stay here forever.” Jin pointed out, hoping that Kazuya’s mind was cleared now if he had just woken up and hadn’t had time to take drugs into his system, so maybe they could have a normal conversation. “You’re aware of the fact that this won’t lead to anything, so tell me what’s your real reason.” He said with a voice as kind and gentle as he could muster.

“I told you already.” Kazuya said with a frustrated voice. “Seeing you risk your life all the time, leaving me behind, making me wait for you in fear - I can’t let you do this anymore. You wanted to keep me for yourself just a little while ago, now I want the same.” He continued, recalling all of the times Jin had held him captive just because he didn’t want Kazuya to leave his side.

Jin sighed tiredly and shook his head. “Come here.” He urged the younger one, lifting his hand a little and waiting for Kazuya to sit on his lap as he was kindly suggesting it.

The younger one frowned a little at the sudden request, but he obediently agreed to it, carefully getting closer to Jin, as if he was expecting the other one to do some magic and untie himself, this way reversing their positions, Kazuya turning to be the tied one. But no magic was done and Jin was still waiting for him, so Kazuya climbed on the bed with an insecure glance at the older one, on top of him. “Now what?” He asked with a low voice and an expression that spoke of distrust and precaution.

“If you do this, I’d be the one living in fear.” Jin started with the same gentle voice, a small smile spread on his lips as he tried to make the younger one understand. “If we stay here and you keep me tied up, then I can’t protect you. My men aren’t the only ones that can found us, my enemies too and they are probably searching for me now.” He added, thinking that there had been a few deals that he had missed because of this. Rumors must have spread and Jin knew that they had to have at least a hint about what had happened. “We are in danger here.” He said, once again trying to move his hands and hug Kazuya, but finding himself still restrained.

Kazuya bit his lower lip as he gripped the sheets under Jin. He lowered his head, understanding what Jin was saying, but in the same time, not wanting to. Why couldn’t it be easier to just take Jin away? Why did it have to be lots of people looking for him, endangering him?! Was he asking for too much, wanting to be with Jin peacefully? No, peacefully wasn’t the right word as they had everything but peace. And they couldn’t possibly have it ever. “Why?” Kazuya whined and stretched over Jin, letting his head rest on the other one’s shoulder. “Why is so difficult when all I want is to have you with me? I gave up everything, you took me everything… you’re the only one left and yet, here I am, worrying that one day you will disappear and I can’t do nothing to reach you, to take you back.” He continued with the same whiny tone, though there was fear and frustration in it too. “I will face danger and your fear if this is what it takes to have you here.”

“I’m not going to disappear anywhere, babe.” Jin whispered, placing his lips on the younger’s one temple and kissing him softly. “I know that you have only me and that’s why I won’t ever leave you alone, but you have to trust me, Kazuya. Trust me when I say that no one will hurt us if you let me protect us.”

Kazuya lifted his head to look at Jin. “You liar.” He accused with a pouting expression, though you could notice the hope in his eyes. He really wanted to believe Jin’s words, but too many things had happened. “You said you wouldn’t hurt my friends and you still did…” Kazuya sighed disappointed as he let his head once again on Jin’s shoulder.

“Technically, I haven’t hurt neither one of them.” Jin pointed out, thinking that he had never touched Junno and Maru, that Ueda had been the one to get himself into this situation and that Koki… hadn’t been hurt even half of what Jin wanted to do to him. “And I listened to you when you said that I should let Koki go. I also let him leave with Ueda that day when he had pissed me off and I snapped at him. I haven’t seen Tat-chan for a long time because you wanted me not to.” He continued with a firm voice, wanting to show Kazuya that he could be trusted, that the younger one could let him go and believe that Jin won’t go anywhere.

Tat-chan?! Kazuya gripped tightly Jin’s shirt as jealousy gushed through him like an arrow’s spear. He looked up at him with narrowing eyes and without a warning, he crushed his mouth against the older one’s, kissing him roughly and possessively just to show to whom Jin belonged. No Tat-chan, no Yamapi, no no one - Jin was only his.

“You chose not to see your other lover because he fell in love with you, not because I asked you.” Kazuya hissed as he pulled away from Jin, anger and jealousy clear in his voice and words. “And now…” He caught his chin with two fingers, as he pushed the others into the older one’s mouth. “…even if you want to see him, I won’t let you.” The younger one smirked, leaning once more to kiss Jin.

The older one answered to the kiss, sucking a little on Kazuya’s fingers before the boy pulled them out and let only their tongues meet into a hot, wet and messy kiss. Jin tried once more to move his hands, now desperately pulling on his restrains as he wanted to touch Kazuya, as he wanted to feel more of him and not just receive. “Kazuya, untie me.” He breathed through their kisses, his mind a bit clouded by the possessive way the younger one had claimed him.

“No.” Kazuya refused, pulling away from Jin and looking at him through passion glazed eyes. “I still don’t trust you.” He added and bit his lower lip, wearing a guilty and disappointed expression. Guilty because he wanted to free Jin, to feel his touches again and disappointed because he couldn’t bring himself to trust Jin that he won’t leave him. Somewhere in his mind, he realized that maybe he was exaggerating a little, but honestly who could blame him? After all, their relationship had been like this from the beginning. Everything small was out of their proportions.

Jin sighed and let his head fall down in disappointment, his heart still beating fast as a consequence of their earlier actions. He should have expected this though because he had already tried before to make Kazuya let him go while distracting him with sex but it hadn’t worked then and Jin knew that it won’t work later either. He lifted his head and faced Kazuya’s stare, wanting to read in those brown orbs all the things that he needed to know. Why, for what and why now? These were all questions that Jin didn’t know the answer to but he desperately needed to find out.

“Then what can I do for you to trust me?” the older one asked and his voice seemed a little bit on the edge, as if he was getting tired of this game and was ready to explode. “What am I supposed to do for you to be convinced that I really won’t leave you alone no matter what happens?” he demanded to know, his eyes boring into Kazuya’s. “Tell me what do you want from me, Kazuya.” Jin ended with a deep sigh, letting his hand fall and be supported by his ties from his wrists.

“To give up on that world.” Kazuya answered promptly. “To leave everything behind and go somewhere far, just the two of us.” He added, looking earnestly at Jin, the despair clear in his voice and expression. He just wanted to be far away from all the danger that was surrounding the older one. He just wanted to be with Jin and that was all.

The older one sighed. Of course Kazuya would want this, after all he had been bitching about this for a long time already. Jin still didn’t see the need to do this and he also didn’t understand why was Kazuya so stubborn about this, why he wanted so much to leave this town when he must know perfectly well that their life would be the same no matter where they were. “Listen.” He started, licking his lips in an anxious way and feeling like he might be making a mistake by doing this. But he loved Kazuya and he had to at least try. “We need money for this. Not just for leaving here and finding a new place to live, but for staying there also. I don’t have that much money and even your dad’s money will run out eventually.” He argued, already expecting Kazuya to start talking about getting a job in case this will be necessary.

“I can work.” Kazuya said exactly as Jin foresaw. “And Dad will give me money as long as I ask for it. We can make it if we want to, Jin!” He continued, a sudden spark in his brown eyes. “It’s not impossible, we just need to want this enough. As long as we’re together, we can live perfectly…” He looked with puppy eyes at his lover as he craved for this more than ever. “We need to get away from there, Jin.” Kazuya stopped and cupped the other one’s cheeks. “I need you.”

Jin place a short kiss on Kazuya’s lips to silently tell him that he needed him too, but didn’t follow that trail of conversation and returned to their original subject. “Okay, let’s say that you work. You can’t really expect me to sit home and wait for you. Most of the cops from this country know my face and while I am safe as long as I stay in this town, I can’t say the same if I leave.” He tried to make Kazuya see all the disadvantages that they’d have - that Jin would have - if they really did this. Besides, if someone saw them together then they’d arrest Kazuya too thinking that he was involved in Jin’s business and Jin was pretty sure that there would be a few deaths if this happened. “And your father isn’t rich to be able to pay for both of us the rest of our lives. His money will run out eventually and ours too.” He said, having a feeling that he still wasn’t managing to get to Kazuya and to convince him of the absurdity of the situation.

The younger one shook his head repeatedly. “You haven’t even tried and you’re already saying that you can’t do it.” Kazuya said with a disappointed tone, refusing to accept what Jin said. If you wanted it hard enough, it could surely work out. “If Japan isn’t enough, we can leave it behind. It doesn’t matter if we’re here or if we’re in another country. As long as you’re with me.” He continued, stubborn in his beliefs and words. “But you don’t want to try.” He then stated with an accusing voice.

Jin sighed yet again. It seemed that the younger one won’t understand his reasoning no matter what Jin would say, he would stay trapped into his own world where everything could be perfect as long as they left that town which had initially brought them together. It seemed a little weird to be wanting to leave the place which had brought you to the happiest moment of your life, thinking that now it was restraining you and was making you miserable. Jin didn’t understand Kazuya’s way of thinking, but… he loved the boy.

And he had known for a long time that he’d do anything for him.

“Fine.” Jin said, his lips pursed as it was clear that he was doing this just for Kazuya and that he didn’t want at all to leave. “Let’s go to some other place and try that life that you’re talking about.” He added and then continued before Kazuya had any chance to say something. “But if we’ll have problems, I want you to agree that you’ll do anything that I ask you. Without questions.” Jin demanded, his voice firm and his eyes serious as he looked at the younger one.

But Kazuya still didn’t believe him, looking with narrowing eyes at Jin. “You’re only saying this just to untie you.” He said with an accusing tone, crossing his arms at his chest. After all, Jin had given in way too easily after all the times he had opposed Kazuya in this idea. The younger one couldn’t simply believe him, right?

Jin groaned, obviously annoyed by this unexpected answer of Kazuya’s. He had thought that the younger would just jump into his arms and act like everything would be perfect from now on just because Jin had accepted his crazy request. The older one surely had one memory in mind where Kazuya had done this exact thing and things had gone way easier from that point on. “And what do you want me to do for you to believe me?!” he asked, slightly annoyed that he had to convince Kazuya of yet another thing. “What can I do to make you trust me again?” Jin demanded to know, thinking that it wasn’t exactly fair of Kazuya to ask this of him when he should have already trusted Jin way before.

But the younger one shrugged. “You should know the answer, not me.” He replied coldly and proceeded to get off the bed, thinking that once more Jin was trying to fool him, was trying to deceive him with sweet words and promises. Promises that were never kept.

“Right.” Jin growled on an undertone, obviously annoyed by this sudden turn of events. “Okay then, let me prove you that I won’t even try to run away and I won’t leave you behind.” He added, his eyes studying Kazuya’s figure to see him stopping his movements. A small smirk threatened to appear on his lips as he knew that he had caught the younger one’s attention, but Jin fought the urge to display it. “Let me show you that I’m not lying to you and that I’m going to keep my promise.”

Kazuya turned to Jin reluctantly, having a raised eyebrow. “I doubt you can show me you know what’s a promise, but do your best.” He said a bit ironically, knowing that whatever Jin had in mind, it was definitely something that Kazuya won’t agree to it. After all, Jin looked the best and safest being tied up to a bed and he wasn’t going to change this any soon now.

Jin rolled his eyes but chose anyway to continue with what he had in mind to convince the other one of the seriousness of his words. “You said you took the drugs from me, right?” he asked and Kazuya nodded slightly, curious to know where was this going. “I know you, you must have taken a little bit of everything even if you didn’t know what it was, just to be sure.” Jin continued and upon receiving another nod from the younger one, he smiled brightly at his own idea. “There was also a small pink bag there with some pills. Give some of them to me.” He then presented his idea, the grin plastering his expression showing how proud he was of himself for thinking of this.

Kazuya arched an eyebrow ironically. “I doubt that you drugging yourself for me will make me trust you.” He said, not intending to go after what Jin had asked of him.

Jin controlled his urge to smack the younger one and just rolled his eyes. “It’s not that, you idiot.” He said and a pout appeared on his lips as he looked at Kazuya, trying to say without words that he was being offended. “It’s not a drug that makes you high.” He then explained with a patience that he didn’t know he had. “It’s supposed to make you helpless, to make your senses sharper and to make even a whisper feel like a loud scream so that you could easily immobilize a person. Pi used to use it for torturing.” Jin shrugged, like it was a perfectly normal thing what he had just proposed to Kazuya, considering the implications it brought.

The younger one frowned. “And how will this help me trust you?” He kept asking, not understanding what Jin wanted him to do with those drugs. “I don’t want to torture you.” He shook his head, as if this idea was impossible for him. Really, the need to be free of his bindings had gotten to Jin’s head and he was uttering pure gibberish.

“I don’t want to take those pills for you to torture me.” Jin replied, looking at Kazuya like he had gone mad if he thought that Jin would really make such a proposition - even if it wasn’t that far from the truth. “But this would give you an upper hand to be able to control me even if I’m not tied up.” He then pointed out, a light smile grazing his lips as he looked at the other one who was staring back with uncertainty in his eyes. “Besides, it would just make me weaker, it doesn’t mean that I’d be suffering or something like that, just that I’d be more sensible to everything that’s happening around me.” He shrugged yet again, desperately trying to show Kazuya that it wasn’t a big deal and that he would still be the one in control because otherwise… he didn’t know what else to do or say to make the younger one listen to him. “And if I’m not tied up, I’ll be able to show you that I don’t want to leave while you’ll be able to stop me every time you want.” And practically make me do everything you want, but Jin didn’t need to point that out for the time being.

Kazuya chewed his lower lip as he listened to Jin’s words. It still seemed gibberish to him, no matter how he took it. “But the effect will wear off in a couple of hours and I didn’t bring enough to have you drugged the whole time.” He said with narrowing eyes, showing just how much he agreed with this method. “Why do you want this anyway?” The younger one asked, somehow dismissing the fact that Jin was indeed accepting such a stupid thing just because he wanted to prove Kazuya he was one to be trusted. Bullshit, Jin had never succumbed to Kazuya’s will, it had to be a trick somewhere.

“Because it would show you that I have no intention of running away.” Jin simply replied, feeling that he was slowly getting where he wanted. “The drug will just slow me down, but I’ll have my mind clear to be able to do everything I’d want to. The only difference it would be that you’d be the one to call the shots.” He proceeded to explain yet again, hoping that this wasn’t going to nowhere and that Kazuya would soon give in. “I can show you, Kazuya, that I’m serious and that I really want to start a new life with you.” Jin said with a low but determined voice, the gentleness from his tone saying how much he really wanted the younger one to trust him. “I can be there for you and you won’t have to be afraid anymore of me leaving you. The effect will be for a few hours, but it will be enough for you to see the real me, right?” he insisted, perfectly knowing which buttons to press and which things to point out.

Kazuya looked unsure at Jin, not knowing what to say of all this. Could a drug show him the real Jin? Had he been living with another Jin, had he been loving another Jin, one that wasn’t real? Damn, it didn’t made sense and everything was storming inside his head. He closed his eyes and shook his head slightly. “You’re driving me crazy.” He mumbled slowly and before Jin could say anything else, he left the room only to return after a few moments. He got close to Jin again, his hands slightly trembling. “I didn’t take anything this time.” Kazuya said as a reply to Jin’s inquiring and dark gaze. “I just want to see the effects for myself, I need to have a clear mind. And if there’s any trick to it, I would know just how trustworthy you were.” He continued, licking his lips as his eyes kept roaming over Jin’s face and figure. “Here.” He lifted a small and pink pill to Jin’s lips.

A wide smile appeared on Jin’s lips as the older one obediently opened his mouth and swallowed the pill without any water. “I promise you there’s no trick, I just want to show you how much I love you if you have forgotten this.” He said, a slight pout forming on his lips at the idea of Kazuya not trusting him anymore even with this.

“I didn’t forget…” Kazuya mumbled and looked down for a while as he fidgeted with the sheets. “It’s you who makes me this insecure.” He then accused and glanced at Jin uncertainly. “Anyway… do you feel anything?” The younger one asked curiously, eyeing his lover carefully as if Jin was going to transform himself or something of the sort.

“No, I have no idea how much it would take for it to make its effect.” Jin replied, letting his body fall down along the sheets and settle in the middle of the bed to be more comfortable as he knew that he’d soon need it. He hadn’t lied to Kazuya when he had said that the drug would make him more sensible to everything around him, but he hadn’t mentioned exactly how much sensitive he’d become because Jin knew that the younger one would back away if he knew that this could have negative effects too. After all, it was used for torturing, not for pleasure. “But I think I’ll know as soon as your voice will become a scream in my ears even if you talk quietly.” He then added with a sigh, closing his eyes for a second and then opening them again to look at Kazuya. “Untie me?” Jin risked asking the question a little sooner than needed, hoping that just the fact that he was willing to do anything to prove Kazuya how much he loved him had managed to change something between them.

Kazuya looked at Jin warily. “One hand.” He said with an insecure voice, inching closer to Jin and starting to untie the bindings. Soon, he realized that he needed a knife because Jin hadn’t been quiet and it had knotted even more, even if from time to time Kazuya did untie Jin when the older one had been too drugged to even notice. The younger one drew back a little as he let the knife on the bedside drawer, watching Jin carefully and not wanting to get closer to him again. After all, Jin had tried to strangle him one time and back then, his hands had been tied. Who knew what he will do with one free and drugs in his system? Kazuya was feeling now overly precautious.

“Why are you so far away?” Jin pouted and pursed his lips, lifting his hand and calling the younger one to him. “I’m not going to bite you.” He then joked, tilting his head a little on the pillow and messing it even more as a playful smile now adorned his lips. “Well, not that much anyway.” He seemed to decide with a short shrug, his eyes still glued to Kazuya’s form as he waited for the other one to take his hand.

The younger man looked distrustful but he chose to get closer to Jin, letting his shaking hand fall into Jin’s one. “You’re okay?” He asked half worried, half curious to see what sort of reactions Jin will have later.

“Fine.” The older one mumbled as he pulled on Kazuya’s hand and dragged him into his arms, his arm circling the boy’s waist and keeping him close as Jin let his head fall on his shoulder and inhale his scent. “It’s been so long since I’ve had you like this.” He confessed, his tone betraying how much he had wanted this and how much he had actually missed Kazuya - the real Kazuya. “I had…” he stopped abruptly and made a sound of pain, digging his nails into the boy’s hand as he was still holding on it. The effects were starting to appear and his own voice seemed to be too painful, but Jin bit his tongue and endured whatever was about to come. “I want to take a bath.” Jin said with a cheerful but quiet voice, a smile spreading on his lips as he lifted his head a little and looked at Kazuya. “Wash me?” he then asked with puppy eyes.

Kazuya looked at Jin with curious eyes. He didn’t understand what was Jin on right now, but he agreed on taking upon the quest of washing him. “Okay…” he whispered, choosing to stay just a little longer in his lover’s embrace, feeling that it had been a while since they had cuddled like this. He missed those times, as crazy as they had been at some point, but he quickly dismissed the fact that he hadn’t felt Jin holding him in a while was actually his fault.

He sighed and detached himself from Jin, taking once more the knife he had used before to cut the other one’s bindings. He stretched over the older one and swiftly cut the knotted ropes which were keeping Jin’s hand. He set aside the knife and returned to his lover, looking slightly unsure. “You okay?” he asked, noticing Jin’s sudden irregular breaths. “Are you sure you want to take a bath now?” Kazuya insisted, brushing his fingers over Jin’s bruised wrists.

“Told you I’m fine.” Jin replied, only now thinking at how much his wrists will hurt as they were already injured and the drug will just make the pain feel more vivid and more powerful. He smiled, for the moment being on control of his own body even if he knew that it was going to become a real challenge to keep himself out from the world surrounding him. But it didn’t matter because he trusted Kazuya and he knew that it will be okay. “I just want to feel you and to have you take care of me.” He announced with an even brighter smile than before, standing up very slowly and carefully and then pulling the younger one after him. “I want to feel your hands touching me.” Jin said as he glued their bodies together into a light embrace, his voice slightly perverted and keeping its low tone to keep the loud sounds from his ears from distracting him from reality.

Kazuya looked surprised at Jin, definitely not expecting such an outcome. The worry was still present in his eyes as his hands lied gently against Jin’s chest. “I wonder if those drugs were really the right ones…” The younger said on a small voice, his fingers drawing circles around Jin’s nipple, fascinated watching it harden. “You’re turning rather perverted now.” He stuck his tongue and started pushing Jin gently towards the bathroom.

“When have I not been?” Jin replied with a surprised tone and a playful voice, going backwards as he kept his hands on the boy’s waist and let the younger one’s hand on his chest, not wanting to lose that warmth that he had longed for.

“Hmm…” Kazuya hummed, apparently thinking to seriously answer Jin’s question. Then he chuckled and kissed Jin’s lips quickly before they entered in the bathroom. “Never.” He nodded with a serious expression, though there was an amused edge to his voice.

“See?” Jin exclaimed with a happy but too loud voice and in the next second he quickly raised his hands to his ears, a pained expression on his face as his eyes closed themselves like he was trying to block everything from him - the sounds, the images, the smells. He gritted his teeth and swore, more than annoyed that he was feeling this weak in such a moment. But it couldn’t be helped if this was what would make Kazuya trust him again and Jin would do anything for his lover.

Kazuya panicked instantly, seeing Jin’s reaction. “You okay?” He asked on a hushed voice, remembering what had Jin said about his senses sharpening. “Let’s stop this, ne?” He then pleaded, looking at the bath tube with worried eyes. No matter how much he wanted to keep Jin out from that world, he didn’t want him to get hurt. And right now, even his voice or touch was hurting him.

“Nah, it’s just to show who’s in control.” Jin laughed though it still sounded a bit painful, slowly lowering his hands and looking again at Kazuya, a grin plastered on his face to convince the younger that there was nothing to be afraid of. He had been through much worse, he could handle a little bit of pain. “Come on, I want you to pamper me for keeping me tied up for so many days.” The older one pouted as he stretched his hand towards Kazuya, pursing his lips and showing once more how dissatisfied he had been with that situation. “Beside, a bath will help me relax and not concentrate that much on other things than your fingers on my body.” He smirked in a perverted way, cursing in his mind that he had once again to convince the younger to do something - it was becoming a bad habit of Kazuya’s, but then again, Jin couldn’t really blame him when they were in such a peculiar situation.

The younger one looked even more insecure at his lover, finally understanding what Jin truly wanted from him. He got closer to him, gently embracing him, bringing their bodies in a close and teasing position. “Then think only about my touch.” He whispered against Jin’s lips, his tongue wetting them a little. “Think of my lips, my fingers…” Kazuya kissed Jin softly, gently, wanting to make the other feel only the pleasure and not the pain of simply existing. “Just think of me.” He whispered again, parting from Jin, his eyes twinkling with the promises of wonderful moments if Jin did as he was told.

“It won’t be that hard to do since it’s the only thing I’ve been doing since you came into my life.” Jin said with a little satisfied sigh as he watched the younger one rushing to the bath tube to turn on the cap for hot and cold water, letting it mix so that it would be just perfect for a bath. Even the water would be dangerous for Jin in such a moment, but Kazuya seemed to have finally understood what that drug exactly meant and now he was acting according to it.

Jin couldn’t help but smile to himself as he watched Kazuya carefully test the water, making sure that it was just perfect and that it won’t hurt his lover in any way. He looked at the boy’s stretched hand towards him and Jin took it, the smile widening on his lips as he stepped into the bath tube and found the water to be more than incredible. He let his whole body sink into the warm water, closing his eyes in glee at the wonderful feeling that was slowly enveloping his body and that he hadn’t had for far too long.

“Are you okay?” Kazuya asked with a slightly worried voice as he let his eyes travel over Jin’s body. The older one had refused most of the food that he had prepared for him and considering that more than a week had passed since they were there, it was starting to see on his body the lack of food and nutrition. Jin looked almost fragile in that moment, skinnier than Kazuya used to know him and much weaker than he had been in his whole life because of the drug. Everything was because of him, but even if he knew that, Kazuya couldn’t stop and he was actually looking forward to see how far would Jin go to show him that he won’t leave him alone.

The older one slowly opened his eyes and nodded with a cheerful smile. “Come here.” He said, not liking the fact that Kazuya was so far away from him when he had missed the boy so much. The spark in the younger one’s eyes was telling Jin that this was the Kazuya that he knew, the one who loved and trusted him, the one who only wanted to be with Jin and who didn’t care about anything else. He knew that it was cruel of him to make Kazuya see him in pain and have him blame himself for what was happening, but something had had to be done.

Or they would have never been able to be together anymore.

Kazuya obeyed his plea and smiled gently, not being able not to notice the slight shivers of Jin’s body at every movement of his. “Don’t move.” He whispered with a loving and caring voice, his fingers gently brushing through the older one’s locks, making Jin close his eyes in delight and let himself be comforted by his lover. “Tell me if it hurts.” He then instructed, proceeding after that to take the sponge and dip it in water, letting it after to touch Jin’s back only to have the other one flinch from it.

“Touch me, Kazuya.” Jin demanded, a sigh of pleasure escaping his lips as Kazuya replaced the sponge with his fingers, starting to trace lines on the older one’s back and smiling silently at the moans of his lover. He wondered for a moment what sensations did that drug bring to Jin as his face seemed to be a mix of pleasure and pain, trying to concentrate on the way Kazuya’s fingers felt on his skin rather than the injuries from his wrists which were starting to become impossible to ignore.

The younger one continued his administrations, having Jin moan for him at just a simple touch only to hear him whimper in pain every time the contact between him and his lover would disappear as the drug was starting to make its effect more and more. Kazuya was starting to become more worried as each second passed by, encouraged only by the sounds of delight Jin was still making from time to time, silently telling him not to stop.

But it soon became obvious that he had to.

“Jin, the water is making your wrist hurt more.” Kazuya advised, cursing himself for not thinking about this detail when he had accepted Jin to take the drug. The older one shook his head to say that he was fine but the only thing Kazuya understood from this was that he already couldn’t speak properly and that he was making great efforts to keep himself composed for the boy not to notice. “Jin, I can see you’re hurting so please listen to me.” The younger one pleaded and only at this Jin opened his eyes once again to gaze into the boy’s ones.

“Okay.” The word left his lips but it felt like a ghost had spoken. It didn’t have strength at all and Kazuya’s heart clenched at the sight of Jin trying to get out without hurting too much. He knew that he couldn’t do that much for him as his simple touch would now probably hurt him as well so Kazuya could only watch him as he stepped out of the tube and slowly went back to the bedroom.

“Kiss me.” Jin demanded as he entered the room and turned to look at Kazuya, making the younger one feel confused of the hunger, desire and pain that he was reading into those dark orbs that he loved so much. “Make love to me.” The older one added and Kazuya felt his heart crumple because of the mixed feelings he was having. His eyes fell on Jin’s stretched hand and Kazuya reluctantly took it, small steps approaching them to the bed as Jin continued on walking backwards, his eyes never leaving Kazuya’s.

“You’re hurting, Jin.” The boy said reluctantly, not really knowing how to answer to such a demand from his lover. He could see that Jin also wanted it, but he didn’t know if it was safe for them to be touching too much, if he wouldn’t end up hurting Jin even more or if he won’t make a wrong move and be the one to cause pain to his lover - though he was already doing it. In the end, he settled for the safest answer. “I can’t do this.” He added and tried to disentangle his hand from Jin’s but the other one didn’t allow him.

“I don’t care.” Jin answered with a determined voice, tightening a little more his grip on Kazuya’s hand and flinching slightly because of the short moment of pain induced by this simple action. “I don’t care about anything if it’s not you.” He confessed and his voice seemed to be trembling, but the younger one couldn’t tell if it was because of the lust from his eyes or because of the pain from the way he was biting his lips. “I’d do anything for you, Kazuya, be it get hurt or suffer. I would give up at anything for you. My dignity, my pride, my life, my everything. I would let you control me in every aspect if this means that you’ll trust me again. I’ll show you how much I love you by giving you what you want most and having me at your feet.” He continued as he pulled on the boy’s hand, his hands circling the other one’s waist as the younger one looked at him with uncertainty written in his eyes.

“I want you to be inside of me, Kazuya.” Jin said as he leaned down and brushed his lips against Kazuya’s, giving the boy a brief kiss and closing his eyes as the drug was starting to affect his emotions too and was making him feel scared of what his words meant.

Kazuya’s eyes widened at this sudden confession, not sure what to think - who was talking, the Jin who was willing to do anything for him or Jin who was drugged and inflicted with internal pain? He was doubtful, but the way his heart had throbbed with pain and started beating faster upon hearing Jin’s words had made him take a decision before his brain could actually catch up. “Shush, Jin.” He silenced his lover, kissing him back, slowly and carefully, not to hurt him more. “I trust you, there’s no need for more.” He continued and nudged Jin gently, to make him lay down on the bed. “I’ll help you get through all this pain you stupidly accepted.” He said and climbed over Jin as the older one stretched on the bed, his hands still on Kazuya’s waist. “I’m here, Jin, and I’m not leaving you alone.” The boy whispered and leaned down to kiss Jin’s skin, moving slowly upwards, shuddering at the way his lover gripped his waist tighter.

“Don’t leave me.” Jin whispered as he let himself be kissed all over his body, thinking that he could understand a bit of Kazuya’s fear of being left alone. He was the same after all, doing stupid things and threatening to kill everyone if the younger one wouldn’t be there with him to stop him. Their ways of showing their love were different but so much alike in the same time, the same need and passion driving them forward and making them do crazy things. Jin could definitely remember how many times he had locked Kazuya into his house to stop him from leaving and he was happy to know that the boy was now feeling the same way he had felt back then, that he was as insecure but needy of him as Jin had been when he had realized that he had fell in love.

Every touch seemed electrifying and every kiss made Jin moan louder and louder. He couldn’t control himself and soon the pain was completely lost as he felt Kazuya brushing against his body, his clothes all gone now - though he couldn’t possibly remember when had the other one gotten undressed. It was like he was looking at everything through a fog, not being able to keep up with what was happening around him, but only responding to those sweet and caring touches that were letting him know that he wasn’t alone, that Kazuya was there and that he still loved him, that he won’t ever leave him.

“Kazuya…” the name sounded like a whisper in the silence of the room where only Jin’s moans and groans of pleasure could be heard, the younger one doing everything that he could to make sure that Jin would forget about the pain and concentrate only on the lust that was always driving him. Kazuya kissed him and lingered on his lips as he softly sucked on them, making sure that he was keeping the kiss light and unhurtful in any way and feeling Jin blindly answering to him, wanting more but not being able to ask for it at the moment.

He was feeling guilty. He had never wanted to see Jin hurt because of him, but his desire of having the older one only for himself and away from that cursed world had stopped him from seeing what should have been more than obvious. Because no matter what would happen, Jin will always love him. No matter how many people Jin killed, he would always go back to Kazuya and kiss him softly, telling him how much he had been missed. Even if one day Jin will end up killing him like he had done with Hayato, then Kazuya will still know that he had been loved and that Jin will grieve after him, suffering and always blaming himself for being stupid.

They were possibly mad, they were practically crazy, but they were together and nothing else mattered.

“Kazuya…” the name was spoken again, this time with a low moan accompanying it as Kazuya directed Jin’s shaft towards his ass and pushed down on it, taking it all in from the first try but still moving slowly on top of his lover, not wanting him to hurt even more. “Oh, God.” Jin breathed heavily, the pleasure he was feeling in that moment being more intense than anything he had ever felt and making him forget even his own name, trashing under Kazuya and pushing his hips as he could only ask for more, feeling that he won’t last any longer but still wanting to prolong the moment.

The sensation was incredible and there was nothing Jin could compare it to. The way Kazuya moved on his length made him throw back his head and fist the sheets, desperately trying not to move and cause any more pain for himself - and not because he was afraid of hurting, but because this would mean that the blissful feeling that Kazuya was giving him would be interrupted. He felt like he had never screamed so much and he could almost feel the younger one’s smirk even if he had his eyes closed because of the pressure put on his whole body. He had the impression that he had heard a low chuckle at some point, but Jin didn’t have time to investigate the noise - not that he would have been able to - as he was kissed again, moaning into Kazuya’s mouth and spilling inside of him even if the younger one had just started.

Jin fell back on the pillow, breathing heavily and feeling more tired than ever. This had probably been the shortest sex he had ever had, but it had also felt the most amazing. He knew that Kazuya hadn’t come and that he was also hard from his loud sounds and the expression of pure pleasure he had shown the whole time, but he couldn’t move and he couldn’t even open his eyes. As his breathing came back to normal, Jin couldn’t stop his body and soon he fell asleep.