i'm so much stronger. i'm not as loud. i'm so much more grounded. so centered. still vain, but i'll probably be that way well into old age. (smile). 
so much more expressive..so much more experienced....a far cry from the lost 18 year old i was when i first began journaling here. and guess what? (i'll be loud just this once):
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Now Playing:
Mariah Carey - We Belong Together

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go,shorty,it's ya birthday....lol.well,it's finally october 11th.i don't even feel like 19.it's amazing how fast time flies.so,what will i do today? let's see....anything that makes me feel good.i'm out.

laters.

i feel deliciously light and airy today,and i haven't even sniffed any cocaine.lol.

i don't believe this.i'm sending mark messages like crazy,and he isn't answering any of them.if he's fallen asleep on me again tonight,i just don't know what i'm going to do with him.oooh,he makes me so mad sometimes....

that whole thing is over.....

this really stinks.why,when i finally find the right person,and i finally fall in love,something like this shit has to happen?i'm so far away from mark,and i really miss him.i miss him holding me,and i miss his kisses,and the way he touched me....i just miss him.this emailing and letter writing and instant messageing and long-distance calling just ( Read more... )

it started a couple of months ago,and the feeling seems to be growing all the time.this anger toward my boyfriend of four months,mark.sometimes,when we're talking,i feel as if i can strangle him,and sometimes for no apparent reason.and it isn't that i don't love him;i do.yet,this happens.has anyone ever been there? and if so,please help me figure ( Read more... )

okay,church this morning.it was alright;pastor psyching himself up for no particular reason,a few female members claiming they 'feel the holy spirit' jumping around,the usual.but once again,i found myself trying to catch a glimpse of sean.i feel like such a little two-timing slut right now.exactly what i got really mad at mark for once is what i'm ( Read more... )