Shit Summer.

Broke two fingers.

Dropped a very sharp knife onto my bare foot.

Computer crapped out on me.

Very good friend moved to Finland.

Forced to go to another family reunion.

Had to get my 15-year-old dog put to sleep.

Never thought I’d say it, but I am so very ready for Fall.

Congratulate me: I’m suddenly a mighty prognosticator of doom. (From humble beginnings, too… Sorry, Shirley! Sorry Lambchop!)

Last month I had a dream about an albino lion that wandered around the island starting fires. I’m not entirely sure how - I think his claws were made of flint or something equally nonsensical. The next day a house down the ( Read more... )

Got suckered into cleaning out the Closet of No Return for my mother yesterday. Barely made it out alive. I have an inexplicable fear of both spiders and dust-bunnies, so it’s a miracle I didn’t drop dead of a heart attack. Actually, a ventriloquist dummy very nearly did me in. That’s just not something you want to shine a flashlight on when you’re ( Read more... )

Daubitz is a dick. He’s always been a dick, it’s nothing new, but last night he was an even bigger dick than usual. (Or should it be smaller? Which is more effective? I have, in heated arguments, referred to certain people as little-dickist - as in, “Shut up, you arrogant, bigoted, self-centered, small-minded, little-dickist bastard” - but I’m not ( Read more... )

Family get-together today. Such great joy.

Cousin J got his driver’s license suspended. (Again.)

Cousin M’s boyfriend is in an out-convict program. (Wait, what?)

Cousin P has an infected piercing. (Where? No, take it back! Take it back!)

Cousin K relived various childhood traumas. (“Fuck the California raisins, anyway!”)

The Bocce-Ball Blood-Feud was ( Read more... )

If I didn't already know I'm nuts, I'd be worried. Honestly. I've been dreaming my own death for the past few nights, and it's not pleasant. I don't mean dying in bed at the age of one-hundred. I mean bad death. Nasty, painful, prolonged death. And it's lucid dreaming, which is even more bizarre. Lucid dreaming is when you know you're ( Read more... )

Job hunting sucks. Because the economy sucks. Because Governor Romney sucks. Seriously. His whole freaking platform was about bringing jobs to Massachusetts. There are no more jobs. There are inflated housing costs and a mass exodus, which you would think would mean job openings, but mostly just translates into outsourcing to India. Not that ( Read more... )

I should begin by mentioning that my family really isn't very religious. Or at all religious, really. Well, except for my mother. But she's a lapsed Protestant. I think that's because she sees a lot of horrible things as an ER nurse and can't reconcile all the nastiness with a Just And Loving God. She's always saying, "I wish I had faith. It' ( Read more... )

Why do I ever open my mouth?

Yesterday afternoon:

Amy: Hey, want to go out to dinner?
Me: No, Hospital Central comes on at five o'clock.
Amy: What's that? A TV show? You're passing up food for TV?
Me: Yes. It's like ER. But better. And in Spanish.
Amy: Oh. ER sucks. Weaver's hardly on anymore.
Me: Well, there are lesbians on Hospital ( Read more... )

We picked up Chinese food for dinner, which means, of course... fortune cookies ( Read more... )