Exams suck. I spent two hours writing about the defining standards of the modern American fiction movement. Who cares? When am I ever going to need this particular bit of knowledge? And the professors don't care. I could have written an essay about the perils of crossbreeding dolphins with squirrels and they'd write something in the margins ( Read more... )

"Oh, that reminds me of this funny joke! Noah was collecting animals to put on the Ark, and a unicorn... Or was it a dinosaur? I think it was a uni... no it must have been a dinosaur. Right. Noah was collecting animals to put on the Ark, and a dinosaur came up to him and... Well, now, was it a dinosaur? It really might have been a unicorn. ( Read more... )

::weary sigh:: Well, Grammy's back. And she hasn't stopped for a breath yet. If you're reading this, my darling cousin Andrew... go to hell, you abnormally gargantuan hybrid weasel-rat bastard. Stop laughing at me. It'll be your turn soon enough, and don't expect any pity from me. So, while I'm being entirely juvenile about it, let me add ( Read more... )

Okay. Gotta say it: I fucking hate spiders. Yesterday one leaped off a shelf and latched onto my face. My face. Ugh. And this morning? One was on my fancy pajamas. Yes, I have fancy pajamas. Screw you. Jealous bastards. Right then. Spider. In my bed with me. Now, I can't fault it's taste or anything. I mean, who wouldn't want to ( Read more... )

Man, what a weird day. It started off well... Jordan had a midmorning flight out, so we went to a movie to kill time. We wound up watching Identity. What can I say? Clea DuVall about sums it up... Great movie, actually. I totally recommend it. The day's weirdness actually started halfway through the movie. I'm still processing, so I ( Read more... )

Jordan and I drove into Boston and spent the afternoon wandering around Faneuil Hall. I bought way too much random crap that can all be put in the "what the hell is it?" category, but that's part of the Faneuil Hall experience. Jordan didn't buy nearly as much as I did, but she stole a lot of stuff out of my bags on the way home. She must be ( Read more... )

It's raining. I just had the worst urge to follow that with "Annie." I never should have read that damn book. "It's raining, Annie." "It's snowing, Annie." Every time someone mentions the weather I have to bite my tongue to stop myself from Annie-ing. What was that book? 'Annie On My Mind,' maybe? Whatever. It's raining and windy and I'm ( Read more... )

Ugh. The next time I complain about my life not being eventful enough, hit me with something heavy until I'm curled, bleeding, in the fetal position on the floor. I am so tired right now, and I can't even go lie down because someone's in my bed. She's probably drooling on my pillow right now ( Read more... )

"The screams got louder and suddenly only she and I existed ( Read more... )

I'm sorry, but I just have to write this before I actually say it out loud: The chair did not break because the screws didn't have lock-nuts on them, Dad; it broke because you're FAT. Really, horrifically, grotesquely FAT. And besides being FAT, you're an ASSHOLE. And even if you weren't a FAT ASSHOLE, you'd still be STUPID. There. Now I feel ( Read more... )