looking back.

[fishbowlsoul]

i was laying there. i had finally been able to get some sleep due to the epidural. i was laying on my right side, an iv stuck in the side of my left hand and under my head was gaib's jacket. i could feel nothing below my belly button and the sensation was strange. i felt a pressure building and heard a faint pop. frightened at the sudden warmth

Comments

[angelrichmond]

i'm going to scoop you up in my arms and steal you away. ::uber squeezy hugs::

also, i think it's a good sign that you can start to write down some of the things you had trouble even talking about before....writing is always good therapy.

[fishbowlsoul]

yea writing helps me out tons. i just.. want to never forget a single moment of her. ever.

and you can scoop me up anytime.

[fireangel_999]

I left an entry in my journal for you if you want to see it. I hope it doesn't bother you when I share my story with you. I don't want it to seem like I am ignoring your feelings or anything. You never know how things come across. I share because I like to share with people whom I think will understand but also to let you know you aren't alone.

[fishbowlsoul]

thank you so very much for that.

[fireangel_999]

You are so welcome sweetie. Thank you for helping me to heal myself. When I help others through their grief, it helps me feel like what I went through can have a positive purpose in the end. It also helps me to stand in my grief again and feel all those feelings. It's something I feel I need to do from time to time but also it shows me how far I've come. It's not a 24/7 ball of total agony anymore. I can't even truly express how glad I am that I have the ability to be able to mostly grief on my own schedule now. I say mostly because sometimes it still sneaks up on me. I know my triggers better now though, so I can avoid them.

[fishbowlsoul]

yea. i go out and i see children with dark hair or very little babies and i just cry. i drive by the hospital and i cry. i drive by the funeral home and i cry.. i cry all the time.
i wait for hte day when the pain doesnt overwhelm me so much

[sparkles]

*hugs*

[fishbowlsoul]

thank you

[fishbowlsoul]

thank you so much. being a mom is so important to me. and to have it taken away so suddenly was... there arent any words.

[rainydai]

Hey, I was just thinking about you so I thought I would stop by and leave a comment to see how you are doing. Did you have a service yet?
That is a beautiful poem on your info page. They used it at my friends funeral a few years back. Such beautiful words.
Take care
*hugs to you and yours**