There Were Moments of Gold (Part One)
“There were those empty threats and hollow lies
And whenever you tried to hurt me
I just hurt you even worse
And so much deeper
There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
There were things we'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than all your laws allow
Baby, Baby, Baby
When you touch me like this
And when you hold me like that
It was gone with the wind
But it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
Then we see what we want to see
All coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now”
- Céline Dion, “It’s All Coming Back To Me Now”
The whispering melody of the song flowed from his headphones into his ears. Yixing licked his dry lips and sighed as he was jostled with the commuting crowd inside the train. His eyes were closed shut as he dozed lightly while standing. The intercom announced his stop and Yixing jolted straight up.
“Excuse me, excuse me. Please let me through,” Yixing said. A middle-aged lady glared at him for bumping into her side, and he quickly apologized before stumbling out of the train doors.
His usual commute was unpleasant, but what could he do? Yixing kept his head down as his feet traced their way back to his apartment. His whole being was absorbed into the music, and he felt himself relaxing. A new order had come in earlier today, and his boss had demanded more designs. Yixing briefly scowled at the memory; designing clothes was an art that wasn’t supposed to be rushed. Most of all, it needed a muse, an inspiration of some sort.
He raised his arm for a half-hearted greeting to his doorman (who tended to suck on some kind of lollipop each time he saw him. Yixing privately worried that Kyungsoo was going to get cavities one day) and rushed into the elevator right before it closed. He stopped in front of his door, and instead of opening it first, he pressed his cheek against the cool wood and put his arms across the door in a strange octopus-like hug.
“Home sweet home,” he said, and then finally pulled out his key before his neighbors come out and find out that he was weirder than they already thought he was.
A wave of sweet scent overwhelmed Yixing’s senses as he stepped foot inside his apartment. Curious, Yixing took off his shoes and padded into the kitchen. Leaning on the kitchen counter with his fist under his chin, he lazily examined his roommate’s current state. Lu Han’s hair was all fluffed up, giving him a cute bunny-starved-from-carrots kind of look, and his lips were pursed.
“What’s the occasion?” Yixing asked, alerting Lu Han of his presence. Lu Han set down the bowl of whipped cream and wiped his hands on a hot pink apron that Baekhyun laughingly gifted him during Christmas. Lu Han had looked horrified when he first saw it, but now he was horribly attached to that abomination.
“Nothing much,” Lu Han said lightly. “I’m making brownies.”
Yixing snuck a quick finger in, sniggering when his friend was too late in slapping his hand away. Licking his finger clean from the cream, he nodded his approval, but side-glanced at Lu Han with a furrowed brow.
“You haven’t made desserts since Sehun,” Yixing commented. Lu Han stiffened at the sound of his ex-boyfriend’s name.
“Well, I just felt like it,” Lu Han huffed. “What’s wrong with that?”
Yixing hummed in a pacifying manner and circled around Lu Han like a vulture. His careful eyes took in the slight flush to his roommate’s cheeks and the excited spark in his eyes that he was unable to hide.
“Spill it. Who is it?” Yixing sampled another bite from the bowl.
Lu Han threw his oven gloves at Yixing, which bounced off his head. “Damnit, I really can’t hide anything from you, can I?”
“Roommates for three years and five months.” Yixing wiggled his fingers. “Of course I would know when you meet a new guy. You always start baking when you like someone.”
Lu Han’s cheeks seemed to have accumulated more blood. He snatched the bowl from the table, most likely trying to occupy his hands with something to do. “We’re not dating. Yet,” he added.
Yixing’s lips curled up into a feral smirk. His inner self clapped and cheered; he had been worried that Lu Han hadn’t been able to get over the Sehun Era. Now there was hope. “Details, Lu Han. Details.”
“We met, we exchanged numbers, and we said that we would hang out later. That’s it.”
“Hang out? Don’t tell me, you were the one who said that. You were supposed to say ‘I want to go on a flaming hot date with you and then we fuck’ instead. Not hang out.”
Lu Han leaned against the cabinets. “I want to take it slow, starting from being friends. And oh my god, you sound so sexually frustrated right now, you know that?”
“Shaddup.”
Lu Han laughed, and Yixing raised his eyebrows in wonder.
“Wow,” he said. “You really do like this guy. I haven’t heard that laugh since, like, forever.”
Affronted, Lu Han said, “What? I so do laugh.”
Shaking his head, Yixing smiled. “Not like that.” He leaned forward as the need to fuel his gossip girl tendencies rose up inside him. Lu Han widened his eyes in fear. “So tell me, my dear friend. What’s he like? Tall, dark, and handsome? Maybe even a mysterious and centuries-old vampire?”
“Okay, you’re ridiculous. I don’t even know why we’re friends.” A ding resounded from the oven, and Lu Han fished a pan of brownies from the inside while pushing close the oven with his hips at the same time. “His name is Kris. He’s not a vampire, I think. Jeez, I’d hate to be in a Twilight novel. Yes to mysterious. Yes to handsome. Not really dark-skinned, if that’s what you meant. And hell yes to tall.”
Yixing fluidly moved into the vicinity of the brownies, pouting slightly when Lu Han swatted his fluttering hands away from the pan.
“Wait until they’re cooled,” Lu Han said.
“So how did you guys meet?”
“Are you seriously interrogating me? I feel like I’m in the police interrogation room.”
“Well, I need to know everything because I know you’ll refuse to say anything during our weekly hangouts with the rest of the gang, even when Chanyeol bothers you by poking you in the stomach repeatedly. Thus, it’s my job to provide the juicy information.”
Lu Han sighed resignedly, but started talking anyway.
“The cashier mixed our lunch orders up. I ordered the pistachio chicken sandwich, while he got cranberry Greek salad. So there I was, staring at the disgusting salad on my tray, when he approached me. We got to talking, and we agreed to meet up another time.” Lu Han’s happiness was contagious. Yixing found himself grinning.
“Oh man,” Yixing said. “This is just like Sleepless in Seattle.”
Lu Han quirked an eyebrow. “You and your old movies. I’ve never watched it.”
“In the movie, the main character also got her orders mixed up with another guy’s order, and they got engaged. Then - “ He stopped, and shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah.”
“Then?” Lu Han prompted.
“That’s what happened. That’s it,” he hastily said. He had forgotten that Meg Ryan and the other guy separated because they were just not fated to be together.
“Okay,” Lu Han said slowly. He prodded the brownies with a finger. “I think they’re ready now.”
“Thank god. I wasn’t able to hold back any longer.” Yixing found the cutting pizza tool and dug it into the delicious smelling and looking dessert.
~~~
A few weeks later, Yixing was softly rapping to himself as he arrived home earlier than usual. He blinked when he saw Lu Han rushing up to him with a wide grin.
“You got off work early too?” Yixing tilted his head, confused. Lu Han tugged on his jacket sleeve.
“No. It’s technically my lunch break right now,” Lu Han said, and then leaned forward. He whispered, “Kris is inside the living room. I, erm, accidentally spilled coffee over his shirt, so he’s borrowing one of mine.”
“Oh,” Yixing said, thinking that he understood. “Okay. I’ll leave right now.”
He retreated, only to be tugged forward violently.
“What?” Lu Han hissed. “Why are you leaving?”
“Huh? I thought you, you know, accidentally,” here Yixing made quotation marks in the air with his fingers, “spilled coffee on him as an excuse for inviting him into our apartment. I must say, I quite approve of your ingenious method. Now, I’ll just leave you to your bonding time.” He waggled his eyebrows.
“No!” Lu Han was a little vehement in the denial, and he quickly slapped a hand over his own mouth because the sound startled both of them. He slowly took it away, and exhaled. “It was honestly an accident. I got distracted by how shiny a woman’s earrings were and wasn’t looking.”
Yixing didn’t bother hiding his snort. “That’s so you. Does that mean I can meet him then?”
Lu Han gave him a small smile. “Since you seemed so eager to know about my nonexistent love life, I thought that your curiosity should be quenched by meeting him. So that you could stop bothering me everyday.”
“And that is where you are wrong, my friend. My curiosity is comparable to an endless ocean.” Yixing clasped Lu Han’s shoulder dramatically.
“You suck at metaphors.” Lu Han shook his head, and encircled his roommate’s wrist with his hand. “Come on.”
Yixing didn’t know what to expect; he had always visualized a dark-haired anime guy whenever Lu Han brought Kris up (because Lu Han seemed to come straight out of a manga and he deserved a boyfriend who was just as… Unrealistic-looking). So that was why he raised his eyebrows when the first feature he spotted was a mop of light brown hair, not the black hair that he was imagining.
Kris was sitting on the couch, his back facing them. Yixing’s eyes traced down the smooth slope of Kris’ shoulders and his hands curled around the glass of water. There was a familiarity with the way Kris was slouching, head slightly bent at a certain angle. An inexplicable feeling rose up in Yixing’s stomach. It was like that mind blowing epiphany that happened when he figured out the intricacies of an important design, except this was an epiphany that he didn’t want to happen.
He felt like a bucket of ice water had just been dumped on him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lu Han looking at him questioningly because he had stopped in his tracks out of nowhere. However, he was unable to tear his eyes away from the man sitting on the sofa.
~~~
“Whatcha up to?” Baekhyun asked, leaning backwards so that his head bent over the wooden chair. He squinted to see an upside-down Chanyeol.
“Alphabetizing our CD collection,” Chanyeol said, holding one CD case with long fingers and waving it.
Baekhyun flipped his body over so that Chanyeol no longer looked inverted. He put his chin on the back of his chair. “I see. I didn’t know you listened to that type of music.”
Chanyeol blinked, and stared at the Michael Jackson CD in his hand. “I don’t, usually. I think Yixing gave me this years ago. He was pretty crazy about this guy.”
“Was that before we met?”
“Yeah.” Chanyeol nodded.
Baekhyun sat on his hands because they felt cold. “My first impression of him was that he was a solemn, quiet person. It’s sad how far off I was.”
Chanyeol grinned. “Everyone who’s met him says that.” He set down the CD. “I’m a little worried, though. He’s dated lots of people in the past few years, but they never seemed to last that long.”
“Maybe he’s still searching for someone.” Baekhyun looked into his partner’s eyes, feeling the deep affection rising up inside him. His expression must’ve showed something, because Chanyeol leant forward and brushed his knuckles against his cheeks.
“Maybe,” Chanyeol allowed, and he looked at Baekyun’s shoulder with an introspective gaze. “I’ve only seen him in love once.”
Baekhyun straightened his spine in shock. “This is the first time I’ve heard of this.”
Chanyeol sighed and shook his head. “It was a long time ago. From what I can remember, he fell hard and fast.”
Baekhyun scratched at the material of the couch, trying to imagine what a Yixing in love was like, but failed to. He wondered who was special enough to steal Yixing’s elusive heart.
~~~
“Wu Yi Fan,” Yixing breathed.
Kris looked up, and their gazes connected. Kris, no, Wu Fan, didn’t seem to have changed a lot - other than the obvious hair dye job and the confidence that radiated off his broad shoulders now. Yixing had thought he had forgotten his face after so many years, but he suddenly felt like he saw that face just yesterday.
Kris opened his mouth slightly in surprise. “Yixing.”
Lu Han was at the side, staring at the exchange between them. “Huh? Whuh - You already know each other?”
Yixing, relieved for a distraction from Kris’ intense gaze, turned to Lu Han. “We attended the same university,” he said.
“We used to date,” Kris said at the same time.
Yixing watched in dismay as the information sunk into Lu Han’s head. Lu Han’s eyelashes fluttered as he pointed from one to the other. “You,” he jabbed a finger at Yixing, “and you,” he swung his finger in the direction of Kris, “used to be together?”
“Something like that,” Yixing mumbled.
“Wooow,” Lu Han said, eyes wide. “What a coincidence.”
Yixing smiled weakly in response. He was doing his best to ignore the presence of his ex-boyfriend in the room. The side of his head felt like it was scorching under Kris’ scrutiny, though.
His fingers were twitching, urging him to get away from this place right now. He took in a shaky breath, and attempted to smile.
“I think I forgot something at my workplace,” he said. That was the lamest excuse ever. He would be surprised if they couldn’t see through his blatant lie. Without a second glance at Kris (because it felt like he was running without a finish line whenever he looked at him), he waved at Lu Han and tailed the hell out of there.
~~~
“If you don’t want me to, I won’t,” Lu Han kept saying. Yixing frowned at him.
“I don’t see how Kris being my ex-boyfriend would affect the relationship between you two,” he said mildly.
Lu Han turned to him and made a strange face at him. “There is no relationship between us. I just think it would be kind of awkward because you guys were… Intimate in the past.”
Yixing shrugged. “The past is the past. I have plenty of exes - and if you refuse to date my exes, then you’re narrowing down your pool of potential boyfriends a lot. That would make me sad.”
Lu Han narrowed his eyes. “You’re being conceited about the amount of boyfriends you have had again.”
Yixing smiled slyly. “It’s true. You can’t deny it.”
A change flew over Lu Han’s expression, and he fiddled with the buttons on his shirt. “Then is it okay if I invited him to our next hangout?”
Yixing stared, caught off-guard, but quickly covered it up with a warm smile. “Of course. I’m sure the rest of our gang are dying to know who’s your next boyfriend-to-be.”
He was happy with the fact that Lu Han seemed lighter, almost floating in air, after meeting Kris. He shoved away the discomfort that welled up in him whenever he thought of Wu Fan, because that wasn’t worth thinking about.
When he said that their group of friends was excited to see Kris, he was just joking. What he didn’t expect was them to be actually uncharacteristically excited about the prospect of meeting him.
“Well of course we want to meet him!” Junmyeon said, slapping the table with each word. The coffee cups on the table shook precariously. “This means he’s finally moving on from the Sehun Era. I need to approve of this young man.”
Yes. They all referred to the time Lu Han dated Sehun as an era. They were sitting in their usual corner of the cozy café, hands being warmed by hot chocolate or coffee.
“Why do you sound so old each time you open your mouth, Junmyeon?” Jongdae said, smirking when Junmyeon tried to slap him but missed.
“Well, have you met him yet?” Baekhyun ignored the other two in their mini-cat fight and directed the question to Yixing. Before he could say anything, the shop’s door jingled, signaling the arrival of new visitors. They all perked their heads up, and in walked Lu Han and Kris.
Chanyeol shouted an invisible exclamation mark, so it sounded like a strangled cat threatening to tear its way through his throat. He stood up and pointed at Kris. Yixing, already expecting the reaction, pulled Chanyeol back down.
“What are you doing here?” Chanyeol asked, before he connected the dots in his head and his jaw dropped open. “Wait, are you Lu Han’s - “
Baekhyun covered Chanyeol’s mouth before he could say anything else, sighing at his boyfriend’s lack of tact.
“It’s been a while, Park Chanyeol,” Kris said. His smile was slanted and Yixing’s breath hitched because he forgot how devastating it was.
Chanyeol still seemed like the world’s axis had flipped in the last few seconds. He finally said, while darting his eyes to Yixing’s blank expression and back to Kris: “Same, Wu Fan.”
“Wait, that Wu Fan?” Baekhyun raised his eyebrows way up high. Yixing just wanted to groan and disappear. Chanyeol really did tell him everything, didn’t he?
Junmyeon and Jongdae, who had finished their customary tussle of the day, looked like lost puppies with their fluffed up hair and confused expressions.
“What do you mean Wu Fan?” Jongdae demanded. “I thought his name was Kris.”
“I’m a man of many identities,” Kris said, and then chuckled at his own sentence.
Yixing wanted to roll his eyes. Kris was as lame as ever, despite the outward composed shell around him nowadays. Chanyeol, next to him, was silent for once and was looking at Kris contemplatively.
The bell jingled again, and they all turned their heads to see Minseok unwinding his scarf from his neck.
“Hey, sorry I’m late guys, the traffic was…” Minseok paused when he saw Lu Han standing next to someone he didn’t recognize. He stood there for a moment, as if at a loss for what to do, and then stepped forward.
“Hi, I’m Kim Minseok,” he said, holding his hand up. “You must be Kris.”
If his voice was a little strained, no one questioned it.
Kris accepted the hand shake, nodding. “That would be me.”
Junmyeon propped his chin on Jongdae’s shoulder. Yixing found it perplexing but amusing how they could fight one second and act all touchy-touchy the next. “That’s right, you guys. Where are your manners? Learn from Minseok,” Junmyeon said in a patronizing tone. He flashed a smile at Kris. “Welcome to our secret hangout place.”
Baekhyun faked a cough, which was more of a laugh because a café wasn’t very secret place at all.
Junmyeon ignored him. “We also tend to go to each other’s apartments, most of the time Baekhyun’s and Chanyeol’s because they have a Wii.”
Yixing could tell that Kris was a little startled by the readiness they welcomed him into their group, which had been formed four years ago. He was shuffling his feet a little in that flustered way that was so completely Wu Fan. Yixing hid an amused smile behind his latte.
Part Two