Someone, who is probably a whole lot smarter than me, told me once...

just let go

I never really understood.
I think I've got it now.

I'm sitting at my computer at nearly 4 in the morning... I've watched my ignorance and refusal to be understanding pretty well destroy any chances I have with her. I don't know why I feel compelled to do/say stupid things, but I guess I do. I never know the right move to make. I've never known the right move to make. It just sucks when you like ( Read more... )

Its hard not to get bummed out about things. It feels like I'm always sliding down a cliff edge and there is nothing to grab, but there's never an end either. You would think that knowing there is no end would bring some sort of composure, but it never does. I always feel like at anytime this would stop suddenly... Its not happening. Always ( Read more... )

I think I hit a new low last night, even for me... sad. So I plan on an awesome night, that was mistake number one... planning. I got drunk. I did one thing I planned to. Then shit went south, as it tends to in my life. I ended up sitting in a girls car. She gets out and leaves... awesome! I roll out of the car and puke, so I'm sitting ( Read more... )

Since I've felt like this. I can't really explain it. I feel retarded because I like her, but as time goes by I feel less and less like she likes me. It's pretty crushing actually. It reminds me a lot of Shayla. Shayla is a bit of a different story, but this gives me the same feeling of hopeless ness, which seems to be permanently attached to ( Read more... )

Let's recount shall we ( Read more... )

Wishing for love
Hoping for happiness
Losing both
I'm holding my breath

turning blue
for nothing
for hopes that crash
like a coke addict after a 2 week binge

I'm still holding my breath

I'm sitting here in my apartment. I should be studying, but I'm not. I should go out, but I'm not. I don't really want to do anything. I think I am going to take a shower and lay in my bed and stare at the cieling. Shayla said she would call me back, and of course did not. It's a waiting game that drives me insane. I'm trying to cope but it' ( Read more... )

It's interesting to me that, no matter what is going on, someone HAS to get right in the middle of some of my problems. I find it incredibly odd that his seems to be happening over and over and over. Goddamn. Thing is I'm not pissed off about it as I would have thought. Strange. I've been on the up and up with my moods lately (the last 2 days ( Read more... )

I just looked at my last post, which was well over a year ago. I feel like a totally different entity now. I suppose that I am. I've seen some amazing things and experienced some truly horrifying and shitty things. I realize life goes on. I suppose that is the biggest shock, to anyone who has been absent from life for 6 months. You spend your ( Read more... )