Fic: ... And the Battle Began (Chapter Five, Part Two)

[flister]

The hardcore revising starts next, and Naomi's adamant that she's got to do it. It's the whole point of being there after all - learn, revise, exhibit knowledge. College was next and they'd all applied for the most local one, Roundview, and Naomi has to work just as hard on not worrying about the change as she has to on her revision.

Katie, unsurprisingly, is terrible at revision. Even with Emily there, working quietly with them at the kitchen table, Katie is fidgety and irritable.

After the fourth time she rubs her hand up the inside of Naomi's thigh, Naomi snaps.

"Katie, Jesus," she squeaks, causing Katie to pull away as if burned and Emily looks up from her work, clearly oblivious to what had been going on. "I have to fucking concentrate, so maybe if you can't just let me do it you should go."

She knows it's not Katie's fault, that it's just fucking frustrating knowing she only has one chance to get all of this right, but if Katie doesn't understand that then Naomi can't fucking make her.

Katie glares at her for a moment, and Naomi feels herself flush, and then Katie's slamming her book closed (that really had no business being open anyway) and standing up.

"Right, fine. Whatever. Come on, Ems. Let's just fuck off, yeah?"

"Actually, Katie," Emily says quietly, her eyes flickering between them. "I think I'm going to stay here. It's much easier to work here without James around and Mum and Dad going in and out."

Katie looks like she's about to throw one of the books she's gathered up in her arms towards one or both of them but instead she just says, "Right, you pair of boring bastards. I'm off to do something more fucking interesting than sitting around wasting my time on trying to learn stuff I'll never remember anyway."

She turns on her heel, and Naomi has just about enough time to brace herself as the front door slams.

Emily must sense her indecision and, as Naomi's about to get up and go after her, she feels a warm hand on her arm.

"Don't," Emily says, squeezing a little. "She'll calm down. She can't always get her own way now, can she?"

Naomi sighs and shakes her head. "Yeah, I know. I just fucking hate it when she's pissed off with me. Sometimes I -" she cuts herself off, but Emily's waiting, her hand still on Naomi's arm. "Ugh, let's just carry on shall we?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll make some tea, okay?" and she squeezes once more, directs a look of sympathy at Naomi, and gets up.

Naomi watches as she moves around the kitchen like she lives there. And it's good, actually, having Emily around sometimes. She knows her sister, after all. How can they not know each other after having lived together for 16 years?

"How do you do it?" Naomi asks, tapping her pencil against her chin.

"Do what?" Emily says without looking around, pulling cups from the cupboard and dropping a bag into each of them.

"I dunno. Stay so calm when she's driving you mental?"

Emily turns around, leans back against the counter and shrugs. "Practice, I guess."

"But don't you ever... want something more?"

It's quiet for a moment, and Naomi worries that she's asked the wrong question. That maybe she'll end up finding out about something that Emily does want and Naomi doesn't know why that panics her so.

"Naomi," she says, tucking her hair back behind her ear. "When you love someone, it's hard to change them, you know? Even if you wanted to. I mean, you must get that right?"

It's a loaded question. Naomi's not even sure if Emily meant it to be one, that maybe she just assumed that Naomi loved Katie, that this is where this is heading and has been for the last eight months, or even longer.

And if it is a question... Naomi's certainly not ready to answer it. Not when Emily's doing the asking. Not when Naomi doesn't even know.

She swallows, though, eager for this conversation to be over and just says, "Yeah... yeah, course."

Emily inhales sharply through her nose, quickly, before saying, "Well then," and turning back to face the kettle as steam starts to spill out from it.

Naomi's glad of the reprieve. Someone always seems to want something from her these days. Something more than she thinks she's got to give. And it makes her pissed off with Emily because, right, how fucking dare she presume to know anything about how Naomi feels? She's always there with her questions, and her eyes that look further into Naomi than Naomi wants to let her.

None of them know anything, really. They're just playing it all by ear, Naomi reasons with herself, shifting about in her chair as Emily sets Naomi's tea down in front of her in her favourite mug.

Emily probably knows less than any of them.

Definitely.

****

Katie calls, much later after Emily has gone home, and apologises. It's weird, in a way, because Naomi wants to tell her not to worry about it, to forget about it and come over, but it might be good for Katie to face the consequences this once.

Plus, what Emily had suggested earlier had ruffled Naomi and it made her think that things have been getting a little intense, lately. That maybe just one night apart would do them good.

She accepts Katie's apology though, and says that they'll meet the next day to carry on revising and Katie promises to be good and it's all okay again.

Except that Katie sounds disappointed when Naomi doesn't invite her over.

It's just one night, Naomi reminds herself. One night doesn't make any difference, really.

****

Revision sessions run a little more smoothly for the next few weeks leading up to their first exam, and Naomi avoids the drink and the spliff just to keep a clear head.

Katie wishes her good luck when they meet in the loos beforehand and kisses her so sweetly that Naomi makes a mental note to do something special with her once this is all over, and Emily gives her a hug in full view of everyone outside the exam hall.

It's okay, that she gets one of them in private and one of them in public. At least she gets them at all.

****

The night after the first exam, once Katie had finished at the pub with the bitches and Emily had shared a fag with her and a cup of coffee back at her house, Naomi and Katie are finally alone together.

It feels like it's been ages, far too fucking long without stress in their way, and, even though she knows that it was sort of understandable, she's been a bit of a bitch to Katie lately.

They're sharing a bottle of white wine in the garden and kissing lazily every few minutes and it feels like everything else has been washed away.

Emily's usually around and, while that's been nice, there's an edge that Naomi always seems to be on when Emily's with them. Like Naomi's waiting for something in Emily to snap and bring up all the questions that she's been asking about how she puts up with Katie and how she can stand being a secret, and Naomi doesn't want to have to answer any of them.

Least of all she wants to remember that question about what this is between her and Katie. It is what it is, Naomi thinks. That's all it is.

"Hey," Katie says, kissing her cheek. "You've gone all quiet. You okay?"

"Yeah." She pulls Katie in closer, wrapping the blanket more tightly around them. "Just, you know, thinking about how it's all over."

"What?" Katie says panicked. "Over?"

She laughs and shakes her head. "School, I mean. We fucking did it. We survived."

"Oh. Oh yeah, I knew that." Katie laughs nervously and her hand finds Naomi's down where it's warm under the blanket. "Naomi, I..."

Naomi stiffens, hopes she's not squeezing Katie's hand too tightly, and says Hmm? as she puts her glass to her lips.

Katie pauses, then shivers elaborately. "Nothing, I just. Bit cold now, innit? Bed?"

It might be a lucky escape. It might have been nothing at all. But the way Katie clings to her after Naomi's made her come with just her fingertips, leaning over her and looking into her eyes, panting and flushed all the way down to her chest, tells Naomi that there's a good chance it was more than nothing. Much more.

There's also a chance that it means Emily was right. That maybe this thing with Katie, this relationship, is going to take them further than Naomi had ever bargained on.

She thinks that, if the next time Katie finishes her sentence, then she'll need to know what to respond with.

Maybe, she thinks as Katie kisses her so deeply that they're both left gasping for air, maybe she'll even be able to say it back.

****

They've been enjoying their freedom, settling into that period between school and GCSE results, finding ways to keep themselves busy and generally enjoying having no responsibilities.

Naomi's counting down the days until results are out one night when they're walking back from the chip shop and Katie's nicking her saveloy and sucking on the end of it before biting it off.

"Katie, you know... if that's meant to be attractive then I'm not sure what to tell you."

"What?" she winks, talking before she's finished her mouthful. "I thought it was all, like, feminist-y. I thought you'd like it."

"Just because I have no desire to put one of the real things in my mouth it doesn't mean that I think that people should bite them off." She swipes the sausage back from Katie and dunks it in her ketchup.

"Oh they're not that bad, really," Katie says, flicking a chip at a pigeon.

"Please, sweetheart. I am still eating."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Should I have got a fishcake instead?"

"Right." Naomi digs her fork into a chip and with her free hand pushes a surprised and yelping Katie against a phone box.

They're panting against it when Naomi notices the panic in Katie's eyes and says, "Shit, sorry," before she starts to move away.

"Hey, wait." Katie keeps hold of Naomi's arm, putting it back around her waist and, with a quick look around, she pulls Naomi down by the neck for a slow, static kiss.

Naomi blinks back her surprise, waiting for Katie's freak out and, although she looks about as shocked with herself as she is with Naomi, it doesn't come.

"Sorry," she says, wiping nothing from Naomi's lip. "You had some ketchup."

"Right," Naomi grins, and leans down for another kiss only to be stopped by Katie's hand in her face.

"Don't push your luck, yeah babes?"

Naomi manages to look put out for about a second but there are too many butterflies flapping frantically inside her stomach, each one saying HEY! Hey she fucking just kissed you in public! How cool was that?! and she eats her chips to get them to shut the fuck up as they walk back to her house, both of them catching each other's eye every now and again and then looking away before their grins become too broad.

It's a big step. Such a fucking big step. And Katie's the one who made it.

****

That night Naomi dreams about kisses in the daylight, holding hands down Park Street and buying red hair dye.

It's just lovely, and when she wakes up Naomi lies there for a few seconds and she stares at the back of Katie's head, realising that they've been stuck in a bit of a rut - staying in, keeping secret - and now, maybe that Katie's been brave again, maybe they can move on from this.

Move on, and move outside.

****

It's a dream that's quickly shattered - or at least put on hold - when Katie brings up the Prom.

Naomi had known it was coming, and she had known that Katie would want to go so she's already prepared herself for the conversation where Katie says that Jamie is back on for now and she'll really just go with him to keep up appearances and blah blah.

It's fine, it's not a problem, until Katie says, "You should, like, come."

Naomi nearly chokes on her coffee because that... that she was not expecting.

"Sorry, what?"

"Well, like not with me, obviously. But you should come. Ems is going. Might be a laugh."

"Oh, really?" Naomi sets her cup down on the kitchen table, pursing her lips. She was all ready to be fucking understanding and helpful and Katie just had to fucking ruin it. Brilliant.

"What? What's the problem? I'm sure you've got, like, one decent piece of clothing in your wardrobe, chuck on a bit of make up - which I know you own - and down half a bottle of vodka before you go and you're laughing."

There's no delicate way to put it, and Katie's being naively optimistic that this would not be the worst thing in the world, so she tries, she really does, but it still ends up coming out like telling Katie's she's just given her herpes.

"Katie, look. It's really not my thing, stuff like this. There's no one going I know -"

"You know Emily for Christ's sake."

"Yes but... what the fuck will we do there? Stand in the corner in puffy dresses trying to tip vodka into our lemonade hoping that a boy will come over and ask us to dance?"

"Well Emily might like that!"

"Oh grow up, Katie," Naomi snaps, defensive about Emily suddenly, and Katie's eyes narrow. "Look," she tries again, softer. "If Ems wants to go then she can, but I'm really not going to. Sorry."

"Fine," Katie grumbles, standing and pushing her chair under the table with such force that it spills both of their coffees. "But you better fucking tell me I look nice in my dress or I will not do that thing you like so much with... well, you know." She waggles two fingers in Naomi's direction before she storms out, passing Gina on her way.

"Crikey," Gina says, gripping her own cup with both hands, and they're both silent until they hear the shower start up. "Problems?"

"Only the usual," Naomi sighs, fetching a cloth from the sink to wipe the table down. "Me being generally fucking useless, letting her down..."

"You know, love," Gina says, and sits at the table, waiting for Naomi to join her. "It's okay to want things for yourself, too. I know it must seem like it, being young and in love and -"

"God," Naomi snaps. "Why does everyone think that? I've never said that."

"You don't need to. If you're in this deep, everyone can see it. Hard to keep that sort of thing a secret."

"Yeah," she mumbles into her coffee, wishing she hadn't given up sugar. "You'd think that, wouldn't you?"

****

Katie's calmed significantly by the time she gets out of the shower and she wraps her arms around Naomi's neck from behind the couch.

She says sorry in the best way she can and kisses Naomi in front of everyone in the room. And then she and Gina start up a conversation about dresses while Naomi flicks through the college prospectus, grimacing at some bloke called Doug who has an apparent obsession with bananas and a face she already wants to punch.

But at least things are back to normal - Katie's playing with the fingers on her free hand, reminding her that even when she does move on things are unlikely to change. They'll still have to sneak around and no one will know.

The biggest fucking secret from people they don't even know yet. And it's already making Naomi's insides twist with apprehension.

She wants a fresh start. She just doesn't know how she's going to get it.

****

It's not exactly difficult to tell Katie that she looks gorgeous in her dress. It's fucking stunning, and emerald-green, and fitting around her hips and tugging neatly around her arse.

What's more difficult is only being able to see it as a picture message on her crappy phone and having to tell Katie that she looks amazing via text.

The smilie she receives back isn't enough but it'll have to do, and she settles down in her room in tracksuit bottoms and a cut off top that doesn't quite meet them and she feels like a right tramp. But then she doesn't have a dance to go to. And she probably wouldn't go to one even if she could.

Katie promises to text and says that she'll only dance with Jamie once and will spend the rest of the night with her friends. Not that that's an appealing thought either but it's certainly the lesser of two evils.

She's about to crawl into bed and sulk properly when she hears the door go. But she knows that Katie, and Emily for that matter, are both at the Prom so she doesn't budge.

Everyone else is out, so when the door goes again Naomi almost considers getting it but, really, whoever it is can just fuck off.

When it goes a third time, and is hit a little more forcefully, it's followed by a voice that shouts, "Naomi, I know you're in there, so if you don't come and open the door I'm going to sit and drink this wine on your porch by myself."

"Shit!" Naomi mutters, and legs it down the stairs without finding something more appropriate to cover herself up with.

Emily's smirking and holding the wine up by her face when Naomi finally opens the door, a little breathless from the run.

"Oh, thanks," she says and pushes past Naomi and heads into the kitchen.

"Ems, what are you doing here? Aren't you mean to be getting pissed in the back of a pink limo somewhere?"

"Probably. Have you got a corkscrew? Fucking thing's not a screw-top." She's looking in all the wrong drawers even though Emily knows exactly which drawer to find it in.

"Oh? And how were you planning on drinking it on my doorstep, then?" Naomi grins, opening the cutlery drawer and passing Emily a screw with a weird wooden handle that she shrugs at for a moment, like usual, and then starts to use.

"I'm resourceful. Don't you worry. Now, grab some glasses. Where were you sitting?"

"Upstairs, actually. I was just -"

"Great," Emily smiles and makes for the door. "Let's go then."

****

Once Naomi's initial bemusement passes and they're sitting on the floor in front of Naomi's bed and flicking through her iTunes, she realises that she's actually really fucking grateful for Emily's company.

It's been ages since they hung out together alone, probably not since the last time they revised without Katie and that was hardly fun. But this, now, reminds Naomi of how much she had enjoyed where they had ended up on Emily's birthday and just how relaxed she is around her.

"So, come on. Why not the amazing dress and shoes and hairband and fuck knows what else, Ems? Surely it's every girl's dream to go to the fucking Prom."

Emily grins back at her, already a little tipsy and gently nudges Naomi's shoulder with her own. "Well, Naoms, you may not have noticed but I'm not that much like other girls."

"Hmm. Me either. S'pose we're bloody stuck with each other then." She winks, and it looks a bit like Emily blushes, but the light's too dim and it's too hard to tell.

"Yeah. Shame that. Oh, let's skip this one." Emily leans forward and presses shuffle and Naomi can't help but notice the way Emily's top rides up at the back, and she catches the top of what look like girly boxers peeking out over her skinny jeans.

Emily's not like other girls. Emily didn't want to go to the Prom. Emily's wearing knickers very similar to her own...

"Em?" she asks, voice already shaky, and then decides against it. It wouldn't be right to ask. The answer might be far too scary to ever hear.

"Hmm?" Emily says, and Naomi knows she has to say something.

"Thanks for coming over."

Emily grins and clinks their glasses together.

"Hey, you know what we should do?" Emily pulls her bag nearer and reaches inside for a tin.

Naomi's eyes widen as Emily's takes off the lid, setting a nearby book down in front of her to rest on and takes out her skins.

"Full of fucking surprises, you are." Naomi leans back and watches Emily deftly roll a spliff, crumpling the green up in her fingers before she drops it onto the tobacco. "I take it this is another secret we keep from Katie."

"I'd prefer it, yeah. She just... she doesn't get stuff, sometimes. Like I couldn't explain it to her without her going mental."

"Yeah, I know. But she means well, right? I mean, she doesn't just enjoy being a right tightass cow, does she?"

Naomi watches Emily shake her head as her small, pink tongue darts out to lick the Rizla and Naomi feels her mouth go dry. It's probably because Emily's a little bit daring. And she just showed up with wine and weed and turned what should have been another awful evening into something worthwhile.

So, just noticing Emily do something that's a bit naughty is what's making Naomi's brain stop working a little. That's all it is.

And when Emily rolls it all up in between her fingers, twists the end and taps the joint against her knee a few times, it certainly doesn't make Naomi bite down on her lip to stop from telling Emily that it's actually sort of sexy, the way she rolls.

Even though it'd just be a joke, anyway.

"Well," Emily finally says, spliff between her lips. "Probably not all the time."

She passes it over to Naomi who receives it gratefully.

"Ah, fuck. That's nice," she breathes out, smokey croak to her voice. "Thanks Em."

"No problem, hon. Let's watch Family Guy."

****

By the end of the joint and the end of the wine, they're tipsy and high and getting a little bit bored of just sitting.

"God, you know. I don't want to be there but it fucking sucks that we're not, you know?" Naomi mutters, pressing pause.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Well, hey!" Emily says, suddenly bright and far more awake than Naomi feels. "We should go out."

"Nah, I can't be bothered. Fuck it, let's just stay here."

"Naomi, you're always saying how you and Katie never go out..."

"I am? Shit."

"Yeah, and now, because you're with me, we can actually do something."

"You think we should do something?" Naomi asks, leaning her head back on her mattress, gazing up at the ceiling.

It's got swirly, pretty patterns on it. Sort of like Katie's hair when it's curly. Sort of like Emily's purple and yellow blouse. Nice.

"Yeah, why not?" Emily lets her knee drop onto Naomi's, resting there. And they're always connected, somewhere. Emily makes sure of it. There's always something to share.

Maybe they should get out of the house, Naomi thinks, before she misinterprets Emily's friendship as anything else and starts to have a panic attack. So she leans forward and dislodges Emily's knee in the process.

"Right," Naomi says, getting to her feet. "Let's go then."

****

After a quick change of clothes and a hunt around for more booze, they start the walk into town.

Emily know the perfect place, apparently, and though she has proven her credentials via their last excursion to that gorgeous lake, the way she says it now is with a devious look in her eye that worries Naomi.

And of course Emily won't tell her where they're going, just leads them both onward until they're standing in front of it.

"You're shitting me?" Naomi looks at the place in disbelief, blinking as though she's conjured up the image of it in her slightly stoned mind.

"Nope," Emily says beside her, pulling lightly on her arm. "Come on."

"Ems, I don't think I can..."

"Look, if it's shit, we'll go. But, well, just try it, okay?"

Naomi looks down at her, and the half-smirk on her face is just too cute for Naomi to have to wipe away. She still sneers though, but says, "Fuck it. At least I've got vodka."

****

Emily pays for the room, and it's weird inside with just the two of them. Like there should be more people.

The large screen is a bit intimidating, like Naomi couldn't read the words if they were smaller, and she's quick on the vodka as soon as the door's shut behind them.

"Jesus Christ, Em. And your whole family comes here?"

"Yep." Emily hands her a microphone and Naomi eyes it like she's just been given a bomb. "Don't tell her I told you, but Katie fucking loves it. She sings Kylie at the top of her voice and James does the dances."

"Fucking hell," Naomi laughs. "Now there's an image."

"Right. So, I'll pick the first song. We can do it together."

She's flipping through the book, looking for tracks with the same amount of concentration she used for revising, and Naomi wonders if Emily always commits to everything this hard.

Like their friendship - once Naomi had offered it, Emily had gladly accepted, and she's always gone out of her way to do things for Naomi. With Naomi. Even this, in it's ridiculous, over the top, nightmarish way, is for Naomi.

It's what makes her decide to stop being a twat about it. Emily's asking for something in a way, and Naomi figures it might just be time to give it to her.

****

What she doesn't expect, though, is to actually enjoy herself, and singing painfully out of tune to the Backstreet Boys has them both in fits of giggles.

"God, I didn't even realise I knew that song," Naomi says, catching her breath and flopping down on the couch.

"Power of pop music," Emily grins and falls in next to her. "It's like a lot of things, though. It's always there in the back of your mind, it just needs something to kickstart it."

"Hmm." Naomi's already checking her phone, though. Nothing from Katie yet. "Right, my choice."

She picks More than a Feeling and Emily plays air guitar and leans in to share Naomi's microphone for the harmonies and Naomi wraps an arm around her.

At the end she kisses Emily's cheek before she lets go of her.

It's becoming a little harder to do, to let go of Emily. She hopes that she'll never really have to.

****

They get milkshakes from McDonald's on the way home, just before it closes. Normally Naomi would never go in there but Emily says that she wants one with such enthusiasm that it's hard to say no.

Katie had text a while ago to say that she was having a good time, and that she'd like to come back soon because her feet are killing her, and it makes Naomi smile knowing that Katie's all right. And that she's thinking of her.

"What's it like, you know, having that whole sort of family thing?"

Emily cocks her head as she thinks. "Well, yeah, I suppose it is quite different than yours. Haven't you ever asked Katie?"

"No, actually. I don't know why. We just don't really talk about that sort of stuff."

"Well, it's nice, I suppose. But I think... I don't know. I think my mum's disappointed that I'm not more like Katie."

"What?" Naomi stops, holding onto Emily's elbow to get her to stop too. "But, she can't expect you to be the same as each other. And you're brilliant as you are. Surely she knows that."

"Yeah, well. People always see Katie first. You did." She's quiet then, and looks down at the floor, focussing on her shoes.

"Em..."

"No, it's fine. I mean, we're fine now, right?"

It's a good question. It's harder to answer when Emily looks up and straight into her eyes. Fine, Naomi tries out in her mind. She can't say that that's what they are. Fine.

"Em, you're my best friend. We're not just fine."

It sounded like a good answer in her head. She's just not sure why Emily looks so disappointed.

****

They walk back to Naomi's house, picking up conversation again, but Emily hasn't seemed like herself since they stopped to talk.

Naomi invites her in, but Emily declines.

"It's cool. Thanks for coming to the karaoke place. You've got a terrible voice but I still had fun."

Naomi laughs and bows her head. "Right, well, it's entirely your fault."

"Of course," Emily smiles, and it all seems okay again. For now.

"I'll see you soon, yeah?" Naomi asks, almost worried that the answer will be no.

"Next time Katie ditches you, right?" She's still smiling, though. Naomi's just not sure she really means it.

"Or the next time I decide I want some intelligent conversation and not a discussion on which member of Girls Aloud is fittest."

Emily laughs, and then they both say Cheryl at the same time.

"Katie likes the blonde one," Naomi says with a wink, and Emily shakes her head.

"Course she does. Right, I'm off." She leans up for a hug, whispers, Bye in Naomi's ear, and heads back off towards the bus stop.

Naomi sighs as she watches her go, takes out the rest of the vodka and lights a smoke once she's out of sight.

She's unsettled, though. Like there's something wrong that Emily's not telling her. She just wishes she could figure out a way to ask her what it is.

****

Naomi's finishing her second fag on the porch when a taxi pulls up outside the house. She stands up, wondering if Emily changed her mind and come right back, but the voice she recognises isn't the one she was expecting, and then Katie's clambering out of the back seat, trying not to fall off her heels.

She doesn't go to her, but she smiles as Katie approaches and fuck, she's more gorgeous in the flesh than in the picture. Or, she would be if her hair wasn't falling out of it's neat little bundle and she didn't have make-up streaked down her face.

Naomi's smile drops, and she meets Katie at the top of the steps as Katie clings tightly to her.

"Fuck, I'm so glad you're here," she says into Naomi's shoulder.

"God, babe, what's the matter?"

"Ugh," Katie grimaces and leads Naomi by the hand until they're sat down on the step. "Give us a fag, hon."

"Katie, you don't -" Naomi starts but is interrupted by a look that tells her not to argue. "Right."

She fishes one out of the packet for each of them.

"Jesus, that's better," Katie exhales. "Did you have a nice time with Ems?"

"Yeah, yeah it was nice, but Kay - what's the matter?"

Katie's silent, focussing on smoking, and she shakes her head. "Naomi have you ever, like... just fucking stopped for a moment and looked at your life?"

Naomi freezes. Her stomach's in knots after only one sentence. She doesn't want to answer - she wants to stop this now before it has the chance to go anywhere. To take them somewhere Naomi doesn't want to go.

But she does, because she has to. Because Katie asked.

"I'm not sure. What do you mean?"

Katie sighs and flicks her half-finished fag onto the drive while Naomi stares at her own, hoping her hand doesn't shake as she brings it to her lips.

"Just like... How stuff you thought you knew was really a load of bollocks?"

"Katie, I'm really not sure what you mean..."

Katie grunts in frustration and puts her head in her hands. Somewhere in the distance a group of boys are shouting a song at each other and Katie flinches.

"I mean, I'm done." She turns to face Naomi, and her eyes are so tired, so serious, that Naomi almost finishes the job for her.

"Right," she gulps. "Well..."

"I love you," Katie says, and Naomi wasn't ready. Not at all. She thought that this was the end but now... now what?

"Katie, I -"

"It's okay, you don't have to say it back. I just thought you should know before we do this."

"Do what?" Naomi asks, her eyes nervously flickering away from Katie's and then back again.

"Before we tell my parents."

****

Apparently, it's not up for discussion. And while it's a nice distraction from the other thing Katie's said to her, which she still doesn't know how to respond to, it's doing nothing to cease the rapid beating of Naomi's heart against her ribcage.

This could be the worst mistake they'll ever make, Naomi tries to tell her, but Katie's cleaning her teeth and washing her face and putting on some of Naomi's leggings and rolling them up at the ankle.

"But Ems will back me up. And, Naomi," Katie says, kneeling in front of where Naomi's sat on the bed, staring at the wall in front of her. "If this all goes horribly wrong, then we'll find a way, yeah? You should have been there with me tonight."

Naomi looks down at her, and exhales, shaking her head.

Katie takes both of Naomi's hands in hers.

"It's not fair that you couldn't be, and that I fucking care what those silly cows think. But I've had enough, now. All night I was looking around at couples and thinking why the fuck isn't my girlfriend here? And when I danced with Jamie -"

"You danced with Jamie?" Naomi asks, sharpening her gaze, feeling her heckles rise as she mentions his name.

"Oh my God. Please focus. Jesus, I can't believe I'm about to risk getting thrown out on my ear for you."

Naomi flinches, brings Katie's hands up to her lips and kisses both of them gently. "Sorry."

"God, I'm so fucking easy, honestly." Katie leans up on her knees and takes Naomi's face in hers and she kisses her so softly, so slowly, that Naomi allows herself to think the word for the first time. And it's not quite as horrible as she thought it was going to be. Love. She tries it out again. Yeah.

"But yeah," Katie continues, resting back on her ankles. "When I was dancing with him - which I did once, before you get your boxers in a twist - I couldn't fucking work out why I wasn't dancing with you."

"Babe, you know... that doesn't mean we need to tell your parents. We can just, like, sneak into gay bars or whatever, I don't think - "

"No, Naomi. It's not fair. On me or you. Or on Emily for having to keep our secret."

Naomi concedes, then. It's certainly not fair on any of them. And it is Katie's decision. So they've got to be in this together.

"Okay," she nods. "Okay."

"Good." Katie leans up for another peck, and then puts a baggy hoody on over her bra.

"But, Kay... that's all, well that all makes sense. But why were you crying?"

"Oh," Katie laughs. "After all that, Jamie actually tried to put his hand up my skirt on the dance-floor so I kneed him in the bollocks and got ejected from the hall."

"Fucking hell, Kates!" Naomi barks with a laugh. "Jesus. Well... good on you."

"Yep, and then the girls followed me out and I told them to get fucked, and they told me that they never liked me anyway and only hung around with me because I was the cooler twin and twins, apparently, are cool."

"Fucking bunch of bitches. Wait til I see them," Naomi almost growls, clenching her fists.

"Hey, listen. Fucking forget them," Katie's in front of her and pulling up by her hands. "I was upset at the time but they're, like, in the past. Done. And, if you'll come with me now," she says, wrapping her hands behind Naomi's neck. "We can have a better future."

Naomi silent, serious, for a moment before she bursts out laughing, with Katie only a second behind her.

"Fuck me, that's the gayest thing you've ever said."

"Now we both know that's not true," Katie says lowly, and Naomi's stomach does a flip. "Not even nearly."

****

It's too late for a bus and neither of them have any money for a taxi and tonight is about nothing if not being brave and/or stupid, so Naomi holds the bike steady as Katie gets on.

"Well, look at it this way," Katie says, gripping hold of Naomi's waist as she struggles to kick them off. "If you kill us before we get there at least that way we won't have to tell them."

"Don't tempt me," Naomi mutters, and Katie slaps her round the back of the head lightly, and then, slowly, shakily, they're off.

****

Katie's probably the worst back-seat driver ever, and Naomi's sure that the amount of times they nearly come off is entirely Katie's doing.

Shouting things like, "Fuck! A stone!" are doing nothing for Naomi's disposition, even though she has sobered up significantly since earlier in the evening, and it seems like the longest fucking bike ride ever.

Though it's not exactly relief she feels when she pulls up in front of the Fitches' house, lights still on in the living room and the front bedroom, Naomi can at least be thankful that they got there alive. Even if they don't last that long once they're actually inside.

"Good," Katie says, jumping off, apparently having gained some confidence along the way. "Ready?" she holds out her hand as Naomi sets her bike on the drive.

Naomi looks down at Katie's hand, once, and then takes it. Ready, she might not be, nor entirely willing, but she's got someone to be strong enough for both of them and that's all it's going to take.

****

Mr. Fitch is in the lounge, reading a paper and watching Q.I. when they come in. He looks up when Katie enters the lounge and smiles.

"All right, Katie love? Good night, was it? Hello Naomi, nice to see you again."

Katie nods meekly, like her bravery from ten seconds ago has all been sucked out of her. Naomi squeezes her hand - her presence being all she has to offer - and manages a half-hearted smile for Mr. Fitch.

"Dad, where's Mum?"

"Upstairs," he says, smile dropping from his face. "What's the matter, love? Where's your dress?"

"Nothing. I mean, it's at Naomi's. Dad, can you get her please? I need to talk to both of you."

He nods, slowly, and for the first time notices their hands hanging between them, still clasped together tightly, and his eyes flicker back up and between them.

"Yeah, yeah all right, girls." He gets up, squeezing Katie's shoulder on the way past. "Go and sit at the table, yeah? We'll be right down."

They do as directed and walk silently around to the far side of the table. Katie keeps their hands together, looks at them once, and then places them on the surface rather than hiding them underneath.

"Kick-starts the conversation, right?" Katie says with a weak smile.

"It'll be okay." Naomi really hopes that she means that, even as she's saying it and wishing them both away to a place and time other than now.

There's a light but swift padding down the stairs and then Emily's in front of them in some blue and white pajama bottoms and crop-top.

"What the fuck are you doing, Katie?" she whispers, angrily, leaning across the table.

"None of your fucking business, Ems, now fuck off," Katie spits, her lisp hitting her when it really must hurt the most.

"The fuck it isn't! This is our home, Katie. Do you have any idea what this will do to us? You can't just -" Emily straightens up, and she hasn't even looked at Naomi yet, which makes Naomi realise for the first time the full ramifications that this may hold. It could break them. It could break them all, if their parents are the way Emily seems to think they are.

Naomi wants to say there's still enough time to run, but realises there isn't when she gets why Emily shut up when she did, and a slightly confused and a very worried Mrs. and Mr. Fitch enter the dining room.

"Katie, sweetheart, what's the matter?" Jenna asks, completely ignoring Naomi, and taking the seat at the end of the table nearest Katie.

"Emsy, go to your room," Rob says, but Emily folds her arms, then thinks better of it and takes a seat herself.

"No, I think I'll stay, Dad. Katie won't mind." Emily raises her eyebrows, waiting for Katie to answer.

"No, I don't mind. Sit down, Dad."

He puffs out his cheeks and does as he's told. Naomi wonders if that's a thing that Fitch women make you do - sit down and shut up.

Then there are three sets of eyes on them, or on Katie rather, and Katie takes a deep breath.

****

There's a shaky explanation at first, Katie fumbling over her words until she manages to splutter out girlfriend and then Jenna looks at their joined hands with such subtle fury that Naomi thinks she might end up burning a hole right through them.

And then Jenna tries to pretend it's not happening, and Katie tries to explain some more, and then Rob tries to help, which Naomi shoots him a small smile for, but Jenna's already shooting him down.

It goes on for ages, even going so far as to cause a bleary eyed James to appear in the doorway asking, "What's going on? Is one of them pregnant?"

"I wish!" Jenna croaks, throwing her hands up in the air dramatically, and then James sees Naomi and comes in a bit further, patting his hair down.

"Hi Naomi. I'm glad you're here again."

"Naomi's my girlfriend, James. That's cool right?" Katie says, and it's almost proudly, Naomi reckons, if not for the tremble to her voice and the way she's pushing their knees together under the table.

"Yeah, totally!" He grins, leaning on the chair next to Emily. "But, your girlfriend?" he says, twisting his lips to the side of his mouth the same way Emily does when she's confused. "I thought that - ow! Shit! Mum, Emily hit me."

"James, go to your room, kid. This is a grown-up discussion," Rob says, and he looks pretty tired now, like he really just wants all this to be over with. Like he got the point as soon as he saw Katie and Naomi holding hands and really didn't need them to say any more.

"But, Dad, I'm a teenager now," James protests and Emily rolls her eyes next to him, though it looks to Naomi like she wants to do more than just that.

"Go!" Rob says a bit more firmly and James pouts and skulks out of the room. There's silence for a moment before Rob shouts, "All the way up, James." And then there's a huff and the stamping of feet up the stairs and a door slamming from the floor above.

It's been a distraction, though - a necessary reprieve - and Jenna's been silent for a few minutes now while they dealt with James.

She's leaning with her head in her hands, peering through her fingers at the table, and Naomi takes the opportunity to rub her thumb over the back of Katie's hand, and Katie's looking over at her appreciatively when Jenna looks back up.

Naomi's frozen, Katie hasn't seen her yet, but it's scary looking at that woman. She's got too much power, Naomi thinks. They've all given it to her.

And her eyes are properly locked on to their hands again, but it's different this time. Sort of like she's really seeing it. Or seeing them.

"Okay," she says, quietly, and Katie whips her head around so fast she must almost get whiplash.

"What's that, Mum?"

"Okay, I said. Fine. Have your little... whatever this is. But you're my daughter, Katie. And I know this isn't really what you want."

"Mum, how can you say that?" Katie says, irate now. "I fucking love her, okay. And I'm serious about this, about her. I'm not just... whatever. Okay?"

"Oh really," Jenna says, tensing. "And what about Naomi? Does she love you? Or are you just an experiment for her, hmm?"

Katie's flustered, then, and it's horrible. Naomi hasn't given her the permission to confirm it. She hasn't been given the chance.

"I... well, I..." Katie starts, and the look Jenna gives them both is so very Well, then that Naomi can't not keep her mouth shut.

"I do, Mrs. Fitch," Naomi blurts, squeezing Katie's hand so tightly she wonders if it'll bruise. She flicks her eyes around the table, finding Emily's looking back at her, almost pleading silently not to do it, but Naomi doesn't know why. It's not about Emily, it's just not. "I do love her," she says, and Emily closes her eyes and Naomi can't look at her anymore either.

When she looks back at Katie her face is the complete opposite of her twin's. She's grinning, beaming, radiant, and it makes Naomi's heart start to beat again.

It's sort of what they do; Emily makes her heart stop beating, and Katie makes it beat again.

"Well, I suppose that's that, then." Rob slaps his hands together, and then clamps one down on Naomi's shoulder. "I don't suppose I need to give you the usual speech, but just... be happy, all right? And no funny business in this house. That's a rule across the board, all right kids?"

"Yes, Dad," the twins chime in unison.

"Excellent, now love, shall we go to bed. I'm bloody knackered."

"Mmm," Jenna hums, and then shaking her head she takes Katie's free hand in her own. "Katie, love. I'm not going to tell you that I understand this, because I really don't, but if it's what you want then... Well, thank you for telling us."

"Unbelievable," Emily murmurs.

"Ems..." Katie warns.

"No, Katie," Emily snaps. "She's always said it, always. About how it's ridiculous kids thinking that they're gay, how it's not right, and now what? In half an hour you've managed to convince her that it's totally fine that you've been shagging a girl?"

"Emily!" Jenna cries. "I will not have language like that used in my house."

"Whatever," Emily says, standing and slamming her chair back under the table. She catches Naomi's eye, and there's a sorry there. Naomi's sure of it. "Just... it's fine. But maybe you should try to be a bit more aware of what your kids are doing. Or at least listen to us, yeah? I'm going to bed."

"Ems, wait," Katie calls, and leaves Naomi sat at the table with both of the Fitch parents staring after their girls.

Then Jenna turns to her, slowly and says very, very quietly, "See this? This is your doing. Woe betide you if you come between those girls, Naomi."

And then Jenna's pushing away from her chair and heading out of the room, like she knows there's a war coming, and she's got no fucking way of stopping it.

****

Rob makes her some tea, and they have a chat about college, and he's really, honestly, the most normal member of that family. She's grateful that the kids are at least half-him, because three more Jennas walking around would have been four more than the world needed.

When Katie comes back down her face is puffy, and she walks right into her dad's open arms.

"There, there, love. You all right?"

"Yeah," Katie sniffs. "She's all right now. Dad, can Naomi stay here tonight? It's a bit late for her to go home."

"Yeah, course, love. But if your mum catches her in your room it's your problem, yeah?"

"Thanks Dad," Katie says, and kisses him on the cheek. She's never looked more like a young girl, Naomi thinks, and she feels a pang in her heart that she's got no dad to have that conversation with. No sister to fight with. No little brother to smack in the arm.

She can't dwell on it though because this is about Katie right now. And Emily, who seems to hate her a little bit of some reason.

It's kind of lovely, then, when she goes to follow Katie and Rob opens his arms for Naomi, too, and he wraps the three of them up together.

"Welcome to the family, Naomi. Best of luck," and then he's plodding away and towards bed, no doubt preparing himself for the inevitable conversation about how that girl has defiled their daughter or whatever. He can handle it, Naomi reckons. He must be a strong one too to love someone like Jenna.

"Come on, babe. I'm about ready to pass out on the table. Let's go to bed."

"You sure it's all right? With Ems, I mean."

"Yeah, I think she was just, like, confused that Mum's always been well-homophobic and she's just taken this all easily."

"Easily?" Naomi says a little too loudly, and apologises when Katie shushes her. "Christ, I'd like to see what she's like when she take's things harder."

"No," Katie shudders. "No you wouldn't."

****

Emily's already in bed once Naomi comes in from borrowing a spare toothbrush. Katie's just using the loo so Naomi takes a moment to try and sort out whatever the fuck it is that's going on with her.

"Em. Em, are you awake?"

"Yeah. What's up?" She doesn't roll over from facing the wall so Naomi sits on her bed and rubs what she thinks is Emily's hip under the duvet.

"Em, what was that down there. Look at me, please."

She sighs and rolls onto her back. Her face is puffy too, and Naomi, again, wants to reach out and touch it.

"It was just... hearing you say it. Made it all sound real."

Naomi shakes her head, running her arm over Emily's until it reaches her hand.

"Don't." Emily says, but doesn't move.

"Em, I don't understand. We were fine earlier, well mostly, and I had a really good night. And I thought that... well isn't it better this way? Now that everyone knows?"

"Yeah," Emily shakes her head, finally wrapping her fingers around Naomi's and Naomi relaxes all over. "Know what you're doing, then?"

"Nope," Naomi sighs, and Emily laughs.

"Well, that's certainly reassuring. Just, Naoms - never be afraid to talk to me, okay? I'm always here."

Naomi's tired, she really is, and Emily's always missing off the end of her sentence, the part that tells Naomi what the fuck she's actually talking about, so she just says, "Yeah, of course. You too."

Emily laughs again, so Naomi does even though she doesn't really know why - it's just nice to laugh along with Emily. Their voices mingling together in the air feels real. It's a warming sound that's made by just the two of them. And it's special.

There's a yawn from one of them that's caught by the other, and Naomi hears the loo flush. "Right, that's my cue. Night, Ems."

She leans down and brushes her lips softly against Emily's cheek, and Emily squeezes her hand tighter, keeping them close.

And then she lets go, but her eyes are still closed. "Night, Naoms," she says, and then rolls over again.

Naomi's whipping her bra out through her top - definitely not sleeping naked in case Jenna feels the need to kick her out at some point in the night - when Katie comes back in, looking a little more refreshed than she did before.

She shivers and clambers into bed quickly, holding out the duvet for Naomi to crawl under, which she gladly does.

'Turn the lamp off, babe," Katie whispers, and Naomi complies, settling down for a quick kiss once it's done.

"I swear, you two," Emily says, her voice rough but strong. "If I hear anything I don't want to I will throw something heavy."

"Um, excuse me -" Katie starts, but Naomi puts a hand over her mouth to shut her up.

"No worries, Ems. Thanks for letting me stay over."

"Yeah, yeah," Emily mutters. "Night then."

"Night," she and Katie both say together, and then they settle down into each other. Katie must be as tired as she is, and the ache starts to creep into Naomi's bones as she relaxes.

But at least she's survived the night and ended up with Katie in her arms. It's how it's supposed to be, she thinks, even as she hears Emily's light breathing fill up the entire side of the room that Naomi's not on, feeling it seep over and under her skin until she's wrapped up in it and in Katie and the thoughts of everything that's still left to come.

****

Emily's gone the next morning when Naomi wakes up, her bed unmade and empty when Naomi glances over at it, and Katie stirs not long after Naomi does.

"Hey," she says sleepily from Naomi's shoulder. "Sleep all right?"

"I think so. Never shared a single before though. You all right?"

"Yeah," she says, quietly, and then with the least amount of confidence Naomi's ever heard, she asks, "Naomi, last night. When you said... when you said that downstairs. Did you mean it?"

She can't say no, because that's not true. And saying yes isn't quite right either, but then... then what? But then, fuck it, she decides, because she's said it now, and it would only be massively cuntish to take it back.

"Of course I did, Katie." She kisses Katie's head as Katie sighs in relief.

"Thank fuck for that. Jesus. I was shitting myself for a bit." She pulls Naomi's face down towards her. "And, like, I meant it too. I don't fucking know how this happened, but I know that it's true. Okay? Things are going to be better now. I promise." She kisses Naomi softly, and Naomi whimpers into it.

"Oh don't," Naomi sighs. "We absolutely can't do this here."

"No, you're right," Katie leans away, throwing her legs out bed and chucking on a fluffy, pink leopard-print dressing gown. "But, later though, yeah?" She winks and Naomi nods. "Great. Tea?"

"Oh, please." Naomi closes her eyes at the thought of tea. Lovely tea, and when she opens them again, Katie's gone.

She's alone in their room. It's the first time she's been in there, and it's kind of cool, seeing the place that Katie's keeps. And not just Katie - Emily, too.

She shifts around onto her side and starts picking at things on the dressing table. There are all sorts of probably useful girly items there, like hair clips and false eyelashes, and it's all fairly innocuous.

Naomi smiles as she finds a ticket stub from a film they all went to see together, and notices that Katie's written N ♥ on the back and her chest floods with warmth.

Yeah, she thinks. I can totally do this.

She opens the nearest drawer, and it's still full of crap, and she's about to close it when she spots something green and shiny. Pulling it out from under a magazine, she examines it, noting all the little holes where the pills used to be and all the ones that were still there left to take.

It's a different feeling in her chest, then, as she stares at it for longer. Why would Katie need contraceptive pills? Why when she's been sleeping with me for almost eight months?

She's going into full on panic mode when the door opens, and she tries to drop them back into the drawer but misses and they hit the floor.

"Shit," she mutters but it's too late. Emily's seen them.

"Naomi, what are you doing?" she's concerned and she leans down to pick them up, hair in a towel that starts to fall off her head as she bends down.

"I just... I was looking, not for anything, but she always looks through my stuff and I... I found these. Why does she have them, Em? Why would she even... I mean, I don't understand."

She's worried she's going to cry, and Emily must be too, because she's rubbing her hand up and down Naomi's arm and then pushing Katie's drawer shut.

"Actually, they're mine," Emily says with a breath, opening the drawer on her side of the cabinet and popping them in. "You just... never know, right?"

She searches Emily's eyes, looking for the truth. All she sees is more pleading. She's asking Naomi to believe.

"Right," Naomi says, finally. "Well I suppose it's good to be safe." She sniffs, careful not to let any actual tears fall.

"Exactly," Emily says with one of those head-shakes that Naomi's starting to recognise. "Now, can you turn around while I get dressed, please? No perving allowed."

Naomi manages a soft laugh, and rolls over to face the window.

Biting her fingernail, she waits for the thumping in her chest to calm down, but it doesn't seem to be slowing.

If they're Katie's, then Naomi needs to know why she has them. If she wants to sleep with a boy, or she... no, she can't have been sleeping with one. But, nevertheless, if they're hers then it's a problem.

But, if they're Emily's then it confirms something that Naomi was starting to believe wasn't true. That Emily - Emily who's never had a boyfriend or shown any interest in boys, Emily who holds her hand a little too long, the Emily who holds her breath when their faces are near each others - is straight.

Of course, it's more of a problem if Katie has been taking the Pill. Of course it is. Katie is her girlfriend. And Naomi loves her - she said it in front of everyone, and she said it again today.

There's a lie in there, somewhere.

Naomi's just not sure which one of them is telling it.

Chapter Six