Fic: ... And the Battle Began (Chapter Six, Part One)
Title: … And the Battle Began
Chapter: A Million Miles an Hour, Fast Asleep
Pairing: Naomi/Katie, Emily
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 15,800
A/N: Hello! Apologies for the delay. Thanks as always to you know who ♥
Got our bodies squeezed into digital molds // We can't breathe and we're moving too slow
There are only a very few things that Naomi can remember about her father. Not including the snippets she’s gotten from her mum (“Waste of bloody space, sweetheart,” or “Never happy staying in one place, your dad. Or with one woman,”) she knows that he had blue eyes, like hers, and dark brown hair.
She remembers a trip to the beach where he’d shown her how to skim stones and they’d had ice creams from the van and eaten them sitting in the car looking out at the sea because Naomi’s hair had been long then and kept whipping around her face.
There’s no way she’ll be able to recall the sound of his voice, not ever, but she remembers vividly one time how he put her to bed and she’d been a bit scared of the dark so she asked him to stay.
“All right, little’un. I’ll be right here.”
She’d believed him then.
Within a year he was gone.
****
She wants to stop thinking about it more than anything but, even when Katie’s settling down behind her, running the backs of her hands up the inside of Naomi’s thighs, she just can’t seem to let it go.
And she can’t breach the topic either because if she’s wrong then she’ll never be able to redeem herself.
Katie’s doing nothing that’s out of the ordinary, nothing to suggest that she’s actually fucked (or fucking) someone else because, she reckons, surely there would be signs. As well as that, though, she knows what happens when people stray. They leave. They leave, and don’t come back.
She can’t lose Katie, not when she has Emily’s word that the contraceptive pills were hers anyway. Everything Katie does feels so good and she’s not ready to allow her paranoia to take over.
So she focuses on the way Katie’s pushing her face into her cunt from behind, humming as her tongue laps at Naomi furiously, nails digging into her arse-cheeks, and God, Katie must fucking love that. She just - she must.
By the time Katie’s fucking her, hard, with two fingers inside her, and saying, “Fucking hell, babes, you are so fucking hot,” and Naomi’s thrusting her arse backwards, pushing Katie in even deeper, she’s forgotten all about it.
Afterwards, when Katie’s pressing lazy, half-asleep kisses to Naomi’s lips and they’re wrapped in a post-orgasmic warmth that leaves Naomi’s everything tingling, Katie whispers, “I love you,” before she falls asleep in Naomi’s arms.
She loves me, Naomi thinks. And you don’t lie to people you love.
It’s why she doesn’t whisper I love you too into Katie’s hair like part of her wants to. The other part won’t let her and, right now, that’s part’s winning.
****
The summer never really gets all that hot but they make it into the garden on days when it’s at least trying.
Katie’s trying to integrate them into Fitch family life and, while she would rather strike up a conversation with the guy at her house who thinks that fish are going to rule the world by 2020, Naomi’s giving it a go.
Partially because it means that she gets to see Emily who’s been kind of off with her since that night when Katie had outed them at the dinner table and she hasn’t been coming around to Naomi’s that much.
Naomi thinks that, really, she should be grateful that she’s got time alone to spend with her girlfriend and if it were anyone else she imagines that she wouldn’t give a fuck.
But it’s Emily and, while sometimes Naomi might look at Emily and note the way her eyelashes flutter when she’s bashful or how her lips look like Katie’s when she smiles that adorable half-smile, she knows that Emily is her friend.
It’s hard not to appreciate the way she looks. Naomi’s going out with her twin sister, after all.
So one afternoon, when James is round at Gordon’s and Jenna’s grudgingly made them all some fresh orange juice and brought it out to them, Naomi’s feeling oddly relaxed, lying on her stomach in her bikini top and jean cut-offs, reading a book for pleasure instead of necessity.
Katie’s got her iPod on next to her and is trying to get a natural tan on her front. Her tits are slightly distracting, and Naomi bites her lip to stop from biting them, the small triangles of material only just covering Katie’s nipples.
She’s humming along to Snoop Dog and drumming her fingers on the rug, massive brown sunglasses hiding her eyes, oblivious to everything around her, and it’s times like these when Naomi feels lucky (slight lingering paranoia notwithstanding). That Katie’s there beside her, that somehow, by some amazing stroke of luck, she’s ended up being in Katie’s life.
And in Emily’s life too, and she faces forward again to where Emily’s sat on her knees, hair tied back into a loose ponytail, digging around in the dirt with a trowel.
She’s got her back to Naomi and, feeling mischievous, Naomi picks up one of the cherry pips that had long since fallen from the large cherry tree that covers most of the back garden in shade and tries not to smile too widely as she throws it at Emily’s back.
“Ow!” Emily yelps, but Naomi knows that it couldn’t have hurt that much and when Emily turns around she’s smiling.
“Hi,” Naomi grins and Emily shakes her head. “What?”
“Bit bored, are you?” Emily runs a gloved hand across her brow, and Naomi watches as it leaves a smear of dirt.
“Not really,” she says and throws another pip at Emily.
“Fuck off!” she laughs, and, after a quick look down, picks up and throws a small lump of earth at Naomi which hits her smack on the chest.
She looks down and flicks the grains of dirt off her cleavage. “Good shot, Ems.”
When Naomi glances back up at Emily she’s watching what Naomi’s doing, eyes locked onto where Naomi’s hand is rubbing over her chest. Her lips are slightly parted and the smile falls from Naomi’s.
Emily flicks her eyes back up and they stare at each other for a moment before Emily clears her throat and turns away again.
She was watching, Naomi thinks. She was looking.
She tries to go back to reading, her concentration shaken. She can’t help that she keeps looking back in Emily’s direction, though she’s facing away again, and her vest top is riding up at the back.
It’s just Emily, she tells herself. It doesn’t mean anything.
****
It gets forgotten about, though, because Emily does something that leaves Naomi reeling.
They’re all round at Naomi’s, listening to some music in her room, passing around a bottle of wine because Katie forgot to get glasses and no one could be fucked to go down and get them.
It’s been a nice day, and the twins have only bickered once or twice about what to do (in the end Naomi had got so pissed off with the both of them that she’d stormed off to smoke on a bench and they’d both found her and apologized, though Emily did it with a sorry frown and Katie with an annoyed grimace) and they’re all merrily pissed now.
“No no,” Katie’s saying, shaking her head so that her hair swishes around her face. “The best Doctor Who was Christopher what’s-his-face from that film about werewolves.”
“Oh my God, Katie, you are so wrong. It’s David Tennant. Definitely. Such cool hair.” Emily rolls her eyes and reaches for the bottle.
She’s been pretty quiet all day. In fact, Naomi thinks, she’s been pretty bloody quiet ever since that night but none of them are keen on breaching the topic after Emily had gone mental about it the first time.
Naomi sighs because she really couldn’t give a flying fuck and just thinks that Billie Piper is sort of hot now that she’s not singing about doing things just because she wants to.
She reaches over for Katie’s hand next to her on the bed, keeping her eyes on Emily, who’s sat at the end of the bed facing them, because she’s in charge of the wine. Katie’s all tense, just like she usually is when someone’s arguing with her. And it’s totally ridiculous because they’re arguing over an opinion and there’s no reason they both can’t be right.
“Ugh, whatever, Katie,” Emily says in the end, and thrusts the bottle in Naomi’s direction. “I’m going for a wee.”
The bed moves as she gets up causing Naomi to smack her teeth on the rim of the bottle as she drinks.
“Fuck. Did not like that,” she says, and puts the bottle on the side.
“Aw,” Katie croons, turning Naomi’s face towards her, devilish look already in place. “Let me kiss it better.”
It should have been a short kiss but they’re both a bit pissed and, before her brain prods Naomi to get Katie to stop, Katie’s hand is creeping up her top and Naomi’s arching into her touch.
“Yeah?” Katie whispers against Naomi’s lips. “You fucking like that, don’t you?”
Naomi whimpers into the kiss and Katie tweaks her nipple.
They should have heard Emily come back in but she must have left the door open so when she says, “Fucking Christ, you two,” Naomi pulls back from Katie so quickly Katie’s hand stretches Naomi’s top.
“What, Ems? Aren’t I allowed to kiss my girlfriend now?”
Emily glares at her, at both of them, and Naomi absolutely cannot read her expression. She looks angry and sad and defiant all at once and Naomi can’t say anything.
Katie’s got it covered, anyway. And she still hasn’t removed her hand from Naomi’s top so Naomi has to prise it out slowly, which draws Emily’s attention.
“Kiss her? It looked like you were about to -”
“And so fucking what if I was?” Katie’s leaning forward now, ready for a fight, and it’s totally fucking unattractive and Naomi wishes that she’d just let it go. It was a bit out of order, after all, when they knew Emily would be back any minute.
“Oh, that’s fucking nice, isn’t it? Well, I’ll tell you what - I’ll just fuck off then so you can get on with it.” She’s picking up her things from the floor in a rush, hurriedly shoving things into her bag.
“Em, wait -” Naomi starts, but apparently she really can’t say anything.
“Good, thank fuck for that,” Katie spits. “Your fucking miserable face has been pissing me right off.”
Emily doesn’t say anything else until she looks up at Naomi and she can see that there are tears in Emily’s eyes that she won’t quite allow to fall.
“Good fucking luck,” Emily says, and storms out, slamming the door behind her.
Katie’s breathing slow and deep, and Naomi has to remind herself that this is what they do, these two. There must have been countless arguments like this (or similar - Naomi doesn’t think that Katie’s ever been caught with a hand on a girl’s tit before) and they just get on with it - they fight, the retreat, they fix. It’s just what they do.
She’s pissed off with Katie, nevertheless, because now Emily’s upset and that’s not cool on any day. But she can’t say that to Katie, not now while she’s still shaking with rage. So, instead, Naomi passes her the wine and she takes a massive gulp.
“Thanks babes,” she says after a moment and then puts her head in her hand. “Fuck, why do I always have to go so mental?”
Naomi can’t say anything - she’s wondered the same thing herself.
****
Katie and Emily make up the next day, and Katie lets Naomi know via text and says that they’re going to stay in together to watch a film.
So Naomi’s surprised when, at just before midnight, her phone goes and it’s Emily not Katie that’s ringing her.
“Hi,” she answers chirpily, relieved to be about to hear Emily’s voice. It’s short lived, though, because Emily sounds weary and not at all like herself.
“Hi. Look, sorry for ringing so late. I just wanted to say that… Well, this isn’t Katie’s idea or anything but I’m going to stop hanging around with you both.”
Naomi had been wandering around her room but she sits down heavily on her bed, then, like someone’s just knocked her over.
“Em - what? Katie said you’d sorted it out.”
“Yeah, yeah we did but… I just can’t, okay?”
“Can’t what, Ems?”
Emily sighs, and her voice drops to an even lower whisper.
“I’m sorry, Naoms. It’s just better this way - you two should have your privacy and I shouldn’t be around all the time.”
“Emily, wait, come on,” Naomi tries, panicked. “We can still do stuff together, right?”
“I… I don’t think so. You’re Katie’s, you know? You should… be with Katie.”
“But ¬- ”
“Don’t worry, I’ll see you again when college starts.” She’s trying to be brighter, Naomi thinks. Trying to make this better when she’s effectively dumping Naomi. Dumping them both.
“Fine,” she says, angry now. “Well thanks very much, Ems. It was nice knowing you.”
“Oh come on, Naomi, don’t be like that…” Emily says tiredly, but it’s too late really.
“No, it’s fine. I just thought that… well, I didn’t think you’d ever really…”
Emily sighs, and then laughs without a great deal of conviction. “Yeah, well. Neither did I. Look, I’ve got to go. But, Naomi?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for, you know. Just… thanks.”
“Yeah,” Naomi whispers. “Yeah.”
They say their goodbyes and Naomi looks at her phone until the light goes out.
She doesn’t know why she feels so awful, why she’s feeling the burn behind her eyes and is suddenly crying hard, wiping away tears, as her breathing gets shaky.
Katie’s her girlfriend, Katie’s meant to be the important one, so she can’t figure out why she feels like she’s lost a part of herself.
Emily was her friend and now she’s not. Now she’s just an acquaintance, someone Naomi knows, and it’s not enough.
But, then, it never really was.
****
The next morning Naomi feels like she’s overreacted massively.
Her eyes still sting and her throat is a bit rough from where she’d chain smoked out of her window until one o’clock in the morning but other than that she feels a bit better.
All Emily had said was that she couldn’t hang out with her and Katie at the same time. It didn’t really mean that they couldn’t see each other at all. But then she’d sounded so final about it…
Really, Naomi reckons as she boils the kettle, impatiently tapping her spoon against the counter, Emily’s probably overreacting. She’ll probably call soon and say as much and make plans for them both.
Not that they’ve really done much together lately but they can. And they should. And they will, once Emily calls.
****
By the time Katie’s there again that night Emily still hasn’t phoned and Katie picks up on her mood when Naomi doesn’t respond to a kiss the way that she should.
“What’s up, babes? I bloody missed you yesterday.”
“Yeah, yeah sorry. I’m just a bit worried about Ems.”
Katie sighs, playing with Naomi’s fingers. “Naomi, I’ve told you before - don’t worry about her, okay? It’s me that you’re with, right, so like, loosen up. It’ll do Ems some good to fucking branch out a bit, yeah?”
“You reckon?” Naomi asks, and Katie kisses her neck, pressing them closer together.
“Yeah, totally. She’s, like, changed a lot lately,” Katie says pulling back, and there’s a sadness there in her eyes that relaxes Naomi. Like Katie’s a little bit sad at the prospect of seeing Emily less too.
But then she gets Emily at home. Naomi doesn’t get Emily anywhere.
“She’ll be fine, Naoms. It was starting to feel like you were going out with both of us anyway.” She winks, then, and pulls Naomi in for a kiss that she has to respond to despite the twisting in her stomach.
Maybe it is better that Emily’s made this decision. Maybe it’ll be the last time she kisses Katie without the lingering residue on her skin that Emily leaves whenever she’s around.
It’s Katie she wanted, and it’s Katie she got, so Naomi gives into the kiss and continues it up the stairs, to the bedroom and for as long as both their bodies can manage.
****
The summer continues in a lazy way, Katie and Naomi spending time together mostly at Naomi’s house now.
She sees Emily occasionally but it’s not the same. There are no hugs hello and goodbye, no small palm on Naomi’s back as she pours them all wine, no light kisses to her cheek when they’re all a little tipsy and it’s nice just being near each other.
And Katie’s getting braver, too, and it takes Naomi by surprise one day when they’re out in town, walking to get smoothies, and Katie takes her hand.
Naomi doesn’t acknowledge it other than to squeeze a little, and when Katie doesn’t let go, holding her head high like she actually doesn’t give a fuck, Naomi remembers why she got involved in this in the first place.
Katie is funny, and fucking sexy, and she wants Naomi. Wants all of her, and when they get back to Naomi’s that day the house is quiet, empty for once, Naomi lifts Katie up onto the kitchen table, pulls her knickers straight down and ducks her head under Katie’s skirt.
She had protested slightly at first, nervous that they’d get caught, but Naomi doesn’t even care. Katie’s taught her to be brave, to take what she wants, and it tastes so good, all of it, all of her, that Naomi can’t imagine this not being her life.
So she’s sacrificed one to make things better with the other. It’s got to be the right thing. For all of them.
****
She doesn’t want to show it but Naomi’s actually excited about starting college. It’s a real chance to start her life with all the ideals she’s held since she was young still intact but with the added bonus of having someone to share them with.
Katie is excited for totally different reasons, her new wardrobe being one of them.
Naomi’s flicking through the college prospectus while Katie’s giving her a fashion show and she’s trying not to pay attention but it’s sort of difficult because Katie is entertaining when she’s focused.
“And this one,” she’s saying as she slips a leopard print vest on over her bra. “Is for the first party we go to.”
“Ah.” Naomi puts her chin on her hand, flicking a lock of hair away from her face. “And which party would that be?”
“I dunno,” Katie shrugs, running her fingers through Naomi’s hair. “But I bet there’ll be some really cool people there.”
Naomi can’t see Katie’s face but she can picture it in her head - she’s smiling cockily, like she’s about to have the most fun ever.
And, well, maybe Naomi is going to have fun but in a different way.
It’s okay for them to be different, she tells herself as she slides her hands up the back of Katie’s skirt and pulls her in. And it doesn’t matter than she knows someone else who would want to flick through this prospectus with her, and circle books she knows she’ll like from the reading list, and discuss who her favourite lecturer is.
Katie will make things fun, definitely. Naomi just hopes that they can figure out a way to share things a little more, to do things that they both like once they’re there.
****
Emily makes a concession for the day they all get their GCSE results, mainly, Naomi reckons, because it’d just look weird for them not to do something.
And Naomi knows it wouldn’t be a proper celebration for Katie if her sister wasn’t there, even though Naomi’s still pretty fucked off about Emily abandoning them (because that’s how it feels - they leave, they always leave) she gives in with little argument and heads around to the Fitches for dinner.
Their mum has been trying to keep Katie at home a lot, probably to convince her daughter not to be the massive homo (or at least half-homo) that she's become but Katie's always excited about the concept. That maybe Jenna is coming around to the idea, that she's accepting.
It’s obvious that such is not the case when Jenna lets her in and gives her that look, that up and down assessing one (the way that Katie had looked at Naomi once before), and Naomi knows that Katie’s totally fucked with this woman as her mother.
Even though it's not the first time she's been back there since that night where Katie outed them both it's still really not a good feeling, not with Jenna sneering at her (even though Naomi gets a kick out of announcing her results to everyone over dinner and catching Jenna's smug grin drop from her face even though Emily's grades were fucking brilliant and Katie's were better than expected) and James gaping at her, open-mouthed, the whole time she's there.
It's a fucking relief when they all fuck off upstairs and leave Emily, Katie and Naomi to watch TV in the lounge and crack open the bottle of Bailey's that Gina had bought them as a present.
It's great, actually, Naomi's thinking as she pokes Katie with her toe from where she's laying on the couch, that they're all back together.
The last month has been weird, settling into being out and together and being without Emily. There's something about Katie that Naomi's picking up on, like she almost wants them to get jeered at in public, like when people shout Lezzas! and Katie tells them to fuck off and squeezes Naomi's hand harder. And then, once they’ve passed, Naomi sees a small smile creep onto Katie’s face that she thinks shouldn’t really be there.
And now when they kiss on the street it feels to Naomi like Katie's not checking that no-one's around - she's checking to see that they are.
It must be bollocks, though, Naomi reckons, because in the dim lights of the lounge, Katie's all giggly and lovely and is staring at her with eyes glazed and happy, like this is where they belong. Back inside where it's warm. And where there's an Emily.
Emily's grinning when she comes back from the kitchen with vodka and orange juices for them all and Naomi has to go up on her elbow to take it.
"Why thank you, Fitch the Younger,” Naomi says, and it’s almost like they’re back to normal. “I appreciate your fine waitering skills. You'll make an excellent housewife one day."
"Or maid," Katie says with a smirk, but there's no venom there like there usually is, and Emily just turns her head from where she's sat on the floor in front of Naomi and sticks her tongue out.
"How many maids do you know with two A stars, three As and five Bs?"
Katie laughs. "That's too many letters, Ems." She takes a big gulp of her Screwdriver and sets it down as she starts counting on her fingers.
"No it isn't," Emily shakes her head and starts doing the same.
It's too cute to stop them with the right answer, Naomi's thinking. Watching them together the way they should be. Bickering but with no malice. Snark without spite.
They carry on for a while until Katie gets bored and goes back to rubbing Naomi's feet. She looks around her, Emily offering a small, almost shy, smile, and she falls asleep with a smile on her face and her drink in her hand.
****
When Naomi wakes up it's with her lips against a throat. The room's gone dark, and there's no one rubbing her feet anymore. And it's too nice with her eyes closed, and the scent of something familiar filling her head, and the skin so close to her lips, so she stays there.
It's her lips that do it, not her mind, and they've formed a kiss before she can stop them. She feels a slight tug on her hand and she realises it's draped across the waist of the body in front of her, and the fingers intertwined with her own tighten a little more.
Her lips move again as the body in front of her lets out a low hum before it stiffens with a sharp intake of breath. And still Naomi presses her lips down onto the soft skin that’s too close not to be kissed. It's there, it's just right there, and she knows that if she moves too much then she'll notice that her mouth has gone dry and her bladder's a little full and, fuck, she just can't deal with that shit right now.
"Ssh," she says into the neck. "S'all right. Just go back to sleep, babe."
The body in front of her sighs and shakes its head. And then it says, "Yeah," in a raspy voice that Naomi thinks isn't quite right but it's soothing, and it's familiar, so she kisses the neck one more time before she sinks back into the hair that's in front of her, pulling Emily in a little closer as she begins to shiver in Naomi's arms.
****
The next time Naomi wakes up it's light outside and her head is hurting like a motherfucker.
And she's alone. No Katie anywhere. Nor Emily for that matter.
She remembers waking up in the night and Katie being there, and she's momentarily grumpy that Katie didn't bother to take her up to bed too but, then, Katie's bed is far too small for two people, so it's probably better that someone got her a blanket and left her to snore alone on the sofa.
Emily's the first down the stairs not long after Naomi's woken up, and she thinks it was probably the sound of a door shutting that stirred her to begin with.
"Ugh," Naomi grunts, pushing herself up into a sitting position as Emily hovers at the end of the sofa, rubbing her eyes. "Never let me do that again, Ems. Vodka and Bailey's are clearly a fucking lethal combination."
Emily blinks at her once, twice and then nods with her lips pressed tightly together.
"Right. No problem," Emily gets out and then heads into the kitchen where Naomi hears the kettle being filled.
It reminds her of her need to wee, so she runs quietly to the bathroom and drinks some water from the tap while she's there.
And, even though the single isn't great for sleeping in, Naomi can't resist finding Katie for a morning cuddle, just for a few minutes.
Katie's doing her drunk-sleeping face, where her mouth is hanging slightly open and it's showing the tips of her small, white teeth.
Naomi grins, even though it wakes up a headache, and scooches in besides Katie, wrapping an arm around her waist. It stirs a memory from when she'd woken up in the night and she kisses Katie's shoulder.
It's different, though, and when Katie hums she pulls Naomi's hand up between her breasts like usual and wiggles her bum into Naomi's crotch.
It's probably because they're more awake now, though, Naomi reckons, and drunk and asleep Katie isn't the same as hungover, awake and slightly horny Katie.
Only slightly horny, that is, until she slides Naomi's hand into her knickers and they start a slow rhythm together, Naomi pressing down lightly until Katie's hips start to buck gently against her, and she increases her pace.
They don't need to speak to each other to make their thoughts known. It's all in Katie's body, how much she wants her, Naomi knows.
It's just that she's not convinced, even as Katie's coming beneath her fingers, that it's the same body she was holding last night.
****
There's no easy way for Naomi to ask Emily if she had accidentally molested her last night, so when they make their way down into the kitchen and Emily's already in the garden, Naomi drinks her tea gratefully, even though it's a little cold by now.
Naomi hangs around for most of the day, and she and Katie play PlayStation with James (which Katie's surprisingly good at, and Naomi ribs her for being a bit of a boy when she beats James at Need for Speed and sticks her middle finger up at him) while Jenna and Rob are at work.
Emily only comes in from the garden for a quick refill of her water, and only once does she meet Naomi in there.
"Oh," Naomi says, momentarily forgetting that she's supposed to be a little bit worried she's pissed Emily off, and that things haven’t exactly been normal between them lately. "You've got a little - "
Her thumb’s rubbing dirt away from Emily's top lip when Emily grabs her by the wrist and lowers her hand down.
"Thanks," she says quietly. "I don't need you to."
And then she heads back into the garden, no doubt to smear herself in more dirt that Naomi's not supposed to notice.
They're not friends again. That much is obvious.
****
It should be totally normal that on their first day Naomi meets both Katie and Emily on her way.
But it’s not, not even a little, for reasons that Naomi can’t quite explain to herself let alone Katie.
At least it’s not a surprise, Emily being there. Katie had informed Naomi of their arrangement, and it seemed like the first time Katie had been unable to choose between them.
Of course, Naomi had offered to just meet her at college but Katie had pouted and wrinkled her nose and Naomi had conceded. They’d all go together. It would be nice.
She swings a foot off her bike before she gets to them, watching as Katie grins and puts her phone away and Emily attempts a small wave.
Naomi has to fight hard to stay upright because it’s been about a week since she’s seen her and she’s had her fringe cut into a sharper, more distinct line and she’s bought a new bag. She cares about college - she wants to be there. And Naomi’s fucking missed her.
“Hi,” she says with a smile for Katie as she comes to a stop. “Ready?”
“You betcha,” Katie winks, straining her neck upwards for a kiss. “Can I get a backie?”
“Really?” Emily says behind them, and Naomi thinks her eyebrows are raised because her fringe moves a little and her eyes go wide.
“Um, yeah Ems. We do it all the time, don’t we babes?” Katie nods at Naomi, encouraging her to agree.
“Course,” she says, defiant and scowling at Emily, like she’s questioning the both of them and Emily shrugs her shoulders and looks away.
Good, Naomi thinks. Feel uncomfortable because this is your fault it’s this way.
But Katie’s waiting, so Naomi holds the handle-bars still so Katie can climb onto the seat and it’s a lot harder to hold onto from the side. But Katie looks all smug, like she’s got her very own fucking chariot and driver, and Emily’s shaking her head condescendingly as they start off.
She tries to tell herself that seeing Emily means nothing to her. That watching as Emily walks a few feet in front of them, head down like back in school, doesn’t make her stomach clench tightly.
It’s a relief that she needs two hands to hold onto the bike because if she didn’t she knows she’d be tempted to reach one out to Emily. And that’s just not where they are anymore, and it hurts more than Naomi thought possible.
She’s felt a bit empty, if she’s honest. And there have been times where she’s thought of something, like when she’s heard a song on the radio that they’d sung at karaoke or if a girl in town has a similar shade of red in her hair, and immediately picked up her phone to text Emily. But she couldn’t ever follow it through and it had made her angry, that Emily could just pretend that nothing had ever happened, that they hadn’t been friends, that they hadn’t known each other.
She had expected that feeling to carry through into today but, watching Emily squint as the early morning sunlight hit her eyes and shift one of the straps of her bag back over her shoulder, Naomi’s can’t deny she’s pleased to see her. Pleased, and relieved.
They don’t make conversation - they don’t need to with Katie babbling on behind them about where’s going to be the best place to sit and whether there’s a pool table in the rec room - but Emily looks back just once, right at Naomi, and it lets Naomi know that it’s not quite lost, their friendship.
Maybe they only needed a little time apart to let things settle. It’s obvious that neither of them are going anywhere - they both care about Katie, she’s the link between them, and maybe it’ll be just enough to keep them all together.
****
Emily sticks with them as they find the bike shed, and it seems like it’s more out of the need to not be alone rather than the desire to be with them. But whatever. She can stick around if she wants. Naomi doesn’t even care.
There’s a bunch of people walking in through the front entrance that Naomi remembers going through when she came to the open day but, before she can go in, Katie’s stopping her by tugging on her wrist and pulling her down for a rather fierce kiss that earns them some whoops from the crowd.
When she hears Emily mutter, “Nice,” Naomi pulls away in time to see her passing them by and heading inside.
Naomi’s a bit dazed, but is more pissed off than anything. She doesn’t like being used, being put on display like Katie used to do with Emily.
Look at us, we’re twins! has turned into Look at us, we’re two girls kissing! and it doesn’t feel to Naomi like she’s kissing her girlfriend because she wants to.
“Christ, Katie. What the fuck?”
Katie blinks, and the hurt flashes across her eyes, and Naomi relaxes.
“What?” Katie says quietly. “I thought you were all right in public?”
Naomi looks around her, seeing the people leaning into each other and whispering behind cupped hands. She never wanted to be a secret but, then, she never thought she’d be a spectacle.
But, she thinks as she sighs and takes Katie’s hands, she’s probably destined to a life of this (if she always goes out with girls) so she better get used to it.
“Yeah, yeah I am,” she manages with a smile. “Sorry, just… caught me by surprise.”
Katie nods, and Naomi leans in for a kiss that’s much sweeter. It’s weird, really, that it’s the softer kisses that seem to take Katie by surprise. Seeing as she’s the one professing love, anyway.
****
Inside the main hall they learn about which form they're in, and Naomi tries to avoid several leering glances from a boy whose laugh fills the gym and makes Naomi sink into herself.
She's looking around, trying to avoid his questions about which one of them goes on top when she sees a familiar face.
It's that girl from New Look and she's looking directly at Naomi with that same, knowing smile that pierces Naomi and makes her shiver down to her toes.
She's gorgeous, definitely, but there's something not right about her, and even though Naomi doesn't smile back she can't seem to look away either.
There's a chance she could be trouble, Naomi thinks, just before the girl's eyes flicker towards the laughing boy and a curly haired boy next to him nudges him and says, "Cook, that girl from the Green. She's looking at you again," and then he's distracted enough to ignore Naomi for the rest of assembly.
She releases a deep breath and shifts to her left a little as her limbs release the tension, relieved that no-one's looking at her anymore.
It makes her knee accidentally brush against Emily's, who looked like she’d rather eat wasps than sit next to Naomi but found herself plonking herself down regardless, and it's the first time they've touched since Naomi went around for dinner so it startles them both.
When she looks around Emily's staring right at where their bare skin is touching, and then in a heartbeat she's moving away and pulling her skirt down lower so it's covering more of her leg.
Though it's usually better when there aren't eyes on her, Naomi wishes that this time, just this one time, Emily would look at her properly and give Naomi one little fucking clue what Emily’s thinking.
But, as it is, Emily waits quietly until the end, and Naomi hears nothing that any of the teachers say or anything that Katie's whispering into her ear, because the silence that's coming from Emily is so loud that it's deafening.
They were supposed to be friends. Best friends. And Naomi doesn't know what she did to change that, nor if it's something she'll ever be able to get back.
****
They're standing outside their form-room (because Katie says it's not cool to be the first ones in and Naomi's past arguing with her) when that gorgeous girl - Eff, or something like that, Naomi remembers - saunters up to them.
She's staring at Naomi and continues to do so even as Katie says, "Hi, I'm Katie. This is my girlfriend, Naomi. Oh and that's my sister, Emily." She waves her hand backwards dismissively, like Emily's always an afterthought, always second to her. Or third now that Naomi's there.
Naomi's surprised, then, to find that Katie actually knows who this girl is and when she asks if she's Effy Stonem something clicks and Naomi knows exactly who she is. The girl whose brother got hit by a bus outside that working men's club in West Bristol just over a year ago.
Katie knows it too, and she goes on to bring it up, at which Naomi stiffens because how would she fucking like it if that happened to Emily? (She abandons the thought that Katie would probably be too busy filing her nails to notice because, honestly, she knows Katie loves her sister and she really can't figure out why she's come to think of Katie as such a bitch when it comes to Emily.)
And then Katie says, "My friends thought he was well fit but I've got a girlfriend so I don't really look at boys anymore." She squeezes Naomi's hand like Naomi's supposed to agree with her but she just doesn't want to get involved in this. Not at all.
"Right," Effy says. "So I've noticed." She looks at Naomi then, and every fucking time she's got this small smile that says I know you and not just because they met, once.
"Yeah, cool," Katie goes on. "I would totally sit with you but I'm with Naomi. But, oh my god, we should definitely do something some time. Are you friends with those boys? The one with the emo hair is cute but I'm already taken. Hey, who knows, maybe you can go out with him."
"Maybe." Effy flicks her eyes back to Katie and the wash of relief hits Naomi like a tidal wave. Again.
"Right, great. Let's go in shall we? I don't want to be first but I also don't want to not be able to sit next to you, babe," Katie grins, leaning her head on Naomi’s shoulder briefly, and then leads her in by the hand.
"Interesting," she hears Effy say somewhere behind her, and there's a moment of panic when she realises she's talking to Emily as she's followed them in. "You're okay with that, then?"
"I don't know what you mean," Emily mutters and then she's standing right by Naomi and out of Effy's way.
On another day, Naomi would have smiled and nudged Emily and whispered, Bit fucking weird, isn't she? Glad it's not just me, but today she says nothing, keeps her hand wrapped in Katie's and they take their seats together.
Emily's not far away, and she's sat next to someone random, and all Naomi can think it's that it's not right. They can't keep on being Katie and Naomi without Emily. She's always there but not really there and it's like Naomi's being pulled in two directions.
Only, really, Katie is the one doing all the pulling. It's Naomi who wants to be pulled in by Emily again. Just so that things can get back to normal.
****
The argument starts on the way home when Naomi's really had just about enough.
She's lighting up a fag and watching Emily walk swiftly ahead of them so that she's in front a few paces when Katie says that it was fucking brilliant, their first day, and that they should definitely go to Cook's party and that maybe they should skive off tomorrow to go and buy clothes for it.
"Katie, for fuck's sake," Naomi snaps as she exhales, her bike wobbling under just one hand. "I'm not fucking skiving. I want to be at college. The only fucking reason I'm there is to learn things and I don't want to go to some tosser's birthday party who thinks that one of us must be the bloke and it's probably me because you'd look better bent over a desk."
"Well," Katie says with a smirk. "He wouldn't be wrong, would he babes?"
Naomi stops in her tracks, then, and waits for Katie to stop with her. Her cigarette is doing nothing to calm her nerves, nor is the way that Katie's looking at her like this is all her fault. All of it.
"Katie, fucking... Look, I love you, okay. You know that I do. But you've got to stop parading me around like I'm a prize fucking donkey."
"Naoms, wait, I - "
"This isn't all a joke to me, Katie. You know how hard I worked to get here. You fucking know it, and all you want to do is prat about telling everyone about how fucking great it is to be going out with a girl like it's the coolest thing ever."
Katie looks like Naomi's slapped her and she takes a step back as her eyes glaze over with anger.
"Is that what you think, you stupid cow? That I'm trying to gain cool points by being, like, partially gay or whatever?"
"Aren't you?" Naomi says steadily, even though her heart is racing. This is the most they've ever fought, or the loudest at least. And it feels like they both mean it.
Naomi watches Katie clench and unclench her fists, waiting to see if she's going to see one of them a lot closer up very soon, and then she just says, very quietly, "Fuck you, Naomi," and walks away.
Emily tries to put a hand on Katie's shoulder as she storms past but she just shrugs her off and snaps, "Don't fucking touch me."
Even though Naomi felt like she was dead on with her assumption before, now she has no idea what to think. Her cigarette's burnt down to the tip so she flicks it away, reaching into her bag for a fresh one, and flops down heavily onto a nearby bench, letting her bike fall to the floor beside her.
She's surprised when Emily joins her, least of all because of the way she's been lately. Naomi stares at Emily's hands resting on her knees, picking at the light-blue nail-varnish that's already chipped around the edges.
"Look," Emily starts quietly. "I know I've been... that I haven't seen you as much lately. And that's been a bit rubbish, actually. And I'm not sure that we're like we used to be but you need to know... It's you she's proud of. I'm sure of it."
Naomi shakes her head and bites her lip, watching her hair cover her eyes as she does it.
"Fuck knows why, though," Emily continues with a lighter lilt to her voice than Naomi's heard for a while. "You can be a right twat sometimes."
They both laugh, then, softly and, without thinking, Naomi reaches over to take Emily's hand but then they're back to how they were five minutes ago and Emily's snatching her hand away and pulling it under her sleeve.
"Right, well,” Emily says quickly. “I better go. She's gonna be in a right shit tonight." She stands and Naomi follows, everything changing too rapidly for her to keep up. "Ring her later though, yeah? Once I've calmed her down a bit."
Emily offers a small smile that makes it look like she’s trying, wraps her arms around herself and walks quickly in the direction that Katie had gone in, half-running as she turns a corner and leaves Naomi's sight.
It's a slow walk home, then, for Naomi as she thinks about how Emily's always there for the save. How Katie fucks up and Emily fixes it.
There's just a worry in the back of Naomi's mind that she's not quite ready to deal with yet that's asking her just who Emily's protecting.
****
Naomi waits until 9pm and then sends a message. By 10.30 Katie's in her bed and they're both saying sorry like they'll never be able to say it again.
It's whispered against hair, and into necks, and between thighs and around fingers. It's a word that they both mean and, even though Naomi's not sure why she's sorry, she just knows that she is.
She's got to believe Emily. She just has to. Because if she doesn't then it means that they're both lying and Naomi's not sure she could handle it if even one of them were.
Even if it's for self-preservation. Even if it's to preserve them all.
Part Two