"change of plans. [his] concert was cancelled.  i can still come get you if you want."

my heart drops suddenly as i skim through his list of text messages, sadly coming to the realization that these are words he does not intend for me to read.  an emotional lump in the back of my throat has steadily grown in size over the past two months, and now ( Read more... )

a lifetime has passed since i've written anything down.  i return to these pages again and again, thinking that it will be easy to pick up from where i left off.  not surprisingly, that doesn't seem to be the case.  i should feel foolish for believing it would be so simple, but instead i'm gripped by fear.  i'm scared of starting over again.  i'm ( Read more... )

"i just read your journal, too," he says in an attempt to cut me down. "the one from december."glancing at my neglected livejournal now, i realize he must have been referring to my entry from last october. big whoop. i shake my head and wonder where he had been during the last eight months that prevented him from reading it until now. it wasn't ( Read more... )

i'm on my knees ( Read more... )

a day after and the lump in my throat still remains. my eyes begin to swell when i reflect upon the film. i feel foolish for comparing it to my first heartbreak, but it is all i can draw upon in relating to the intense emotional pain and tragedy that consumes the two lovers. no on-screen love story, gay or straight, has ever rung truer. this is

i think we both can see it begin to fall apart. neither of us wants to say anything. neither of us wants to admit defeat. failure is not an option ( Read more... )

today would have been jason sibley's 29th birthday. on a whim i decided to text his cell phone and hotmail account. i am not sure why i did it, knowing full well that a reply was next to impossible. feeling foolish and a bit embarrassed by my behavior, i tucked my cell phone into the front pocket of my sweatshirt and proceeded with my afternoon ( Read more... )

there have been small, fleeting moments scattered throughout each day where i find myself entertaining the seemingly absurd theory that jason has faked his death in an attempt to sever any emotional ties with seattle and the friends and memories he was forced to leave behind. admittedly, it seems wrong and selfish of me to think of such things, ( Read more... )

i begin to notice the sadness give way to wonder and disbelief. the torrent of helpless tears and suffocating sobs that had accompanied any memory surrounding him have since melted into a progression of quieter reactions. i find myself having a difficult time accepting that jason has passed away, but i do not identify my thoughts as a form of ( Read more... )

meet me on the other side ( Read more... )