I wanna live life and never be cruel ( Read more... )

The lapse of time between entries has grown exponentially over the past five years ( Read more... )

2009 is the new 2004, or so i've just realized as i pore over old journal entries.  i don't yet know how i feel about discovering that my life has reverted back to the way it was five years ago.  it was better the first time around.  this revival, however, not so much.

i don't know how or if i can turn it around.

the benchmark arrived too quickly, i think, much faster than i expected.  and yet here i am, presently standing at the point where i am no longer angry or upset by the recent past, but instead, optimistic and reflective.  these new feelings will pass just as swiftly as they came; optimism is not a lengthy visitor ( Read more... )

the cracks are gradually beginnning to show.  my gut feeling is warning me to make repairs now before the damage rises to the surface, but i always find a way to distract myself from dealing with the situation.  i'm not sure how long i'll be able to get away with this before everything gets out of hand.  there are fleeting moments throughout the ( Read more... )

i could feel my heart scraping emotional bottom when i learned of jeremy's plans to spend seafair weekend in vancouver with his new boyfriend.  it shouldn't have bothered me as much as it did, but the residual waves of rejection that accompanied his news quickly reminded me of how much i still cared about him.  i couldn't help but  imagine how ( Read more... )

no sooner had i finished writing the previous entry did i take the remains of my crumbling relationship with jeremy and irreparably destroyed what was left of us.  as i shouted and sobbed, assaulting them with the same accusations of infidelity that i'd confronted them with on separate occasions weeks earlier, i watched what little hope i had left ( Read more... )

i naively assume that the transition from lovers to friends will feel less awkward and become a bit easier with each passing week.  unfortunately, as with much of my life lately, things have not gone quite as i've predicted.  i knew that a friendship with jeremy was going to take quite a bit of effort and patience, but the struggle to remain ( Read more... )

i soon realize that being his friend is no different than being his boyfriend.  he continues to regard me with the same amount of impatience and disinterest that preceded the break-up, as though there were other things he'd rather be doing instead of interacting with me.  the simplest of conversations have become burdensome and trying, and i ( Read more... )

after three years, i am being thrown back into the ocean.  we've both agreed that it's best for the both of us to end our romantic relationship and go back to being friends (if that is at all possible).  although the decision was mutual, our reasons for breaking up were very different.  for the past couple of months, i tried to ignore and repress ( Read more... )