° One More Medicated Peaceful Moment, JunSeung
One More Medicated Peaceful Moment (4/?)
BEAST ° eventual JunSeung, one-sided DooSeung
pg13 ° au ° 2045words, 8498total ° not mine, not even a little bit
if you spend your days longing for things you can never have, you'll miss the ones you can
an: i definitely have a goal with this, i promise.
previous chapters: 01 02 03
Four days later, when Junhyung is returning home from work, he sees Hyunseung standing in front of his neighbor's door, seemingly staring at the wood finish for no reason but to watch it slowly decay. Junhyung stares, as well. Hyunseung's behavior has always been something of a mystery to him, and he is more than intrigued as to what led up to this point. He slips his keys back into his coat pocket and strides over to where the other is standing, stepping up beside him and copying his behavior, just staring at the door.
They continue on in this fashion for a good two minutes before Junhyung gets bored. He doesn't get it.
"Why are we staring at the door?"
When he doesn't receive any form of answer, not even a twitch to let him know that Hyunseung was aware he was even there, he turns to face the other. He sees his friend's face for the first time since arriving home and is surprised to find that the other is crying silently.
"Seung?" he pushes, lowering his voice as he leans in closer to make sure he was seeing things right.
At Hyunseung's continued silence, Junhyung reaches a hand up to push the other's hood back and off his head. Hyunseung's eyes aren't just red, but swollen and puffy. In all honesty, Junhyung wasn't even sure Hyunseung could cry until this moment. He hates it already.
"What happened?"
Hyunseung sighs, moving for the first time in minutes, then turns his head to look at the other. "Oh. Hey."
Junhyung simply watches as his friend brings a hand up slowly, touching his cheek to discover that he'd been crying. He doesn't look surprised, but turns his head away from Junhyung in shame. "When did you get home?"
Junhyung shakes his head. "What happened?"
"Nothing, really. Just had a bad day."
"Every day is a bad day for you," Junhyung reminds him. "What was worse today?"
Hyunseung sighs again. "He said he found 'the one'."
"Doojoon?"
"Yeah."
"What does that mean?"
"He said..." Hyunseung starts, reaching for the door knob and pushing the door open to enter his apartment, Junhyung on his heels. "... that he found the one. The person he wants to spend his life with. Said he was beautiful. Said he was perfect." Hyunseung pulls down on the zipper of his coat, then slips out of it, letting it fall to the floor as he walks slowly toward his bedroom. "Said he had a great fashion sense. Said he was quiet. Said.." he pauses again after passing through the doorway to his room. "Said he was exactly like me."
Junhyung stops in the doorway, not out of respect for the other's privacy, but by Hyunseung's words. "He said he was just like you?"
Hyunseung nods as he sits on his bed, sinking into the mattress. "Just like me," he mimics.
"This bastard..." Junhyung grumbles under his breath. "How can he say something like that to you?"
"It's not like he knows I'm in love with him."
"Still. What a bastard. If he wanted someone just like you, he should have just chosen you."
Hyunseung brings his gaze up slowly, stopping on the figure leaning on the from of his doorway. Junhyung looks mad and irritated. He hadn't expected his friend to care this much. Junhyung never seemed to care about anything.
"You have to tell him," Junhyung speaks up after a moment of thought. "It's not too late. If you tell him now, now that you know he is into someone like you, maybe he'll understand. You're already friends and roommates. It could work."
"It won't work."
"You don't-"
"Junhyung. Please," Hyunseung cuts him off, his voice soft as he reaches for a tissue to mop up the tears still left on his face. "It's not worth it. I knew it would never work out from the very beginning. He's such a good person. I knew that if I ever told him, he'd find the nicest way to turn me down, but we'd both know how I felt and we wouldn't be able to live together anymore. I love him," he pauses again, looking back up at Junhyung, still in his doorway. "I love him too much to ruin this. Living here is everything I could ask for."
Junhyung pushes off the door frame, taking one step further into the room. "You're pathetic."
Hyunseung looks confused for a moment before nodding. "I know."
"So do something about it."
"I can't. It's already over."
"God damn it, Hyunseung," Junhyung hisses, moving over to the other in two long strides. "If it's over, get over it. You're going to be alone forever if you block everyone else out and focus on someone you can't have. If you're so sure that he's never going to love you, then stop before it kills you."
Hyunseung isn't crying anymore. He doesn't have anything left to let out. "You would leave me, too?"
"I'm not talking about me."
"If I continue this way, will you get tired of it and stop talking to me?"
It's Junhyung's turn to sigh as he turns away, facing the window. "You're my friend. I would bitch about it, but that's a dumb reason to abandon someone."
"You said I'd be alone forever."
Junhyung turns again, this time to sit on the bed beside Hyunseung. "I meant when it comes to love. How can you expect anyone to love you if you won't let them in? If you spend your entire life caught up on The Jerk, how can anyone else get to you?"
"Love hurts. It's probably for the best."
"Love doesn't have to hurt. You have to let it go that far."
"Have you ever been in love?"
There's enough hesitation in Junhyung's response to give Hyunseung his answer. He nods, standing from the bed and moving over to the closet to gather a change of clothes. He always comes home smelling like work and he's never liked it.
"I already told you, we're not talking about me."
"How can you expect me to take advice from you if you have no idea what you're talking about?" Hyunseung asks, looking back at the other.
It takes some mental force on his own part for Junhyung to work up to his reply. "I've been in love."
"I take it it didn't work out, seeing as you're alone now."
"Something like that."
"Were you like me? Did you love someone you couldn't be with?" Hyunseung asks as he moves across the room with his clothes in hand.
"Please sit down. I don't like talking to you when you're stalking around. It's irritating."
Hyunseung moves over to the bed slowly, then perches on the edge, far enough from Junhyung to show he was only doing it because he was told to, but close enough to indicate he wants help from his friend.
"No, it wasn't like that," Junhyung explains easily. "We were in love with each other. And then one day, we weren't in love anymore. Simple as that."
"How can you just fall out of love with a person like that? Especially if they love you back..."
"I don't know, okay? It just happened that way," Junhyung nearly snaps, his words far harsher than he originally intended.
"I was honestly curious," Hyunseung replies after a few long moments of silence, his voice low and almost too quiet to hear. "Because if you knew how to fall out of love with someone, I would like to know how." He shifts back and further onto the bed to make himself more comfortable. "Because this hurts. It hurts a lot. It hurts more now than it ever did before and I want it to end."
Junhyung doesn't know what to say. He raises a hand, brushing his fingers over Hyunseung's arm and causing the other to snap out of his thoughts. The younger man offers his friend one of his unsettling smiles before moving to stand from the bed.
"You just need to find something to replace him," Junhyung finally advises and he walks toward the open doorway. "Something you can love more."
Hyunseung stands from the bed, as well, his expression one of confusion. "How can I love anything more?"
Junhyung turns, grinning, as Hyunseung passes by him in the doorway. He brings his hand up again, touching the skin at the other's nape and causing Hyunseung to stop moving completely as he stiffens. In the living room, just beyond the door, Doojoon stands by the couch, watching them. Hyunseung realizes what it must look like, Junhyung walking out of his bedroom, touching his neck that way. He also realizes Junhyung probably saw Doojoon first and had done it on purpose.
"You can't choose who you fall in love with," Junhyung starts and Hyunseung is one second away from tackling his friend to shut him up before he continues. "But you can choose how much it affects you and how much of your life it takes over."
Junhyung pushes away from the doorway, intentionally brushing past Hyunseung as he moves toward the front door. "I have a plan for tomorrow," he announces to the room. "Leave your schedule open," he instructs Hyunseung, then slips out of the apartment without another word.
Hyunseung is frozen by his door, still trying to figure out how to explain to Doojoon that it most definitely wasn't what it looked like.
Doojoon seems better prepared for the impending conversation. "I thought you weren't dating."
"We're not."
"He didn't just walk out of your bedroom?"
"He's my friend."
"That doesn't explain anything. I have plenty of friends, but none of them have been in my bedroom."
Hyunseung glares at his roommate. Why was he even getting a lecture for this? Especially when Doojoon brings so many people home himself. "You don't have to believe me, but it's the truth. We were just talking."
"And the way he touched you?"
"Why do you even care? It's not like you need to defend my honor or something. I don't say anything to the trove of people you bring back here, do I? He's just a friend. That's it."
Doojoon looks the other over, as if assessing him carefully. "I don't like him," he announces, at length.
"I told you you wouldn't. You don't listen to me."
"You shouldn't hang out with him."
Hyunseung sighs, folding his arms over his chest. "Because you don't like him?"
"He's no good for you."
"I thought you were going to meet your new boyfriend."
Doojoon holds up a hand with his camera in it, indicating just why he had returned. "Need to make memories," he explains, waving the camera a little. "Wouldn't want you to miss any of it, either. You have to tell me what you think of him."
Hyunseung swallows heavily, averting his gaze as he nods. He doesn't move from the doorway to his room until long after Doojoon apologizes for being a dick about Junhyung, says goodbye, and leaves. It doesn't have to be this hard, he tells himself once he finally gains control of his legs. He doesn't know why, but he finds himself standing outside Junhyung's apartment again, ready to knock, when he overhears Yoseob from beyond the door.
"What's with you? Did you forget that we had plans last night?"
"Hyunseung came over," Junhyung's voice replies, and Hyunseung can almost see him sighing.
"Yeah, but..." Yoseob starts, an obvious whine in his voice. "But. The movies."
Junhyung chuckles, his voice moving closer to the door, causing Hyunseung to back up and retreat to his own apartment. He slips inside, not closing the door fully, and waits for Junhyung and Yoseob to step out into the hall.
"I'll take you now, okay?" Junhyung offers as he locks his apartment door.
Yoseob whoops, nearly knocking the older man over as he latches onto him in excitement. "And you're paying for everything," he announces as they move down the hall and finally out of Hyunseung's range of hearing.
Hyunseung lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding before he shuts his door. He's already decided to spend less time over at Junhyung's, even if Doojoon is an insufferable bastard. He'd never meant to get in the way.
BEAST ° eventual JunSeung, one-sided DooSeung
pg13 ° au ° 2045words, 8498total ° not mine, not even a little bit
if you spend your days longing for things you can never have, you'll miss the ones you can
an: i definitely have a goal with this, i promise.
previous chapters: 01 02 03
Four days later, when Junhyung is returning home from work, he sees Hyunseung standing in front of his neighbor's door, seemingly staring at the wood finish for no reason but to watch it slowly decay. Junhyung stares, as well. Hyunseung's behavior has always been something of a mystery to him, and he is more than intrigued as to what led up to this point. He slips his keys back into his coat pocket and strides over to where the other is standing, stepping up beside him and copying his behavior, just staring at the door.
They continue on in this fashion for a good two minutes before Junhyung gets bored. He doesn't get it.
"Why are we staring at the door?"
When he doesn't receive any form of answer, not even a twitch to let him know that Hyunseung was aware he was even there, he turns to face the other. He sees his friend's face for the first time since arriving home and is surprised to find that the other is crying silently.
"Seung?" he pushes, lowering his voice as he leans in closer to make sure he was seeing things right.
At Hyunseung's continued silence, Junhyung reaches a hand up to push the other's hood back and off his head. Hyunseung's eyes aren't just red, but swollen and puffy. In all honesty, Junhyung wasn't even sure Hyunseung could cry until this moment. He hates it already.
"What happened?"
Hyunseung sighs, moving for the first time in minutes, then turns his head to look at the other. "Oh. Hey."
Junhyung simply watches as his friend brings a hand up slowly, touching his cheek to discover that he'd been crying. He doesn't look surprised, but turns his head away from Junhyung in shame. "When did you get home?"
Junhyung shakes his head. "What happened?"
"Nothing, really. Just had a bad day."
"Every day is a bad day for you," Junhyung reminds him. "What was worse today?"
Hyunseung sighs again. "He said he found 'the one'."
"Doojoon?"
"Yeah."
"What does that mean?"
"He said..." Hyunseung starts, reaching for the door knob and pushing the door open to enter his apartment, Junhyung on his heels. "... that he found the one. The person he wants to spend his life with. Said he was beautiful. Said he was perfect." Hyunseung pulls down on the zipper of his coat, then slips out of it, letting it fall to the floor as he walks slowly toward his bedroom. "Said he had a great fashion sense. Said he was quiet. Said.." he pauses again after passing through the doorway to his room. "Said he was exactly like me."
Junhyung stops in the doorway, not out of respect for the other's privacy, but by Hyunseung's words. "He said he was just like you?"
Hyunseung nods as he sits on his bed, sinking into the mattress. "Just like me," he mimics.
"This bastard..." Junhyung grumbles under his breath. "How can he say something like that to you?"
"It's not like he knows I'm in love with him."
"Still. What a bastard. If he wanted someone just like you, he should have just chosen you."
Hyunseung brings his gaze up slowly, stopping on the figure leaning on the from of his doorway. Junhyung looks mad and irritated. He hadn't expected his friend to care this much. Junhyung never seemed to care about anything.
"You have to tell him," Junhyung speaks up after a moment of thought. "It's not too late. If you tell him now, now that you know he is into someone like you, maybe he'll understand. You're already friends and roommates. It could work."
"It won't work."
"You don't-"
"Junhyung. Please," Hyunseung cuts him off, his voice soft as he reaches for a tissue to mop up the tears still left on his face. "It's not worth it. I knew it would never work out from the very beginning. He's such a good person. I knew that if I ever told him, he'd find the nicest way to turn me down, but we'd both know how I felt and we wouldn't be able to live together anymore. I love him," he pauses again, looking back up at Junhyung, still in his doorway. "I love him too much to ruin this. Living here is everything I could ask for."
Junhyung pushes off the door frame, taking one step further into the room. "You're pathetic."
Hyunseung looks confused for a moment before nodding. "I know."
"So do something about it."
"I can't. It's already over."
"God damn it, Hyunseung," Junhyung hisses, moving over to the other in two long strides. "If it's over, get over it. You're going to be alone forever if you block everyone else out and focus on someone you can't have. If you're so sure that he's never going to love you, then stop before it kills you."
Hyunseung isn't crying anymore. He doesn't have anything left to let out. "You would leave me, too?"
"I'm not talking about me."
"If I continue this way, will you get tired of it and stop talking to me?"
It's Junhyung's turn to sigh as he turns away, facing the window. "You're my friend. I would bitch about it, but that's a dumb reason to abandon someone."
"You said I'd be alone forever."
Junhyung turns again, this time to sit on the bed beside Hyunseung. "I meant when it comes to love. How can you expect anyone to love you if you won't let them in? If you spend your entire life caught up on The Jerk, how can anyone else get to you?"
"Love hurts. It's probably for the best."
"Love doesn't have to hurt. You have to let it go that far."
"Have you ever been in love?"
There's enough hesitation in Junhyung's response to give Hyunseung his answer. He nods, standing from the bed and moving over to the closet to gather a change of clothes. He always comes home smelling like work and he's never liked it.
"I already told you, we're not talking about me."
"How can you expect me to take advice from you if you have no idea what you're talking about?" Hyunseung asks, looking back at the other.
It takes some mental force on his own part for Junhyung to work up to his reply. "I've been in love."
"I take it it didn't work out, seeing as you're alone now."
"Something like that."
"Were you like me? Did you love someone you couldn't be with?" Hyunseung asks as he moves across the room with his clothes in hand.
"Please sit down. I don't like talking to you when you're stalking around. It's irritating."
Hyunseung moves over to the bed slowly, then perches on the edge, far enough from Junhyung to show he was only doing it because he was told to, but close enough to indicate he wants help from his friend.
"No, it wasn't like that," Junhyung explains easily. "We were in love with each other. And then one day, we weren't in love anymore. Simple as that."
"How can you just fall out of love with a person like that? Especially if they love you back..."
"I don't know, okay? It just happened that way," Junhyung nearly snaps, his words far harsher than he originally intended.
"I was honestly curious," Hyunseung replies after a few long moments of silence, his voice low and almost too quiet to hear. "Because if you knew how to fall out of love with someone, I would like to know how." He shifts back and further onto the bed to make himself more comfortable. "Because this hurts. It hurts a lot. It hurts more now than it ever did before and I want it to end."
Junhyung doesn't know what to say. He raises a hand, brushing his fingers over Hyunseung's arm and causing the other to snap out of his thoughts. The younger man offers his friend one of his unsettling smiles before moving to stand from the bed.
"You just need to find something to replace him," Junhyung finally advises and he walks toward the open doorway. "Something you can love more."
Hyunseung stands from the bed, as well, his expression one of confusion. "How can I love anything more?"
Junhyung turns, grinning, as Hyunseung passes by him in the doorway. He brings his hand up again, touching the skin at the other's nape and causing Hyunseung to stop moving completely as he stiffens. In the living room, just beyond the door, Doojoon stands by the couch, watching them. Hyunseung realizes what it must look like, Junhyung walking out of his bedroom, touching his neck that way. He also realizes Junhyung probably saw Doojoon first and had done it on purpose.
"You can't choose who you fall in love with," Junhyung starts and Hyunseung is one second away from tackling his friend to shut him up before he continues. "But you can choose how much it affects you and how much of your life it takes over."
Junhyung pushes away from the doorway, intentionally brushing past Hyunseung as he moves toward the front door. "I have a plan for tomorrow," he announces to the room. "Leave your schedule open," he instructs Hyunseung, then slips out of the apartment without another word.
Hyunseung is frozen by his door, still trying to figure out how to explain to Doojoon that it most definitely wasn't what it looked like.
Doojoon seems better prepared for the impending conversation. "I thought you weren't dating."
"We're not."
"He didn't just walk out of your bedroom?"
"He's my friend."
"That doesn't explain anything. I have plenty of friends, but none of them have been in my bedroom."
Hyunseung glares at his roommate. Why was he even getting a lecture for this? Especially when Doojoon brings so many people home himself. "You don't have to believe me, but it's the truth. We were just talking."
"And the way he touched you?"
"Why do you even care? It's not like you need to defend my honor or something. I don't say anything to the trove of people you bring back here, do I? He's just a friend. That's it."
Doojoon looks the other over, as if assessing him carefully. "I don't like him," he announces, at length.
"I told you you wouldn't. You don't listen to me."
"You shouldn't hang out with him."
Hyunseung sighs, folding his arms over his chest. "Because you don't like him?"
"He's no good for you."
"I thought you were going to meet your new boyfriend."
Doojoon holds up a hand with his camera in it, indicating just why he had returned. "Need to make memories," he explains, waving the camera a little. "Wouldn't want you to miss any of it, either. You have to tell me what you think of him."
Hyunseung swallows heavily, averting his gaze as he nods. He doesn't move from the doorway to his room until long after Doojoon apologizes for being a dick about Junhyung, says goodbye, and leaves. It doesn't have to be this hard, he tells himself once he finally gains control of his legs. He doesn't know why, but he finds himself standing outside Junhyung's apartment again, ready to knock, when he overhears Yoseob from beyond the door.
"What's with you? Did you forget that we had plans last night?"
"Hyunseung came over," Junhyung's voice replies, and Hyunseung can almost see him sighing.
"Yeah, but..." Yoseob starts, an obvious whine in his voice. "But. The movies."
Junhyung chuckles, his voice moving closer to the door, causing Hyunseung to back up and retreat to his own apartment. He slips inside, not closing the door fully, and waits for Junhyung and Yoseob to step out into the hall.
"I'll take you now, okay?" Junhyung offers as he locks his apartment door.
Yoseob whoops, nearly knocking the older man over as he latches onto him in excitement. "And you're paying for everything," he announces as they move down the hall and finally out of Hyunseung's range of hearing.
Hyunseung lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding before he shuts his door. He's already decided to spend less time over at Junhyung's, even if Doojoon is an insufferable bastard. He'd never meant to get in the way.