Comments | flower10: im going insane

flower10

im going insane

May 03, 2010 15:40

i know im going mad.
i seem to grow fears and phobias overnight and then they take over my life.
todays i just cant smell food, i dont know whether im scared it will trigger me to eat or purely because the thought of food makes me feel sick.
and in know this is so stupid but i feel guilty for smelling food, like im a complete fat whore for wanting it ( Read more... )

Comments 4

skinny127 May 3 2010, 15:04:06 UTC

story of my life..im so sorry hun :( :)

burningbright09 May 5 2010, 04:21:05 UTC

I just wrote you in another comment about how I'm eating huge amounts just to keep me going through the end of the semester. It's horrible but it's almost done. And then we can go back to the way we want things to be. It IS important to do well in school. We don't want to f*ck things up for us in the future by getting a bad grade (or having our parents on our cases, i.e.--"I thought you said you were doing okay ( ... )

flower10 May 7 2010, 05:43:40 UTC

i used to be like that with my ex,he made me feel like shit so afterwards i just let myself get used as thats all i thought i was worth. you have to realise that really are worth it, we abuse ourselves enough already to let someone else do it aswell.

also it helps to think that what we consider a binge is what most people consider normal, i know you cant rationally argue with anorexia but it can make you feel a tiny bit better. i have a whole month left of exams, its awful!

im on sertaline, i can never tell if it works or not. in the end all my fears trail down to my ultimate fear of being 'fat'.
confronting it with weight gain just doesnt work, its not a fear of being overweight as i know i wont ever allow myself to be but just of fat, a skinny person can still have fat on them but not be 'fat'.
fat is a word that symbolises so much more than people realise, but i guess in the end of the day we all know we have to confront it, its just choosing when.
hope your ok darling xx

burningbright09 May 10 2010, 00:08:58 UTC

It's true--we do abuse ourselves so much why allow someone else to do it? But I'm glad you know (or knew) how I feel. It's really hard to think of myself as worth much. If I didn't have low self-esteem, I wouldn't have an ED.

Oh, so true: what we consider binging is "normal" eating for most people. But that is TERRIFYING to me! I don't do normal eating in any way, shape, or form.

I think you really articulated that well about how skinny people can have fat on them but not be fat. I've said many times how someone like Kim Kardashian seems to be what's considered sexy now, and no one would consider her really skinny. But she's also not "fat" either, you know?