Someone Else [2/2]
Title: Someone Else [2/2]
Author: FloweryMisha
Pairing: KaiSoo
Warning: BoyxBoy love. Enough said.
Summary: Kyungsoo tended to keep things to himself. Jongin changed all that.
[1]
Kyungsoo tended to keep things to himself.
Which was why he didn’t tell Jongin that the pearl milk tea tasted heavenly.
They had walked together in a safe distance, pretending that they didn’t know each other and honestly, for Kyungsoo, it was stupid. It was stupid because he needed someone to talk to and when Jongin was already there for him, he was too scared for unknown reasons. Was it because he was still in a relationship with Chanyeol? Even so, was there something wrong with that? Was he not allowed to have friends?
Friends.
Was Jongin his friend...?
They rarely talked the other day, but whenever Kyungsoo glanced over his shoulder, he would breathe in relief because Jongin was still there. He kept his words-I’m right behind you, Kyungsoo. Their eyes would meet and then the tanned male would give him a calming smile and Kyungsoo would smile back a little before fixing his attention back to the road ahead of him.
Kyungsoo felt...protected.
And it was a wonderful feeling.
A few days later, Chanyeol sent him a text.
Kyungsoo had to rub his eyes twice because it was really Chanyeol-it was really his boyfriend. He was in the middle of his lunch when it happened and Kyungsoo almost choked over his food. Chanyeol’s text was simple. The older male just stated that he and the others were going to the club later that night to celebrate Sehun’s birthday. Despite the fact that he wanted to scream and protest and beseech to Chanyeol like an abandoned child-for ignoring him for days and hundreds of ‘why’s, but he said nothing. He kept everything inside because this was probably the chance for them to kiss and make up.
In fact, Kyungsoo felt a bit relieved because it mean Chanyeol still wanted him around.
So he did come to the club after work...
...only to find that Chanyeol wasn’t there.
Junmyeon and the others welcomed him with the warmest smiles and he settled down on the seat awkwardly. Yifan handed him a bottle of beer which he reluctantly accepted and looked around searchingly. Kyungsoo waited for a certain person. Maybe his boyfriend received a call and had gone to somewhere quiet-just like last time. But after twenty minutes and there was no sign of Chanyeol, he decided to ask.
“Where’s Chanyeol...?”
Junmyeon looked a bit startled by his question and he exchanged wary looks with Luhan. “Chanyeol...? He...left already.”
Kyungsoo blinked. “He did...?”
“Yeah,” Luhan said with a slight frown. “Baek called. It seemed a bit urgent so Chanyeol left early tonight. Um... I’m sure he left you a message?”
A huge pang was starting to form within Kyungsoo as he checked his phone. He forced himself to feign an expression and nodded. “A-ah, he did.”
“Don’t worry, you still have us,” Junmyeon smiled. “We’re gonna go karaoke after this. You’re coming, right?” The pretty male didn’t get the chance to hear his reply when Yifan tapped his shoulder to have his attention.
Kyungsoo faked a thoughtful look.
He looked fine, but inside, he was crumbling into pieces.
Kyungsoo lied.
There was no text whatsoever from Chanyeol and clearly Junmyeon and the others didn’t know that their relationship was fading.
It hurt.
Badly.
What hurt even more was the fact that he had no idea who ‘Baek’ was. It stung like a prickling needle to his chest that his eyes almost burned with tears but fortunately, he managed to keep it all inside.
Just like the usual Kyungsoo.
Chanyeol’s friends were busy with themselves and Kyungsoo tried to distract his mind by randomly viewed his phone. He scanned the photos, the galeries, his twitter account, but they weren’t able to take his mind off of the throbbing pain.
I’m at the club and my boyfriend’s not here.
Kyungsoo didn’t mean to press send-and he definitely didn’t mean to send it to Jongin. But the other male’s text was at the top of his inbox (Jongin had sent him a ‘what are you doing?’ text just after Chanyeol texted him) and he absently pressed reply and he accidentally typed those few words.
Within a minute, he got a reply.
Do you want to go home?
Did he want to go home?
God, yes...
Kyungsoo didn’t feel like staying anymore. He thought of a reason to excuse himself from Chanyeol’s friends. Besides, they wouldn’t miss anything even if he wasn’t there.
Meet me outside in ten minutes.
Kyungsoo blinked at Jongin’s reply. It took him a few seconds to register the words and he almost gasped when he realized what the other male meant by that. While he thought of a good reason to sneak out and he failed because he just happened to be a bad liar, ten minutes passed by in a blink of an eye. He didn’t even realize that Sehun and Luhan had disappeared to the dance floor when his phone vibrated.
Outside.
Kyungsoo straightened up on his seat and gulped down the rest of his beer. “I-I gotta go.”
“Eh?” Junmyeon looked a bit disappointed. “So soon...?”
“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo earnestly apologized and stood up. “Um...Sehun...?”
Yifan directed his eyes to the people on the dance floor. “He’ll probably take a while. We’ll just tell him later.”
“Please do,” Kyungsoo nodded apologetically. “Please tell him happy birthday once again and I wish he has a great year...”
“I will. Be careful,” Junmyeon smiled. “See you soon, Kyungsoo-yah.”
Kyungsoo hastily stepped outside the club and looked around almost frantically for the appearance of a certain tanned male. The sight of Jongin across the street made him wanted to cry and wordlessly, he quickened his steps to approach the other male. His feelings were mixed up and he didn’t know what he felt anymore.
He just wanted to go home.
“Hey,” Jongin greeted quietly.
“H-hey,” Kyungsoo shakily retorted.
Jongin misinterpreted it as a sign that Kyungsoo was cold and he instinctively took off his jacket and wrapped it around the latter’s smaller figure. The attention was so sweet that it made Kyungsoo had a hard time breathing.
“Is everything okay?”
“N-no,” Kyungsoo whimpered weakly. “I want to go home.”
“Okay,” Jongin put the hoodie on so it covered Kyungsoo’s head. “Calm down, alright?”
“I can’t-“ Kyungsoo’s breath became ragged and he slightly became hysterical. “J-Jongin, I can’t calm down-“
Jongin grabbed his arms and pushed him into the alley. Kyungsoo felt his back met the cold wall and he cried weakly. Jongin pinned him against the wall with his hands pressed on Kyungsoo’s sides. “We’re not going until you calm down.”
“B-but-“ Kyungsoo still did his best to stifle a sob.
“Just let it out,” Jongin whispered against his forehead. “Just let it out, Kyungsoo.”
“What if-what if someone sees us-“
“You’re in my jacket, remember?” Jongin said firmly and caressed Kyungsoo’s cheek with the back of his hand. “I’ll protect you, Kyungsoo. Just let it out. Please, just...”
Kyungsoo burst out crying the minute Jongin pulled him into his arms.
He tried his best to not make a sound, even though his shoulders shook roughly everytime he gasped for air. Kyungsoo buried his face against Jongin’s chest in desperation, letting the taller male slipping his fingers onto his hair underneath the hoodie, letting him holding him tightly.
It was as if a heavy burden was taken off of his chest.
But it didn’t calm him down.
Kyungsoo didn’t know how long had it been since he started crying. His grip was starting to loose on Jongin’s sleeve, briefly wondering if he was hurting the other male. Slowly, but surely, his breath became steady and a huge wave of relief washed over his entire body. Kyungsoo feebly pressed his lips against Jongin’s slender collarbone and sighed. The tanned male’s shirt was a bit drenched by his tears, but he didn’t seem to mind.
“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo muttered timidly.
“Don’t worry about it.”
They stayed close to each other for a few moments. Funny how Kyungsoo seemed to fit in Jongin’s arms. Funny how their height matched and he only felt that now, even though Jongin probably was as tall as Chanyeol. Funny how Jongin seemed to understand Kyungsoo better, despite the fact that they had just known each other in a few days...
Kyungsoo exhaled deeply through his nose, but he still wasn’t entirely calm.
“Hey.”
“Hm...”
“What’s on your mind...?” Jongin asked quietly. “Someone else...?”
It took Kyungsoo ten seconds to finally look up, only to find that Jongin was staring. It was probably a mistake, because it made Kyungsoo’s feelings evolved into something he didn’t quite understand. And he wasn’t ready. Panic began to resurface within him and Kyungsoo’s chest was starting to move rapidly.
No.
Kyungsoo closed his eyes in fear.
Not someone else.
And Jongin kissed him.
You.
Kyungsoo couldn’t describe what kind of sorcery it was when their lips met. All of his anxiety were gone and he felt extremely calm, like nothing out there, nothing could hurt him. A soft moan escaped his lips when Jongin tilted his head to get a better angle and Kyungsoo found himself kissing back. They lost count for how many seconds, how many minutes had it been since they kissed.
He felt safe.
They pulled away in surprise when a bunch of giggling girls passed by the alley.
Kyungsoo’s face was flustered as they broke apart and he didn’t have the courage to stare at Jongin. He placed a hand on his mouth, his heart was still beating a little too fast from the foreign sensation. Jongin did nothing but to listen to the voices of the girls until they faded away and completely vanished into the stillness of the night.
Jongin dissolved into a small laughter and he stared at Kyungsoo in amusement. It soon morphed into an affectionate gaze as he poked the latter’s nose.
“It’s late. Let’s get you home.”
Kyungsoo felt his heart sinking at that. It was probably reluctance. Or was it disappointment...? He couldn’t decide.
But it was getting late and he knew Jongin just wanted him to be safe. Besides, didn’t he want to go home when he excused himself to Junmyeon and the others?
Kyungsoo nodded slowly.
“Let’s go home, Jongin-ah...”
***
Kyungsoo tended to keep things to himself.
So of course, he told no one about his (unexpected) kiss with Jongin.
It had been a few days since the tanned male fetched him at the night club. They hadn’t talked to each other since, but then again, Jongin was never the one to initiate the communication.
It was always Kyungsoo.
Maybe it was because, again, Jongin respected the fact that he had a boyfriend.
But he kissed you.
Kyungsoo pondered if Jongin had regretted the kiss(es).
One day, there was a report that needed to be done so he stayed a bit late at work. By the time he finished it, the office was almost empty. Everyone had gone home except him and a few other colleagues in different departments. He dropped by the manager’s office to give him the report before excusing himself.
Kyungsoo took a glance at his phone. There was no activity. It had been two weeks since he last saw Chanyeol and Kyungsoo wondered if the other male had considered their relationship to come to an end. He had been trying to reach Chanyeol, but there were only two results: either Chanyeol didn’t pick up his phone or it was turned off. Desperate, Kyungsoo even sent a helpless text to his boyfriend (if they were actually still in a relationship after not talking for so long), but he never got a reply.
Am I boring...?
It was better if Chanyeol had just told him that yes, he was boring and yes, they weren’t working instead of not talking like this. But... Chanyeol wasn’t entirely at fault. Didn’t he hold back too? Didn’t he choose to stay quiet instead of asking when he had the chance to?
Kyungsoo stared and stared at his phone but no matter how long he glared at it, it would never ring. He pressed two fingers onto his lips and inhaled deeply. Forget it, Kyungsoo. He should just tuck the device away and thought of what to have for dinner. Kyungsoo did so and just when the doe eyed male was about to put his phone away, it rang.
His heart started at the name.
It was Jongin.
All of the memories resurfaced the minute Jongin’s name flashed on the screen and Kyungsoo unconsciously blushed. He was too busy thinking of what to say properly that the call had ended before he gathered enough courage to take it. Kyungsoo inwardly cursed himself and waited in doubt.
His phone almost slipped out of his hand when it rang again for the second time, still with Jongin’s name. He managed to pick it up this time.
“J-Jongin-ah?”
“Hello, Kyungsoo.”
Kyungsoo’s heartbeat quickened at how gentle Jongin said his name and he turned around nervously. He almost bumped onto someone but thankfully managed to avoid the girl just in time and mouthed a voiceless apology.
“H-hi...”
“Do you like fried noodle?”
Kyungsoo blinked. “Um...I guess?”
“There’s this good place I know. Do you wanna try?”
“I’m... I’m close to apartment already...”
“Then I’ll just bring it over to your place. Have you eaten?”
“N-not yet...”
“Good. I’ll probably arrive around half an hour max?”
Kyungsoo had a hard time swallowing. Did Jongin just...blatantly tell him that he was coming?
“Kyungsoo?”
Kyungsoo managed to swallow the thick lump down his throat. “I’ll grab some soda for us, then...”
“Sounds good. See you later?”
“Just-just not too spicy, alright?”
Jongin chuckled at the end of the line. “Done, Kyungsoo. Done.”
With that, the tanned male hang up and Kyungsoo felt like running around in frustration. What did he just do? Did he just accepted a stranger’s-well, not exactly-invitation to eat together at his apartment? But it was Jongin and he wasn’t a stranger and the male was nice...and they were friends...
Friends?
Kyungsoo pressed his lips into a thin line.
Is that what I want us to be...?
The male dropped by at the nearest convenient store to grab some drinks. He paused momentarily at the drink aisle, simply because he didn’t know what Jongin liked. Now that he thought about it, Kyungsoo didn’t even know what Chanyeol’s favorite drink was. They had been dating for a few months already, but it seemed like a dull relationship. He knew nothing about Chanyeol and he didn’t think Chanyeol knew everything about him, too.
“Kyungsoo-yah?”
Kyungsoo snapped his head to the source of the voice and his eyes widened in surprise. He surely didn’t expect to see Junmyeon. “Hyung...?”
Junmyeon beamed and leaned forward to hug him. “Hi! Didn’t expect to run into you here. Is your apartment near?”
Kyungsoo nodded awkwardly. “Yeah... It’s down by the block.”
“I see. Are you alone?”
“Yeah...”
Junmyeon made a face and shifted his glance downward, as if he realized he had just asked something unnecessary. The fair skinned male played with the end of his shirt and Kyungsoo took the opportunity to grab two random cans of soda and bowed politely. Junmyeon opened his mouth quickly to say something before he walked away.
“Well then I’ll-“
“Kyungsoo-yah?”
Kyungsoo stared at Junmyeon questioningly. “Yes...?”
“I...” Junmyeon cleared his throat. The older of the two seemed unsure but he continued anyway. “I went out with Luhan the other day and we wanted to ask you to come with us...but then we realized we didn’t have your number... And, and with everything that happens with Baek, Chanyeol’s a bit-okay, very busy, so...”
Who is this Baek...?
“I...”
Is he...important in Chanyeol’s life?
“I don’t know about you, Kyungsoo-yah...” Junmyeon’s tone was so soft and soothing. “I definitely don’t want to know you because you’re seeing my friend...”
Kyungsoo stared.
“I want to know you because I want to.”
Kyungsoo wasn’t sure if he understood what Junmyeon meant by that and he curled his fingers loosely in front of his mouth. “I-I don’t understand...”
“I don’t want us to be friends just because of Chanyeol,” Junmyeon explained sheepishly. The older male bit his bottom lip in hesitation. “Maybe next time...? You, me...Luhan? If it’s okay...?”
It took Kyungsoo quite a moment to finally nod and Junmyeon heaved in relief.
“I’ll just save your number, then,” Junmyeon said as he took out his phone. He had just unlocked the device when Kyungsoo spoke.
“Hyung...?”
“Hm?”
“Who’s...Baek?”
Junmyeon was stunned by the sudden question that his face went pale. His lips were slightly parted. “You...you don’t know Baekhyun?”
Baekhyun.
Kyungsoo smiled bitterly to himself. “I don’t know a lot of things...”
The atmosphere changed and Junmyeon visibly tensed. Kyungsoo looked utterly sad, but at the same time, it was like he had accepted the fact that he knew nothing about Chanyeol. It pained Junmyeon to witness his expression, but there was nothing he could do about it.
“I’m not in the position to say...” Junmyeon said softly after moments of silence. “You should ask him yourself, Kyungsoo-yah.”
Kyungsoo watched Junmyeon unblinkingly.
“Yeah...yeah, I probably should.”
Which was a total lie, because he knew he would never be able to bring himself to ask.
They separated after a cute guy named Jongdae-who turned out to be Junmyeon’s younger brother-called out his hyung’s name and after saving each other’s numbers, Kyungsoo went home with a terrible feeling. He suddenly didn’t want to meet Jongin and wondered if it was too late to call the tanned male to cancel everything.
It was too late because Jongin was already standing in front of his door.
Kyungsoo’s expression changed the second Jongin lifted up his face and he busied himself by fumbling for his keys. He felt like he was a mess. When Kyungsoo finally got the keys, he tried to casually unlocked the door like nothing happened, but failed to do so because his hands were trembling. He stopped when Jongin placed a hand firmly over his.
“What happened?”
“Nothing,” Kyungsoo snapped a bit roughly. He continued struggling and groaned.
Jongin snatched the keys away from him and gave Kyungsoo a stern stare. He then proceeded to unlock the door and it opened easily. “Something must have happened.”
“I said nothing.”
“Kyungsoo-“
“What do you want, Jongin-ah??” Kyungsoo cried in frustration.
Jongin’s expression morphed into dislike. “What do I want?” He pushed Kyungsoo into the living room and closed the front door offhandedly with a hand.
“This-this is all a mistake!” Kyungsoo cried. “I have a boyfriend!”
“A boyfriend who ignores you,” Jongin seethed vehemently. “A boyfriend who didn’t give a fuck about you. A boyfriend who told you to come to the club but he wasn’t there instead-“
“Stop!! He was just busy!!”
“Are you too blind to see that he doesn’t love you???”
It was like a hard slap on Kyungsoo’s face. His face turned pale at the remark, but Jongin didn’t seem like he would stop any minute.
“Even a stranger like me knew with just a single glance,” Jongin snapped crudely. “It wasn’t you that was on his mind when you guys kissed the other night.”
“Stop,” Kyungsoo begged weakly.
“He doesn’t love you.”
“Stop...”
“If he does, he wouldn’t leave you alone at a crowded place like that.”
“I SAID STOP!!!”
“Why are you being so stubborn?? Face the truth, Kyungsoo!!” Jongin gritted his teeth indignantly. “You don’t love him!!”
This time, it felt like a strong kick to Kyungsoo’s stomach.
“You’re scared to lose him,” Jongin darkly stated. “But you don’t love him.”
Kyungsoo silently gasped.
It came as a huge surprise for him to hear the words from Jongin’s mouth. Sure, he knew that their relationship wasn’t the happiest one in the world, but... Kyungsoo lowered his head. Somewhere, deep down inside he knew Jongin was right. He felt nothing toward Chanyeol.
“You need to learn to let go.”
Kyungsoo’s eyes widened in disbelief.
“You can’t keep everything here,” Jongin said and tapped a finger on his chest. “You have to speak, Kyungsoo, you have to let others know what you think. You’re not a robot. You’re a human being.”
I can’t.
“You never asked him who it was that he texted all the time, right? Let me guess. Maybe some of his friends mentioned a name to you and you couldn’t even bring yourself to ask him. You’re afraid to be seen walking with me in public because you can’t tell him that there’s another guy, because you don’t know how he would react.”
Kyungsoo’s eyes burned with unshed tears.
“If you can’t talk to him about this kind of things, you’ll only hurt yourself.”
I’m already hurt.
“Even if I tell you bluntly like this, there doesn’t seem to be a way for you to change your mind, does it?”
Jongin dragged a hand down his face at how quiet Kyungsoo was. He then placed the bag of food that he had been holding onto the table by the couch and turned around to leave. The taller male aimed straight for the door and his steps were certain.
Wait.
Kyungsoo did nothing but to stare at Jongin’s broad shoulders, unsure of what to do.
No, don’t go. Jongin, don’t go...
The tanned male halted just before he stepped outside. An audible sigh was heard throughout the room and Kyungsoo felt scared with what was coming.
“You asked me what I want.”
Kyungsoo held his breath.
“I want your heart.”
Jongin snorted softly to himself and his hand flew to the doorknob.
“I don’t want to be your someone else. I want to be the only person you think. I selfishly want your heart so bad that I can’t even wait for you to realize that he’s not the one for you. And when you kissed me back, I thought...I thought it was the happiest moment of my life. But now that I think about it...maybe it’s just me.”
Jongin glanced over his shoulder for one last look.
“Take care, Kyungsoo.”
With that, he stepped out of the apartment.
Jongin probably stepped out of Kyungsoo’s life, too.
***
Kyungsoo tended to keep things to himself.
But the argument with Jongin got him to think that he should change that habit.
If Jongin was wrong, he wouldn’t feel this way. He wouldn’t feel low and awful. He wouldn’t cry himself to sleep. He wouldn’t gasp painfully between the tears with a hand clutching his chest. The words Jongin said kept on resonating in the cells of his brain and they hurt. But Jongin was right and he realized how much he had been hurting himself. He was tired of keeping everything to himself.
Why can’t I just tell what’s on my mind...?
A week had passed and it also meant a week had passed without Jongin.
Funny how a few days without the tanned skin male made him feel more miserable than the past weeks he had without Chanyeol.
So when Chanyeol showed up in his office one day, Kyungsoo didn’t know what to do. Instead of feeling glad, the male felt terribly empty. He had just stepped outside of his office when Kyungsoo spotted the familiar figure and his eyes widened in shock when he realized that it was his boyf-
“Chanyeol...?”
The said male glanced up. Kyungsoo immediately stiffened and he could tell Chanyeol was feeling uncomfortable, too. The latter sent him an awkward smile with a wave of hand before motioning him to come closer. Kyungsoo hesitantly obeyed and slowly made his way toward Chanyeol.
“H-hey.”
“Hey. It’s been a while...”
“Why are you here...?” Kyungsoo started without preamble and he quickly clasped a hand over his mouth. It wasn’t a rude thing to say, but somehow it just proved that despite the fact that they were only inches apart, they were distant. It was as if they weren’t in a relationship. Kyungsoo didn’t know what they have anymore.
Chanyeol stared at the empty spot beside him. “Honestly, I don’t know.”
Kyungsoo opened his mouth but soon closed it back. What should I say...? He wasn’t sure. He didn’t have any idea. But things had messed
up between them for so long and Kyungsoo didn’t want to feel like this for the rest of his life. It’s now or never.
“Chanyeol...?”
“Hm?”
“What’s wrong...?”
“I...” Chanyeol trailed off and his lips curved into a small smile. “You know...it’s actually the first time you ask me that.”
Kyungsoo went pale. He hated it...?
“I mean, sure, sometimes you ask if we could grab dinner together, but it’s never like this,” Chanyeol paused and stared firmly at Kyungsoo. “You never ask me what’s wrong.”
“I’m-“ Kyungsoo whispered weakly. “I’m sorry...”
“It’s nothing to be apologized, and it’s not your fault,” Chanyeol said softly. “I never tell you what’s wrong, either. I’m the one who should be sorry...”
Both of them fell silent and Kyungsoo felt weird. All this time, he wanted to be able to ask and tell Chanyeol what was on his mind, but now that it happened...it was the image of someone else that came into his mind. That even if he had the chance to do so, he didn’t want to know things about Chanyeol...at least not anymore.
Kyungsoo wanted to know everything about Jongin.
Oh God.
Kyungsoo pressed a hand against his mouth.
He had never wanted to change for someone this badly.
“Ch-Chanyeol...?”
“Hm?”
“Who’s...Baekhyun?”
Chanyeol’s smile faltered. He looked genuinely surprise at the question, maybe because he hadn’t expected Kyungsoo to know. Chanyeol seemed thoughtful for a second and his lips were pressed together. After a moment that seemed like forever, he finally spoke.
“He’s my childhood friend.”
Kyungsoo waited.
“I never mention his name to you because...because he wasn’t here.” Chanyeol paused to take a deep breath. “He came back last month because his parents wanted to introduce him to a girl. You see, Baek has always been an obedient kid. So when I heard the news, I-“
Chanyeol watched Kyungsoo cautiously, but the shorter male’s gaze on him was sincere. It wasn’t judging. It wasn’t a betrayed look or anything. It purely contained the need for him to know the truth. Chanyeol swallowed thickly before continuing.
“I’ve been struggling... I’ve been telling him for weeks that she’s not the one and he doesn’t want this. That if he ever get married, it’s not gonna work. I know it sounds awful, but dammit he’s my childhood friend and I know him the best, and I know that she’s just-she’s not the one for him. But he said-“
Someone accidentally bumped onto Kyungsoo and Chanyeol caught him by reflex. They both snapped back to reality that they were still in front of Kyungsoo’s office. The office hour had passed and people were starting to flood on the street.
“I’m sorry. Maybe we should find another place-“
“He said what, Chanyeol...?”
Chanyeol blinked at the determination laced underneath Kyungsoo’s tone. “He...he said...he couldn’t. And then he cried... And I...” The male didn’t finish his sentence as he lowered his head.
“Oh God,” Kyungsoo whispered as realization came across him. “Chanyeol, you should tell Baekhyun how you feel...”
“I-what?”
You don’t love him.
“Tell him you love him.”
You’re scared to lose him, but you don’t love him.
“Don’t lose him.”
No, I don’t love him, Jongin...
“Don’t let him think of someone else, Chanyeol.”
Jongin.
“Don’t let him think that you’re not in love with him.”
“Kyungsoo.”
“Don’t leave him when he needs you the most.”
“Kyungsoo.”
“Don’t let go of his hand when you’re in a crowded place-“
“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol said sternly and grabbed Kyungsoo’s arm. “Stop crying.”
Kyungsoo choked when he realized his cheeks were wet and his eyes were filled with tears. “I-I’m sorry-“
Chanyeol took a handkerchief out of his pocket and dabbed it as gentle as possible on Kyungsoo’s eyes. He waited until the male calmed down a little bit. “...like I said, I’m the one who should be sorry...” Chanyeol sighed in exasperation. “I can’t... I can’t leave Baek.”
I don’t want Jongin to leave me.
“Baek’s my everything. I let him go once. I’m not letting him go again.”
I don’t want Jongin to let go of me.
“I’m not expecting you to forgive me...”
“It’s alright,” Kyungsoo interrupted with a soft tone. “And I’m sorry too... I’m sorry for not able to tell you how I feel. I’m sorry for holding back all this time...”
Chanyeol smiled a little and Kyungsoo smiled back. They stayed quiet for another moment. But unlike the other moments, this time, it was beginning to be a comfortable silence.
“He...” Kyungsoo slowly started in a low voice. “He told me that I need to learn to express what I feel.”
It ended there and Chanyeol didn’t even need to ask to know that he was referring to another male.
“But-but I’m scared. What if-what if I can’t-“
“It takes time, Kyungsoo-yah. Don’t be afraid,” Chanyeol said softly and gave Kyungsoo’s shoulder a calming squeeze.
“B-but-“
“He has your heart,” Chanyeol sternly said. “And it’s enough.”
Kyungsoo gave him a confused look.
“He’s definitely the luckiest man alive.”
***
Kyungsoo tended to keep things to himself.
But not this time.
Not anymore.
The doe eyed male had been desperately tried to reach Jongin but the line was busy. He patiently waited and tried again, but after the umpteenth attempt, Kyungsoo gave up and he cried in frustration. He felt like slamming the phone onto the ground, but fortunately he was able to think clearly and tossed the poor device onto the cushion of the couch instead. A loud knock on the door indicated someone was outside. Kyungsoo didn’t really pay attention who the guest was and opened without a second thought.
“Kyungsoo?”
Kyungsoo’s heart dropped for a split second at the sight.
Jongin was standing in front of his apartment-looking so damn good as usual.
Kyungsoo actually wanted to cry, but he didn’t know how it all turned into anger and he frowned in protest at Jongin.
“I’ve been trying to reach you!! Who are you calling??”
Jongin blinked. “You.”
It was then that Kyungsoo realized Jongin had the phone pressed onto the shell of his ear and Kyungsoo’s cheeks turned several shades deeper.
“We’ve been calling...each other?”
Jongin slowly detached the phone off of his ear. “Apparently so. I’ve been trying to reach you too but it’s always busy...”
“O-oh...”
Kyungsoo awkwardly stepped aside and Jongin walked into the apartment.
“...I have something to tell you.”
The doe eyed male rubbed his cheeks in attempt to make the embarrassment go away and lifted up his face. He saw the tanned male puffing his cheeks before speaking. Jongin looked troubled.
“...I don’t mind being your someone else.”
Kyungsoo gaped. “What-“
“I’m really fine with that, as long as-“
“But I don’t want it,” Kyungsoo interrupted abruptly.
Jongin grimaced darkly. “I see.”
“I don’t want you to be someone else,” Kyungsoo stated as he pinned Jongin against the door. It surprised Jongin at how bold Kyungsoo became, but his eyes softened when he noticed the latter’s hands were trembling on his shirt. Kyungsoo was also struggling with himself. He did his best to try. “You’re...you’re not someone else, Jongin-ah.”
“And...?”
Kyungsoo went pale at what he had just done and he almost pulled away. His real personality resurfaced and fear was starting to take over, but then Jongin caught his wrist. Kyungsoo gasped and his eyes moved down to their hands and his heartbeat dramatically increased. The weird sensation was flooding between the gap of air in his chest.
The kind of feeling that he only had for Jongin.
“And...?” Jongin emphasized.
“I-I like the bubble tea,” Kyungsoo whispered. He felt unsure, but then he caught Jongin’s eyes gleaming in emotions and it somehow gave him the strength to continue. “I like the fact that whenever I look over my shoulder, you would always be there to smile at me... I... I like, no, I love the way you kiss me...”
Jongin waited.
“Would-would it be selfish if I ask for your heart...?” Kyungsoo stuttered nervously. “Would it be selfish...if I ask you the same in return, Jongin-ah?”
Jongin jerked his thumb over Kyungsoo’s thick lips and the shorter of the two fluttered his eyes close at the touch.
Beautiful, Jongin thought. So damn beautiful.
“I want to try,” Kyungsoo whispered still with his eyes closed. “I want to try with you, Jongin-ah...” The tanned male’s thumb caressed his lips repeatedly and Kyungsoo shuddered slightly.
“Then does this mean your heart is mine now?”
Kyungsoo cracked his eyes open and shook his head. He shyly leaned forward to press his lips against Jongin’s and was glad to know that the other male didn’t pull away.
“It’s been yours from the start, Jongin-ah...”
End.
Kyungsoo adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder and met Hyunsik on his way out. He almost spun around upon seeing the other male, but Hyunsik’s warm smile stopped him from doing so.
“Hey.”
“Hey...”
Hyunsik stared curiously at him as they headed toward the entrance. “You look happy.”
“I am?” Kyungsoo blinked rapidly before breaking into a smile. “I am.”
He was happy.
Kyungsoo thought everything would fall apart if he broke up with Chanyeol, but fortunately he was scared for no reason. Chanyeol finally was able to tell his childhood friend that he loved him, and from what he heard from Junmyeon, Baekhyun’s wedding was canceled. Kyungsoo had been spending some time with Junmyeon too, whenever the pretty male wasn’t with Yifan and surprisingly, they got along just fine. Everything turned out alright and he was glad for that.
So yeah, Kyungsoo was happy.
The doe eyed male walked outside and his heart skipped a beat at the sight of Jongin.
The younger male-he turned out to be a year younger, but Kyungsoo didn’t really mind if he called him without adding hyung-had his eyes fixed on his phone. His lips curved into a beautiful smile and he was about to stalk forward to his boyfriend when he heard Hyunsik’s voice.
“Is that your boyfriend?”
At the same moment, Jongin took his gaze off of his phone and stared straight at Kyungsoo.
Kyungsoo smiled fondly.
“Yeah, he is...”
Author: FloweryMisha
Pairing: KaiSoo
Warning: BoyxBoy love. Enough said.
Summary: Kyungsoo tended to keep things to himself. Jongin changed all that.
[1]
Kyungsoo tended to keep things to himself.
Which was why he didn’t tell Jongin that the pearl milk tea tasted heavenly.
They had walked together in a safe distance, pretending that they didn’t know each other and honestly, for Kyungsoo, it was stupid. It was stupid because he needed someone to talk to and when Jongin was already there for him, he was too scared for unknown reasons. Was it because he was still in a relationship with Chanyeol? Even so, was there something wrong with that? Was he not allowed to have friends?
Friends.
Was Jongin his friend...?
They rarely talked the other day, but whenever Kyungsoo glanced over his shoulder, he would breathe in relief because Jongin was still there. He kept his words-I’m right behind you, Kyungsoo. Their eyes would meet and then the tanned male would give him a calming smile and Kyungsoo would smile back a little before fixing his attention back to the road ahead of him.
Kyungsoo felt...protected.
And it was a wonderful feeling.
A few days later, Chanyeol sent him a text.
Kyungsoo had to rub his eyes twice because it was really Chanyeol-it was really his boyfriend. He was in the middle of his lunch when it happened and Kyungsoo almost choked over his food. Chanyeol’s text was simple. The older male just stated that he and the others were going to the club later that night to celebrate Sehun’s birthday. Despite the fact that he wanted to scream and protest and beseech to Chanyeol like an abandoned child-for ignoring him for days and hundreds of ‘why’s, but he said nothing. He kept everything inside because this was probably the chance for them to kiss and make up.
In fact, Kyungsoo felt a bit relieved because it mean Chanyeol still wanted him around.
So he did come to the club after work...
...only to find that Chanyeol wasn’t there.
Junmyeon and the others welcomed him with the warmest smiles and he settled down on the seat awkwardly. Yifan handed him a bottle of beer which he reluctantly accepted and looked around searchingly. Kyungsoo waited for a certain person. Maybe his boyfriend received a call and had gone to somewhere quiet-just like last time. But after twenty minutes and there was no sign of Chanyeol, he decided to ask.
“Where’s Chanyeol...?”
Junmyeon looked a bit startled by his question and he exchanged wary looks with Luhan. “Chanyeol...? He...left already.”
Kyungsoo blinked. “He did...?”
“Yeah,” Luhan said with a slight frown. “Baek called. It seemed a bit urgent so Chanyeol left early tonight. Um... I’m sure he left you a message?”
A huge pang was starting to form within Kyungsoo as he checked his phone. He forced himself to feign an expression and nodded. “A-ah, he did.”
“Don’t worry, you still have us,” Junmyeon smiled. “We’re gonna go karaoke after this. You’re coming, right?” The pretty male didn’t get the chance to hear his reply when Yifan tapped his shoulder to have his attention.
Kyungsoo faked a thoughtful look.
He looked fine, but inside, he was crumbling into pieces.
Kyungsoo lied.
There was no text whatsoever from Chanyeol and clearly Junmyeon and the others didn’t know that their relationship was fading.
It hurt.
Badly.
What hurt even more was the fact that he had no idea who ‘Baek’ was. It stung like a prickling needle to his chest that his eyes almost burned with tears but fortunately, he managed to keep it all inside.
Just like the usual Kyungsoo.
Chanyeol’s friends were busy with themselves and Kyungsoo tried to distract his mind by randomly viewed his phone. He scanned the photos, the galeries, his twitter account, but they weren’t able to take his mind off of the throbbing pain.
I’m at the club and my boyfriend’s not here.
Kyungsoo didn’t mean to press send-and he definitely didn’t mean to send it to Jongin. But the other male’s text was at the top of his inbox (Jongin had sent him a ‘what are you doing?’ text just after Chanyeol texted him) and he absently pressed reply and he accidentally typed those few words.
Within a minute, he got a reply.
Do you want to go home?
Did he want to go home?
God, yes...
Kyungsoo didn’t feel like staying anymore. He thought of a reason to excuse himself from Chanyeol’s friends. Besides, they wouldn’t miss anything even if he wasn’t there.
Meet me outside in ten minutes.
Kyungsoo blinked at Jongin’s reply. It took him a few seconds to register the words and he almost gasped when he realized what the other male meant by that. While he thought of a good reason to sneak out and he failed because he just happened to be a bad liar, ten minutes passed by in a blink of an eye. He didn’t even realize that Sehun and Luhan had disappeared to the dance floor when his phone vibrated.
Outside.
Kyungsoo straightened up on his seat and gulped down the rest of his beer. “I-I gotta go.”
“Eh?” Junmyeon looked a bit disappointed. “So soon...?”
“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo earnestly apologized and stood up. “Um...Sehun...?”
Yifan directed his eyes to the people on the dance floor. “He’ll probably take a while. We’ll just tell him later.”
“Please do,” Kyungsoo nodded apologetically. “Please tell him happy birthday once again and I wish he has a great year...”
“I will. Be careful,” Junmyeon smiled. “See you soon, Kyungsoo-yah.”
Kyungsoo hastily stepped outside the club and looked around almost frantically for the appearance of a certain tanned male. The sight of Jongin across the street made him wanted to cry and wordlessly, he quickened his steps to approach the other male. His feelings were mixed up and he didn’t know what he felt anymore.
He just wanted to go home.
“Hey,” Jongin greeted quietly.
“H-hey,” Kyungsoo shakily retorted.
Jongin misinterpreted it as a sign that Kyungsoo was cold and he instinctively took off his jacket and wrapped it around the latter’s smaller figure. The attention was so sweet that it made Kyungsoo had a hard time breathing.
“Is everything okay?”
“N-no,” Kyungsoo whimpered weakly. “I want to go home.”
“Okay,” Jongin put the hoodie on so it covered Kyungsoo’s head. “Calm down, alright?”
“I can’t-“ Kyungsoo’s breath became ragged and he slightly became hysterical. “J-Jongin, I can’t calm down-“
Jongin grabbed his arms and pushed him into the alley. Kyungsoo felt his back met the cold wall and he cried weakly. Jongin pinned him against the wall with his hands pressed on Kyungsoo’s sides. “We’re not going until you calm down.”
“B-but-“ Kyungsoo still did his best to stifle a sob.
“Just let it out,” Jongin whispered against his forehead. “Just let it out, Kyungsoo.”
“What if-what if someone sees us-“
“You’re in my jacket, remember?” Jongin said firmly and caressed Kyungsoo’s cheek with the back of his hand. “I’ll protect you, Kyungsoo. Just let it out. Please, just...”
Kyungsoo burst out crying the minute Jongin pulled him into his arms.
He tried his best to not make a sound, even though his shoulders shook roughly everytime he gasped for air. Kyungsoo buried his face against Jongin’s chest in desperation, letting the taller male slipping his fingers onto his hair underneath the hoodie, letting him holding him tightly.
It was as if a heavy burden was taken off of his chest.
But it didn’t calm him down.
Kyungsoo didn’t know how long had it been since he started crying. His grip was starting to loose on Jongin’s sleeve, briefly wondering if he was hurting the other male. Slowly, but surely, his breath became steady and a huge wave of relief washed over his entire body. Kyungsoo feebly pressed his lips against Jongin’s slender collarbone and sighed. The tanned male’s shirt was a bit drenched by his tears, but he didn’t seem to mind.
“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo muttered timidly.
“Don’t worry about it.”
They stayed close to each other for a few moments. Funny how Kyungsoo seemed to fit in Jongin’s arms. Funny how their height matched and he only felt that now, even though Jongin probably was as tall as Chanyeol. Funny how Jongin seemed to understand Kyungsoo better, despite the fact that they had just known each other in a few days...
Kyungsoo exhaled deeply through his nose, but he still wasn’t entirely calm.
“Hey.”
“Hm...”
“What’s on your mind...?” Jongin asked quietly. “Someone else...?”
It took Kyungsoo ten seconds to finally look up, only to find that Jongin was staring. It was probably a mistake, because it made Kyungsoo’s feelings evolved into something he didn’t quite understand. And he wasn’t ready. Panic began to resurface within him and Kyungsoo’s chest was starting to move rapidly.
No.
Kyungsoo closed his eyes in fear.
Not someone else.
And Jongin kissed him.
You.
Kyungsoo couldn’t describe what kind of sorcery it was when their lips met. All of his anxiety were gone and he felt extremely calm, like nothing out there, nothing could hurt him. A soft moan escaped his lips when Jongin tilted his head to get a better angle and Kyungsoo found himself kissing back. They lost count for how many seconds, how many minutes had it been since they kissed.
He felt safe.
They pulled away in surprise when a bunch of giggling girls passed by the alley.
Kyungsoo’s face was flustered as they broke apart and he didn’t have the courage to stare at Jongin. He placed a hand on his mouth, his heart was still beating a little too fast from the foreign sensation. Jongin did nothing but to listen to the voices of the girls until they faded away and completely vanished into the stillness of the night.
Jongin dissolved into a small laughter and he stared at Kyungsoo in amusement. It soon morphed into an affectionate gaze as he poked the latter’s nose.
“It’s late. Let’s get you home.”
Kyungsoo felt his heart sinking at that. It was probably reluctance. Or was it disappointment...? He couldn’t decide.
But it was getting late and he knew Jongin just wanted him to be safe. Besides, didn’t he want to go home when he excused himself to Junmyeon and the others?
Kyungsoo nodded slowly.
“Let’s go home, Jongin-ah...”
***
Kyungsoo tended to keep things to himself.
So of course, he told no one about his (unexpected) kiss with Jongin.
It had been a few days since the tanned male fetched him at the night club. They hadn’t talked to each other since, but then again, Jongin was never the one to initiate the communication.
It was always Kyungsoo.
Maybe it was because, again, Jongin respected the fact that he had a boyfriend.
But he kissed you.
Kyungsoo pondered if Jongin had regretted the kiss(es).
One day, there was a report that needed to be done so he stayed a bit late at work. By the time he finished it, the office was almost empty. Everyone had gone home except him and a few other colleagues in different departments. He dropped by the manager’s office to give him the report before excusing himself.
Kyungsoo took a glance at his phone. There was no activity. It had been two weeks since he last saw Chanyeol and Kyungsoo wondered if the other male had considered their relationship to come to an end. He had been trying to reach Chanyeol, but there were only two results: either Chanyeol didn’t pick up his phone or it was turned off. Desperate, Kyungsoo even sent a helpless text to his boyfriend (if they were actually still in a relationship after not talking for so long), but he never got a reply.
Am I boring...?
It was better if Chanyeol had just told him that yes, he was boring and yes, they weren’t working instead of not talking like this. But... Chanyeol wasn’t entirely at fault. Didn’t he hold back too? Didn’t he choose to stay quiet instead of asking when he had the chance to?
Kyungsoo stared and stared at his phone but no matter how long he glared at it, it would never ring. He pressed two fingers onto his lips and inhaled deeply. Forget it, Kyungsoo. He should just tuck the device away and thought of what to have for dinner. Kyungsoo did so and just when the doe eyed male was about to put his phone away, it rang.
His heart started at the name.
It was Jongin.
All of the memories resurfaced the minute Jongin’s name flashed on the screen and Kyungsoo unconsciously blushed. He was too busy thinking of what to say properly that the call had ended before he gathered enough courage to take it. Kyungsoo inwardly cursed himself and waited in doubt.
His phone almost slipped out of his hand when it rang again for the second time, still with Jongin’s name. He managed to pick it up this time.
“J-Jongin-ah?”
“Hello, Kyungsoo.”
Kyungsoo’s heartbeat quickened at how gentle Jongin said his name and he turned around nervously. He almost bumped onto someone but thankfully managed to avoid the girl just in time and mouthed a voiceless apology.
“H-hi...”
“Do you like fried noodle?”
Kyungsoo blinked. “Um...I guess?”
“There’s this good place I know. Do you wanna try?”
“I’m... I’m close to apartment already...”
“Then I’ll just bring it over to your place. Have you eaten?”
“N-not yet...”
“Good. I’ll probably arrive around half an hour max?”
Kyungsoo had a hard time swallowing. Did Jongin just...blatantly tell him that he was coming?
“Kyungsoo?”
Kyungsoo managed to swallow the thick lump down his throat. “I’ll grab some soda for us, then...”
“Sounds good. See you later?”
“Just-just not too spicy, alright?”
Jongin chuckled at the end of the line. “Done, Kyungsoo. Done.”
With that, the tanned male hang up and Kyungsoo felt like running around in frustration. What did he just do? Did he just accepted a stranger’s-well, not exactly-invitation to eat together at his apartment? But it was Jongin and he wasn’t a stranger and the male was nice...and they were friends...
Friends?
Kyungsoo pressed his lips into a thin line.
Is that what I want us to be...?
The male dropped by at the nearest convenient store to grab some drinks. He paused momentarily at the drink aisle, simply because he didn’t know what Jongin liked. Now that he thought about it, Kyungsoo didn’t even know what Chanyeol’s favorite drink was. They had been dating for a few months already, but it seemed like a dull relationship. He knew nothing about Chanyeol and he didn’t think Chanyeol knew everything about him, too.
“Kyungsoo-yah?”
Kyungsoo snapped his head to the source of the voice and his eyes widened in surprise. He surely didn’t expect to see Junmyeon. “Hyung...?”
Junmyeon beamed and leaned forward to hug him. “Hi! Didn’t expect to run into you here. Is your apartment near?”
Kyungsoo nodded awkwardly. “Yeah... It’s down by the block.”
“I see. Are you alone?”
“Yeah...”
Junmyeon made a face and shifted his glance downward, as if he realized he had just asked something unnecessary. The fair skinned male played with the end of his shirt and Kyungsoo took the opportunity to grab two random cans of soda and bowed politely. Junmyeon opened his mouth quickly to say something before he walked away.
“Well then I’ll-“
“Kyungsoo-yah?”
Kyungsoo stared at Junmyeon questioningly. “Yes...?”
“I...” Junmyeon cleared his throat. The older of the two seemed unsure but he continued anyway. “I went out with Luhan the other day and we wanted to ask you to come with us...but then we realized we didn’t have your number... And, and with everything that happens with Baek, Chanyeol’s a bit-okay, very busy, so...”
Who is this Baek...?
“I...”
Is he...important in Chanyeol’s life?
“I don’t know about you, Kyungsoo-yah...” Junmyeon’s tone was so soft and soothing. “I definitely don’t want to know you because you’re seeing my friend...”
Kyungsoo stared.
“I want to know you because I want to.”
Kyungsoo wasn’t sure if he understood what Junmyeon meant by that and he curled his fingers loosely in front of his mouth. “I-I don’t understand...”
“I don’t want us to be friends just because of Chanyeol,” Junmyeon explained sheepishly. The older male bit his bottom lip in hesitation. “Maybe next time...? You, me...Luhan? If it’s okay...?”
It took Kyungsoo quite a moment to finally nod and Junmyeon heaved in relief.
“I’ll just save your number, then,” Junmyeon said as he took out his phone. He had just unlocked the device when Kyungsoo spoke.
“Hyung...?”
“Hm?”
“Who’s...Baek?”
Junmyeon was stunned by the sudden question that his face went pale. His lips were slightly parted. “You...you don’t know Baekhyun?”
Baekhyun.
Kyungsoo smiled bitterly to himself. “I don’t know a lot of things...”
The atmosphere changed and Junmyeon visibly tensed. Kyungsoo looked utterly sad, but at the same time, it was like he had accepted the fact that he knew nothing about Chanyeol. It pained Junmyeon to witness his expression, but there was nothing he could do about it.
“I’m not in the position to say...” Junmyeon said softly after moments of silence. “You should ask him yourself, Kyungsoo-yah.”
Kyungsoo watched Junmyeon unblinkingly.
“Yeah...yeah, I probably should.”
Which was a total lie, because he knew he would never be able to bring himself to ask.
They separated after a cute guy named Jongdae-who turned out to be Junmyeon’s younger brother-called out his hyung’s name and after saving each other’s numbers, Kyungsoo went home with a terrible feeling. He suddenly didn’t want to meet Jongin and wondered if it was too late to call the tanned male to cancel everything.
It was too late because Jongin was already standing in front of his door.
Kyungsoo’s expression changed the second Jongin lifted up his face and he busied himself by fumbling for his keys. He felt like he was a mess. When Kyungsoo finally got the keys, he tried to casually unlocked the door like nothing happened, but failed to do so because his hands were trembling. He stopped when Jongin placed a hand firmly over his.
“What happened?”
“Nothing,” Kyungsoo snapped a bit roughly. He continued struggling and groaned.
Jongin snatched the keys away from him and gave Kyungsoo a stern stare. He then proceeded to unlock the door and it opened easily. “Something must have happened.”
“I said nothing.”
“Kyungsoo-“
“What do you want, Jongin-ah??” Kyungsoo cried in frustration.
Jongin’s expression morphed into dislike. “What do I want?” He pushed Kyungsoo into the living room and closed the front door offhandedly with a hand.
“This-this is all a mistake!” Kyungsoo cried. “I have a boyfriend!”
“A boyfriend who ignores you,” Jongin seethed vehemently. “A boyfriend who didn’t give a fuck about you. A boyfriend who told you to come to the club but he wasn’t there instead-“
“Stop!! He was just busy!!”
“Are you too blind to see that he doesn’t love you???”
It was like a hard slap on Kyungsoo’s face. His face turned pale at the remark, but Jongin didn’t seem like he would stop any minute.
“Even a stranger like me knew with just a single glance,” Jongin snapped crudely. “It wasn’t you that was on his mind when you guys kissed the other night.”
“Stop,” Kyungsoo begged weakly.
“He doesn’t love you.”
“Stop...”
“If he does, he wouldn’t leave you alone at a crowded place like that.”
“I SAID STOP!!!”
“Why are you being so stubborn?? Face the truth, Kyungsoo!!” Jongin gritted his teeth indignantly. “You don’t love him!!”
This time, it felt like a strong kick to Kyungsoo’s stomach.
“You’re scared to lose him,” Jongin darkly stated. “But you don’t love him.”
Kyungsoo silently gasped.
It came as a huge surprise for him to hear the words from Jongin’s mouth. Sure, he knew that their relationship wasn’t the happiest one in the world, but... Kyungsoo lowered his head. Somewhere, deep down inside he knew Jongin was right. He felt nothing toward Chanyeol.
“You need to learn to let go.”
Kyungsoo’s eyes widened in disbelief.
“You can’t keep everything here,” Jongin said and tapped a finger on his chest. “You have to speak, Kyungsoo, you have to let others know what you think. You’re not a robot. You’re a human being.”
I can’t.
“You never asked him who it was that he texted all the time, right? Let me guess. Maybe some of his friends mentioned a name to you and you couldn’t even bring yourself to ask him. You’re afraid to be seen walking with me in public because you can’t tell him that there’s another guy, because you don’t know how he would react.”
Kyungsoo’s eyes burned with unshed tears.
“If you can’t talk to him about this kind of things, you’ll only hurt yourself.”
I’m already hurt.
“Even if I tell you bluntly like this, there doesn’t seem to be a way for you to change your mind, does it?”
Jongin dragged a hand down his face at how quiet Kyungsoo was. He then placed the bag of food that he had been holding onto the table by the couch and turned around to leave. The taller male aimed straight for the door and his steps were certain.
Wait.
Kyungsoo did nothing but to stare at Jongin’s broad shoulders, unsure of what to do.
No, don’t go. Jongin, don’t go...
The tanned male halted just before he stepped outside. An audible sigh was heard throughout the room and Kyungsoo felt scared with what was coming.
“You asked me what I want.”
Kyungsoo held his breath.
“I want your heart.”
Jongin snorted softly to himself and his hand flew to the doorknob.
“I don’t want to be your someone else. I want to be the only person you think. I selfishly want your heart so bad that I can’t even wait for you to realize that he’s not the one for you. And when you kissed me back, I thought...I thought it was the happiest moment of my life. But now that I think about it...maybe it’s just me.”
Jongin glanced over his shoulder for one last look.
“Take care, Kyungsoo.”
With that, he stepped out of the apartment.
Jongin probably stepped out of Kyungsoo’s life, too.
***
Kyungsoo tended to keep things to himself.
But the argument with Jongin got him to think that he should change that habit.
If Jongin was wrong, he wouldn’t feel this way. He wouldn’t feel low and awful. He wouldn’t cry himself to sleep. He wouldn’t gasp painfully between the tears with a hand clutching his chest. The words Jongin said kept on resonating in the cells of his brain and they hurt. But Jongin was right and he realized how much he had been hurting himself. He was tired of keeping everything to himself.
Why can’t I just tell what’s on my mind...?
A week had passed and it also meant a week had passed without Jongin.
Funny how a few days without the tanned skin male made him feel more miserable than the past weeks he had without Chanyeol.
So when Chanyeol showed up in his office one day, Kyungsoo didn’t know what to do. Instead of feeling glad, the male felt terribly empty. He had just stepped outside of his office when Kyungsoo spotted the familiar figure and his eyes widened in shock when he realized that it was his boyf-
“Chanyeol...?”
The said male glanced up. Kyungsoo immediately stiffened and he could tell Chanyeol was feeling uncomfortable, too. The latter sent him an awkward smile with a wave of hand before motioning him to come closer. Kyungsoo hesitantly obeyed and slowly made his way toward Chanyeol.
“H-hey.”
“Hey. It’s been a while...”
“Why are you here...?” Kyungsoo started without preamble and he quickly clasped a hand over his mouth. It wasn’t a rude thing to say, but somehow it just proved that despite the fact that they were only inches apart, they were distant. It was as if they weren’t in a relationship. Kyungsoo didn’t know what they have anymore.
Chanyeol stared at the empty spot beside him. “Honestly, I don’t know.”
Kyungsoo opened his mouth but soon closed it back. What should I say...? He wasn’t sure. He didn’t have any idea. But things had messed
up between them for so long and Kyungsoo didn’t want to feel like this for the rest of his life. It’s now or never.
“Chanyeol...?”
“Hm?”
“What’s wrong...?”
“I...” Chanyeol trailed off and his lips curved into a small smile. “You know...it’s actually the first time you ask me that.”
Kyungsoo went pale. He hated it...?
“I mean, sure, sometimes you ask if we could grab dinner together, but it’s never like this,” Chanyeol paused and stared firmly at Kyungsoo. “You never ask me what’s wrong.”
“I’m-“ Kyungsoo whispered weakly. “I’m sorry...”
“It’s nothing to be apologized, and it’s not your fault,” Chanyeol said softly. “I never tell you what’s wrong, either. I’m the one who should be sorry...”
Both of them fell silent and Kyungsoo felt weird. All this time, he wanted to be able to ask and tell Chanyeol what was on his mind, but now that it happened...it was the image of someone else that came into his mind. That even if he had the chance to do so, he didn’t want to know things about Chanyeol...at least not anymore.
Kyungsoo wanted to know everything about Jongin.
Oh God.
Kyungsoo pressed a hand against his mouth.
He had never wanted to change for someone this badly.
“Ch-Chanyeol...?”
“Hm?”
“Who’s...Baekhyun?”
Chanyeol’s smile faltered. He looked genuinely surprise at the question, maybe because he hadn’t expected Kyungsoo to know. Chanyeol seemed thoughtful for a second and his lips were pressed together. After a moment that seemed like forever, he finally spoke.
“He’s my childhood friend.”
Kyungsoo waited.
“I never mention his name to you because...because he wasn’t here.” Chanyeol paused to take a deep breath. “He came back last month because his parents wanted to introduce him to a girl. You see, Baek has always been an obedient kid. So when I heard the news, I-“
Chanyeol watched Kyungsoo cautiously, but the shorter male’s gaze on him was sincere. It wasn’t judging. It wasn’t a betrayed look or anything. It purely contained the need for him to know the truth. Chanyeol swallowed thickly before continuing.
“I’ve been struggling... I’ve been telling him for weeks that she’s not the one and he doesn’t want this. That if he ever get married, it’s not gonna work. I know it sounds awful, but dammit he’s my childhood friend and I know him the best, and I know that she’s just-she’s not the one for him. But he said-“
Someone accidentally bumped onto Kyungsoo and Chanyeol caught him by reflex. They both snapped back to reality that they were still in front of Kyungsoo’s office. The office hour had passed and people were starting to flood on the street.
“I’m sorry. Maybe we should find another place-“
“He said what, Chanyeol...?”
Chanyeol blinked at the determination laced underneath Kyungsoo’s tone. “He...he said...he couldn’t. And then he cried... And I...” The male didn’t finish his sentence as he lowered his head.
“Oh God,” Kyungsoo whispered as realization came across him. “Chanyeol, you should tell Baekhyun how you feel...”
“I-what?”
You don’t love him.
“Tell him you love him.”
You’re scared to lose him, but you don’t love him.
“Don’t lose him.”
No, I don’t love him, Jongin...
“Don’t let him think of someone else, Chanyeol.”
Jongin.
“Don’t let him think that you’re not in love with him.”
“Kyungsoo.”
“Don’t leave him when he needs you the most.”
“Kyungsoo.”
“Don’t let go of his hand when you’re in a crowded place-“
“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol said sternly and grabbed Kyungsoo’s arm. “Stop crying.”
Kyungsoo choked when he realized his cheeks were wet and his eyes were filled with tears. “I-I’m sorry-“
Chanyeol took a handkerchief out of his pocket and dabbed it as gentle as possible on Kyungsoo’s eyes. He waited until the male calmed down a little bit. “...like I said, I’m the one who should be sorry...” Chanyeol sighed in exasperation. “I can’t... I can’t leave Baek.”
I don’t want Jongin to leave me.
“Baek’s my everything. I let him go once. I’m not letting him go again.”
I don’t want Jongin to let go of me.
“I’m not expecting you to forgive me...”
“It’s alright,” Kyungsoo interrupted with a soft tone. “And I’m sorry too... I’m sorry for not able to tell you how I feel. I’m sorry for holding back all this time...”
Chanyeol smiled a little and Kyungsoo smiled back. They stayed quiet for another moment. But unlike the other moments, this time, it was beginning to be a comfortable silence.
“He...” Kyungsoo slowly started in a low voice. “He told me that I need to learn to express what I feel.”
It ended there and Chanyeol didn’t even need to ask to know that he was referring to another male.
“But-but I’m scared. What if-what if I can’t-“
“It takes time, Kyungsoo-yah. Don’t be afraid,” Chanyeol said softly and gave Kyungsoo’s shoulder a calming squeeze.
“B-but-“
“He has your heart,” Chanyeol sternly said. “And it’s enough.”
Kyungsoo gave him a confused look.
“He’s definitely the luckiest man alive.”
***
Kyungsoo tended to keep things to himself.
But not this time.
Not anymore.
The doe eyed male had been desperately tried to reach Jongin but the line was busy. He patiently waited and tried again, but after the umpteenth attempt, Kyungsoo gave up and he cried in frustration. He felt like slamming the phone onto the ground, but fortunately he was able to think clearly and tossed the poor device onto the cushion of the couch instead. A loud knock on the door indicated someone was outside. Kyungsoo didn’t really pay attention who the guest was and opened without a second thought.
“Kyungsoo?”
Kyungsoo’s heart dropped for a split second at the sight.
Jongin was standing in front of his apartment-looking so damn good as usual.
Kyungsoo actually wanted to cry, but he didn’t know how it all turned into anger and he frowned in protest at Jongin.
“I’ve been trying to reach you!! Who are you calling??”
Jongin blinked. “You.”
It was then that Kyungsoo realized Jongin had the phone pressed onto the shell of his ear and Kyungsoo’s cheeks turned several shades deeper.
“We’ve been calling...each other?”
Jongin slowly detached the phone off of his ear. “Apparently so. I’ve been trying to reach you too but it’s always busy...”
“O-oh...”
Kyungsoo awkwardly stepped aside and Jongin walked into the apartment.
“...I have something to tell you.”
The doe eyed male rubbed his cheeks in attempt to make the embarrassment go away and lifted up his face. He saw the tanned male puffing his cheeks before speaking. Jongin looked troubled.
“...I don’t mind being your someone else.”
Kyungsoo gaped. “What-“
“I’m really fine with that, as long as-“
“But I don’t want it,” Kyungsoo interrupted abruptly.
Jongin grimaced darkly. “I see.”
“I don’t want you to be someone else,” Kyungsoo stated as he pinned Jongin against the door. It surprised Jongin at how bold Kyungsoo became, but his eyes softened when he noticed the latter’s hands were trembling on his shirt. Kyungsoo was also struggling with himself. He did his best to try. “You’re...you’re not someone else, Jongin-ah.”
“And...?”
Kyungsoo went pale at what he had just done and he almost pulled away. His real personality resurfaced and fear was starting to take over, but then Jongin caught his wrist. Kyungsoo gasped and his eyes moved down to their hands and his heartbeat dramatically increased. The weird sensation was flooding between the gap of air in his chest.
The kind of feeling that he only had for Jongin.
“And...?” Jongin emphasized.
“I-I like the bubble tea,” Kyungsoo whispered. He felt unsure, but then he caught Jongin’s eyes gleaming in emotions and it somehow gave him the strength to continue. “I like the fact that whenever I look over my shoulder, you would always be there to smile at me... I... I like, no, I love the way you kiss me...”
Jongin waited.
“Would-would it be selfish if I ask for your heart...?” Kyungsoo stuttered nervously. “Would it be selfish...if I ask you the same in return, Jongin-ah?”
Jongin jerked his thumb over Kyungsoo’s thick lips and the shorter of the two fluttered his eyes close at the touch.
Beautiful, Jongin thought. So damn beautiful.
“I want to try,” Kyungsoo whispered still with his eyes closed. “I want to try with you, Jongin-ah...” The tanned male’s thumb caressed his lips repeatedly and Kyungsoo shuddered slightly.
“Then does this mean your heart is mine now?”
Kyungsoo cracked his eyes open and shook his head. He shyly leaned forward to press his lips against Jongin’s and was glad to know that the other male didn’t pull away.
“It’s been yours from the start, Jongin-ah...”
End.
Kyungsoo adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder and met Hyunsik on his way out. He almost spun around upon seeing the other male, but Hyunsik’s warm smile stopped him from doing so.
“Hey.”
“Hey...”
Hyunsik stared curiously at him as they headed toward the entrance. “You look happy.”
“I am?” Kyungsoo blinked rapidly before breaking into a smile. “I am.”
He was happy.
Kyungsoo thought everything would fall apart if he broke up with Chanyeol, but fortunately he was scared for no reason. Chanyeol finally was able to tell his childhood friend that he loved him, and from what he heard from Junmyeon, Baekhyun’s wedding was canceled. Kyungsoo had been spending some time with Junmyeon too, whenever the pretty male wasn’t with Yifan and surprisingly, they got along just fine. Everything turned out alright and he was glad for that.
So yeah, Kyungsoo was happy.
The doe eyed male walked outside and his heart skipped a beat at the sight of Jongin.
The younger male-he turned out to be a year younger, but Kyungsoo didn’t really mind if he called him without adding hyung-had his eyes fixed on his phone. His lips curved into a beautiful smile and he was about to stalk forward to his boyfriend when he heard Hyunsik’s voice.
“Is that your boyfriend?”
At the same moment, Jongin took his gaze off of his phone and stared straight at Kyungsoo.
Kyungsoo smiled fondly.
“Yeah, he is...”