if we're being honest, the only thing that's kept me alive the past week is that i've been crashing on my best friend's couch and i wouldn't want her to be the one to find my body.

tomorrow is my last night here and i don't know how to survive this. 

i overdosed on heroin last night in addition to having alcohol poisoning.  i keep getting asked if it was intentional but i really don't know.  i just didn't want to cry anymore.  or feel ( Read more... )

it's been almost a year since my last update.  i only come here when things are coming apart at the seams.  it's that time again.  i came out today: http://corycopeland.net/2012/05/18/gay-marriage-a-discussion.  and i don't think i was really prepared from the fallout of it all.. or having to think about everything leading up to this moment.

i can ( Read more... )

 i'm sorry for not updating.  my life is a mess right now.  however, i did go to therapy today.  and i have an appointment with the psychiatrist and i have no idea how i'm going to come up with the money to pay for it.

i'll post a real update soon.

it's 3am and i'm taking a break from working to write this entry.  i still have so much to do and i'm starting to feel overwhelmed.  i just need to get through this week and my workload will be back to normal.. somewhat ( Read more... )

i sleep all day now.  it's the weirdest thing.  i went from terrible insomnia to not waking until four in the afternoon the past two days.  i don't know if that's a good or bad thing.

i have to make my timeline this weekend.  my therapist told me to make a timeline of all the major events that occurred in my life each year from birth until now.  i ( Read more... )

i stopped going to therapy six years ago.  i took control of my own recovery and failed miserably.  after a drug addiction and suicide attempt, i decided i needed help.  long story short, i called around and found a counselor at a local church..  i met with her for the first time on tuesday.  within an hour session, she shattered everything i'd ( Read more... )

i don't sleep at night anymore.
sometimes i'll get a few hours during the day.

i feel it.
and there's nothing i can do to stop it.

DisorderRatingParanoid Personality Disorder:HighSchizoid Personality Disorder:LowSchizotypal Personality Disorder:ModerateAntisocial Personality Disorder:LowBorderline Personality Disorder:Very HighHistrionic Personality Disorder:HighNarcissistic Personality Disorder:HighAvoidant Personality Disorder:Very HighDependent Personality Disorder:Very ( Read more... )

scared.
terrified.
understatement.

you refuse to let me go.
for fear of being replaced by my current relationship, you're tugging harder than ever before.  i'm falling apart at the seams and you're still grabbing at the frays you've severed.  letmego.

what's wrong?
i don't know how to respond to that.  how do you tell someone that your brain is actually ( Read more... )