I'm the one who gets labelled as emotional, while you're the brave one who's suffered in silence and let everything go in all of your maturity and zen. I'm not around to defend myself, but I've finally gotten over the feeling that it matters anymore. Whatever you turn me into, if it makes you feel better, I'm more than fine.

You have my love.

Smokey passed away.

This has been my hardest year.

I think I just made it through one of the hardest weeks of my life. I can safely say that I hurt more now than I can remember hurting at any other point. I focus on the fact that I feel alive. I try to remain calm and tell myself that there is something worth loving in me. Most of the time it doesn't work. I suppose that's because I'm lying to ( Read more... )

Today way my birthday. Amanda took me out to lunch after giving me the enormous painting that she made for me. She took me to this winery out in old town before taking me to the Natural History Museum. Last night she came over just to give me a mix CD. What do I do with this? I got my bike today. It's gorgeous. My mother tore me apart today. That's ( Read more... )

I haven't written in this in a while. I was doing well when I was in Michigan. I would normally post once a day or at least a few times a week. Even after Kuna left, I still tried to post things. Reading back through some of my entries, I realize now that I miss writing. I'm total shit at it. I'm never going to be the next greatest author, and I ( Read more... )

I'm still alive. Remember the hot tub. Remember the car with the mustache. Remember the Triceratops tattoo. Remember that night with the hookah bar. Remember that night with the king sized memory foam mattress and the tiny white skittish dog. Remember the H.P. Lovecraft. Remember that she said she loved you and you knew she was lying ( Read more... )

I met a couple. Katie and Nate. Nate has bitchin' chops, and Katie is a hipster. The two of them have adopted me as a friend. They want me to move into an apartment with them. It would cut my astronomical bills in half if I did. I wouldn't mind that at all. Katie is one of those people who instantly cares about me. Nate says I remind him of his ( Read more... )

So sure, right? I've been out gallivanting around the city of Albuquerque with kids working at Starbucks, and learning that I'm totally lovable on a very superficial level. I'm funny as fuck, right? Real talk? I can't keep that shit up all the time. Sometimes I really do just want to talk to someone about my heart exploding in my chest at all times ( Read more... )

Just to be okay would be something of a feat. But I am okay. I'm always okay. I'm just one of those people that once I have a minute to gather everything and bottle it up, I'm good to go. And I carry it around until it decomposes and is no longer relevant. I do that because it's comfortable for me. It's what I've always done. Now I'm again in this ( Read more... )

Loneliness does something stupid to my mind and the way I interact with people. It's not okay. I just don't know how to be completely uninhibited anymore. There's always something pushing at the back of my brain, and I reach back and pull it forward and throw it out of my mouth, and it always ends up being something stupid and childish. Maybe that' ( Read more... )