so, after months of occasionally driving by his house, writing mental letters to him, and in general, being back-burner crushing, stirling is home. You see, there was never much there that an observer would notice, and even to me, it sometimes seemed nonexistant. Soccer games, a ride home, a pie- but underneath all that was something compelling, ( Read more... )

i feel much better today as well. i just worked out for an hour and will swim for a loooooooooooooooooooong time tonight, and i am feeling groovy ( Read more... )

i am happy now because i just talked to friends from colburn, and looked at colburn pictures, and talked to mom about my trajectory and i feel i am just beginning to get strong enough to begin to entertain the idea of thinking about wanting to look into attempting to be in the mindset of wanting to go to colburn again.

today i am sad. i am sad because i do not know if stirling likes me and i don't know how to go about finding out. i am sad because i think i have changed since the last time i really liked him, since last time he was here. i was thinking about how i have changed as i was driving in the car on the way home from work today, and i noticed my face was ( Read more... )

I'm about to go out tonight to hang out with girlfriends. we might drink- we might go to a club. i'm going to try not to go crazy- i want to maitain my composure within myself for a while- i am going to try to develop my spiritual side and that is hard to do when i am recovering both physically and spiritually from nights of revelry. i just hope i ( Read more... )

i saw grandma and aunt maggie today at grandma's house. They raved over how beautiful I look- grandma saying I have completely changed since she saw me two months ago. I told them how I work out all the time. They teased me about how I get better service since I am young and beautiful and that they old women have to deal with worse stuff. I really ( Read more... )

i am so tired. i want the world. i want to eat it up.

a list of things that we talked about ( Read more... )

So, Jefferson called me out at the rehearsal last week. A lot of the violas came in late after one of the calls- I was on the verge of lateness but there was such a rush of people and I sit in the back so i didn't feel exposed. But while Jefferson was making his announcements he said "Christina Simpson. There is not something particular to violists ( Read more... )

I hate being pretty/getting pretty. Being a fresh young thing in the world can be very annoying. I suppose it is due to all the working out and relaxing that I have been doing so I have a good balance- but the annoying thing is getting used to the attention. I know that sounds pretty bratty, but for someone who is very used to, from years of ( Read more... )