ϡ - Appointments Post

[folkloristic]

This post here is for personal conversations which should happen but one or both of us doesn't want to put up a new post/log and thus we will just thread it out here. This can be used to thread with folkloristic anytime and anywhere. This can either be in person (with action), or via the journal's call feature (voice and/or written

Comments

[Voice | Filtered 100% | morningish? of May 5]

[semper_cogitans]

[Seven days since they last spoke. Seven days of discomfort and mostly-isolation and mulling over the billion-and-one things troubling Robert since the end of that thrice-damned experiment.

Bloody hell, he was lonely. Really lonely - it's strange, he used to be so afraid of people, but... But he was really lonely.

Lonely and... and afraid that, like with Ami, this had changed his relationship with Helios forever.

He attempts a very uncomfortable, ashamed little message today, because he misses Helios so damned much right now.]

... Helios...?

... C-Could... Could I... v-visit you today?

I... I would greatly a-appreciate your company...

[Action]

[semper_cogitans]

[Derp! Robert looks just as sheepish, too.] Ah... w-well, I'm quite content with whatever you have...

... And, it's still effort on my behalf. F-For which I must thank you.

[He takes this opportunity to scoot closer to Helios, pretty clearly wanting more substantial contact.]

...

I r-really did miss you...

[Action]

[folkloristic]

[ He'll swirl his tea inside his cup almost staring blankly into it. ] Oh it's just regular, this kind. Ah well you don't have to thank me.

It-it's the least I can do. After everything... [ Okay he notes that might even shift a little in his seat. ]

Robert?

[Action]

[semper_cogitans]

Yes...? [Completely nervous here, but Robert does close whatever gap remains between them and just... sits next to Helios.

After a moment of hesitation, he mumbles:]

W-Would you be opposed to... a hug...?

[He's so very anxious right now.]

[Action]

[folkloristic]

[ Helios almost chokes on his tea. He looks at Robert and notes the closeness. ] Ah wh-what?

[ Yes he is confused by this question Robert. ]

[Action]

[semper_cogitans]

... A hug.

[He hasn't given Helios a hug since Valentine's.]

...

Y-You... you don't h-have to allow it, of course, b-but... I'd a-appreciate it...

[And now Robert is just going to stare at his hands. Or the untouched tea mug. Or the floor. Or something that is not the handsome headmaster next to him.]

[Action]

[folkloristic]

N-No I didn't mean it like that! It's fine. [ Another sheepish laugh this has come as a total surprise to him.

After everything that's happened contact is the last thing Helios would expect Robert to appreciate from him. ]

[Action]

[semper_cogitans]

[He has clearly underestimated Robert's clinginess, then.

The scientist puts his slender little arms around his friend's frame, then, and just holds himself to Helios as close as possible without being entirely unprofessional-looking. He tries to take in the fact that this is Helios, that he's his normal self, and not that... monster wearing his face that still haunts his dreams with those angry eyes and that forceful, crushing kiss that he can't seem to forget.

This Helios, the real Helios, won't do that. Would never do that. Wouldn't hurt him like that... ... Wouldn't...

... It's soothing, in some ways, because it's a reminder that this is real, as objectively as Robert can tell anyway, and that things are relatively normal and everything just might be okay.

Also, Helios feels nice to hold.]

[Action]

[folkloristic]

[ Even knowing it was coming Helios still goes a bit stiff. It's just a weird action he's still not quite used to, possibly might not ever be. But it's not as if he hasn't had it happen to him since being here. Giles was the first, Robert the second. Helios might even tentatively return the motion since it does feel nice. But he knows Robert won't react badly and that's one of the main factors to this whole exchange. He also likes the fact that it is, in fact, normal and this brief taste of normalcy is nice for a change. It makes the time here not seem so bad. He will pull away after a few moments clearly confused. ]

I...I still don't understand. Why?

[Action]

[semper_cogitans]

[The rigidity doesn't really bother Robert much. He remembers it from the last time he hugged Helios, too, and he knows that he himself is a little jerky and uncomfortable and in general unused to this. Though hanging off of Don has made this easier to contemplate...

The tentative, uncomfortable, but genuine returned motion is appreciated, and Robert lets his eyes close briefly a moment. He loves Helios, at the very least platonically, and he's glad to see that Helios is back.]

...

As I said before... I wanted to see you, as how you are.

... And... a-and I wanted some memories of a slightly... nicer touch...

[That shiver in Robert's voice is evident. As is the way his gaze keeps resting on Helios' bottom lip...]

[Action]

[folkloristic]

[ It helps when you're both not so good with contact to begin with. Helios will blink. ] O-Oh.

I-I can see why. [ Slightly nicer touch...

Helios inwardly shivers at the memory of what he did. Not him but another him but it was still him. It was so wrong...why is that most bad memories stuck so well? Helios might or might not notice that gaze as he's trying to form a coherent apology again, hold on. ]

I-I'm sorry a-again for what happened. And I'm sorry I'm not the best at this sort of-of thing. [ He means hugging. ]

[Action]

[semper_cogitans]

[Not good, indeed. Robert's always an awkward mess when he does this kind of stuff... not that he doesn't want to, for once, but it's so obvious he rarely does it.]

... It's... alright, Helios; it certainly wasn't your fault, any more than it was mine.

... A-And I am... incompetent, too. So p-please don't trouble yourself...

[Robert's small hand finds its way to Helios' cold one, and might take it gently if Helios allows.]

[Action]

[folkloristic]

[ Not used to that touching, especially his hands of all places, Helios might pull his hand away a little. ]

Of-of course. I just felt the need to apologize again for my ac-actions.

[Action]

[semper_cogitans]

[And the pulling away means Robert's hand just hesitates in midair before dropping down to his side. He's used to uncomfortable hand-holding as a means to express affection, and feels kind of stymied without it.]

... I'm... j-just glad everything between us is... still there.

[Is that a bit of inflection on "everything"? Robert bites his lip gently and looks off to the side a little, willing himself not to flush.

It doesn't work.

Suddenly he kind of wants to either cling closer or scoot away. He does neither thing and instead sits there and looks almost ashamed of himself. Stupid polyamorous feeling things...]

[Action]

[folkloristic]

[ Helios is sorry Robert, and he blinks noting what he just did. ] Ah! S-Sorry. I-I didn't mean to d-do that. I'm just not...used to it.

[ Helios notes the other's actions. It's strange their...relationship. Mainly because they both recall those kisses so vividly and even if Helios wants to put that behind him, the treatment of the Malnosso...he still remembers. Very clearly and very easily how it felt. Helios just sits there, rigid as a plank of wood. He's lost as to what to do mainly because it's been such a long time. ]

I'm glad as well. It-it really shouldn't matter since it was hardly our doing. B-But the fact it happened still matters.

[Action]

[semper_cogitans]

... I'm... not used to this, either. [Not even after four months. And certainly he isn't used to Helios. Is it paradoxical that the cold skin actually helps?]

B-but, if you d-don't want to... it's alright.

[Oh yes, their relationship is very strange. There's an almost unspoken-since-Robert's-confession sense of quiet longing for the headmaster from the scientist, but it isn't one that's actively acknowledged. Still, it almost continually raises its head, as much as its existence makes Robert almost irrationally guilty.]

...

It... does matter, I suppose. But... but it shouldn't i-influence anything.

[So why does this continue to influence him? Robert wonders if the Malnosso want him to want Helios, want him to ruin the first relationship he's had in five years.]