I had this dream in which I was in college, still sharing a room with my (now ex) boyfriend.  We had broken up in the dream and it was weird.  I saw a whole bunch of old friends whom I haven't talked to in a long time.  It was my sixth year in college and I had been taking the same classes for several years with no real progress.  I thought I ( Read more... )

I'm breaking up with the boy.  I wish I wasn't.  He's so wonderful.  I have no complaints about him, other than that we obviously want different things in a relationship right now.  I want more closeness.  I want someone to be there for me and help me heal, because I'm still pretty insecure.  I still need to learn how to really love myself.  If I'm ( Read more... )

I've gotten really sick of having boring, conventional, unfulfilling relationships lately, so I've been putting a lot of thought into what makes them crappy, and how that might be changed.  I made a list of things that are common relationship factors, beliefs and behaviors, which I think obstruct our favorable experience of them.  The general list ( Read more... )

Lots of time has past since I last wrote here. Lots of miles have been covered. Lots of decisions have been made, and even more put off for later. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I still would rather not grow up in the first place. I feel a little bit too grown up for my own good even now. This whole world is too grown up ( Read more... )

eadings, I've gathered that the ego is the collection of thoughts, which each of us has, regarding who we are and  which we believe to be our selves.  These thoughts are such things as, "I can't run very fast."  "I like sushi."  "I am a hippie."  "I need my friends to be polite."  Most of us are unconscious of most of these thoughts, and of the ( Read more... )

Anybody want to move to Connecticut with me and study martial arts? And have a really fun house together?

My friends just took apart a whole bag of oreos to make a frosting ball, then reconstruct them and eat them ( Read more... )

I made a decision. Bet you didn't even know this was bothering me. It's partly why I go for such long periods without writing anything here. Part of me just wants to write whatever the hell I feel like, what happened to me today, and stuff like that. Another part of me wants to write highly polished stuff--poetry, rants and essays that have ( Read more... )

"Suffering is an unnecessary aspect of the human experience. It is not only unnecessary, it is unwise, uncomfortable, and hazardous to your health."
--God, Conversations with God

i beat myself up so much that i can't do anything. can't express affection because i don't feel like i'm worthy of even showing other people that i like them. all because of one little thing: i really like a guy and i'm afraid to talk to him.

AAAAAAHHHHHHH!

this is hell.