I hate myself...I just want to erase my looks...fade away into nothing...I wish I could but I am such a fat ass and eat like a monster... =-( Starting tomorrow I am not going to eat anything but soup...looking at pictures of all my friends and seeing how thin they are...and then I see a picture of me and I look like shit...I wish I could just go ( Read more... )

Ugh...I fucked up all weekend. B/p 3x Sunday and 1x today. ugh don't even feel like talking about it =-(

Ugh ....I did horrible today...around 7:00pm I ate 2 plates of white rice with butter and I ate like 7 servings (15 crackers each) of the low fat animal crackers...ugh I can hardly move now still. All day before that all I ate was raisins and I was not even hungry....my stomach feels like it grew 10 inches in like an hour...All I want to do is ( Read more... )

Today was a very splendid day. I went down to Hunter and paid for my summer and fall 2008 tuition. I then went out with Ashley and Jackie to the Food Emporium....where they both ate salads...I didn't eat anything. (plus for me) I bought this salad dressing which is Creamy Bacon which supposedly has 0 calories, 0g fat per serving. I was quite eager ( Read more... )

Today was a pretty good day overall. I went to the dentist with my grandma and after I went to Trader Joe's and spent about an hour n 1/2 just looking at every label. I ended up getting a couple of things. Today I ate 1 small zip lock bag of plain salad w/ 1 tbspn dressing, 1 c veggie bisque soup (110 cals, 0g fat), 23 pretzel slims (110 cals, 0g ( Read more... )

 I am so excited...I know it's 1:15 am and I know I always make up these wacky plans when I just sit in bed...but this time I am really serious.
I was just thinking about how happier I was when I was thinner...and honestly I was. I am going to make a To-Do List: for the summer on what I want to accomplish:
1. eat healthier (so far today...I ate salad ( Read more... )

Well, it d 4:40pm and I am incredibly bored. I just want to drink so badly right now...but all my parents booze is locked up and I don't have any. I don't know why I keep drinking...meanwhile I always get in trouble. I went to the hospital 2x in the last week...one for ODing on ephedra pills...and the second time just for being drunk and my mom ( Read more... )

Well  this is day 2 of not b/ping for me. I am opting to just try and restrict my food intake. Due to my locking of my bathroom and lack of prvacy in my room due to not having a door...it will help me not b/p and continue to watch what I eat, so I can lose this fucking weight. Today I ate about 3-4 plates of salad with salsa (10 cals for 1-2 tbspn ( Read more... )

Day 2  of my plan didn't go very well since I am still in Renfrew. 
What I ate Today:
Breakfast:
- 1 English Muffin
- 1 tbspn butter (70 cals)
- 1 yogurt (140 cals/1.5 fat)
- 1 c fruit juice (110 cals)
Lunch:
-3-4 slices grilled chicken
-roasted potatoes w/ cheese (but not very much cheese)
-sliced carrots
- 1 cup Ensure
- 1 Butterfinger Bar
(purged)
Dinner:
-1 ( Read more... )

Today is the day that I am going to crack down on my fucking eating habits. I actually didn't purge my lunch from Renfrew...and thinking back...I don't realize what the fuck I was thinking. That was just a ridiculous idea not to do. At work, by 7:30pm I was so hungry, since I didn't eat since 12:30pm...I ate a granola bar...but once I ate the ( Read more... )