"Other's can't love you, until you love yourself"

[fr0w]

"Other's can't love you, until you love yourself"... I've always thought that phrase was bullshit; and I still do.. only it's not as full of shit as I had previously thought. Plenty of self hating, pessimistic, masochists have plenty of people who love them. I think the axiom's real meaning is something more along the lines of.. "You won't let

Comments

[youwhowereborn]

Yeah, it took me a long time to understand that saying/concept too. I always assumed I loved myself enough and that it couldn't possibly be affecting my relationships. I've realized I had to go way deeper in feeling worthy/deserving. I think I connected my sense of worthiness to achievement--if I haven't done a good enough job, then I don't deserve love/attention/praise/reward/etc. And so when people would try to cut through that I would dismiss them or minimize it or feel guilty and run away. I would just beat myself up over mistakes and shortcomings. And then you tend to attract the kind of people that help you maintain that pattern/system.

[fr0w]

yeah, pretty much all of that.

[youwhowereborn]

And it's not just that I would beat myself up, but that part of me would also get super defensive and rebellious at the first sign of any criticism, because I felt like the other person was dismissing all the good things I had done, and fixating on the bad things.

[fr0w]

I get pretty defensive but I internalize it, and usually I agree with them but then I wonder.. "are they just saying that? or do they really realize how bad/ugly/stupid i really am?"