adjectives

[francookie]

we age in darkness like wood
and watch our phantoms change
their clothes
of shingles and boards
for a purpose that can only be
described as wood.

Tell me whatever is in the deepest depths of your heart. Tell me a secret, a love or a passion. Tell me your worries and fears. Comment ten times or comment once

Comments

[fakingit]

oops, that anonymous comment about adding was me. ha.

[francookie]

i added you! hooray!

[virtual_rabbi]

This is a fine poem, frannie, but I think the similie in line one should go away, as well as the word 'and' at the beginning of line two. Thus:

we age in darkness
watch our phantoms change
their clothes
of shingles and boards
for a purpose that can only be
described as wood

Is it not cleaner and sharper? Does it say anything different?

Oh---I caught your act on jessie's site, so I came over here to stick in my 2 cents. OK?

your pal,
Ben
jew curmudgeon poet

[francookie]

unfortunately, ben, this happens to be one of my favorite poems ever, by richard brautigan... i personally feel that the poem prefers a looser, more free-flowing structure. it goes well in the book this way. but thanks for the two cents.

-francakes