Well, my earth host family will be renting some DVD movies to watch later tonight from Blockbuster Video. I'm not allowed to go because they're afraid that someone might see me or some other shit. I think they don't wanna take me anywhere because of what I did the last time. You see, Mrs. Nelson had to go K-Mart to buy some things one day, and I ( Read more... )

Shit!!! I gotta vacuum the house today! It's part of the deal I made with my host family, ya know? They said that they'd let me stay here in complete secrecy as long as I did some chores around the house. Fuck! I should'a vaporized them with my laser pistol when I had the chance! Actually, I take that back. They're pretty cool and all. I guess I'm ( Read more... )

Fuckin' bitchin!!! I checked the mail today and my cds finally arrived! You see, the other month, I saw one of those cd club ads where you can buy 12 cds for a penny. I'm sure you've all seen those. Anyway, I signed up online at BMG Music for my first few FREE cds. Those were pretty cool! So, in order to get the rest of my free cds, I had to buy a ( Read more... )

Hi everybody!! This is a bit astonishing to comprehend, but I'm an actual being from another planet outside of your solar system. Yeah, I know what you're thinking..."What the fuck is this asshole talking about??" Let me explain...

I'm from a planet called Quitpitwaunamajakaruka'a. Trust me, it's a lot easier to pronounce than it seems, as long as ( Read more... )