It's been ages since I've written anything and ages before that. I've begun to actually talk to people about my problems instead of hiding things away, which is healthy and good, and has the effect of making journal entries pretty much not a thing now ( Read more... )

It's hard to believe sometimes that the world doesn't stop. I have classes to go to tomorrow and all the way until Friday. A week after this began is my first day without obligations. The more I think about it the more ridiculous/out-of-character/impossible it seems. I'm in a relationship. Already (yes, it's officially been ~2 months. It still ( Read more... )

I'm starting to think I'm not nearly as chill as I thought I was. I think instead I push everything down until it all spills over. My pressure valve is starting to go off 1-3 times a week now, even though nothing's really happening, but, shit, why does everyone have to be depressed/suicidal/(ab)using drugs/cutting/not eating/puking/etc. or ( Read more... )

I'm letting myself become upset now. I don't want to get any more depressed than I've already become because I've been there and it was the worst eight years of my life. I've been depressed for most of the time people have known me, for the entirety of my relationships with some people. Looking back, I see some people knew there was a problem, but ( Read more... )

This hit me way harder than I expected. I assumed she was doing well. I'm not there. I can't help if she does badly. I don't want to think about that, therefore she's fine because that's the only option I can handle. So she was fine, having some relationship problems but she was talking with people about it so it was okay. I tried to call her and ( Read more... )

I really wish I could fully feel all of my emotions. Now I can understand why Robin doesn't like her meds. If I could stop taking a pill and feel everything like I should then I would probably want to also. Instead it's a habit I learned. Instead of hiding my feelings from people I hid them completely to the point where I didn't feel them. I can ( Read more... )

Yo no entiendo totalmente lo que ha pasado. Todo está cambiando y está cambiando muy rápido. No conocí a él el mes pasado. Conocemos menos que cuatro semanas y ahora estamos... algo. Yo no sé. Yo nunca tuve sentimientos románticos. Nunca me pude tenerlos. Ahora yo los tengo y yo sé que él tiene sentimientos románticos y sintimientos sexual tambien ( Read more... )

I don't understand how someone can talk about their suicide attempt with the same nonchalance as when they talk about going to the fall festival every year or being part of a football town or any other random unimportant thing in their life. Being depressed enough to want to end your life is a horrible feeling. It is nothing like fall fest or ( Read more... )

What an unexpected day. Patrick invited me to Burn After Reading yesterday over IM since he and his friend Ian were going and he thought I might like it. I went grocery shopping because my ramen and one can of ravioli were only going to last me three more days until I was down to rice and Subway. I got back and I was almost late after putting away ( Read more... )

It sucks being the youngest. And by that I mean it sucks being the worst and the least experience and the least confident. Everyone misjudges the information I know so they often assume I know things that I don't and occasionally tell me things I knew ages ago. When they don't tell me thing I don't know I feel lost and insecure because I don't know ( Read more... )