You are a far braver person than I will ever be Jenn. I couldn't do what you're doing. I'd rather take my hate to my grave than try to forgive. But you have done what you can, and if he does not repent than there is nothing else you can do. You have offered forgiveness, and that is all that is on you to try and do.
It doesn't take much to ruin a life; one man, one careless action, one word, can tear down a person's world. As Christian's though, we're lucky in that we have God in our corner. He may not make our lives rainbows and skittle rain, but in the end what is important is that we win, we get the happily ever after with a perfect, loving, father.
Not brave, I don't think. It's just that I have to let the hate go or it will destroy me. It'll destroy my ability to let people in. It made a part of myself that I don't like, one that is angry and paranoid. *sigh* And that is no way to live.
And if I let it ruin me, then it just proves I'm not strong enough. It proves that he wins. I'll become less like Christ: I need to trust, love, and be able to forgive. Forgiveness and repentance is what Christ was all about, so to be more like him... I need to forgive. If I let this beat me, darkness wins. Simple as that.
Not saying I'm gunna be perfect, far from it. But I think this is a step in the right direction. I think it'll be a long fight. I mean, I was abused during critical years (6-15). But God can heal me, and He's been working non-stop... and He's made a lot of progress. =-)And I know it'll be ok because He has a plan. Maybe I can help others who are like myself. He can make my pain into something good, I know it.
If not, though, it's ok. I've prepared myself for nearly every outcome. And while I fear some (letting him in, makes it possible for him to hurt me again- especially if we see each other in person)... I have to do what is right.
And about trust... it takes me a long time to trust guys. Why?
I've been beaten, nearly raped (twice, by two seperate men), almost beaten numerous times (I got very good at escaping), and molested for years of my life. *Sighs*
I've come a very long way, but I'm not 100% yet. And the main reason I want you to read this is because maybe one day you'll get married or have a daughter... and she might have been though this at some point. And I want to help others heal. So, here is my story.
Trust comes slow for people like us. Most girls like me don't do as well as I have. I've overcome a lot of odds. And you should know that. You're my friend, and I don't want to hurt you. But I want you to understand. Trust takes time.
Comments 4
It doesn't take much to ruin a life; one man, one careless action, one word, can tear down a person's world. As Christian's though, we're lucky in that we have God in our corner. He may not make our lives rainbows and skittle rain, but in the end what is important is that we win, we get the happily ever after with a perfect, loving, father.
Reply
And if I let it ruin me, then it just proves I'm not strong enough. It proves that he wins. I'll become less like Christ: I need to trust, love, and be able to forgive. Forgiveness and repentance is what Christ was all about, so to be more like him... I need to forgive. If I let this beat me, darkness wins. Simple as that.
Not saying I'm gunna be perfect, far from it. But I think this is a step in the right direction. I think it'll be a long fight. I mean, I was abused during critical years (6-15). But God can heal me, and He's been working non-stop... and He's made a lot of progress. =-)And I know it'll be ok because He has a plan. Maybe I can help others who are like myself. He can make my pain into something good, I know it.
Reply
I still love you, even if you don't trust me.
Reply
And about trust... it takes me a long time to trust guys. Why?
I've been beaten, nearly raped (twice, by two seperate men), almost beaten numerous times (I got very good at escaping), and molested for years of my life. *Sighs*
I've come a very long way, but I'm not 100% yet. And the main reason I want you to read this is because maybe one day you'll get married or have a daughter... and she might have been though this at some point. And I want to help others heal. So, here is my story.
Trust comes slow for people like us. Most girls like me don't do as well as I have. I've overcome a lot of odds. And you should know that. You're my friend, and I don't want to hurt you. But I want you to understand. Trust takes time.
Reply
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