i am sad. i am sick of worrying so much. this is the most stressed i think i have ever been in my entire life. there is so many unknowns and uncertainities. i just want someone to look my in the eyes and be completely truthful and tell me hey you can do this and id be able to tell and know they are telling the truth. i hate this. i am sorry. i wish ( Read more... )

coming to the realization that i dont have anyone to fall back on has left me with a bitter taste in my mouth. stephanie and me were hanging out again for awhile but i guess there comes a time when people just grow up and go in different directions. i havent been able to sleep well lately at all. shawn finally got a job yay! he works from 5pm to ( Read more... )

last we went out and stayed out late. it reminded me that i am still 18 and am able to act that way sometimes too. i feel like i should just start to act grown and like a mom. i dont always like that feeling. ady stayed over night on thursday and i watched her for almost 24 hours. it really made me see what the hell i have gotten myself into and i ( Read more... )

i havent updated in what has seemed like forever. its not that i dont have things to talk about or things i really should sort out its just i never have any motivation to do anything any more. i wake up at 5:15 to go to work. i work until 2:30-3 i come home and try to nap until someone comes home or it's time for supper. stay awake for a little ( Read more... )

so...as of lately things havent been going that well. i guess they are okay but at times i am finding it hard not to break. each day i pray everything will be okay. at the same time each pain i feel is like a worry because i dont know what is normal and what is not. i bought the baby its first stuffed animal a couple days ago. i guess i was just ( Read more... )

tonight i went out with my dad for dinner. i told him i was pregnant and everything about it. he took it so differently than i thought. he didnt seem so much mad as sad. i dont want people to worry about me so much. i guess i just wish they would think of this as a way to make me want to control my emotions and everything. i am no longer going to ( Read more... )

so instead of morning sickness i get sick at night time. i feel so horrible right now like i am about to throw up all over the place. today (tonight) i watched adyson for awhile. she is so adorable. it makes me sad because i still remember when she was soo tiny and didnt make any real noise or anything. now she is constantly making noises like a ( Read more... )

what are you supposed to do when you know someone is lying to you? i do not like feeling that i cannot trust him. i do not want to have to feel this way. i feel like he lies to me. like she was right and he does lie to girls and tell them all the same thing. he lies to me. he lied to me. doesnt he realize that i know he lied. right to my fucking ( Read more... )

happy fucking new years. didnt do much due to the fact that i am sick. went to cyndi and gregs for dinner and played some games....came home before 12. watched some for better or worse. now just sitting here with hives and a sleeping boy. i hate the way my brother treats his family. he is completely disregarding feelings for everyone besides ( Read more... )

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