We're still on the boat, and Ana confirms that she could never leave Christian, no matter how hard he hits her with a belt.

Could I ever leave him again--no matter what he did to me? Could I betray him like that? No. I don't think I could.
This isn't just co-dependency, it's the height of emotional manipulation. Christian made Ana work for that "I ( Read more... )

We left off with Christian's admission of love for Ana in the shower. It was romantic, really romantic.

"You love me," I whisper.
His eyes widen further and his mouth opens. He takes a huge breath, as if winded. He looks tortured--vulnerable.
"Yes," he whispers. "I do."
Chapter 9 begins with a mere three paragraphs about Ana's "jubilation," dashed ( Read more... )

And I said to the good Lord God: Please, shine upon me your blessings, o Lord, and let me parody Fifty Shades of Grey for all of my days ( Read more... )

So, I'm at work tonight, talking to my clients as usual. A hefty portion of my company's clients are very wealthy and very old. Some are sweet and gracious, the kind of old people that make aging seem wonderful because they've got life all figured out. But most are cranky and elitist a-holes. They see the entire middle class as servants, and ( Read more... )

We've covered the white females in Fifty Shades of Grey. It took me way, way, way longer than I thought it would to wrap those up, because the book is absolutely crawling with them. Let's talk about the black females.

1. Claire, the receptionist at Ana's job.

[Sidenote: I refuse to call it "SIP". That's the word sip, asshole. It doesn't sound ( Read more... )

Commercial Break Time! "Secondary Characters in Fifty Shades of Grey" is sponsored by...

51 Tints of Granite

The fanfiction that beguiles the fanfiction that became a bestseller based on a bestseller. Now available for free on fanfiction.net!

Watch as author Bristol Fashion guides you, dripping wet, into the sea of naivete that is Fifty Shades ( Read more... )

Time for another installment of EL James's racially insensitive and stereotypical secondary characters Everyone But Ana and Christian Doesn't Matter! If you'll recall, our running count of evil blondes is breaken into three professions:
Evil Blond Receptionists: 3 (Olivia, Andrea, and Evil Blonde Number One)
Evil Blond Servers: 2 (The "flouncing" ( Read more... )

Okay, disclaimer time. Obviously, I've taken up the Blond Cause, because I just spent two hours writing a fake back-story for Gretchen ("Miss European Pigtails," though we never hear or see anything that makes Gretchen European. Hence my story, wherein Gretchen is an exchange student from Germany working for keep and college by serving the Greys ( Read more... )

We have reached one of the most illogical and childish secondary-character reactions in all of Fifty Shades of Grey. Yes, it's time for Miss European Pigtails. A quick tally before we move on-
Total Number of Secondary White Female Characters: 8
Total Number of Secondary White Female Characters Not Related To Christian: 5
Total Number of Blondes: 6 ( Read more... )

Aaand I'm back ( Read more... )