For the past week, my bowels have been entrenched in a full-fledged war. First, my limbs locked up, making any attempt to exercise motion painful: my back ached, my knees ached, my hands, even my feet throbbed with pain akin to the arthritis of an old crone. I slept anywhere from 12 to 16 hours a day; getting up periodically to use the bathroom or
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