I'm still alive and up to my (sort of) old antics. I'm a doctor now *gasp*.

Yeah, that happened. Stil swaying. Still sad. But life's cool, yo. I got no regrets (that's what she tells herself).

I'm still alive. Still kicking.

2 more months and i graduate with my master's degree. who'd have thought?

slightly happy, slightly unsure of what's to happen next.

spencer street
and i always look

(as if some trace of you still exists at that exact spot)

your memory lingers
even if your physical body does not

i hear you singing in my ear
and i sing along too
it makes me feel a little closer to you

as if you weren't already bonded to me
in my life
in your death

you mark me still
you encompass my thoughts

every
day.

54 ( Read more... )

it's ironic how life works out. just when you get over one crisis a whole new one comes crashing down on you. i spoke about misha (aka european man) and what i've gone through this year. well a little over 4 hours ago i got a phone call.

misha is dead. he overdosed on heroin. his body was found this morning.

i cannot even begin to explain what i've ( Read more... )

i'm ready to tell you all everything- the truth.

are you ready?

i wrote an entry
but was too scared to post it

i'm just scared, period

...the alcohol numbs for a bit. makes me laugh for a bit. forget for a bit. i hate him because he's all i think about. i hate him because i'm weak and i've let him do this to me.

i hate myself most of all.

my heart sank
his words tore at me like small knives
cunning, hurtful

we exchanged an empty kiss
his lips tasted of foil
his eyes
a glassy ignorance

my eyes
full of unsatisfied expectation

i am shit for sleep
i am
that nagging tone you hear in your dreams

i am
wake up,
up

you get out of your bed
brush your teeth
fuck your teeth!

no, fuck you.

i am anger spilled out onto a glass wall
it blocks me
but it's fragile
I am fragile
but really, i don't care

heh.

i am
denial

i am that pain in your gut
hopeful for red,
only getting white

i am tragedy in ( Read more... )