I think of you always, lately even more so, you are on the edges, I can see your shadow, dashing your fingers over my skin as I sleep and lining up all the ghosts from my past. I don't know who I write about, there are so many faces of this man I have loved and hated, who I have guided towards death, who I have slept with and moved against; you ( Read more... )

where did this possibility come from
like a swollen branch fallen
in my way, i gather my tears
held sharply in my pockets
and scatter them before me
to remind myself
of where this path leads...

there is a small
black bird
flying near the edges
of my borders,
feathers as soft
as ash.

The year is new and the drinks sparkle like dust motes in a flesh of sun. You are not in my new year, this year is mine to do as I please, to be alone and fall down, make myself into a river that flows away from you. I dream of babies I do not want and pale flowers on the window sill.

It is always a shock, now a receeding one, the memories hiding in the dust. I am trying to bury them.

I am scared of the future,
haunted by the past,
and have nothing in the present.

I dreamt of strips of tin foil dangling from trees, blowing in a red wind. I woke up and missed the sleep, the lesser minutes I don't have to count. I looked over the hills and mountains and beteen the valleys. You still are not here. You never were. I was a mask made up of ribs and fluids I placed inside of you. And still you did not see me.

His sharp words
move me to a place
I've never been
cuts my skin open
and reshapes it
into a calendar
of hours.
You are like a city
I don't have a map for,
always lost, the borders
keep changing and
I find myself
redefining my words
beside you.

I've come to realise how deeply the scars run. Dreams are loaded, dripping with fear, running from hope. There is no hope here but I latch on to it, it's mere shadow, in the hope I will find it again. It's only natural to do such a thing, seek the skin, seek the kiss, bring about the wishes, like pandora's box. I live in fear. It tastes bitter ( Read more... )

I hate you.
You are a monster to me.
You are in all my nightmares.
As fiercely as I loved you
I now hate you.
I need you to know that.