What the fuck, Dad, no, I'm not going to send the fucking elephant a birthday card.

Oh shit, there was brandy in that cake.

That doesn't count, does it?

Sweet, the Arrival Deluxe Edition's track listings are finalized. It's only a matter of time now! Man, it's got the ABBA-dabba-doo TV special and everything. Jango, you get the ABBA newsletter too, right? How awesome is this going to be?!

Dear Dad,

I hope your fucking elephant kills you.

She knew where I was the whole time, and she never checked to see how I was doing once. I always figured that she was some battered wife who ran away for refuge and that she would have come back for me if she could have, but wow, she just never cared enough to bother. She's off turning tricks and forgetting I exist while I'm getting the shit beaten ( Read more... )

Well, as you might have noticed, I hadn't gotten my hair cut in... oh.... forever, and I guess I was starting to look a little like a hobo, so I finally took care of that! Apparently, a little trim and a little gel, along with some... eyebrow plucking will work wonders! Haha... oh god, I have no idea what I'm doing. Jango, look at this icon, does ( Read more... )

Hey, awesome, I love this movie. John Travolta is the best actor ever.

Ha, I forgot your birthday.

Asshole.

Why the hell do I keep getting these phone calls? Look, lady, it was the wrong number the first time you called, and it hasn't magically changed since then.

Oh god, subtle nuances, why did I-- come back to me, I love you, I promise I won't abuse you anymore, I just want to savor you, please, don't do this to me, somebody kill me NOW.