chantelle continues to push me away. i cant talk to her anymore because everytime i do, she makes me feel bad about myself. i hate it. i hate knowing that im gonna feel bad when i see my girlfriend. i hate knowing i'll feel worse if i dont see her. i cant win. i dont know what to do. rita tells me to just give it time. i cant. i cant sit there and ( Read more... )

im sorry im updating this again, but i was learning about periods and i asked spencer why they happen ( Read more... )

im really upset. not because chantelle is back, but because she wasnt at school. i got so excited. i made my whole day revolve around it and she wasnt there. im not mad at her for not being at school, i cant blame her, but i really wanted to see her. i think i just miss her so much and she makes me feel better, no matter what and i need her now. my ( Read more... )

well, im really sad after reading jenn and ritas livejournals. it seems that everybody is stil sad. i want everyone to be happy. i remember last year was so cool. i was miserable butr everyone was always happy. everybody always had someone. even though i didnt have anyone that i really loved as much as i do chantelle and never had someone to love ( Read more... )

oh my god, chantelle just called me all the way from england. im so sick i could hardly talk to her. i really hope i wasnt hallucinating. i am running a mad bad fever right now. anyhoo, she is supposed to fly back on monday afternoon which means all of you chantelle fans-she'll be at school on tuesday. i think i might die before then. i dont get ( Read more... )

im so depressed. all i wanna do is lay down with chantelle in my arms forever. im so tired of shit. everything that gets inbetween chantelle and i. her family, england, everything. i just wish i could quit reality and join her in an eternal land of us. where i can still see rita and jenn but never have to leave chantelle. i wonder if i could go ( Read more... )

well day 1 of my lack of cha cha. i've already started to be annoying. i already quit drugs. only because rita asked me not to. id do anything for rita. she's my best friend ever. i love her ( Read more... )

well kiddies, last night i made more unwise decisions. i got high. i got higher than hell. woo hoo. i was lying in bed, thinking that i hadn't taken enough oxy and then all of the sudden my head started to shrink, and my eyes got really big. i couldnt close my eyes because they were the size of tennis balls and my head was tiny. so i was staring at ( Read more... )

in the last 2 months ive done so many new things. i started smoking, i had sex, i got a girlfriend that even after 2 months things are good. life has changed. i dont think ive ever had a bad grade in a science class, i have a c. thats pathetic. anyhoo, now i have drugs. i have one of the most sought after, highly addictive drugs in my pocket right ( Read more... )

they cant have her. i love my chantelle. she cant go to england. what will i do? im gonna cry. when shes away from me for 10 minutes i get sad, how the hell am i gonna last 2 weeks? im so depressed. im gonna fuck things up by being sad this week and be scared about how our relationship will be the entire time she's gone. i have to go now. i dont ( Read more... )