"Almost There, Going Nowhere"
Part: 3/?
Pairing: Maddison
Description: Post Season 3. Addison leaves for L.A. hoping that no one will get in her way of finding a new life.
Rating: R, definitely R.
Disclaimer: I own nothing with the exception of two cats, which you are all welcome to.
Summary: Another visitor leaves Addison with an unhappy revelation and unanticipated goodbyes.
Previous parts can be found inside. Enjoy!
~-~-~-~-~-~ Part 1: There's been too many days of trying.
Part 2: Dancing in circles, making me sick.
A/N: I am very hesitant about this chapter. While writing this it felt very needed and now looking back a little out place. Nevertheless I needed closure and this is how I went about it. Don't hate me just yet, we will get to the good porn soon enough. Thank you to
escapismrocks for being "the fabulous beta" and for the band to which the chapter title steals its name. Hope you all enjoy.
~-~-~-~-~-~
Wrapped in silent elegance
Beautifully broken down
As illusions burst
Too late to learn from experience
Too late to wonder how
To finish first
- Zero 7- “Home”
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
He would be the first to admit, though not aloud to a soul, that he will always have a soft spot for Addison. He may curse her name and hate the ground she so proudly stomps those ridiculously high heels onto, but she is Addison. They have a history, albeit very complicated one, a history nonetheless. There were many good times that he has now come to acknowledge shouldn’t be faulted to hide behind all of the bad things that happened later in the marriage. There was blame everywhere in the end. They have seen each other at their respective bests and worsts. He can’t really use this reasoning as the “why” that leads to him marching down the hotel hallway but he figures if he has to he will throw it out.
He knocks rapidly on the door and hears slight shuffles inside.
“Damn it”, she swears under her breath as she quietly pads toward the door once again. This time she managed to get a whole suitcase packed and feels slightly proficient as she slowly pulls the door open to see her ex-husband. Other than the obvious emotion of complete confusion she notices a little twinge pull at her heart. She is going to chalk it up to the wine she has been pounding back as she was chucking clothing pile after clothing pile into their new and temporary Louis Vuitton home.
“Derek.” She muses as he shifts his weight carelessly from foot to foot.
“Addison.” He moves by her and through the slightly opened door.
“Oh please by all means, come right on in. Make yourself at home.” He doesn’t respond as he slowly looks around the room. “So Mark called in the cavalry?”
“I haven’t spoken to Mark. Are you moving?” He makes his way through the mess and takes a seat on the bed that they once used to share.
“What are you doing here?” She follows him but decides to stand in front of him rather than put herself in the compromising position of sitting so close to a man that she isn’t sure she is really over yet. They have a history after all and for the life of her she can’t forget.
“Smooth transition.”
“Always been my strong suit. What are you doing Derek?”
“Are you moving?”
“Answer my question.” She is beginning to grow frustrated with his charades and sighs loudly enough so that he will hopefully take the hint.
“Answer mine.” He retorts quickly and then takes in a deep breath before starting his explanation. “Meredith and I broke up. I think that that is what happened anyway.”
“Oh so you come running to me. Gee thanks Derek, I feel so loved and worthwhile.” She wishes that she didn’t mean the last part nearly as much as she feels like she does.
“No. I just…I…didn’t know what to do. I needed a friend.” His voice has dropped considerably and his vulnerability is starting to shine through.
“I am not your friend. I am your hated ex-wife who you have fun mocking every time you get a chance. Mark is your friend. He is in room 2267. Go find him because I couldn’t care less about your relationship issues with the 12 year old.” She takes the obviously dig at the intern she honestly doesn’t hate merely to keep up appearances.
“Mark is not my friend.”
“He is too. Whether you want to admit it now or three years from now, he is your best friend. Not even I could ruin that.” She instantly regrets bringing up the affair because it always sends them into a weird downward spiral of a fight.
Choosing to ignore her obvious remark, “Now answer my question. Are you moving?” He takes a glance around at the matching suitcases and tries not to imagine that she is going where he thinks she is going.
“I am moving to L.A. I really don’t want to whole world knowing that I am going so just keep it to yourself if you can manage that.”
“L.A.” He tosses the world around in his head and tries to grasp onto the reality. He silently curses himself for drinking way too much scotch before making his trek over here.
“L.A.” She repeats for him again. She finally decides that it is safe to take a seat and perches herself tediously on the edge of the comfortable king size bed.
“Why would you do that?” It’s honest and he means it although he is pretty sure he is about to incite some sort of riot from her.
“Why not? I have nothing here Derek. I didn’t get the job. Congratulations to you I am assuming are in order. I have no friends, no family, no anything. I need change. I need an opportunity to change and I don’t have that here. I was pegged and labeled from the get go and…..I deserve better than that.”
“I think I played a major role in all of that.”
“I am sure you did. Although the Satan thing I think I kind of like. It’s oddly fitting.”
“Yes it is.” They share a small laugh that serves to break the uncomfortable silence that has been piercing through them for the last six years.
“So…about the whiny little intern. You should go talk to her. You may have misinterpreted something. You were always a little over dramatic with the relationship thing.” She loves how she, the owner of a very doomed relationship status, has become the go to person on all significant other related topics.
“No. I am right about this one. I told her…I said that if she couldn’t do it then to let me out. She let me go. That‘s what happened at the wedding, or non-wedding.” The words are starting to slur out of his mouth and his guard has fallen shamelessly somewhere around his tangled laces.
“Oh.” A small sense of excited butterflies swoop over her stomach and sadly she is happy someone else is having the same awful day she is.
“It is over.”
She is quick to bolster him, as she always is, that everything will be ok and he will be fine as long as he just keeps on doing what he is doing. He takes in her words of praise wondering how in the world she could not hate him. Quickly and before he can reason it his head falls onto her shoulder and her arm wraps around his back and offers reassurance in the form of a light circular pattern made by her fingertips.
“Things will be alright. You and Meredith will pull it together and be really happy. I know it.” Unfortunately she has always known it, she just wasn’t willing to concede it so soon before.
“How can you know that?” He offers as he peers up trying to see her hair covered eyes.
She shrugs, “I see the way you look at her. She has to mean something special to you or you wouldn’t have sought out advice from me of all people.”
“I don’t hate you.”
“I was pretty sure you did. But none of that really matters now. You have her, and I have…” She falters because she really doesn’t have anything to end her well meaning speech with. So she goes with, “L.A.”
“Yeah, I guess. I just don’t think we are going to make it. I want it more than she does.”
“She will learn. You have to give people a chance Derek. You need to learn how to do that because people aren’t perfect and you can‘t fix everything no matter how hard you try. Give her the time to sort through things accordingly and she will run right back to you.”
“I used to think you were….Perfect, that is.” He removes his head and takes in her sullen appearance which does nothing to match the comforting tone of her voice. He still sees her the way he used to and he just can’t shake her. He loves Meredith, he really does and for the life of him he will never be able to figure out how it all lead where it was going.
“You were wrong. A lot actually.” She is caught off guard by the glint in his eyes and before she can react his soft, warm, and always inviting lips are on hers. Taken aback by the kiss she pulls away for air before he starts in again. This time it is more passionate, needier. “Derek, stop.” He continues on slowly working his way from her mouth to her ear. He nibbles gently in the one spot she loves the most before breaking away to look at her.
“You really want me to stop?” Clearly he has to ask but really has no intention of halting their comfort seeking quest.
It’s a good question and the answer should be blaring in front of her but instead she says nothing and he once again resumes his attack on her neck while slowly peeling away layer after layer of clothing. This will be a new form of shame when the light breaks through the thick hotel curtains in the early morning. She is about to be used again, for whatever reason suits the man on top of her. Then left for the intern, again. It is a great pattern that does nothing to aide her ever faltering self-esteem.
“Wait, Derek.” She tries to form coherent thoughts as he is pulling away her blue cotton shirt and lightly kissing her stomach. She knows where this is going and how it will all end.
He looks up quickly. “Yeah?”
“Are you sure about this?” He merely nods and then poses the same question to her.
“I’m always sure about us.” The answer to his question would actually make no sense if she took the time to stop and think about it but right now his lips are making their way up her thigh and she loves how he works his tongue in that slow circular pattern. She relents to the act and suddenly feels him slide into her. His thrusting is long, deep, and all too familiar. She tangles her hands into his hair while trying to stay in the moment. Her mind is swirling with all the pleasure and pain this will bring to tomorrow. He finishes before she does and sends her into an orgasm that only he could have brought on. She murmurs his name softly and tentatively when he collapses breathing heavy on top of her.
“Derek. You should go.” She manages to get out while knowing that she would love nothing more than to spend the night cuddled into him but this has already taken a horrible turn and she doesn’t need a reason to stay.
He pulls out of her and rolls onto his side searching her expression for an answer. She looks anguished; unexcited about what happened so he stands and begins gathering his clothes. He dresses quickly as she pulls a sheet up around her flushed body and tries not to watch what had been hers for so long. What she just participated in was inexcusable and it just goes to add another check on the list of numerous regrets she has made in this watery city.
“I guess this is goodbye.” She shrugs as he pulls his coat back on.
“Never goodbye with us. Thank you for tonight." He takes a slight pause before adding in, "I know what you are thinking and don’t. Just don’t over analyze it; take it for what it was meant to be.” He stops in front of the wooden frame before turning back to her. “I hope you find what you are looking for Addie.”
He opens the door and as soon as it clicks closed she lets the tears pour down her face as the sobs explode from her chest. One thing is noticeably missing from their escapade, the twinge, that sparkle in her heart is gone. She doesn’t love him anymore. It shouldn’t be that simple after all that they shared and yet it is. While it should fill her with relief in knowing that she can really move on all it seems to do is prompt more tears. Reaching for the kleenex on the nightstand she relents to the fact that that chapter of her life is over. The third of her life that she assumed ended when she found the black panties and signed several pieces of paper has finally come to a close. She needs something change before she falls back into a very self-destructive path and L.A. is looking better and better every heart wrenching second.
~-~-~-~-~-~
A/N 2: I know, I know. Not the goodbye sex everyone was hoping for but making her fall into bed with Mark seemed like the easy way out. He has to work a little.
Part 4: From a heart that has suffered...from a mind that is strangled.
Pairing: Maddison
Description: Post Season 3. Addison leaves for L.A. hoping that no one will get in her way of finding a new life.
Rating: R, definitely R.
Disclaimer: I own nothing with the exception of two cats, which you are all welcome to.
Summary: Another visitor leaves Addison with an unhappy revelation and unanticipated goodbyes.
Previous parts can be found inside. Enjoy!
~-~-~-~-~-~ Part 1: There's been too many days of trying.
Part 2: Dancing in circles, making me sick.
A/N: I am very hesitant about this chapter. While writing this it felt very needed and now looking back a little out place. Nevertheless I needed closure and this is how I went about it. Don't hate me just yet, we will get to the good porn soon enough. Thank you to
escapismrocks for being "the fabulous beta" and for the band to which the chapter title steals its name. Hope you all enjoy.
~-~-~-~-~-~
Wrapped in silent elegance
Beautifully broken down
As illusions burst
Too late to learn from experience
Too late to wonder how
To finish first
- Zero 7- “Home”
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
He would be the first to admit, though not aloud to a soul, that he will always have a soft spot for Addison. He may curse her name and hate the ground she so proudly stomps those ridiculously high heels onto, but she is Addison. They have a history, albeit very complicated one, a history nonetheless. There were many good times that he has now come to acknowledge shouldn’t be faulted to hide behind all of the bad things that happened later in the marriage. There was blame everywhere in the end. They have seen each other at their respective bests and worsts. He can’t really use this reasoning as the “why” that leads to him marching down the hotel hallway but he figures if he has to he will throw it out.
He knocks rapidly on the door and hears slight shuffles inside.
“Damn it”, she swears under her breath as she quietly pads toward the door once again. This time she managed to get a whole suitcase packed and feels slightly proficient as she slowly pulls the door open to see her ex-husband. Other than the obvious emotion of complete confusion she notices a little twinge pull at her heart. She is going to chalk it up to the wine she has been pounding back as she was chucking clothing pile after clothing pile into their new and temporary Louis Vuitton home.
“Derek.” She muses as he shifts his weight carelessly from foot to foot.
“Addison.” He moves by her and through the slightly opened door.
“Oh please by all means, come right on in. Make yourself at home.” He doesn’t respond as he slowly looks around the room. “So Mark called in the cavalry?”
“I haven’t spoken to Mark. Are you moving?” He makes his way through the mess and takes a seat on the bed that they once used to share.
“What are you doing here?” She follows him but decides to stand in front of him rather than put herself in the compromising position of sitting so close to a man that she isn’t sure she is really over yet. They have a history after all and for the life of her she can’t forget.
“Smooth transition.”
“Always been my strong suit. What are you doing Derek?”
“Are you moving?”
“Answer my question.” She is beginning to grow frustrated with his charades and sighs loudly enough so that he will hopefully take the hint.
“Answer mine.” He retorts quickly and then takes in a deep breath before starting his explanation. “Meredith and I broke up. I think that that is what happened anyway.”
“Oh so you come running to me. Gee thanks Derek, I feel so loved and worthwhile.” She wishes that she didn’t mean the last part nearly as much as she feels like she does.
“No. I just…I…didn’t know what to do. I needed a friend.” His voice has dropped considerably and his vulnerability is starting to shine through.
“I am not your friend. I am your hated ex-wife who you have fun mocking every time you get a chance. Mark is your friend. He is in room 2267. Go find him because I couldn’t care less about your relationship issues with the 12 year old.” She takes the obviously dig at the intern she honestly doesn’t hate merely to keep up appearances.
“Mark is not my friend.”
“He is too. Whether you want to admit it now or three years from now, he is your best friend. Not even I could ruin that.” She instantly regrets bringing up the affair because it always sends them into a weird downward spiral of a fight.
Choosing to ignore her obvious remark, “Now answer my question. Are you moving?” He takes a glance around at the matching suitcases and tries not to imagine that she is going where he thinks she is going.
“I am moving to L.A. I really don’t want to whole world knowing that I am going so just keep it to yourself if you can manage that.”
“L.A.” He tosses the world around in his head and tries to grasp onto the reality. He silently curses himself for drinking way too much scotch before making his trek over here.
“L.A.” She repeats for him again. She finally decides that it is safe to take a seat and perches herself tediously on the edge of the comfortable king size bed.
“Why would you do that?” It’s honest and he means it although he is pretty sure he is about to incite some sort of riot from her.
“Why not? I have nothing here Derek. I didn’t get the job. Congratulations to you I am assuming are in order. I have no friends, no family, no anything. I need change. I need an opportunity to change and I don’t have that here. I was pegged and labeled from the get go and…..I deserve better than that.”
“I think I played a major role in all of that.”
“I am sure you did. Although the Satan thing I think I kind of like. It’s oddly fitting.”
“Yes it is.” They share a small laugh that serves to break the uncomfortable silence that has been piercing through them for the last six years.
“So…about the whiny little intern. You should go talk to her. You may have misinterpreted something. You were always a little over dramatic with the relationship thing.” She loves how she, the owner of a very doomed relationship status, has become the go to person on all significant other related topics.
“No. I am right about this one. I told her…I said that if she couldn’t do it then to let me out. She let me go. That‘s what happened at the wedding, or non-wedding.” The words are starting to slur out of his mouth and his guard has fallen shamelessly somewhere around his tangled laces.
“Oh.” A small sense of excited butterflies swoop over her stomach and sadly she is happy someone else is having the same awful day she is.
“It is over.”
She is quick to bolster him, as she always is, that everything will be ok and he will be fine as long as he just keeps on doing what he is doing. He takes in her words of praise wondering how in the world she could not hate him. Quickly and before he can reason it his head falls onto her shoulder and her arm wraps around his back and offers reassurance in the form of a light circular pattern made by her fingertips.
“Things will be alright. You and Meredith will pull it together and be really happy. I know it.” Unfortunately she has always known it, she just wasn’t willing to concede it so soon before.
“How can you know that?” He offers as he peers up trying to see her hair covered eyes.
She shrugs, “I see the way you look at her. She has to mean something special to you or you wouldn’t have sought out advice from me of all people.”
“I don’t hate you.”
“I was pretty sure you did. But none of that really matters now. You have her, and I have…” She falters because she really doesn’t have anything to end her well meaning speech with. So she goes with, “L.A.”
“Yeah, I guess. I just don’t think we are going to make it. I want it more than she does.”
“She will learn. You have to give people a chance Derek. You need to learn how to do that because people aren’t perfect and you can‘t fix everything no matter how hard you try. Give her the time to sort through things accordingly and she will run right back to you.”
“I used to think you were….Perfect, that is.” He removes his head and takes in her sullen appearance which does nothing to match the comforting tone of her voice. He still sees her the way he used to and he just can’t shake her. He loves Meredith, he really does and for the life of him he will never be able to figure out how it all lead where it was going.
“You were wrong. A lot actually.” She is caught off guard by the glint in his eyes and before she can react his soft, warm, and always inviting lips are on hers. Taken aback by the kiss she pulls away for air before he starts in again. This time it is more passionate, needier. “Derek, stop.” He continues on slowly working his way from her mouth to her ear. He nibbles gently in the one spot she loves the most before breaking away to look at her.
“You really want me to stop?” Clearly he has to ask but really has no intention of halting their comfort seeking quest.
It’s a good question and the answer should be blaring in front of her but instead she says nothing and he once again resumes his attack on her neck while slowly peeling away layer after layer of clothing. This will be a new form of shame when the light breaks through the thick hotel curtains in the early morning. She is about to be used again, for whatever reason suits the man on top of her. Then left for the intern, again. It is a great pattern that does nothing to aide her ever faltering self-esteem.
“Wait, Derek.” She tries to form coherent thoughts as he is pulling away her blue cotton shirt and lightly kissing her stomach. She knows where this is going and how it will all end.
He looks up quickly. “Yeah?”
“Are you sure about this?” He merely nods and then poses the same question to her.
“I’m always sure about us.” The answer to his question would actually make no sense if she took the time to stop and think about it but right now his lips are making their way up her thigh and she loves how he works his tongue in that slow circular pattern. She relents to the act and suddenly feels him slide into her. His thrusting is long, deep, and all too familiar. She tangles her hands into his hair while trying to stay in the moment. Her mind is swirling with all the pleasure and pain this will bring to tomorrow. He finishes before she does and sends her into an orgasm that only he could have brought on. She murmurs his name softly and tentatively when he collapses breathing heavy on top of her.
“Derek. You should go.” She manages to get out while knowing that she would love nothing more than to spend the night cuddled into him but this has already taken a horrible turn and she doesn’t need a reason to stay.
He pulls out of her and rolls onto his side searching her expression for an answer. She looks anguished; unexcited about what happened so he stands and begins gathering his clothes. He dresses quickly as she pulls a sheet up around her flushed body and tries not to watch what had been hers for so long. What she just participated in was inexcusable and it just goes to add another check on the list of numerous regrets she has made in this watery city.
“I guess this is goodbye.” She shrugs as he pulls his coat back on.
“Never goodbye with us. Thank you for tonight." He takes a slight pause before adding in, "I know what you are thinking and don’t. Just don’t over analyze it; take it for what it was meant to be.” He stops in front of the wooden frame before turning back to her. “I hope you find what you are looking for Addie.”
He opens the door and as soon as it clicks closed she lets the tears pour down her face as the sobs explode from her chest. One thing is noticeably missing from their escapade, the twinge, that sparkle in her heart is gone. She doesn’t love him anymore. It shouldn’t be that simple after all that they shared and yet it is. While it should fill her with relief in knowing that she can really move on all it seems to do is prompt more tears. Reaching for the kleenex on the nightstand she relents to the fact that that chapter of her life is over. The third of her life that she assumed ended when she found the black panties and signed several pieces of paper has finally come to a close. She needs something change before she falls back into a very self-destructive path and L.A. is looking better and better every heart wrenching second.
~-~-~-~-~-~
A/N 2: I know, I know. Not the goodbye sex everyone was hoping for but making her fall into bed with Mark seemed like the easy way out. He has to work a little.
Part 4: From a heart that has suffered...from a mind that is strangled.