Fic - Against All Odds
Title: Against All Odds
Author: Lady Eternal
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Sam/Gabriel
Word Count: 4,989
Spoilers: To stay on the safe side, all aired episodes
Warnings: Angst, drama, romance, pr0n… These are the reasons we watch this show, except for the pr0n, which I am happy to supply. :-D
Disclaimer: The series Supernatural and its characters and settings are the property of Messires Kripke and Singer, among others. If I owned them, certain events would NEVER have happened and it would be on a premium channel so I could show the pr0n. I own little more than a tabby that gets destructive when he feels ignored, and am only playing with these worlds for my own amusement and the free entertainment of others.
Author’s Note: This fic is decidedly AU as of episode 5x16. Written for morganoconnor, because she’s a darling who’s been having a bad time of it lately… even before HotG; inspired her Five Acts meme prompts. Companion piece to My Sacrifice
Feedback is adored, so if you like the fic, please comment! And the more details the better; I love knowing what people like about my work.
Music: Love Game - Lady Gaga
Forever May Not Be Long Enough - Live
Just Say Yes - Snow Patrol
Take Me Home Tonight - Eddie Money
Love Sex Magic - Ciara & Justin Timberlake
~ooooOOOooo~
“Sam!”
Head shooting up from the microfilm viewer, Sam was startled to see Gabriel walking quickly through the historical society’s archives, his expression a mix of warning and determination. “Gabriel? What’re you-”
“No time to explain.” Gabriel reached him and practically yanked him up from the chair by the wrist. “Grab what’s important to you; we’ve gotta go.”
If Dean had been with him, the argument would have started right then and there. Sam was less inclined to rebel against the urgency in Gabriel’s voice, caught by the fierce brightness of those amber eyes. His laptop was closed and stuffed in his bag in half a second, the microfilm viewer flipped off, and then he was nodding to Gabriel to indicate he was ready to go.
A snarl of fury seemed to echo in their wake as Gabriel snapped his fingers.
* * *
They emerged from the ‘Angelic Express’ in one of Gabriel’s illusions; or at least, that’s where Sam figured they had to be. His knees wobbled and he sank onto the bed, noting in passing that the mattress was far softer than anything Sam had slept on in years, the bedclothes were turned down and the sheets were cool sateen beneath his hand. “What’s happening?”
Gabriel’s eyes arced around their environment, as if searching for signs of weakness in the construction. “Lucifer was coming for you.”
Pure fear shot through Sam’s veins even as he tried to hide it, his eyebrow quirking in curiosity. “I wouldn’t have thought you’d want to interfere… you weren’t exactly disposed to the last time we talked.”
“I beg to differ,” Gabriel retorted, eyes narrowing at Sam for a moment before he turned away again. “Your precious elder brother was doing most of the talking, and a good portion of it was coming out of his ass.”
“So why’d you grab me?” It wasn’t that Sam wasn’t grateful that he had; Lucifer showing up for a face-to-face meeting wasn’t on Sam’s list of things to hang around for, ever. But he’d watched Gabriel rather closely the last time they’d met, and he’d seen no sign of Gabriel being willing to believe that the Apocalypse would end with anything less than Lucifer wearing Sam and Michael wearing Dean while they fought to the death. Blood and pain… he warned me years ago that’s how all this would end… I should’ve listened to him. “Lucifer getting me to say yes was kinda integral to your plan to just get all of this over with. That’s what you want, right?”
Amber eyes slid back to Sam, and Gabriel’s expression became inscrutable before he answered. “I’m allowed to change my mind, Sam… and some things have happened recently that persuaded me to do so.”
“What things?” Sam was caught by the subtle inflection in Gabriel’s voice… an undercurrent almost like yearning…
“We’ll talk about that later. Right now, you have a decision to make.” Gabriel sat at the foot of the bed, pulling himself up onto it and facing Sam. “I’ve warded this place from here to Nod and back, so we’re safe for the moment, but we can’t stay indefinitely.”
Relief and foreboding mingled nauseatingly in Sam’s stomach as he pulled his legs up onto the bed and sat, cross-legged, facing the most fascinating creature he’d ever known. “What decision?”
“Lucifer’s like the bad guy in a slasher flick, Sam; he won’t stop coming for you.” The words were gentle, as if trying to soften the harshness of their truth. “He’ll find a way around those sigils on your ribs, hunt you right down to exhaustion, and then he’ll make you say yes if he has to break you into tiny pieces to do it. Right now, he’s got Dean and Cas trapped; there’s a ring of holy fire around the building they’re in that’s a good foot wide.”
Sam’s heart leaped into his throat. “Are they alive?”
“Yes; I can still feel my brother, and through him, Dean.”
“How?” Sam blinked in confusion. “The sigils on our ribs-”
“Prevent us from doing the whole angel-lojack thing.” Gabriel shook his head and smiled. “That hand-print on your brother’s shoulder is the mark of a much deeper, if unfinished, bond. Any angel near the two of them long enough would recognize it and can use it to sense Dean. Not necessarily where Dean is, but whether or not Dean’s still alive, his emotional state: that kind of thing.”
“And they’re really okay?”
There was a lot more to the story than Gabriel wanted to tell just then. ‘Okay’ was a relative term, and he could sense the lengths to which Castiel was prepared to go in order to keep Dean alive and unharmed. “Yes. Lucifer wants the battle with Michael, Sam. Otherwise, he would’ve just killed Dean before Castiel could have stopped him. Little bro’s fading grace is no match for the most powerful archangel ever created.”
Sam shivered in his skin. “So he just wanted them out of the way while he comes after me.” Gabriel nodded. “Is there any way to stop him?”
Another moment of hesitation. “That’s where the decision you have to make comes in, Sammy.” Gabriel’s eyes were bright amber flame, holding Sam’s gaze. “It’s another pesky yes-or-no answer, really. You say no, and I do my best to protect you for as long as I can while we try your crazy ‘pulling the plug on the Apocalypse’ idea. You say yes… and Lucifer won’t be able to use you as a vessel. Ever.”
The prospect was so appealing that Sam nearly blurted a yes right then. Only long practice at resisting that word when it came to angels allowed him to pause and think. “Why not?”
Gabriel’s tongue flickered, wetting suddenly dry lips. “Because you’ll be mated to me. The mating bond won’t allow another angel to inhabit your flesh. The part of my grace that would be bound to your soul would repel them like opposing poles on a pair of magnets.”
Sam’s heart was thundering in his ears. He wanted to believe this was a trick… that Gabriel was just doing this to get laid and there was no other motivation for it. Instinct told him it wasn’t. He’d always been able to tell when Gabriel was telling the truth, even before they’d known his true identity. “Mated… as in…”
“Death wouldn’t even part us, Sam.” Gabriel’s voice was still soft, and there was the barest hint of hesitation now, as if the angel wasn’t sure how the offer he was making would be received. “My grace would be bound to you, tethered until I could find another vessel. And your soul would come instantly into my care when you died. I could control your reincarnation, if you wanted, or spend eternity in your Heaven with you.”
“How…” Sam’s voice faltered for a moment, unsure of the question he wanted to ask. He had a gut feeling that he knew how the bond would be sealed, but there was a difference between assuming and knowing. “If I say yes… what happens then? How do we…?”
That crooked, gamine smile tugged at Gabriel’s lips, somewhat at odds with the tenderness in his eyes. “Exactly what it sounds like, Sam: good old-fashioned sex magic. I mark you as mine, and in doing so, give myself to you as well.”
That sounds… wonderful… Warmth coiled deep, despite how still Sam had gone at the words. Mated to Gabriel. Someone powerful enough to fight beside him and Dean. Strong enough to handle him when the urge for demon blood rose thick in his throat. Someone to keep him safe from the nightmare of their lives and be a buffer when he and Dean were too close to see around whatever they fought about. Not to mention hedonistic, beautiful and one Hell of an ally in the next Winchester prank war.
Gabriel misgauged Sam’s silence, not wanting to simply reach out and read Sam’s mind. He had never, even with Kali, been drawn to another creature as irresistibly as he was to Sam. Never been so vulnerable, nor offered so much of himself. No wonder fathers of the Nephilim were willing to die rather than foreswear their human lovers… “You could still take human lovers if you wanted… I wouldn’t stop you. You could have the little wife and kids and the whole picket fence dream that humans yap about, if that’s what you want. I might have a little trouble controlling the territoriality if you decide to take another male lover…”
Surging forward, Sam slid strong arms around Gabriel’s torso and pulled him in, slanting his lips across Gabriel’s and startling the archangel out of his diatribe. Gabriel melted up into him, returning the kiss with a hunger Sam wasn’t expecting… he wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting when he did it… only knowing that he wanted to taste Gabriel… to know…
He wasn’t even sure what he wanted to know. Taking a male lover wasn’t something he’d ever really considered, and definitely wasn’t the kind of thing he could talk to Dean about if the impulse flitted through the back of his mind. But there had always been a connection between him and Gabriel, right from the beginning… an understanding, deep and instinctive… three encounters, and Sam had been unable to forget… had never been able to entirely banish the Trickster angel from his thoughts, and hadn’t tried overly hard to do so.
It wasn’t love… at least, Sam didn’t think so. He couldn’t be sure just now. But there was fascination, and understanding, and a strange kind of affection… and lust in abundance, if his body’s current reactions to the way Gabriel molded up against him were any indication.
Finally relinquishing Gabriel’s lips, Sam let his eyes drift half-open. “If I say no… Lucifer will kill you to get to me.”
“Eventually,” Gabriel confirmed, vaguely breathless. “My brother has no compunctions about killing anything that gets in his way, and he knows most of my moves. The tricks I’ve picked up over the years won’t fool him for long.”
“So…” Sam hummed low in his throat, skimming his lips over Gabriel’s again. Just as he’d guessed, Gabriel tasted sweet, decadent: like chocolate and ripe-strawberries and champagne. “It’s mate me, so even if Lucifer kills you in a fit of rage, you can still come back… or die playing a shell game.”
Gabriel’s mouth wanted contact with Sam’s… yearned into it… only millennia of honing his self-control let him maintain the barest breath of an inch between their mouths. “Pretty much the size of it.”
“And you’d really die for me, if I said no?” Sam’s tone was light, the question deceptively mild.
“I do seem to have misplaced my self-preservation somewhere,” Gabriel teased, eyes half-closed. Sam Winchester was intoxicatingly human… pheromones were bursting from that warm mortal flesh, and Gabriel, by opening himself to this possibility, was almost dangerously vulnerable to their influence… it was all he could do not to just toss Sam down and seduce the yes out of him. “Back in Ohio, I believe, is where I last saw it…”
“Yes.”
Eyes blinking open, Gabriel drew back and stared at Sam in open shock. He really hadn’t expected a Winchester… especially this Winchester… to ever say yes to an angel. “Don’t do this just to keep me alive, Sam. You have no idea how irrevocable this is.”
One feathery brown eyebrow quirked. “You killed my brother several hundred times, just so you could try and prove a point. While you were trying to convince me to let Lucifer wear me as a meat-suit and burn the world to cinders, your Japanese game show slammed something the size of a beach ball into my nuts, and you cast me in a genital herpes commercial. If this was only about saving your life… or about just grabbing a chance not to be Lucifer’s vessel…”
He left it hanging. He didn’t need to finish. Gabriel’s hands slid up into Sam’s long, lush hair, tangling in the brunette waves as he dragged Sam’s mouth back to his for a deep, fervent kiss. Sam met him halfway, crushing Gabriel against him as Gabriel’s weight tipped them back, spilling Sam across the mountain of downy pillows behind them.
Somewhere between Gabriel’s tongue mapping the dark recesses of Sam’s mouth and Sam nipping playfully at Gabriel’s lower lip, their clothing had vanished entirely. The heat of Gabriel’s bare skin seemed to burn through Sam like a brand, his longer legs tangling around Gabriel’s flanks as Gabriel let his weight settle between Sam’s thighs. “Gabriel…”
“I’ll take care of you, Sam.” The promise whispered against his collarbone, dark and gentle, punctuated by a tiny, suckling kiss that drew a faint cry from Sam’s lips.
“I haven’t…” Sam couldn’t get the words out, not between embarrassment at sounding like a virginal cliché and the riotous sparks that danced over his nerves, caused by Gabriel’s teeth nibbling at the edges of his tattoo.
“I know.” Gabriel’s tongue traced the edges of the pentacle. “I’m glad.”
Anything Sam might have said in response was lost as Gabriel’s heated mouth captured the nipple beneath the tattoo. Sam’s fingers laced up into Gabriel’s hair and a gasp drove through his lips and Gabriel grinned, catching the sensitive nub in his teeth and tugging playfully. Sam half-arched off the bed with a cry. “Sensitive, Sammy?”
“Y-yeah…” The word stuttered out through the building haze. “Kinda.”
Another tug. Sam cried out again, his fingers digging hard into Gabriel’s scalp. “More than kinda. Remind me to look into some appropriate jewelry; these babies are begging to be pierced.”
Gabriel settled back in to suckle. Sam’s eyes rolled up into his head, his already aching erection throbbing sharply at the thought. Dean would throw a fit… probably a couple punches, too… but that actually sounds hot coming from him… like he’d do it himself instead of just asking me to get it done next time the amulet needs re-inked…
How long Gabriel lingered, Sam couldn’t be sure. It didn’t seem like long, but time in Gabriel’s illusions was meaningless and Sam’s senses were dissolving into a haze of pheromones. There wasn’t an inch of his skin that hadn’t been laved with that agile tongue, kissed or suckled by those soft, generous lips, traced and teased by gentle fingertips or massaged by expert hands. When those talented fingers were finally sliding beneath his hips, massaging the sensitive, puckered entrance hidden there, Sam couldn’t have told time with a digital clock. “Gabriel…”
“Easy, Sammy…” Warm frissons of power pulsed from Gabriel’s fingers into the tender muscles, relaxing them… sparks fired through Sam’s blood and he let out a truncated cry of need. “You’re gorgeous… gonna watch you for hours next time…”
Next time… implying there would be time enough for a ‘next time’… that there was a future for any of them… hope throbbed in Sam’s heart, magnifying the heat Gabriel was building…
One finger slid deep, stroking lazily, shattering Sam’s thoughts. Those talented lips brushed feathery kisses over his chest, dexterous tongue rasping over his sensitive nipples, while warm slickness was worked into him, a second finger joining the first, the healing grace of an archangel dissolving any discomfort before it could register. Gabriel doesn’t do anything by halves… thank God…
The illusory setting didn’t matter; they could have been on the filthy, sodden floor of that paper mill or in that motel back in Broward County or even between rows of seats in that college theater… Sam’s senses didn’t register anything beyond Gabriel… the pure heat of the angel against his thigh… the gentle skim of soft lips against his chest and stomach… the deep flex of skillful fingers, three of them now, that was perfect and yet not nearly enough… Sam’s hips arched, pushing against Gabriel’s hand… needing more…
Those lips brushed the length of his erection and Sam nearly came, a long, gasping moan breaking in his throat. “Please… Gabriel, please…”
It was almost like Gabriel hadn’t heard him. Those lips kept whispering over his hips, warm breath teasing Sam’s erection, fingers stroking long and slow until Sam was fisting the sheets, teeth sunk into his lower lip, panting and writhing against Gabriel’s touch…
And then those lips were back, sealing across his, and those fingers had left him and Sam didn’t have time to whimper at the loss because Gabriel’s hands were clasping his hips and holding fast while the ArchHerald of the Lord sank to the hilt in one swift drive.
Breath left Sam in a rush, returned to him by Gabriel through that consuming kiss. Sam’s arms had wrapped around Gabriel’s torso, fingers digging hard into the firm muscles of his back as Sam clung to him and his grace pulsed and flowed into Sam, stealing away the shock of sudden possession. Gabriel wasn’t going to allow Sam a moment more of discomfort than he could help; it warmed Sam almost more than the grace Gabriel was suffusing through him. Gabriel had said he’d take care of Sam. He obviously meant to keep that promise.
Sam slid his legs up, wrapping them around Gabriel’s waist, leaning into the kiss and relaxing the bruising grip of his fingers. Letting Gabriel know he was all right. Those lips lifted away, the barest fraction, just enough for Gabriel to see Sam’s face. Sam offered a shy smile, not really sure what to say… or if he should say anything at all.
The smile Gabriel answered with was radiant delight, and then he was kissing Sam again as he rolled his hips.
Friction… full, deep heat… Sam gasped into Gabriel’s mouth and tightened his grip with arms and legs… there was nothing uncertain about the way Gabriel moved, building the rhythm, strong and sure, and a half-formed wonder at the difference between Gabriel and Castiel skittered through Sam’s thoughts. It was lost as Gabriel shifted the angle, pressing Sam’s thighs up a little higher, and Sam’s mouth broke free of Gabriel’s with a hoarse shout as Gabriel sank impossibly deeper, grazing something that made starbursts dance across his vision.
“That’s it, Sammy…” Gabriel’s voice was as warm as his grace, caressing Sam’s ear while those strong fingers flexed into Sam’s buttocks and the deep undulation of those hips never faltered. “Give it up to me, gorgeous… just let it all go…”
What there was left to give, Sam couldn’t be sure. Gabriel was everywhere… his touch and his mouth and his grace and his thick, hard heat that thrust in time with Sam’s heart… and Sam didn’t deserve it. He knew he didn’t… knew and couldn’t fathom why Gabriel would give this to him, would want this from him… with him… when it was his fault that all this was happening to begin with…
Lips caught his, and Gabriel’s hips slowed, pressure waxing and waning in Sam so gentle it was almost unbearable… “You didn’t start this, Sam.” Gabriel’s eyes were brilliant, honey gold blaze… Sam couldn’t bring himself to look… couldn’t bear to close his own eyes and shut the vision away… “You didn’t start it… but we’re going to end it, you and I.”
“Only… only Dean can,” Sam whispered, words dragging out through a throat thick with need. “Cas said… it has to be Dean.”
Gabriel’s eyes seemed to glow brighter… healing flame… “And he can’t do it without you… can’t do what must be done if you’re housing my brother. We’re going to end it, here and now, Sam… just let it go…”
The guilt. He meant the guilt. The self-hatred. The bitterness of knowing that his mother and Jess and so many others had died because of him… even Dean, though Dean had been brought back. Gabriel was asking… urging Sam to let it go… to share it…
Sam’s hands slid up, sinking into the archangel’s chestnut-gold hair. He arched up into Gabriel’s hips as Gabriel sank in, and Gabriel let out a groan as Sam’s teeth captured his earlobe and nibbled. “Not being able to watch your brothers kill each other isn’t the same as abandoning them.”
Shock rippled through Gabriel’s body, reflecting in the limpid pools of those amber flame eyes, enough to still the movement of his hips. Sam met his gaze, level and determined. If I’m sharing my sins, Gabriel’s sharing his… I’m not letting him take all the weight…
Long heartbeats passed. Gabriel seemed suspended in time, above Sam and in him and all around him, absorbing the impact of Sam’s fierce absolution… absolution he would never have expected, nor thought he deserved… Sam’s hips shifted beneath his, questing in all-too-human need for friction, for movement…
Gabriel’s grip on Sam’s hips tightened as he gave Sam what he needed… what they both needed… Sam’s arms slid to wrap around his shoulders and Sam held on… surrender in every line of his body… the tight heat surrounding Gabriel seemed to relax even more, welcoming him and clasping at him and rippling around him as he took what was offered, gave back in equal measure… grace pulsing with each stroke until Sam was begging and moaning so sweetly that Gabriel was very nearly undone…
“Come for me, Sam.” Gabriel’s own voice was pleading, reedy and wrecked and totally unlike the voice of God’s Messenger should sound. “Come for me, gorgeous…”
A spark of grace as Gabriel drove solidly into his prostate, and Sam couldn’t hold it. Gabriel’s name rang from his lips as he came, shaking and shuddering in Gabriel’s arms, hands scrabbling for purchase against the angel’s slimly muscled back as he spilled between them. The spark of grace caught in his veins, spreading like wildfire, wrapping around his climax and holding the high note sustained until Sam was mindless, chanting Gabriel’s name as he dropped into freefall…
White light burst against the lids of his closed eyes; Sam arched with a sharp cry as the grip on his hips almost seemed to sear… branding through flesh into his soul… a voice that was only partially familiar was singing in Enochian, high and clear and triumphant, and then Sam felt warm liquid heat rushing into him…
Light faded, and it was merely Gabriel again, forehead resting against Sam’s. Sam could feel Gabriel’s body trembling in the aftermath and managed a small smile; his own limbs weren’t likely to obey his instructions for at least half an hour, and he took no little satisfaction in the idea that Gabriel seemed to be as undone as he.
*You’ve always had this effect on me, Sam.*
Sam started, his eyes opening to find Gabriel staring down at him, joy written across his elfin features. “How did you do that?”
Gabriel’s smile widened, turned devious. “Part of the benefits of being mated: I can communicate directly with you over long distances, and you should be able to respond to me in kind. Might take some time for you to get that part down, but it’ll be fun teaching you how.” A quick kiss, not quite chaste, brushed over Sam’s mouth. “You won’t need to drink demon blood to access it… and I wouldn’t recommend doing it for other reasons anymore, either.”
“So… it’s done, then?” Sam’s fingers stroked over the faint grooves where his nails had dug hard into Gabriel’s skin. It didn’t feel like he’d drawn blood. “We’re… mates?”
“Yes, Sam.” Gabriel’s eyes glowed. “My brother can’t touch you now… not without answering to me… and he certainly can’t use you for a vessel. You belong to me now.” He felt Sam shiver at the words, prompting him to add: “Just like I belong to you.”
Sam smiled at that, another small shiver running through him as Gabriel rolled them to their sides and slipped out. Feeling suddenly bereft, Sam tangled around Gabriel and burrowed into him. “You won’t leave me, when this is all over?” Sam asked, his voice quiet and afraid. “They can’t take you away from me…?”
“Oh, Sam…” Gabriel kissed him, long and slow and gentle, hands stroking up Sam’s sides. “No… I told you: not even death can separate us now. I’ve marked you with my grace, tethered you to me and me to you. Luci could walk in here right now and stab me to death with my own sword, and I’d still be with you.”
That image got him an even tighter tangle of Sam and a thorough kiss that suffused heat clear to his wings. They manifested of their own volition, wrapping around Sam in a protective cocoon. Sam broke the kiss when he felt the feathers brush over his still-sensitive skin with a soft ‘oh’. “Your wings…”
“Yeah… still got ‘em.” Gabriel stroked the left wing over Sam’s body, using it to tuck him impossibly closer. “Didn’t clip ‘em when I ditched.”
Sam was quiet for a long moment, breathing in the clean, heady scent of feathers and lilies and strawberries in the afternoon sun. “You couldn’t choose between them,” Sam finally murmured, fingers stroking over the hollow of Gabriel’s shoulder. “Between Michael and Lucifer. That’s why you left, isn’t it?”
“Got it in one, gorgeous.” Gabriel’s crooked smile didn’t quite meet his eyes this time. “You were prodded and shoved and seduced down the path to killing Lilith, Sammy. Every inch of the way; even by Dean, though he couldn’t have known it. And if I hadn’t been so afraid of telling you too much during our version of Groundhog’s Day, you might have been better prepared for that little demon minx’s seduction when Dean got his ass killed for real.”
When Sam didn’t respond, Gabriel tipped Sam’s chin up and forced his human to meet his eyes. “We all did this, Sam… everyone you know and more angels and demons and humans than you can imagine… even Dad isn’t blameless here. There’s no one person or creature ultimately culpable for how things are finally coming to a head… we all had a hand in it, one way or another… so stop trying to take it all on yourself. Martyrs are terribly out-of-fashion these days, y’know.”
That comment got a snicker out of Sam, and his hazel eyes warmed. He felt lighter, freer than he had in months, and Gabriel’s grace still shimmered in his heart. “How long until we have to leave? Until Lucifer…?”
Gabriel’s own eyes darkened. “Much as I’d love to linger, we should skip out.” For a moment, his eyes unfocused, and Sam knew he was reaching for Castiel…
Confusion… hurt… hurt too deep to fathom… fear that everything was lost… would be lost… desperate to make sense of it… to understand why… loss and loneliness and guilt…
“Sam! Sam!”
Blinking away the haze, Sam focused on reality to see Gabriel staring down at him, alarm flaring in those golden eyes. “What… what was that?”
“You hitched a ride.” Gabriel ran light fingers through Sam’s hair, anxiety still edging his expression. “You felt me reach for Castiel and followed without thinking… might not take you so long to figure out the bond’s perks after all. Might give me the angelic equivalent of heart failure, but…”
Sam blinked again, realizing he was once again flat on his back, Gabriel hovering over him. There was no piercing headache, no nosebleed. He’d followed Gabriel’s thought on instinct. “Who did I see? Or pick up on, or whatever? It was so… much…”
Gabriel studied him for a moment, sensing through their bond what Sam had felt. “You bypassed Castiel, I think… picked up on your brother. Not surprising, really; he’s human, so your emotions are the same wavelength and he’s blood of your blood besides.”
“You said they were okay!” Sam’s temper flared as he put the pieces together. “Dean’s not okay!”
“Dean’s never really okay, Sam; hasn’t been for a long time, I think.” Gabriel’s voice was soothing, soft, not quite apologetic but definitely regretful. “He’s worse than you are about taking guilt that’s not wholly his… and he feels responsible for a Helluva lot more than you do.”
It took Sam a moment to process that. Lying there, in the safety of Gabriel’s arms, he gazed up at his lover… his mate… and then instinctively reached up and through him… through Castiel… to Dean…
*Can’t keep Cas… wouldn’t be fair to Jimmy… even if we win, Sammy’s gonna leave… happiest when he’s as far from me as he can get… Dad’s dead… Jo and Ellen… no one… don’t deserve anyone, anyway… can’t protect them… can’t keep them safe… can’t do one damn thing right by any of ‘em…*
The images came fast… so fast… blood in Hell… every life lost that Dean was sure wouldn’t have been if he’d been faster or smarter… every seal broken that could have been prevented if he hadn’t screwed up… Sam… every angry word and hurt expression… every moment when Sam had felt cheated, Dean had known it… tried to make it better and knowing it wasn’t enough… and Castiel… who had come to mean more than Sam had ever guessed… the wrenching guilt of wanting what wasn’t wholly the angel’s to give… refusing to be responsible for a daughter’s permanent loss of her father…
“We have to go to them,” Sam murmured, retreating back through the bond, back to Gabriel, who was gazing down at Sam in wonder.
I think Sammy might possibly be almost more trouble than I can handle… good thing I like trouble. Brushing a kiss over Sam’s lips, Gabriel decided to defer addressing how quickly Sam had figured out how to purposely use the bond until after they’d gotten Castiel and Dean out of that building. It could wait… it could all wait. Indulging in another warm kiss that brought a moan up from Sam’s throat, Gabriel snapped his fingers.
They had a rescue to mount.
Go To Companion Piece: My Sacrifice
Go To Sequel: Belonging - Part One
Author: Lady Eternal
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Sam/Gabriel
Word Count: 4,989
Spoilers: To stay on the safe side, all aired episodes
Warnings: Angst, drama, romance, pr0n… These are the reasons we watch this show, except for the pr0n, which I am happy to supply. :-D
Disclaimer: The series Supernatural and its characters and settings are the property of Messires Kripke and Singer, among others. If I owned them, certain events would NEVER have happened and it would be on a premium channel so I could show the pr0n. I own little more than a tabby that gets destructive when he feels ignored, and am only playing with these worlds for my own amusement and the free entertainment of others.
Author’s Note: This fic is decidedly AU as of episode 5x16. Written for morganoconnor, because she’s a darling who’s been having a bad time of it lately… even before HotG; inspired her Five Acts meme prompts. Companion piece to My Sacrifice
Feedback is adored, so if you like the fic, please comment! And the more details the better; I love knowing what people like about my work.
Music: Love Game - Lady Gaga
Forever May Not Be Long Enough - Live
Just Say Yes - Snow Patrol
Take Me Home Tonight - Eddie Money
Love Sex Magic - Ciara & Justin Timberlake
~ooooOOOooo~
“Sam!”
Head shooting up from the microfilm viewer, Sam was startled to see Gabriel walking quickly through the historical society’s archives, his expression a mix of warning and determination. “Gabriel? What’re you-”
“No time to explain.” Gabriel reached him and practically yanked him up from the chair by the wrist. “Grab what’s important to you; we’ve gotta go.”
If Dean had been with him, the argument would have started right then and there. Sam was less inclined to rebel against the urgency in Gabriel’s voice, caught by the fierce brightness of those amber eyes. His laptop was closed and stuffed in his bag in half a second, the microfilm viewer flipped off, and then he was nodding to Gabriel to indicate he was ready to go.
A snarl of fury seemed to echo in their wake as Gabriel snapped his fingers.
* * *
They emerged from the ‘Angelic Express’ in one of Gabriel’s illusions; or at least, that’s where Sam figured they had to be. His knees wobbled and he sank onto the bed, noting in passing that the mattress was far softer than anything Sam had slept on in years, the bedclothes were turned down and the sheets were cool sateen beneath his hand. “What’s happening?”
Gabriel’s eyes arced around their environment, as if searching for signs of weakness in the construction. “Lucifer was coming for you.”
Pure fear shot through Sam’s veins even as he tried to hide it, his eyebrow quirking in curiosity. “I wouldn’t have thought you’d want to interfere… you weren’t exactly disposed to the last time we talked.”
“I beg to differ,” Gabriel retorted, eyes narrowing at Sam for a moment before he turned away again. “Your precious elder brother was doing most of the talking, and a good portion of it was coming out of his ass.”
“So why’d you grab me?” It wasn’t that Sam wasn’t grateful that he had; Lucifer showing up for a face-to-face meeting wasn’t on Sam’s list of things to hang around for, ever. But he’d watched Gabriel rather closely the last time they’d met, and he’d seen no sign of Gabriel being willing to believe that the Apocalypse would end with anything less than Lucifer wearing Sam and Michael wearing Dean while they fought to the death. Blood and pain… he warned me years ago that’s how all this would end… I should’ve listened to him. “Lucifer getting me to say yes was kinda integral to your plan to just get all of this over with. That’s what you want, right?”
Amber eyes slid back to Sam, and Gabriel’s expression became inscrutable before he answered. “I’m allowed to change my mind, Sam… and some things have happened recently that persuaded me to do so.”
“What things?” Sam was caught by the subtle inflection in Gabriel’s voice… an undercurrent almost like yearning…
“We’ll talk about that later. Right now, you have a decision to make.” Gabriel sat at the foot of the bed, pulling himself up onto it and facing Sam. “I’ve warded this place from here to Nod and back, so we’re safe for the moment, but we can’t stay indefinitely.”
Relief and foreboding mingled nauseatingly in Sam’s stomach as he pulled his legs up onto the bed and sat, cross-legged, facing the most fascinating creature he’d ever known. “What decision?”
“Lucifer’s like the bad guy in a slasher flick, Sam; he won’t stop coming for you.” The words were gentle, as if trying to soften the harshness of their truth. “He’ll find a way around those sigils on your ribs, hunt you right down to exhaustion, and then he’ll make you say yes if he has to break you into tiny pieces to do it. Right now, he’s got Dean and Cas trapped; there’s a ring of holy fire around the building they’re in that’s a good foot wide.”
Sam’s heart leaped into his throat. “Are they alive?”
“Yes; I can still feel my brother, and through him, Dean.”
“How?” Sam blinked in confusion. “The sigils on our ribs-”
“Prevent us from doing the whole angel-lojack thing.” Gabriel shook his head and smiled. “That hand-print on your brother’s shoulder is the mark of a much deeper, if unfinished, bond. Any angel near the two of them long enough would recognize it and can use it to sense Dean. Not necessarily where Dean is, but whether or not Dean’s still alive, his emotional state: that kind of thing.”
“And they’re really okay?”
There was a lot more to the story than Gabriel wanted to tell just then. ‘Okay’ was a relative term, and he could sense the lengths to which Castiel was prepared to go in order to keep Dean alive and unharmed. “Yes. Lucifer wants the battle with Michael, Sam. Otherwise, he would’ve just killed Dean before Castiel could have stopped him. Little bro’s fading grace is no match for the most powerful archangel ever created.”
Sam shivered in his skin. “So he just wanted them out of the way while he comes after me.” Gabriel nodded. “Is there any way to stop him?”
Another moment of hesitation. “That’s where the decision you have to make comes in, Sammy.” Gabriel’s eyes were bright amber flame, holding Sam’s gaze. “It’s another pesky yes-or-no answer, really. You say no, and I do my best to protect you for as long as I can while we try your crazy ‘pulling the plug on the Apocalypse’ idea. You say yes… and Lucifer won’t be able to use you as a vessel. Ever.”
The prospect was so appealing that Sam nearly blurted a yes right then. Only long practice at resisting that word when it came to angels allowed him to pause and think. “Why not?”
Gabriel’s tongue flickered, wetting suddenly dry lips. “Because you’ll be mated to me. The mating bond won’t allow another angel to inhabit your flesh. The part of my grace that would be bound to your soul would repel them like opposing poles on a pair of magnets.”
Sam’s heart was thundering in his ears. He wanted to believe this was a trick… that Gabriel was just doing this to get laid and there was no other motivation for it. Instinct told him it wasn’t. He’d always been able to tell when Gabriel was telling the truth, even before they’d known his true identity. “Mated… as in…”
“Death wouldn’t even part us, Sam.” Gabriel’s voice was still soft, and there was the barest hint of hesitation now, as if the angel wasn’t sure how the offer he was making would be received. “My grace would be bound to you, tethered until I could find another vessel. And your soul would come instantly into my care when you died. I could control your reincarnation, if you wanted, or spend eternity in your Heaven with you.”
“How…” Sam’s voice faltered for a moment, unsure of the question he wanted to ask. He had a gut feeling that he knew how the bond would be sealed, but there was a difference between assuming and knowing. “If I say yes… what happens then? How do we…?”
That crooked, gamine smile tugged at Gabriel’s lips, somewhat at odds with the tenderness in his eyes. “Exactly what it sounds like, Sam: good old-fashioned sex magic. I mark you as mine, and in doing so, give myself to you as well.”
That sounds… wonderful… Warmth coiled deep, despite how still Sam had gone at the words. Mated to Gabriel. Someone powerful enough to fight beside him and Dean. Strong enough to handle him when the urge for demon blood rose thick in his throat. Someone to keep him safe from the nightmare of their lives and be a buffer when he and Dean were too close to see around whatever they fought about. Not to mention hedonistic, beautiful and one Hell of an ally in the next Winchester prank war.
Gabriel misgauged Sam’s silence, not wanting to simply reach out and read Sam’s mind. He had never, even with Kali, been drawn to another creature as irresistibly as he was to Sam. Never been so vulnerable, nor offered so much of himself. No wonder fathers of the Nephilim were willing to die rather than foreswear their human lovers… “You could still take human lovers if you wanted… I wouldn’t stop you. You could have the little wife and kids and the whole picket fence dream that humans yap about, if that’s what you want. I might have a little trouble controlling the territoriality if you decide to take another male lover…”
Surging forward, Sam slid strong arms around Gabriel’s torso and pulled him in, slanting his lips across Gabriel’s and startling the archangel out of his diatribe. Gabriel melted up into him, returning the kiss with a hunger Sam wasn’t expecting… he wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting when he did it… only knowing that he wanted to taste Gabriel… to know…
He wasn’t even sure what he wanted to know. Taking a male lover wasn’t something he’d ever really considered, and definitely wasn’t the kind of thing he could talk to Dean about if the impulse flitted through the back of his mind. But there had always been a connection between him and Gabriel, right from the beginning… an understanding, deep and instinctive… three encounters, and Sam had been unable to forget… had never been able to entirely banish the Trickster angel from his thoughts, and hadn’t tried overly hard to do so.
It wasn’t love… at least, Sam didn’t think so. He couldn’t be sure just now. But there was fascination, and understanding, and a strange kind of affection… and lust in abundance, if his body’s current reactions to the way Gabriel molded up against him were any indication.
Finally relinquishing Gabriel’s lips, Sam let his eyes drift half-open. “If I say no… Lucifer will kill you to get to me.”
“Eventually,” Gabriel confirmed, vaguely breathless. “My brother has no compunctions about killing anything that gets in his way, and he knows most of my moves. The tricks I’ve picked up over the years won’t fool him for long.”
“So…” Sam hummed low in his throat, skimming his lips over Gabriel’s again. Just as he’d guessed, Gabriel tasted sweet, decadent: like chocolate and ripe-strawberries and champagne. “It’s mate me, so even if Lucifer kills you in a fit of rage, you can still come back… or die playing a shell game.”
Gabriel’s mouth wanted contact with Sam’s… yearned into it… only millennia of honing his self-control let him maintain the barest breath of an inch between their mouths. “Pretty much the size of it.”
“And you’d really die for me, if I said no?” Sam’s tone was light, the question deceptively mild.
“I do seem to have misplaced my self-preservation somewhere,” Gabriel teased, eyes half-closed. Sam Winchester was intoxicatingly human… pheromones were bursting from that warm mortal flesh, and Gabriel, by opening himself to this possibility, was almost dangerously vulnerable to their influence… it was all he could do not to just toss Sam down and seduce the yes out of him. “Back in Ohio, I believe, is where I last saw it…”
“Yes.”
Eyes blinking open, Gabriel drew back and stared at Sam in open shock. He really hadn’t expected a Winchester… especially this Winchester… to ever say yes to an angel. “Don’t do this just to keep me alive, Sam. You have no idea how irrevocable this is.”
One feathery brown eyebrow quirked. “You killed my brother several hundred times, just so you could try and prove a point. While you were trying to convince me to let Lucifer wear me as a meat-suit and burn the world to cinders, your Japanese game show slammed something the size of a beach ball into my nuts, and you cast me in a genital herpes commercial. If this was only about saving your life… or about just grabbing a chance not to be Lucifer’s vessel…”
He left it hanging. He didn’t need to finish. Gabriel’s hands slid up into Sam’s long, lush hair, tangling in the brunette waves as he dragged Sam’s mouth back to his for a deep, fervent kiss. Sam met him halfway, crushing Gabriel against him as Gabriel’s weight tipped them back, spilling Sam across the mountain of downy pillows behind them.
Somewhere between Gabriel’s tongue mapping the dark recesses of Sam’s mouth and Sam nipping playfully at Gabriel’s lower lip, their clothing had vanished entirely. The heat of Gabriel’s bare skin seemed to burn through Sam like a brand, his longer legs tangling around Gabriel’s flanks as Gabriel let his weight settle between Sam’s thighs. “Gabriel…”
“I’ll take care of you, Sam.” The promise whispered against his collarbone, dark and gentle, punctuated by a tiny, suckling kiss that drew a faint cry from Sam’s lips.
“I haven’t…” Sam couldn’t get the words out, not between embarrassment at sounding like a virginal cliché and the riotous sparks that danced over his nerves, caused by Gabriel’s teeth nibbling at the edges of his tattoo.
“I know.” Gabriel’s tongue traced the edges of the pentacle. “I’m glad.”
Anything Sam might have said in response was lost as Gabriel’s heated mouth captured the nipple beneath the tattoo. Sam’s fingers laced up into Gabriel’s hair and a gasp drove through his lips and Gabriel grinned, catching the sensitive nub in his teeth and tugging playfully. Sam half-arched off the bed with a cry. “Sensitive, Sammy?”
“Y-yeah…” The word stuttered out through the building haze. “Kinda.”
Another tug. Sam cried out again, his fingers digging hard into Gabriel’s scalp. “More than kinda. Remind me to look into some appropriate jewelry; these babies are begging to be pierced.”
Gabriel settled back in to suckle. Sam’s eyes rolled up into his head, his already aching erection throbbing sharply at the thought. Dean would throw a fit… probably a couple punches, too… but that actually sounds hot coming from him… like he’d do it himself instead of just asking me to get it done next time the amulet needs re-inked…
How long Gabriel lingered, Sam couldn’t be sure. It didn’t seem like long, but time in Gabriel’s illusions was meaningless and Sam’s senses were dissolving into a haze of pheromones. There wasn’t an inch of his skin that hadn’t been laved with that agile tongue, kissed or suckled by those soft, generous lips, traced and teased by gentle fingertips or massaged by expert hands. When those talented fingers were finally sliding beneath his hips, massaging the sensitive, puckered entrance hidden there, Sam couldn’t have told time with a digital clock. “Gabriel…”
“Easy, Sammy…” Warm frissons of power pulsed from Gabriel’s fingers into the tender muscles, relaxing them… sparks fired through Sam’s blood and he let out a truncated cry of need. “You’re gorgeous… gonna watch you for hours next time…”
Next time… implying there would be time enough for a ‘next time’… that there was a future for any of them… hope throbbed in Sam’s heart, magnifying the heat Gabriel was building…
One finger slid deep, stroking lazily, shattering Sam’s thoughts. Those talented lips brushed feathery kisses over his chest, dexterous tongue rasping over his sensitive nipples, while warm slickness was worked into him, a second finger joining the first, the healing grace of an archangel dissolving any discomfort before it could register. Gabriel doesn’t do anything by halves… thank God…
The illusory setting didn’t matter; they could have been on the filthy, sodden floor of that paper mill or in that motel back in Broward County or even between rows of seats in that college theater… Sam’s senses didn’t register anything beyond Gabriel… the pure heat of the angel against his thigh… the gentle skim of soft lips against his chest and stomach… the deep flex of skillful fingers, three of them now, that was perfect and yet not nearly enough… Sam’s hips arched, pushing against Gabriel’s hand… needing more…
Those lips brushed the length of his erection and Sam nearly came, a long, gasping moan breaking in his throat. “Please… Gabriel, please…”
It was almost like Gabriel hadn’t heard him. Those lips kept whispering over his hips, warm breath teasing Sam’s erection, fingers stroking long and slow until Sam was fisting the sheets, teeth sunk into his lower lip, panting and writhing against Gabriel’s touch…
And then those lips were back, sealing across his, and those fingers had left him and Sam didn’t have time to whimper at the loss because Gabriel’s hands were clasping his hips and holding fast while the ArchHerald of the Lord sank to the hilt in one swift drive.
Breath left Sam in a rush, returned to him by Gabriel through that consuming kiss. Sam’s arms had wrapped around Gabriel’s torso, fingers digging hard into the firm muscles of his back as Sam clung to him and his grace pulsed and flowed into Sam, stealing away the shock of sudden possession. Gabriel wasn’t going to allow Sam a moment more of discomfort than he could help; it warmed Sam almost more than the grace Gabriel was suffusing through him. Gabriel had said he’d take care of Sam. He obviously meant to keep that promise.
Sam slid his legs up, wrapping them around Gabriel’s waist, leaning into the kiss and relaxing the bruising grip of his fingers. Letting Gabriel know he was all right. Those lips lifted away, the barest fraction, just enough for Gabriel to see Sam’s face. Sam offered a shy smile, not really sure what to say… or if he should say anything at all.
The smile Gabriel answered with was radiant delight, and then he was kissing Sam again as he rolled his hips.
Friction… full, deep heat… Sam gasped into Gabriel’s mouth and tightened his grip with arms and legs… there was nothing uncertain about the way Gabriel moved, building the rhythm, strong and sure, and a half-formed wonder at the difference between Gabriel and Castiel skittered through Sam’s thoughts. It was lost as Gabriel shifted the angle, pressing Sam’s thighs up a little higher, and Sam’s mouth broke free of Gabriel’s with a hoarse shout as Gabriel sank impossibly deeper, grazing something that made starbursts dance across his vision.
“That’s it, Sammy…” Gabriel’s voice was as warm as his grace, caressing Sam’s ear while those strong fingers flexed into Sam’s buttocks and the deep undulation of those hips never faltered. “Give it up to me, gorgeous… just let it all go…”
What there was left to give, Sam couldn’t be sure. Gabriel was everywhere… his touch and his mouth and his grace and his thick, hard heat that thrust in time with Sam’s heart… and Sam didn’t deserve it. He knew he didn’t… knew and couldn’t fathom why Gabriel would give this to him, would want this from him… with him… when it was his fault that all this was happening to begin with…
Lips caught his, and Gabriel’s hips slowed, pressure waxing and waning in Sam so gentle it was almost unbearable… “You didn’t start this, Sam.” Gabriel’s eyes were brilliant, honey gold blaze… Sam couldn’t bring himself to look… couldn’t bear to close his own eyes and shut the vision away… “You didn’t start it… but we’re going to end it, you and I.”
“Only… only Dean can,” Sam whispered, words dragging out through a throat thick with need. “Cas said… it has to be Dean.”
Gabriel’s eyes seemed to glow brighter… healing flame… “And he can’t do it without you… can’t do what must be done if you’re housing my brother. We’re going to end it, here and now, Sam… just let it go…”
The guilt. He meant the guilt. The self-hatred. The bitterness of knowing that his mother and Jess and so many others had died because of him… even Dean, though Dean had been brought back. Gabriel was asking… urging Sam to let it go… to share it…
Sam’s hands slid up, sinking into the archangel’s chestnut-gold hair. He arched up into Gabriel’s hips as Gabriel sank in, and Gabriel let out a groan as Sam’s teeth captured his earlobe and nibbled. “Not being able to watch your brothers kill each other isn’t the same as abandoning them.”
Shock rippled through Gabriel’s body, reflecting in the limpid pools of those amber flame eyes, enough to still the movement of his hips. Sam met his gaze, level and determined. If I’m sharing my sins, Gabriel’s sharing his… I’m not letting him take all the weight…
Long heartbeats passed. Gabriel seemed suspended in time, above Sam and in him and all around him, absorbing the impact of Sam’s fierce absolution… absolution he would never have expected, nor thought he deserved… Sam’s hips shifted beneath his, questing in all-too-human need for friction, for movement…
Gabriel’s grip on Sam’s hips tightened as he gave Sam what he needed… what they both needed… Sam’s arms slid to wrap around his shoulders and Sam held on… surrender in every line of his body… the tight heat surrounding Gabriel seemed to relax even more, welcoming him and clasping at him and rippling around him as he took what was offered, gave back in equal measure… grace pulsing with each stroke until Sam was begging and moaning so sweetly that Gabriel was very nearly undone…
“Come for me, Sam.” Gabriel’s own voice was pleading, reedy and wrecked and totally unlike the voice of God’s Messenger should sound. “Come for me, gorgeous…”
A spark of grace as Gabriel drove solidly into his prostate, and Sam couldn’t hold it. Gabriel’s name rang from his lips as he came, shaking and shuddering in Gabriel’s arms, hands scrabbling for purchase against the angel’s slimly muscled back as he spilled between them. The spark of grace caught in his veins, spreading like wildfire, wrapping around his climax and holding the high note sustained until Sam was mindless, chanting Gabriel’s name as he dropped into freefall…
White light burst against the lids of his closed eyes; Sam arched with a sharp cry as the grip on his hips almost seemed to sear… branding through flesh into his soul… a voice that was only partially familiar was singing in Enochian, high and clear and triumphant, and then Sam felt warm liquid heat rushing into him…
Light faded, and it was merely Gabriel again, forehead resting against Sam’s. Sam could feel Gabriel’s body trembling in the aftermath and managed a small smile; his own limbs weren’t likely to obey his instructions for at least half an hour, and he took no little satisfaction in the idea that Gabriel seemed to be as undone as he.
*You’ve always had this effect on me, Sam.*
Sam started, his eyes opening to find Gabriel staring down at him, joy written across his elfin features. “How did you do that?”
Gabriel’s smile widened, turned devious. “Part of the benefits of being mated: I can communicate directly with you over long distances, and you should be able to respond to me in kind. Might take some time for you to get that part down, but it’ll be fun teaching you how.” A quick kiss, not quite chaste, brushed over Sam’s mouth. “You won’t need to drink demon blood to access it… and I wouldn’t recommend doing it for other reasons anymore, either.”
“So… it’s done, then?” Sam’s fingers stroked over the faint grooves where his nails had dug hard into Gabriel’s skin. It didn’t feel like he’d drawn blood. “We’re… mates?”
“Yes, Sam.” Gabriel’s eyes glowed. “My brother can’t touch you now… not without answering to me… and he certainly can’t use you for a vessel. You belong to me now.” He felt Sam shiver at the words, prompting him to add: “Just like I belong to you.”
Sam smiled at that, another small shiver running through him as Gabriel rolled them to their sides and slipped out. Feeling suddenly bereft, Sam tangled around Gabriel and burrowed into him. “You won’t leave me, when this is all over?” Sam asked, his voice quiet and afraid. “They can’t take you away from me…?”
“Oh, Sam…” Gabriel kissed him, long and slow and gentle, hands stroking up Sam’s sides. “No… I told you: not even death can separate us now. I’ve marked you with my grace, tethered you to me and me to you. Luci could walk in here right now and stab me to death with my own sword, and I’d still be with you.”
That image got him an even tighter tangle of Sam and a thorough kiss that suffused heat clear to his wings. They manifested of their own volition, wrapping around Sam in a protective cocoon. Sam broke the kiss when he felt the feathers brush over his still-sensitive skin with a soft ‘oh’. “Your wings…”
“Yeah… still got ‘em.” Gabriel stroked the left wing over Sam’s body, using it to tuck him impossibly closer. “Didn’t clip ‘em when I ditched.”
Sam was quiet for a long moment, breathing in the clean, heady scent of feathers and lilies and strawberries in the afternoon sun. “You couldn’t choose between them,” Sam finally murmured, fingers stroking over the hollow of Gabriel’s shoulder. “Between Michael and Lucifer. That’s why you left, isn’t it?”
“Got it in one, gorgeous.” Gabriel’s crooked smile didn’t quite meet his eyes this time. “You were prodded and shoved and seduced down the path to killing Lilith, Sammy. Every inch of the way; even by Dean, though he couldn’t have known it. And if I hadn’t been so afraid of telling you too much during our version of Groundhog’s Day, you might have been better prepared for that little demon minx’s seduction when Dean got his ass killed for real.”
When Sam didn’t respond, Gabriel tipped Sam’s chin up and forced his human to meet his eyes. “We all did this, Sam… everyone you know and more angels and demons and humans than you can imagine… even Dad isn’t blameless here. There’s no one person or creature ultimately culpable for how things are finally coming to a head… we all had a hand in it, one way or another… so stop trying to take it all on yourself. Martyrs are terribly out-of-fashion these days, y’know.”
That comment got a snicker out of Sam, and his hazel eyes warmed. He felt lighter, freer than he had in months, and Gabriel’s grace still shimmered in his heart. “How long until we have to leave? Until Lucifer…?”
Gabriel’s own eyes darkened. “Much as I’d love to linger, we should skip out.” For a moment, his eyes unfocused, and Sam knew he was reaching for Castiel…
Confusion… hurt… hurt too deep to fathom… fear that everything was lost… would be lost… desperate to make sense of it… to understand why… loss and loneliness and guilt…
“Sam! Sam!”
Blinking away the haze, Sam focused on reality to see Gabriel staring down at him, alarm flaring in those golden eyes. “What… what was that?”
“You hitched a ride.” Gabriel ran light fingers through Sam’s hair, anxiety still edging his expression. “You felt me reach for Castiel and followed without thinking… might not take you so long to figure out the bond’s perks after all. Might give me the angelic equivalent of heart failure, but…”
Sam blinked again, realizing he was once again flat on his back, Gabriel hovering over him. There was no piercing headache, no nosebleed. He’d followed Gabriel’s thought on instinct. “Who did I see? Or pick up on, or whatever? It was so… much…”
Gabriel studied him for a moment, sensing through their bond what Sam had felt. “You bypassed Castiel, I think… picked up on your brother. Not surprising, really; he’s human, so your emotions are the same wavelength and he’s blood of your blood besides.”
“You said they were okay!” Sam’s temper flared as he put the pieces together. “Dean’s not okay!”
“Dean’s never really okay, Sam; hasn’t been for a long time, I think.” Gabriel’s voice was soothing, soft, not quite apologetic but definitely regretful. “He’s worse than you are about taking guilt that’s not wholly his… and he feels responsible for a Helluva lot more than you do.”
It took Sam a moment to process that. Lying there, in the safety of Gabriel’s arms, he gazed up at his lover… his mate… and then instinctively reached up and through him… through Castiel… to Dean…
*Can’t keep Cas… wouldn’t be fair to Jimmy… even if we win, Sammy’s gonna leave… happiest when he’s as far from me as he can get… Dad’s dead… Jo and Ellen… no one… don’t deserve anyone, anyway… can’t protect them… can’t keep them safe… can’t do one damn thing right by any of ‘em…*
The images came fast… so fast… blood in Hell… every life lost that Dean was sure wouldn’t have been if he’d been faster or smarter… every seal broken that could have been prevented if he hadn’t screwed up… Sam… every angry word and hurt expression… every moment when Sam had felt cheated, Dean had known it… tried to make it better and knowing it wasn’t enough… and Castiel… who had come to mean more than Sam had ever guessed… the wrenching guilt of wanting what wasn’t wholly the angel’s to give… refusing to be responsible for a daughter’s permanent loss of her father…
“We have to go to them,” Sam murmured, retreating back through the bond, back to Gabriel, who was gazing down at Sam in wonder.
I think Sammy might possibly be almost more trouble than I can handle… good thing I like trouble. Brushing a kiss over Sam’s lips, Gabriel decided to defer addressing how quickly Sam had figured out how to purposely use the bond until after they’d gotten Castiel and Dean out of that building. It could wait… it could all wait. Indulging in another warm kiss that brought a moan up from Sam’s throat, Gabriel snapped his fingers.
They had a rescue to mount.
Go To Companion Piece: My Sacrifice
Go To Sequel: Belonging - Part One