{btob; sungjae/peniel} journey to the heart (i)
Title: journey to the heart, part i/ii
Fandom: btob
Pairing: sungjae/peniel
Word Count: ~18,500
Rating: pg-13
Summary: When BTOB go on an indefinite hiatus, Sungjae and Peniel decide to take a road trip throughout South Korea.
A/N: this was written for the kpop_olymfics fic challenge, to the song prompt babo by juniel (ft yonghwa, the most oppas of all oppas ;A;)! lets just say i did not know what i was getting into when i vaguely agreed team future / btob would be okay omfg hahaha this fic seemed like it would never end. as per usual??? crawls miserably back into my exo/vixx/boyfriend wips.
journey to the heart
Donggeun is the one who to want the road trip, Sungjae is the one to make it happen.
Once they learn that BTOB would be going on temporary hiatus for an undetermined length of time, Sungjae and Donggeun sit together in the dorm room where all the members, at one point, slept through each night together. Sungjae always felt that, with all six of his groupmates asleep in their bunks, Minhyuk curled against the wall and Changsub sprawling with his blankets twisted at his feet, the sound of their calm breathing could lull him to sleep without fail. Recently, it is only the two of them, and maybe Hyunsik if they are lucky. It's been a long time since Ilhoon has spent much time at the dorms at all.
"Sungjae-yah," Donggeun says softly.
"Yeah," Sungjae says. "What is it?"
"Did you see Minhyuk hyung's face? Yesterday?" Donggeun asks, curled up against Sungjae's side. They were sitting on Eunkwang's mattress, but now they've lain back, the now-worn duck stuffed animal in Donggeun's arms. In the past years, they've gotten a new one, but it's not the same.
"Yeah, I did," Sungjae says, and stares up at the ceiling. He recalls it easily, almost disturbingly so, but it isn't easy to forget an expression like the one on Minhyuk's face the day before. The entire group except for Hyunsik, who had had other schedules to attend to, assembled at the salon to see Eunkwang and Minhyuk take the seats they'd known so well, lifting their chins for the plastic of the apron and waiting for the hairdresser noonas to fasten the ties at the napes of their necks. When the razor was held to Minhyuk's scalp first, the older boy - man, now - had set his jaw and squeezed his eyes closed tightly, and Sungjae almost expected for him to stop her, stop the razor, to save his glossy, red-brown hair. Minhyuk has always been just that bit vain, after all, not that it has ever changed the way he treated his dongsaengs.
Sungjae averted his eyes when the first few locks began to fall to the ground, followed quickly by Eunkwang's blond hair. When he looked up, it was only at Donggeun, whose eyes were fixed unwaveringly on Minhyuk's profile. "When will it be us?" Sungjae wanted to ask him. "When will we have to go, too?"
After years and years of tight schedules, stage adrenaline, and seven boys as one, cohesive unit with one unfailing goal, Sungjae can't even begin to picture BTOB without Eunkwang and Minhyuk. It's been a long time since the hyungs have had to wake up early to make school lunch for him and Ilhoon, perhaps, but they need their leaders: Eunkwang, with his easy laugh and passionate heart, and Minhyuk's endless determination and drive, except for when it's time to set his pride aside for some fun with his group.
Eunkwang's mattress smells just like the shampoo they all share, a hint of kimchi, and the man they've looked up to for so long. Turning on his side, Sungjae looks into Donggeun's worried face and asks, "What are you thinking?"
"Let's go somewhere," Donggeun says to him wistfully, staring past Sungjae and up at the ceiling where there's a sooty mark to the left of the light. "If we can't promote, let's just go travel."
Management had decided that, without Eunkwang and Minhyuk and soon Changsub and Hyunsik, it wasn't worth the effort to release more music as seven. There was Ilhoon to keep their name fresh with variety and acting, and Sungjae had finally finished his long run as MTV The Show MC with Minhyuk two weeks previous. And there were younger groups that Cube Entertainment had debuted in the years past to focus on. Sungjae and Donggeun were free to go and disappear for a while, if they really wanted. "Yeah," Sungjae says. "We should go."
☂
"What about this one?" Sungjae asks, leaning against the passenger side door and peering into the interior of the car hopefully. It's a bit dusty, not that he didn't expect that, and the passenger seat is missing an armrest. But otherwise, it looks all right.
Ilhoon makes a face at him, his glossy hair tucked up under a beanie today. "The paint job on that one is chipping, Sungjae. And look at the mileage on that thing, I doubt it could last long enough to drag a trailer across South Korea."
Sungjae huffs and straightens again. For the first time during their careers, he had refused Donggeun's request to help him film a vlog to post to the United Cube's Youtube channel. This one would be Peniel's last chance to bid the fans farewell until the members completed their military service, and Sungjae isn't sure he's ready to face that reality yet. When Sungjae told him, "Not this time, hyung," Donggeun had just looked up into his face and nodded, eyes solemn with understanding. Even so, it was the perfect opportunity to sneak out of the dorms with Ilhoon.
"There has to be one car in this lot that'll survive long enough to drive us across the country," Sungjae sighs and moves on the next row of second-hand cars. None of the managers had been free to come to the lot with them, too busy running after rookies, so Ilhoon and Sungjae had pulled on hoods and hats and sunglasses and walked to the car lot themselves. They're due back at the company in less than an hour, though, and Sungjae doesn't want to waste any more time. The sooner he and Donggeun pick a car and go, the sooner they can escape the heavy atmosphere smothering them whenever they spend time around the other members. Are they even one group anymore? Is this what time does to their dreams?
They search in silence for a few more minutes, before Ilhoon turns to him across the car lot and says, "Sungjae, this one."
Something about Ilhoon's voice makes Sungjae straighten and maneuver around the parked cars to the one that Ilhoon is standing before, his eyes filled with that unshakable, almost overly stubborn certainty he gets sometimes. They stare together at the rusty red Jeep, and Sungjae can picture Donggeun in one of his loose tank tops sitting under the open, square frame, his hands on the driving wheel and his favorite pair of aviator sunglasses on the sturdy dashboard. Donggeun's told him before that the driver's wheel is on the same side in both South Korea and America, but Sungjae wanted to get him something authentic, as similar as he could possibly manage. Just like Chicago. "It's perfect," he says out loud.
"I know," Ilhoon says, that smug smile on his face, and Sungjae shoves him so it turns into a reluctant laugh and a pretend-scowl instead. Ilhoon lunges at him and tries to put him into a headlock despite the great height disadvantage, and it's not the first time that Sungjae evades him and catches him in turn. But Ilhoon has never stopped trying.
When they stop roughhousing, Ilhoon adjusting his beanie over his bangs and Sungjae lost in staring at the Jeep again, Ilhoon says lowly, "I'm going to miss you guys."
"Yeah?" Sungjae says, pulling his gaze away from the car to look at Ilhoon, to really look at him. He has changed, as they all have, but it's hard to forget nights when Sungjae sneaks into the kitchen to get a glass of water at three in the morning and Ilhoon still hasn't come to bed, instead lying on his back on the floor of the living room, surrounded by scripts. On those nights, fatigue clings to him in a pale imitation of the charisma he carries on stage, and it really hits Sungjae that Ilhoon, too, is his hyung. "We'll miss you, too," he says truthfully, and wonders whether Ilhoon is bitter that he has another press conference and drama filming lined up for him already, while Sungjae and Donggeun get to take off for the next couple of weeks, travelling around the country.
Ilhoon's eyes are filled with longing, just for a moment, before he seems to square his shoulders and turns back to the Jeep. He's made his choice; they all have. "You better bring me a souvenir."
The next afternoon, Sungjae goes alone to pick up the trailer, walking to the parking lot and swinging the car keys of the Jeep around his finger. With the leasing contract signed and filed away, it's his and Donggeun's for now, and now is what matters most. It's not a type of vehicle he's very familiar with, to be honest, but he thinks he can fall in love with it properly once he sees Donggeun's face when it's time for the big reveal.
He drives through the quiet back streets out of habit, a reflex from the busier days when crowds of over-enthusiastic fangirls swarmed around the Cube buildings to see them. It's peaceful, and the drive is over far too soon when he pulls up at the garage one of the staff referenced him; he's lucky that a kind man from the accounting side of the company caught word of Sungjae and Donggeun's trip and offered his own trailer to use for their trip, so the boys wouldn't have to find and spend money on another lease. The man's wife is waiting when he pulls up in front of the entrance of the garage.
"Yook Sungjae-sshi?" she asks with a warm smile once Sungjae climbs out of the Jeep.
"Yes, that's me," Sungjae says, ducking his head almost bashfully. He may never have the authority that some of the other members possess, but he knows he has his own charm - he's spent a lot of time perfecting it.
The trailer is better than Sungjae could've hoped for, already furnished with two bunk beds in the back and even a small alcove of a couch beneath one of the windows. A small, rectangular radio sits against the far wall, a tiny fan perched on top of it, and the inside surfaces of the trailer are wallpapered with random news articles and graphics. "You can take those down," she says once she notices Sungjae examining them. "My husband won't mind. And this model doesn't have a kitchen built in, but there's room for a portable stove if you like."
"No, it's okay," Sungjae says, stepping into the bright, open room. "I like the newspapers, they're kind of charming. And neither of us is that great at cooking, anyways."
She lets him walk around the trailer, quiet when he reaches out to the touch the trailing of the bunk beds, the thin, white curtains of the window. "You'll take it?" she asks once Sungjae turns back around to face her.
"Yes, please," he says, a bit dazed. The full impact of the trip is starting to hit him now, that he'll really be travelling with Donggeun for however long it takes to drive across South Korea over the next few weeks in the Jeep, in this trailer. The last time Sungjae can possibly remember doing something so spontaneous and ridiculous was auditioning to become an idol, and look where that took him.
He sets a date to come and retrieve the trailer, loading the equipment to attach the trailer to the back of the Jeep into the trunk for now and thanking the woman profusely between bows. When he drives back to the Cube buildings, he makes sure to hide the Jeep in the back of the lot. The longer walk back inside is worth it when he surprises Donggeun.
☂
They're in the salon again, all seven of them, and Sungjae looks into the mirror and realizes that this will be the last time they'll all be like this for years. Ilhoon, sitting two seats down, is almost asleep in his seat as the stylist fusses over his bangs, but Eunkwang and Minhyuk look tense, necks bare and faces washed clean. Nothing like the faces they wore the week before, during their one last photoshoot before their twenty-one months of enlistment. They're putting BTOB away for the next two years.
In the reflection of the mirror, Sungjae can see Minhyuk absentmindedly touching the nape of his neck as he leans close to whisper into Eunkwang's ear, obviously not used to the short length of his hair. When Sungjae looks away, he accidentally catches Donggeun's gaze, and Donggeun offers him a reassuring smile.
Everyone is dressed warmly and casually, and the entire van ride to the military base is deathly silent - especially Changsub, who has closed his eyes and leaned back against his seat but Sungjae can read the stiff line of his shoulders. It's like going to a funeral, Sungjae thinks to himself. Like Eunkwang and Minhyuk are going away to someplace very, very far away, and won't ever be coming back.
A crowd of hundreds and hundreds of fans is waiting for them, as far as the eye can see, and Sungjae struggles to swallow around the lump in his throat when he sees them standing in rows, clutching signs with hangul wishing the two members safety and success with their military work. They are all BTOB's Melodies, after all. They were there since the first performance, the boys onstage in hopes of taking first place at the yearly Cube Stars Party back when Sungjae only stood with Eunkwang, Hyunsik, and Minwoo, followed by their debut as a total of seven members and their first variety show. They were there, also, when BTOB got into a car accident three years into their career, and Sungjae remembers seeing the frantic fans amassed before the hospital whenever he went to visit Eunkwang, Changsub, and Donggeun, whose numerous injuries had kept them from promoting at the time. "Tell them I'm sorry, and we won't ever make them cry again," Eunkwang had told him, uncharacteristically serious for once, and Sungjae had just nodded, holding Eunkwang's thin hand in his own. Looking at all the tear-stained faces now, Sungjae is afraid to look at Eunkwang's; they both know he broke his promise.
The media is overwhelming, but Sungjae looks away from the flash of countless cameras as the seven of them get out of the van to stand in a line and Eunkwang leads them in their group greeting for one last time. They all bow deeply and hold the positions for a long, lingering moment, and Sungjae can hear some of the girls sobbing. One of them has a print-out of the selca Minhyuk took the night before and posted onto Twitter, his usual smile still handsome but tired, older now. Sungjae knows Minhyuk catches sight of it when the older man's breathing hitches, just for a moment.
Eunkwang speaks, his strong voice a bit choked up, and then Minhyuk. Together, they kneel and bow their heads before the crowd on the harsh gravel path, and Sungjae has to pretend he's preoccupied with the zipper of his jacket until they stand back up and hold their hands before their faces in a salute.
And then they are gone, and only five members get back into the van. The passenger seat and a seat in the middle row are glaringly empty, and Sungjae lets Donggeun lean his head against Sungjae's shoulder on the ride home.
Sungjae stares out of the car window at the blur of the highway and can't wait to go, just go.
☂
Management gives them exactly two weeks before they are due to return to the Cube offices. "That's fine, sir," Donggeun says, without arguing like Sungjae almost wants to do. It takes them another hour to persuade their managers that no, they don't need to be supervised. It's been six, nearly seven, years since Sungjae has been able to go out without having a manager or two (or more, like they have had as of late) rushing him from the salon to the airport to the hotel to the venue of yet another concert.
As they're walking back to the dorms, side by side, Donggeun says out loud thoughtfully, "We'll have to rent a car and a trailer. Do you think we could take one of the company's cars?"
"I don't think so," Sungjae says, and doesn't follow him inside when Donggeun punches the lock code into the security door panel and opens the door.
Donggeun gives him an odd look from under one of his umpteenth baseball caps. His hair is soft and unstyled today, and this is how Sungjae likes him best. "What are you doing?"
Sungjae grins at him, unable to keep himself blank-faced. "Come on."
He thinks it's an act of faith when Donggeun slowly steps out of the building and pulls the door closed behind him, tight against the door frame so it'll lock. They loop around the building to walk to the parking lot, and Donggeun says, "You didn't."
"What did I not do?" Sungjae asks overly casually as they walk. He begins to pick up his pace, his excited, long legs carrying him faster so he reaches the Jeep before Donggeun does, turning and spreading his arms in time to see Donggeun's amazed expression. Even in the dim lighting of the parking lot, he isn't disappointed. Donggeun stops short, eyes wide and mouth dropping open as he takes in everything, the red hue of the Jeep illuminated by the overhead lights of the parking garage, the enormous wheels and lights and body before them. His disbelief is almost palpable, which only makes the moment better.
"Sungjae," Donggeun says emphatically, and lets Sungjae pull him forward by the hand, toward the car. He runs a careful hand over the frame of the convertible roof, lingering over the cold metal and even admiring the stuffed guitar lanyard hanging from the rearview mirror.
Delighted, Sungjae slings an arm around Donggeun's shoulders, using his free hand to take one of Donggeun's and form it into a cup so he can drop the keys to the Jeep he's holding into Donggeun's palm. "Want to take it out for a practice run? We'll be driving this thing around for two weeks, after all."
"Oh my god," Donggeun says in English, and uses the keys to unlock the door to the driver's seat with something close to awe; Sungjae follows, sitting in the passenger seat for the first time since he rented the car and just watches Donggeun. He touches the car lightly but deftly, as if grasping the driver's wheel too hard will cause the entire vehicle to vanish out from underneath their bodies. It's all so new and tentative, in a way that they so rarely feel anymore with their days of the same schedule after schedule.
It's evening and the sun has almost entirely set, allowing the moon to take her first breath of the night. Around them, the streets are lit ablaze with artificial lighting not only from the street lights spaced out along the sidewalks, but each and every shop front they pass by. The fluorescent lights illuminate the profile of Donggeun's face in the most amazing way, like the brilliance of the stars have been condensed into his eyes and smile - alight with excitement. Sungjae's been by Donggeun's side for a long time, after all. He knows how Donggeun's usually content to take the backseat, watching quietly as he sifts through his mind for the right words in the right language for the right situation, and now he loves how it looks when Donggeun is in the spotlight at last. The driver's wheel is on the same side of the car in both Korea and America, and Sungjae might be pretending a little to himself that he has succeeded in bringing a piece of home to Donggeun with this Jeep.
They take a round through the city, Sungjae letting out a loud, dumb whoop as they fly down the highway in a burst of spontaneous speed, before returning to the company officers and parking in one of the spots in the parking lot again. Donggeun's neat, straight bangs have been blown into a disarray by the wind, and he doesn't even bother combing his fingers through the messily strewn hairs as he turns to Sungjae. "That was amazing," he says earnestly. He looks adorable, mussed up and riding high on the new experience.
"Yeah?" Sungjae says, unable to resist grinning back. When they walk back inside, he slings his arm around Donggeun's shoulders, where it belongs. It's not until they reach their bedroom in the dorms does Donggeun remember they've forgotten his baseball cap on the Jeep's dashboard. But there's no need to go back for it. They'll be in the Jeep again soon enough.
Donggeun wants to plan things a little, and Sungjae finds that he can't deny him that. So they print out a map of South Korea and Sungjae scrawls in a wobbly line through all the major cities he's grown up hearing the names of. Donggeun takes one look and bursts out laughing.
"What?" Sungjae demands, pretending to be affronted. "You don't like my map?"
"Sungjae, I know we wanted to be all spontaneous and everything," Donggeun says, mirth still bringing forth laughter as he points at one of the particularly ridiculous wobbles in the line, "but I doubt we can drive the Jeep into the ocean and manage to get back on land."
"We can do anything," Sungjae says confidently, flippantly, and Donggeun shoves his shoulder affectionately.
They study the map for a moment longer before Donggeun draws a small circle around Seoul. "We can start here."
"We live in Seoul," Sungjae says. "We have been for years."
"But we usually just stay in this area for practicing or whatever schedules we have. And I've never been to the tourism spots," Donggeun counters, his eyes earnest.
Sungjae recalls visiting the heart of Seoul before, with his family like a ritual when he was young and there were no such thing as stage lights in his future. "We can go to the Gyeongbokgung Palace," he offers. "I know that's a popular spot. Or Insadong. Or Myeongdong?"
Donggeun makes a face at him. "Only if you want to shop."
Eventually, they sketch out a rough itinerary like this, dotted with question marks and open stretches of time that neither of them feel the pressure to fill with more things to do. It's a vacation, after all, and their lives are already dictated by schedules. Why not let some things up to their own whims when the time comes?
"When should we leave?" Donggeun asks without taking his eyes off the new and improved version of the map. The line is better, this time around. Neat because it's Donggeun's handwriting.
Sungjae shrugs, knowing Donggeun can feel the movement. They're sitting together on the couches in the Cube offices, and Sungjae can hear the muted sounds of someone practicing in one of the rooms down the hall - maybe a member from M4M, it kind of sounds like their latest song. It's late, though; Donggeun keeps yawning into his hand as if Sungjae won't notice it. They should go back to the dorms soon and maybe someone else will be asleep there already. "Why not tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow?" Donggeun repeats. "We haven't packed a single thing yet."
"We're professional last-minute packers now," Sungjae quips, and it's his turn to nudge Donggeun with his shoulder.
It draws out a laugh, like usual. "I guess that's true," Donggeun agrees, and yawns again shamelessly. "Let's get back and see how we feel in the morning."
Sungjae agrees readily. They stand, stretching their arms over their heads until their spines make that popping noise, and quietly make their way out of the building. The M4M member - Alen, maybe - is still singing.
☂
They don't leave until three mornings later, and Sungjae finds himself hugging everyone goodbye and sneaking looks of excitement at Donggeun, who laughs back. When Sungjae reaches out to Ilhoon, the other man scowls and punches him in the chest with no strength; Sungjae just grins and pulls Ilhoon to his chest as well.
"Stop with all the goodbyes," Ilhoon mutters, leaning into the embrace just enough so Sungjae can feel it.
Sungjae pulls back so he can see Ilhoon's face - downcast eyes and mouth set in a slight frown. "Sorry," he says. "We'll be back in two weeks. Before you even know it."
"Yeah, I know," Ilhoon says, and draws away, out of the reach of Sungjae's arms. He doesn't say much else as everyone wishes the two a safe journey among shouts of potential souvenirs and presents, far too many things to remember. The Jeep has been moved out of the parking lot and into a quiet back street, no crowd of tearful fans to be seen though both Eunkwang and Minhyuk have sent texts wishing them a safe journey. They want a vacation, not a vacation with an entourage.
Donggeun is the first one at the wheel. They've been practicing a little, trying to get used to driving the Jeep with the trailer attached instead of, for instance, a manager's minivan like they've driven in the past. So far, it seems Sungjae isn't quite as good at judging the distance for turns, but they aren't too worried; there will be chances to practice, and plenty of straight stretches of highway, too. All of their luggage is in the trailer, Sungjae's many belongings already beginning to spread out like the harbinger of a mess. Donggeun's acoustic guitar is on his bunk bed, the bass one stored away in the dorms, and Sungjae's is shoved under his mattress, favorite blankets folded at the foot of the bed. How quickly it has begun to feel like home.
"Where are you going first?" Hyunsik asks as Sungjae checks the link between the Jeep and the trailer, keeping the two bodies together.
"Seoul," Sungjae says, and grins at Donggeun, who is peering out at him from the driver's seat, his sunglasses perched on his head. The mid-morning sun casts his shoulders and arms in a warm light, softening the lines of his jaw and the collar of his tank top. He looks well-rested - a rarity in itself - and excited. Happy. He smiles back.
"The plan for today is Gyeongbokgung Palace," Donggeun says, "since I've never been there before."
Sungjae sees the surprise on the others' faces and understands; after all these years, despite all of the video chat calls and the ever-so-rare visits home during the holidays, it's easy to forget Donggeun's roots in Chicago. America is so far from here. But Sungjae makes sure he himself never forgets, with all of the Chuseoks when his mother called to ask if his "nice friend" would be coming home with him so fresh in his mind.
"Have fun, drive safely, don't forget my souvenir," everyone choruses as Donggeun guns the engine, Changsub applauding wildly. They wave, Sungjae with almost his entire torso hanging out of the passenger seat window to wave back, and Donggeun presses on the acceleration pedal, the engine humming as they maneuver through the back streets and onto the appropriate highway towards Dongho Bridge. With the sun bright and, at a push of a button, the radio of the Jeep playing some random indie song, Sungjae realizes with a start that this is really happening. They're really doing this.
He lets out a wild shout as they coast down the stretch of road, the traffic light and easy at this time of day. Donggeun gives him a look of surprise, but he's smiling, too. Carefree, just like Sungjae hoped for.
They get to the palace an hour or so later; neither of them are really keeping time. At the entrance, they pay the 3,000 won each and decide against joining one of the formal tours. It's an amazing place, with towering ceilings and art so intricate Sungjae doubts he could accomplish anything demanding that much concentration. He's never been one to the too impressed by things like this, finding himself watching the expressions of awe and appreciation crossing Donggeun's face as they walk through the pavilions and hallways.
"Do you like it?" Sungjae asks when they take a break to buy some lunch at a cafe. They've been keeping a low profile all day, baseballs caps and sunglasses on, and so far they've been lucky enough that neither of them are checking over their shoulders anymore for fear of being spotted. With all of the other visitors at the palace, it's easy to blend in with the crowd.
"Yeah," Donggeun says immediately, swallowing the bite of food in his mouth. "There's nothing like this back in America, as far as I know."
Sungjae can't help but feel smug at that. They go to Insadong Street next, Donggeun reaching out carefully to touch the fabric of hanboks hanging from vendor's booths, the smooth surfaces of ceramic figurines. One of the vendor ahjummas offers them small cups of tea still steaming gently, and Sungjae downs his mouthful in one go as Donggeun closes his eyes, inhaling the sweet scent.
"What kind is this?" he asks the vendor.
"Jindallae-hwachae," she tells him, pointing into the cup in his hands. A type of azalea blossom, she explains, detailing a bit on how she makes it. This type is perfect for the new spring upon them in Seoul.
Donggeun drinks his tea as well before thanking her, falling into step next to Sungjae as they move down the long line of street kiosks. He's quiet, as if lost in thought, and Sungjae isn't too sure how to push him to say what's on his mind. He's been by Donggeun's side for so long, but sometimes he feels like he could drown in all the things he doesn't know about Shin Donggeun. Seventeen years is a long time to have lived in another country.
By the time night falls, they're walking along the Cheonggyecheon Stream after a quick dinner of odeng and ddeokbokki still warm in their stomachs. Donggeun stares up at the stone bottom of the bridge over their heads and comments, "It's so quiet."
Sungjae makes a sound of agreement. They're fifteen feet below the street level, apparently, and the only sound around them is the rushing water and the occasional quiet murmur of another person - local or tourist, he can't tell - visiting the street.
"Here," Sungjae says, taking his cell phone out of his pocket and closing the notification telling him he has a text message from one of the other BTOB members. "To commemorate the first day."
"What are you doing, it's so dark," Donggeun says reproachfully, but smiles automatically when Sungjae holds the phone out, arm's length away, in front of their faces. The trees lining the streets above their heads are strung with little lights that illuminate their faces with a dim but gentle glow, and Sungjae has Donggeun click the little shutter button to take the picture. Just like that, the moment is preserved, as permanent as the fact that they'll never go back to it.
Later when they're in the trailer, Donggeun curled up in his bunk with his guitar and a notebook that Sungjae knows is where he keeps half-finished lyrics and strings of musical notes, Sungjae holds his phone over his face and studies the picture. It's been a quiet day, mostly sight-seeing and wandering around unfamiliar streets.
Donggeun plays a soft chord and the note hangs in the air, lingering. He makes a sound of contemplation and scrawls something in his notebook; it seems that, for them, work never stops.
Knowing better than to disturb him, Sungjae closes his eyes. Rather than crawl into his bunk already, Sungjae is sprawled on the couch on the other side of the trailer, the curtains for the window above him wide open so he can see the night stars. They're parked in a public lot for the night, having paid for the parking and everything, and Sungjae is looking forward to the nights they just pull up on the side of the road and go to sleep without all these procedures.
It's true that they've spent a lot of time together, working together and playing together, but taken out of their BTOB personas and suddenly Sungjae realizes that all he knows is Peniel - but does he really? Even that? He's never been to Chicago in his entire life. All of their concerts in America were in Los Angeles and New York.
But their journey has just begun, and Sungjae is determined to make the best of it.
☂
"Wake up!" Sungjae calls early the next morning. "Wake up, or it'll be too hot to go!"
"What?" Donggeun demands, eyes still drowsy with sleep and his hair a mess from being slept on at an odd angle. "Go where?" He's never been a good morning person, to Minhyuk's exasperation and Eunkwang's amusement - yes, there's still this, after all.
"It's a surprise," Sungjae says and ushers Donggeun out of his bunk bed and into his clothes. He had fallen asleep before Donggeun had, lulled to sleep by the gentle guitar chords coming from the bunk below him; Sungjae could've fooled himself into thinking they were back home in the dorms if he wanted to, the breathing of five others all around him, but instead he'd stared at the trailer roof until he drifted off by himself.
They hail a taxi to go back into Seoul, finally arriving at Bugaksan Mountain, at the Sukjeongmun gate. Their passports are ready in their hands and Donggeun adjusts the hat on his head, staring up at the mountain before them.
"I hope you're ready for this," Sungjae says cheerfully.
"You're crazy," Donggeun says.
In the end, they still climb up the mountain, walking through the famous century gates and along the carefully reconstructed fortress wall, and then back down; of course, they commemorate their achievement with another self-taken picture at the top of the peak. Sungjae's feet burn and they've done more complaining about their impending blisters more than making actual conversation, but Sungjae is feeling pretty good besides the sweat and the ache of his muscles. They exercise often in the gym at the company, but rarely outdoors like this, and it's clear why this trail is also renowned for its scenery in the warmer seasons.
At one point during the climb back down, they move to the side of the trail on the way down to let a tourist group, led by one of the mountain's hired guides, on the way up pass. One of the women asks them politely, "Is it much longer until the top?"
Donggeun smiles back, friendly, and says, "No, you're almost there. The view is stunning."
She thanks him, as well as Sungjae who bows back, and hurries to catch up with her group. By the time the two of them reach the bottom, it's well into afternoon and the snacks they ate for "lunch" are hardly enough to sustain them as a meal.
After a quick shower each, they dress in their street clothes and head to Itaewon, back into the city. It's a bit too early for restaurants to be open for dinner yet, but they wander through the mostly-empty streets aimlessly anyways. One barbeque restaurant has its front door open, some of the kitchen staff carrying in fresh groceries from the cargo truck parked before it.
"Um, excuse me," Sungjae addresses the women overseeing the process who looks like she's in charge, a green apron tied around her waist.
She looks at him expectantly, but before Sungjae can continue, her daughter sitting nearby - who looks about the age to be in high school - looks up from the novel in her lap and gasps loudly. "Oh, umma, it's BTOB!" she exclaims, jumping up in a flurry of notes and dropping her book.
Sungjae and Donggeun are immediately welcomed inside the restaurant and a grill is quickly set up for them, the teenager bringing them their drinks with a look of awe on her face; she introduces herself as Jiwon. It was inevitable that they'd be spotted and recognized, especially around Seoul, so Sungjae pushes down his feelings of dread at their vacation being disturbed and instead pays attention to making sure their meat doesn't burn. It tastes delicious, especially with how hungry they are, and Donggeun doesn't seem to bothered by Jiwon and everything else. It's nice to take their time with a meal; no cameras, and no schedules lined up to force them to inhale their food as quickly as possible.
Before they go, they take another picture and sign their autographs on it for the restaurant to frame and hang on the wall, as thanks. They also sign the albums that Jiwon owns, Press Play and their most recent full album - the one Sungjae internally thinks of as the last full album with Eunkwang and Minhyuk, anyways - and Sungjae recalls all of their fansignings with a taste of nostalgia. It seems that, even when they've left the Cube buildings, they can't escape their identities.
They catch another taxi back to the parking lot where the Jeep and trailer are. Again, Donggeun tucks himself into his bed with his guitar propped in his lap, back leaning against the trailer wall. Sungjae can see his own guitar from where he's sprawled on the couch, having left his bass guitar at home to avoid heaving his amp into the trailer as well, but he doesn't really feel like practicing right now. At the practice rooms back in the Cube offices, he'll practice until all his fingers are red and sore and beginning to form blisters, but now he isn't there. Now, he's just here, body warm from a day of exercise and stomach full.
Before he realizes it, he's fallen asleep.
The next morning, they start driving towards the north-eastern coast. Sungjae is driving this time, but it's a long distance and they'll need to switch off every few hours so the other can rest.
It's a dreary, flat landscape for the most part, and a monotonous car ride to go with it. Donggeun chooses to sit in the passenger seat rather than in the trailer because it will be easier to switch, and he dozes with his head back against the seat. He looks peaceful despite the slightly awkward position, and Sungjae is reluctant to wake him so he just keeps driving and driving.
They make a stop for gas a little after noon and buy some snacks at the nearby convenience store; Donggeun finds Sungjae at the gas pump with a bag full of snacks that Sungjae realizes are all of his favorites. When they get back on the road, it's Donggeun's turn to drive, and the radio is on.
By the time they reach their destination, it is evening and the port town of Sokcho is quiet. They eat a quick dinner at a bustling seafood restaurant and promise to eat somewhere proper tomorrow before crashing in their beds, tired from covering the distance they managed to cover today.
The following morning, they drive a little ways out to Seoraksan National Park, paying the parking fee and going to the gate where a giant electronic sign welcomes them to the park. There are plenty of mountains to climb here as well, looming high above them with their smooth sides and white caps of snow, but Sungjae and Donggeun choose to just walk through the paved walkways and check out the Cheonbuldong Valley, where the spring has coaxed the flowers on the trees into full bloom.
"Should we go hiking again?" Sungjae asks, studying the free map they were handed upon entrance, which is covered in tiny, thin lines meandering across the park grounds. "It looks like there are some really challenging ones on here."
"My feet protest anything more than this," Donggeun winces, stretching out his legs before him. They're sitting on a bench at the end of the valley trail, having taken it at a slow pace. "Maybe we can go back to town and see if there's anything there."
They ask one of the employees, who recommends them to check out the Seorak Cinema. "It's a popular film location for many historical dramas," the man tells them. "Sometimes, you can watch in on their filming, if you're lucky."
"Thank you," Sungjae tells him, and he and Donggeun head back to the trailer.
It's not too difficult to find the general location, and they ride a bus into the center of the town. As the park employee told them, there are people milling about, often clustered around life-size poster boards of actors from Daejoyoung and Hong Gil Dong. It's easy to blend in with the crowd here, where people are busy searching for famous actors instead.
Sungjae remembers when Ilhoon got his first acting role two years into their career, playing a supporting role that was the younger mischievous brother of the female protagonist. At that point, both he and Minhyuk had done plenty of variety roles, and Minhyuk had done some acting during his pre-debut times, but it had been with a sense of pride that Ilhoon had taken his script home to practice. Everyone helped run lines, prompting him whenever he forgot or slipped up and filling in where the other actors and actresses were to speak. It was a fun thing, for the entire group. Supportive but never forgetting that the most important part was to enjoy what they did - something that Sungjae always seemed to feel was unique to them, like brothers rather than co-workers. That had started to fade away though; by the time Hyunsik was taking on acting role after acting role until it seemed like he would be lost in a sea of scripts to read through, everyone else save one or two members was too busy with their own matters to work with him. Ilhoon was away on a variety show, Minhyuk was starring in a sitcom, Eunkwang had a drama OST to record, Changsub and Donggeun were guests on Dream Team, Sungjae had guitar lessons... It was like everyone's schedules never ended - and they never did, really. After the shows and sitcoms were sorted out, there was the comeback to practice for, and with that interviews and photoshoots and fan events and, of course, weekly music show promotions. By then, they never even ate meals together, always someone missing from the table.
But now it's just him and Donggeun, and neither of them are missing, so Sungjae walks around with Donggeun at the vaguely familiar sets of the historical dramas Sungjae's mother adores. They take another picture together here, before heading to the ports for dinner.
Dongmyeonghang Port has its open-air market set up, lanterns and lamps filling in when the sun begins to set, so Sungjae and Donggeun just make their way down the rows and rows of booths to sample a bit of everything. By the time they walk to the Lighthouse Observatory, Sungjae feels stuffed with seafood and tofu, even a little bit of the raw fish that Sokcho is so proud of.
"Hey," Sungjae says when they step into the building and start browsing the poster boards set up around the perimeter of the exhibition rooms. "It says here that the Observatory is open for viewing the sunrise."
"We should do it," Donggeun says immediately. "We can always catch up on sleep later."
It doesn't take much persuading. Once they finish walking around the rooms of the lighthouse, evening has already fallen and the night stretches out before them for hours, promising. The moment they return to the trailer and find some blankets to bring when they return back to the lighthouse before dawn, Donggeun returns to his bunk and takes out his notebook and guitar, like clockwork.
This time, Sungjae wanders over to look, nudging Donggeun over so he can lie on the bed, too. Aside from shifting so the scrawl is out of Sungjae's line of sight - Sungjae's English has improved significantly over the years, after all; it looks like all of those informal lessons about pudding being delicious with Donggeun paid off in the end - Donggeun doesn't mind the intrusion. "You're boring," Sungjae whines into Donggeun's pillow sometime around one in the morning.
"I'm working," Donggeun replies absently, crossing something out.
Sungjae rolls his eyes. "We're on vacation, Donggeun hyung. We're not supposed to be working, we're supposed to be having fun."
"This is fun," Donggeun says. He plays a short string of notes on his guitar, two times. It sounds nice.
"You could hang out with me," Sungjae suggests, wiggling on Donggeun's bed until his foot bumps into Donggeun's calf, the owner of which who doesn't even flinch.
"Just one more line," Donggeun promises. He looks so concentrated. Sungjae knows he's only been helping with the composition and lyrics writing in the recent couple of singles and albums, but he has a gift for it. All of the right parts fall into place where Donggeun wants them to, with how he knows exactly what each member can do without ever asking, and seeing things like "LYRICS. by PENIEL D. SHIN" is more rewarding than Donggeun himself ever expected.
After Donggeun finishes what has to be more than just "one more line," they play cards, a few games that Donggeun taught Sungjae years ago that had learned back in Chicago. Sungjae loses spectacularly at BS but it's still fun, jumping into every opportunity without even evaluating whether or not it's worth it to make the call. Poker isn't as entertaining with just two people, though.
"Let's play Go Fish," Donggeun says, laughing; the time is around four in the morning.
Sungjae is happy to oblige him. They can never remember whether you start with five or seven cards, until Donggeun checks on his phone; it's seven each.
Once the cards are distributed, Sungjae puts on his game face, which makes Donggeun laugh again. "Do you...have any fives?" Sungjae demands.
"Go fish," Donggeun replies.
They always take this game way more seriously than anyone in America ever does, according to Donggeun, but it's more fun this way. When Sungjae wins, he cheers and throws most of his collected pairs into the air in celebration, sending Donggeun into stitches from laughter as they scramble around the trailer to pick all of the cards up.
When they've finished gathering all of the cards, Donggeun shuffles them and asks, "Do you remember what time the sunrise is?"
"I think at 5:54 AM," Sungjae says. "What time is it now?"
"About 4:30, I think, Donggeun says, yawning. "We should've napped and just woken up early to go see it."
"Yeah, but what's the fun in that?" Sungjae asks him with a smile. He thinks Donggeun is at his cutest when he's sleepy, eyes slightly drooping and bangs falling into his face, his sweatshirt wrapped snugly around his torso to fend off the early morning chill. Sungjae has one of his blankets draped over his shoulders, a clip holding his hair up like a tiny fountain spout.
They put the cards away an hour or so later to walk back to the Lighthouse Observatory. A small crowd has already formed at the viewing deck, and they squeeze into a gap of open space to wait and watch as well. A little girl offers them a couple of her candies, which Sungjae takes and Donggeun gently turns down. She smiles toothily at them anyways before running back to her mother, and Sungjae puts the treat into Donggeun's palm. "For you," he says.
"Thank you," Donggeun says softly.
Soon, the sun is rising, hues of pink and cream and orange rushing to fill the grey skies. The colors swirl and seep into the ocean as an imperfect reflection of the heavens, but there's still the awe of Donggeun's face at the sight. It's hard to believe that this is the same sun that Sungjae has seen rise right outside of their dorm window, his pillow wedged under his chin and body tired from a day of dance rehearsals, but it is.
When the sun finally clears the horizon and begin its ascent into the sky, its audience applaud the daily, majestic sight in appreciation. One of the lighthouse employees comments on how she's seen the sun rise so many times over the years, but it's never gotten old. It probably never will, she adds, and bids everyone farewell as each visitor leaves the observation deck.
"That was really great," Donggeun says to Sungjae as they walk back into the parking lot, across which the trailer is parked. "It was... amazing? Incredible?" He shakes his head, at a loss of words.
Sungjae nods in agreement. "Time to sleep," he announces when he steps into the trailer again. Already, it is home.
"You're not allowed to wake me up until noon has passed, tomorrow," Donggeun shoots back, both of them burrowing into bed. "I can't keep my eyes open any longer."
Sungjae laughs once. "Good night."
"Good morning, more like," Donggeun corrects him sleepily.
part two
Fandom: btob
Pairing: sungjae/peniel
Word Count: ~18,500
Rating: pg-13
Summary: When BTOB go on an indefinite hiatus, Sungjae and Peniel decide to take a road trip throughout South Korea.
A/N: this was written for the kpop_olymfics fic challenge, to the song prompt babo by juniel (ft yonghwa, the most oppas of all oppas ;A;)! lets just say i did not know what i was getting into when i vaguely agreed team future / btob would be okay omfg hahaha this fic seemed like it would never end. as per usual??? crawls miserably back into my exo/vixx/boyfriend wips.
journey to the heart
Donggeun is the one who to want the road trip, Sungjae is the one to make it happen.
Once they learn that BTOB would be going on temporary hiatus for an undetermined length of time, Sungjae and Donggeun sit together in the dorm room where all the members, at one point, slept through each night together. Sungjae always felt that, with all six of his groupmates asleep in their bunks, Minhyuk curled against the wall and Changsub sprawling with his blankets twisted at his feet, the sound of their calm breathing could lull him to sleep without fail. Recently, it is only the two of them, and maybe Hyunsik if they are lucky. It's been a long time since Ilhoon has spent much time at the dorms at all.
"Sungjae-yah," Donggeun says softly.
"Yeah," Sungjae says. "What is it?"
"Did you see Minhyuk hyung's face? Yesterday?" Donggeun asks, curled up against Sungjae's side. They were sitting on Eunkwang's mattress, but now they've lain back, the now-worn duck stuffed animal in Donggeun's arms. In the past years, they've gotten a new one, but it's not the same.
"Yeah, I did," Sungjae says, and stares up at the ceiling. He recalls it easily, almost disturbingly so, but it isn't easy to forget an expression like the one on Minhyuk's face the day before. The entire group except for Hyunsik, who had had other schedules to attend to, assembled at the salon to see Eunkwang and Minhyuk take the seats they'd known so well, lifting their chins for the plastic of the apron and waiting for the hairdresser noonas to fasten the ties at the napes of their necks. When the razor was held to Minhyuk's scalp first, the older boy - man, now - had set his jaw and squeezed his eyes closed tightly, and Sungjae almost expected for him to stop her, stop the razor, to save his glossy, red-brown hair. Minhyuk has always been just that bit vain, after all, not that it has ever changed the way he treated his dongsaengs.
Sungjae averted his eyes when the first few locks began to fall to the ground, followed quickly by Eunkwang's blond hair. When he looked up, it was only at Donggeun, whose eyes were fixed unwaveringly on Minhyuk's profile. "When will it be us?" Sungjae wanted to ask him. "When will we have to go, too?"
After years and years of tight schedules, stage adrenaline, and seven boys as one, cohesive unit with one unfailing goal, Sungjae can't even begin to picture BTOB without Eunkwang and Minhyuk. It's been a long time since the hyungs have had to wake up early to make school lunch for him and Ilhoon, perhaps, but they need their leaders: Eunkwang, with his easy laugh and passionate heart, and Minhyuk's endless determination and drive, except for when it's time to set his pride aside for some fun with his group.
Eunkwang's mattress smells just like the shampoo they all share, a hint of kimchi, and the man they've looked up to for so long. Turning on his side, Sungjae looks into Donggeun's worried face and asks, "What are you thinking?"
"Let's go somewhere," Donggeun says to him wistfully, staring past Sungjae and up at the ceiling where there's a sooty mark to the left of the light. "If we can't promote, let's just go travel."
Management had decided that, without Eunkwang and Minhyuk and soon Changsub and Hyunsik, it wasn't worth the effort to release more music as seven. There was Ilhoon to keep their name fresh with variety and acting, and Sungjae had finally finished his long run as MTV The Show MC with Minhyuk two weeks previous. And there were younger groups that Cube Entertainment had debuted in the years past to focus on. Sungjae and Donggeun were free to go and disappear for a while, if they really wanted. "Yeah," Sungjae says. "We should go."
☂
"What about this one?" Sungjae asks, leaning against the passenger side door and peering into the interior of the car hopefully. It's a bit dusty, not that he didn't expect that, and the passenger seat is missing an armrest. But otherwise, it looks all right.
Ilhoon makes a face at him, his glossy hair tucked up under a beanie today. "The paint job on that one is chipping, Sungjae. And look at the mileage on that thing, I doubt it could last long enough to drag a trailer across South Korea."
Sungjae huffs and straightens again. For the first time during their careers, he had refused Donggeun's request to help him film a vlog to post to the United Cube's Youtube channel. This one would be Peniel's last chance to bid the fans farewell until the members completed their military service, and Sungjae isn't sure he's ready to face that reality yet. When Sungjae told him, "Not this time, hyung," Donggeun had just looked up into his face and nodded, eyes solemn with understanding. Even so, it was the perfect opportunity to sneak out of the dorms with Ilhoon.
"There has to be one car in this lot that'll survive long enough to drive us across the country," Sungjae sighs and moves on the next row of second-hand cars. None of the managers had been free to come to the lot with them, too busy running after rookies, so Ilhoon and Sungjae had pulled on hoods and hats and sunglasses and walked to the car lot themselves. They're due back at the company in less than an hour, though, and Sungjae doesn't want to waste any more time. The sooner he and Donggeun pick a car and go, the sooner they can escape the heavy atmosphere smothering them whenever they spend time around the other members. Are they even one group anymore? Is this what time does to their dreams?
They search in silence for a few more minutes, before Ilhoon turns to him across the car lot and says, "Sungjae, this one."
Something about Ilhoon's voice makes Sungjae straighten and maneuver around the parked cars to the one that Ilhoon is standing before, his eyes filled with that unshakable, almost overly stubborn certainty he gets sometimes. They stare together at the rusty red Jeep, and Sungjae can picture Donggeun in one of his loose tank tops sitting under the open, square frame, his hands on the driving wheel and his favorite pair of aviator sunglasses on the sturdy dashboard. Donggeun's told him before that the driver's wheel is on the same side in both South Korea and America, but Sungjae wanted to get him something authentic, as similar as he could possibly manage. Just like Chicago. "It's perfect," he says out loud.
"I know," Ilhoon says, that smug smile on his face, and Sungjae shoves him so it turns into a reluctant laugh and a pretend-scowl instead. Ilhoon lunges at him and tries to put him into a headlock despite the great height disadvantage, and it's not the first time that Sungjae evades him and catches him in turn. But Ilhoon has never stopped trying.
When they stop roughhousing, Ilhoon adjusting his beanie over his bangs and Sungjae lost in staring at the Jeep again, Ilhoon says lowly, "I'm going to miss you guys."
"Yeah?" Sungjae says, pulling his gaze away from the car to look at Ilhoon, to really look at him. He has changed, as they all have, but it's hard to forget nights when Sungjae sneaks into the kitchen to get a glass of water at three in the morning and Ilhoon still hasn't come to bed, instead lying on his back on the floor of the living room, surrounded by scripts. On those nights, fatigue clings to him in a pale imitation of the charisma he carries on stage, and it really hits Sungjae that Ilhoon, too, is his hyung. "We'll miss you, too," he says truthfully, and wonders whether Ilhoon is bitter that he has another press conference and drama filming lined up for him already, while Sungjae and Donggeun get to take off for the next couple of weeks, travelling around the country.
Ilhoon's eyes are filled with longing, just for a moment, before he seems to square his shoulders and turns back to the Jeep. He's made his choice; they all have. "You better bring me a souvenir."
The next afternoon, Sungjae goes alone to pick up the trailer, walking to the parking lot and swinging the car keys of the Jeep around his finger. With the leasing contract signed and filed away, it's his and Donggeun's for now, and now is what matters most. It's not a type of vehicle he's very familiar with, to be honest, but he thinks he can fall in love with it properly once he sees Donggeun's face when it's time for the big reveal.
He drives through the quiet back streets out of habit, a reflex from the busier days when crowds of over-enthusiastic fangirls swarmed around the Cube buildings to see them. It's peaceful, and the drive is over far too soon when he pulls up at the garage one of the staff referenced him; he's lucky that a kind man from the accounting side of the company caught word of Sungjae and Donggeun's trip and offered his own trailer to use for their trip, so the boys wouldn't have to find and spend money on another lease. The man's wife is waiting when he pulls up in front of the entrance of the garage.
"Yook Sungjae-sshi?" she asks with a warm smile once Sungjae climbs out of the Jeep.
"Yes, that's me," Sungjae says, ducking his head almost bashfully. He may never have the authority that some of the other members possess, but he knows he has his own charm - he's spent a lot of time perfecting it.
The trailer is better than Sungjae could've hoped for, already furnished with two bunk beds in the back and even a small alcove of a couch beneath one of the windows. A small, rectangular radio sits against the far wall, a tiny fan perched on top of it, and the inside surfaces of the trailer are wallpapered with random news articles and graphics. "You can take those down," she says once she notices Sungjae examining them. "My husband won't mind. And this model doesn't have a kitchen built in, but there's room for a portable stove if you like."
"No, it's okay," Sungjae says, stepping into the bright, open room. "I like the newspapers, they're kind of charming. And neither of us is that great at cooking, anyways."
She lets him walk around the trailer, quiet when he reaches out to the touch the trailing of the bunk beds, the thin, white curtains of the window. "You'll take it?" she asks once Sungjae turns back around to face her.
"Yes, please," he says, a bit dazed. The full impact of the trip is starting to hit him now, that he'll really be travelling with Donggeun for however long it takes to drive across South Korea over the next few weeks in the Jeep, in this trailer. The last time Sungjae can possibly remember doing something so spontaneous and ridiculous was auditioning to become an idol, and look where that took him.
He sets a date to come and retrieve the trailer, loading the equipment to attach the trailer to the back of the Jeep into the trunk for now and thanking the woman profusely between bows. When he drives back to the Cube buildings, he makes sure to hide the Jeep in the back of the lot. The longer walk back inside is worth it when he surprises Donggeun.
☂
They're in the salon again, all seven of them, and Sungjae looks into the mirror and realizes that this will be the last time they'll all be like this for years. Ilhoon, sitting two seats down, is almost asleep in his seat as the stylist fusses over his bangs, but Eunkwang and Minhyuk look tense, necks bare and faces washed clean. Nothing like the faces they wore the week before, during their one last photoshoot before their twenty-one months of enlistment. They're putting BTOB away for the next two years.
In the reflection of the mirror, Sungjae can see Minhyuk absentmindedly touching the nape of his neck as he leans close to whisper into Eunkwang's ear, obviously not used to the short length of his hair. When Sungjae looks away, he accidentally catches Donggeun's gaze, and Donggeun offers him a reassuring smile.
Everyone is dressed warmly and casually, and the entire van ride to the military base is deathly silent - especially Changsub, who has closed his eyes and leaned back against his seat but Sungjae can read the stiff line of his shoulders. It's like going to a funeral, Sungjae thinks to himself. Like Eunkwang and Minhyuk are going away to someplace very, very far away, and won't ever be coming back.
A crowd of hundreds and hundreds of fans is waiting for them, as far as the eye can see, and Sungjae struggles to swallow around the lump in his throat when he sees them standing in rows, clutching signs with hangul wishing the two members safety and success with their military work. They are all BTOB's Melodies, after all. They were there since the first performance, the boys onstage in hopes of taking first place at the yearly Cube Stars Party back when Sungjae only stood with Eunkwang, Hyunsik, and Minwoo, followed by their debut as a total of seven members and their first variety show. They were there, also, when BTOB got into a car accident three years into their career, and Sungjae remembers seeing the frantic fans amassed before the hospital whenever he went to visit Eunkwang, Changsub, and Donggeun, whose numerous injuries had kept them from promoting at the time. "Tell them I'm sorry, and we won't ever make them cry again," Eunkwang had told him, uncharacteristically serious for once, and Sungjae had just nodded, holding Eunkwang's thin hand in his own. Looking at all the tear-stained faces now, Sungjae is afraid to look at Eunkwang's; they both know he broke his promise.
The media is overwhelming, but Sungjae looks away from the flash of countless cameras as the seven of them get out of the van to stand in a line and Eunkwang leads them in their group greeting for one last time. They all bow deeply and hold the positions for a long, lingering moment, and Sungjae can hear some of the girls sobbing. One of them has a print-out of the selca Minhyuk took the night before and posted onto Twitter, his usual smile still handsome but tired, older now. Sungjae knows Minhyuk catches sight of it when the older man's breathing hitches, just for a moment.
Eunkwang speaks, his strong voice a bit choked up, and then Minhyuk. Together, they kneel and bow their heads before the crowd on the harsh gravel path, and Sungjae has to pretend he's preoccupied with the zipper of his jacket until they stand back up and hold their hands before their faces in a salute.
And then they are gone, and only five members get back into the van. The passenger seat and a seat in the middle row are glaringly empty, and Sungjae lets Donggeun lean his head against Sungjae's shoulder on the ride home.
Sungjae stares out of the car window at the blur of the highway and can't wait to go, just go.
☂
Management gives them exactly two weeks before they are due to return to the Cube offices. "That's fine, sir," Donggeun says, without arguing like Sungjae almost wants to do. It takes them another hour to persuade their managers that no, they don't need to be supervised. It's been six, nearly seven, years since Sungjae has been able to go out without having a manager or two (or more, like they have had as of late) rushing him from the salon to the airport to the hotel to the venue of yet another concert.
As they're walking back to the dorms, side by side, Donggeun says out loud thoughtfully, "We'll have to rent a car and a trailer. Do you think we could take one of the company's cars?"
"I don't think so," Sungjae says, and doesn't follow him inside when Donggeun punches the lock code into the security door panel and opens the door.
Donggeun gives him an odd look from under one of his umpteenth baseball caps. His hair is soft and unstyled today, and this is how Sungjae likes him best. "What are you doing?"
Sungjae grins at him, unable to keep himself blank-faced. "Come on."
He thinks it's an act of faith when Donggeun slowly steps out of the building and pulls the door closed behind him, tight against the door frame so it'll lock. They loop around the building to walk to the parking lot, and Donggeun says, "You didn't."
"What did I not do?" Sungjae asks overly casually as they walk. He begins to pick up his pace, his excited, long legs carrying him faster so he reaches the Jeep before Donggeun does, turning and spreading his arms in time to see Donggeun's amazed expression. Even in the dim lighting of the parking lot, he isn't disappointed. Donggeun stops short, eyes wide and mouth dropping open as he takes in everything, the red hue of the Jeep illuminated by the overhead lights of the parking garage, the enormous wheels and lights and body before them. His disbelief is almost palpable, which only makes the moment better.
"Sungjae," Donggeun says emphatically, and lets Sungjae pull him forward by the hand, toward the car. He runs a careful hand over the frame of the convertible roof, lingering over the cold metal and even admiring the stuffed guitar lanyard hanging from the rearview mirror.
Delighted, Sungjae slings an arm around Donggeun's shoulders, using his free hand to take one of Donggeun's and form it into a cup so he can drop the keys to the Jeep he's holding into Donggeun's palm. "Want to take it out for a practice run? We'll be driving this thing around for two weeks, after all."
"Oh my god," Donggeun says in English, and uses the keys to unlock the door to the driver's seat with something close to awe; Sungjae follows, sitting in the passenger seat for the first time since he rented the car and just watches Donggeun. He touches the car lightly but deftly, as if grasping the driver's wheel too hard will cause the entire vehicle to vanish out from underneath their bodies. It's all so new and tentative, in a way that they so rarely feel anymore with their days of the same schedule after schedule.
It's evening and the sun has almost entirely set, allowing the moon to take her first breath of the night. Around them, the streets are lit ablaze with artificial lighting not only from the street lights spaced out along the sidewalks, but each and every shop front they pass by. The fluorescent lights illuminate the profile of Donggeun's face in the most amazing way, like the brilliance of the stars have been condensed into his eyes and smile - alight with excitement. Sungjae's been by Donggeun's side for a long time, after all. He knows how Donggeun's usually content to take the backseat, watching quietly as he sifts through his mind for the right words in the right language for the right situation, and now he loves how it looks when Donggeun is in the spotlight at last. The driver's wheel is on the same side of the car in both Korea and America, and Sungjae might be pretending a little to himself that he has succeeded in bringing a piece of home to Donggeun with this Jeep.
They take a round through the city, Sungjae letting out a loud, dumb whoop as they fly down the highway in a burst of spontaneous speed, before returning to the company officers and parking in one of the spots in the parking lot again. Donggeun's neat, straight bangs have been blown into a disarray by the wind, and he doesn't even bother combing his fingers through the messily strewn hairs as he turns to Sungjae. "That was amazing," he says earnestly. He looks adorable, mussed up and riding high on the new experience.
"Yeah?" Sungjae says, unable to resist grinning back. When they walk back inside, he slings his arm around Donggeun's shoulders, where it belongs. It's not until they reach their bedroom in the dorms does Donggeun remember they've forgotten his baseball cap on the Jeep's dashboard. But there's no need to go back for it. They'll be in the Jeep again soon enough.
Donggeun wants to plan things a little, and Sungjae finds that he can't deny him that. So they print out a map of South Korea and Sungjae scrawls in a wobbly line through all the major cities he's grown up hearing the names of. Donggeun takes one look and bursts out laughing.
"What?" Sungjae demands, pretending to be affronted. "You don't like my map?"
"Sungjae, I know we wanted to be all spontaneous and everything," Donggeun says, mirth still bringing forth laughter as he points at one of the particularly ridiculous wobbles in the line, "but I doubt we can drive the Jeep into the ocean and manage to get back on land."
"We can do anything," Sungjae says confidently, flippantly, and Donggeun shoves his shoulder affectionately.
They study the map for a moment longer before Donggeun draws a small circle around Seoul. "We can start here."
"We live in Seoul," Sungjae says. "We have been for years."
"But we usually just stay in this area for practicing or whatever schedules we have. And I've never been to the tourism spots," Donggeun counters, his eyes earnest.
Sungjae recalls visiting the heart of Seoul before, with his family like a ritual when he was young and there were no such thing as stage lights in his future. "We can go to the Gyeongbokgung Palace," he offers. "I know that's a popular spot. Or Insadong. Or Myeongdong?"
Donggeun makes a face at him. "Only if you want to shop."
Eventually, they sketch out a rough itinerary like this, dotted with question marks and open stretches of time that neither of them feel the pressure to fill with more things to do. It's a vacation, after all, and their lives are already dictated by schedules. Why not let some things up to their own whims when the time comes?
"When should we leave?" Donggeun asks without taking his eyes off the new and improved version of the map. The line is better, this time around. Neat because it's Donggeun's handwriting.
Sungjae shrugs, knowing Donggeun can feel the movement. They're sitting together on the couches in the Cube offices, and Sungjae can hear the muted sounds of someone practicing in one of the rooms down the hall - maybe a member from M4M, it kind of sounds like their latest song. It's late, though; Donggeun keeps yawning into his hand as if Sungjae won't notice it. They should go back to the dorms soon and maybe someone else will be asleep there already. "Why not tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow?" Donggeun repeats. "We haven't packed a single thing yet."
"We're professional last-minute packers now," Sungjae quips, and it's his turn to nudge Donggeun with his shoulder.
It draws out a laugh, like usual. "I guess that's true," Donggeun agrees, and yawns again shamelessly. "Let's get back and see how we feel in the morning."
Sungjae agrees readily. They stand, stretching their arms over their heads until their spines make that popping noise, and quietly make their way out of the building. The M4M member - Alen, maybe - is still singing.
☂
They don't leave until three mornings later, and Sungjae finds himself hugging everyone goodbye and sneaking looks of excitement at Donggeun, who laughs back. When Sungjae reaches out to Ilhoon, the other man scowls and punches him in the chest with no strength; Sungjae just grins and pulls Ilhoon to his chest as well.
"Stop with all the goodbyes," Ilhoon mutters, leaning into the embrace just enough so Sungjae can feel it.
Sungjae pulls back so he can see Ilhoon's face - downcast eyes and mouth set in a slight frown. "Sorry," he says. "We'll be back in two weeks. Before you even know it."
"Yeah, I know," Ilhoon says, and draws away, out of the reach of Sungjae's arms. He doesn't say much else as everyone wishes the two a safe journey among shouts of potential souvenirs and presents, far too many things to remember. The Jeep has been moved out of the parking lot and into a quiet back street, no crowd of tearful fans to be seen though both Eunkwang and Minhyuk have sent texts wishing them a safe journey. They want a vacation, not a vacation with an entourage.
Donggeun is the first one at the wheel. They've been practicing a little, trying to get used to driving the Jeep with the trailer attached instead of, for instance, a manager's minivan like they've driven in the past. So far, it seems Sungjae isn't quite as good at judging the distance for turns, but they aren't too worried; there will be chances to practice, and plenty of straight stretches of highway, too. All of their luggage is in the trailer, Sungjae's many belongings already beginning to spread out like the harbinger of a mess. Donggeun's acoustic guitar is on his bunk bed, the bass one stored away in the dorms, and Sungjae's is shoved under his mattress, favorite blankets folded at the foot of the bed. How quickly it has begun to feel like home.
"Where are you going first?" Hyunsik asks as Sungjae checks the link between the Jeep and the trailer, keeping the two bodies together.
"Seoul," Sungjae says, and grins at Donggeun, who is peering out at him from the driver's seat, his sunglasses perched on his head. The mid-morning sun casts his shoulders and arms in a warm light, softening the lines of his jaw and the collar of his tank top. He looks well-rested - a rarity in itself - and excited. Happy. He smiles back.
"The plan for today is Gyeongbokgung Palace," Donggeun says, "since I've never been there before."
Sungjae sees the surprise on the others' faces and understands; after all these years, despite all of the video chat calls and the ever-so-rare visits home during the holidays, it's easy to forget Donggeun's roots in Chicago. America is so far from here. But Sungjae makes sure he himself never forgets, with all of the Chuseoks when his mother called to ask if his "nice friend" would be coming home with him so fresh in his mind.
"Have fun, drive safely, don't forget my souvenir," everyone choruses as Donggeun guns the engine, Changsub applauding wildly. They wave, Sungjae with almost his entire torso hanging out of the passenger seat window to wave back, and Donggeun presses on the acceleration pedal, the engine humming as they maneuver through the back streets and onto the appropriate highway towards Dongho Bridge. With the sun bright and, at a push of a button, the radio of the Jeep playing some random indie song, Sungjae realizes with a start that this is really happening. They're really doing this.
He lets out a wild shout as they coast down the stretch of road, the traffic light and easy at this time of day. Donggeun gives him a look of surprise, but he's smiling, too. Carefree, just like Sungjae hoped for.
They get to the palace an hour or so later; neither of them are really keeping time. At the entrance, they pay the 3,000 won each and decide against joining one of the formal tours. It's an amazing place, with towering ceilings and art so intricate Sungjae doubts he could accomplish anything demanding that much concentration. He's never been one to the too impressed by things like this, finding himself watching the expressions of awe and appreciation crossing Donggeun's face as they walk through the pavilions and hallways.
"Do you like it?" Sungjae asks when they take a break to buy some lunch at a cafe. They've been keeping a low profile all day, baseballs caps and sunglasses on, and so far they've been lucky enough that neither of them are checking over their shoulders anymore for fear of being spotted. With all of the other visitors at the palace, it's easy to blend in with the crowd.
"Yeah," Donggeun says immediately, swallowing the bite of food in his mouth. "There's nothing like this back in America, as far as I know."
Sungjae can't help but feel smug at that. They go to Insadong Street next, Donggeun reaching out carefully to touch the fabric of hanboks hanging from vendor's booths, the smooth surfaces of ceramic figurines. One of the vendor ahjummas offers them small cups of tea still steaming gently, and Sungjae downs his mouthful in one go as Donggeun closes his eyes, inhaling the sweet scent.
"What kind is this?" he asks the vendor.
"Jindallae-hwachae," she tells him, pointing into the cup in his hands. A type of azalea blossom, she explains, detailing a bit on how she makes it. This type is perfect for the new spring upon them in Seoul.
Donggeun drinks his tea as well before thanking her, falling into step next to Sungjae as they move down the long line of street kiosks. He's quiet, as if lost in thought, and Sungjae isn't too sure how to push him to say what's on his mind. He's been by Donggeun's side for so long, but sometimes he feels like he could drown in all the things he doesn't know about Shin Donggeun. Seventeen years is a long time to have lived in another country.
By the time night falls, they're walking along the Cheonggyecheon Stream after a quick dinner of odeng and ddeokbokki still warm in their stomachs. Donggeun stares up at the stone bottom of the bridge over their heads and comments, "It's so quiet."
Sungjae makes a sound of agreement. They're fifteen feet below the street level, apparently, and the only sound around them is the rushing water and the occasional quiet murmur of another person - local or tourist, he can't tell - visiting the street.
"Here," Sungjae says, taking his cell phone out of his pocket and closing the notification telling him he has a text message from one of the other BTOB members. "To commemorate the first day."
"What are you doing, it's so dark," Donggeun says reproachfully, but smiles automatically when Sungjae holds the phone out, arm's length away, in front of their faces. The trees lining the streets above their heads are strung with little lights that illuminate their faces with a dim but gentle glow, and Sungjae has Donggeun click the little shutter button to take the picture. Just like that, the moment is preserved, as permanent as the fact that they'll never go back to it.
Later when they're in the trailer, Donggeun curled up in his bunk with his guitar and a notebook that Sungjae knows is where he keeps half-finished lyrics and strings of musical notes, Sungjae holds his phone over his face and studies the picture. It's been a quiet day, mostly sight-seeing and wandering around unfamiliar streets.
Donggeun plays a soft chord and the note hangs in the air, lingering. He makes a sound of contemplation and scrawls something in his notebook; it seems that, for them, work never stops.
Knowing better than to disturb him, Sungjae closes his eyes. Rather than crawl into his bunk already, Sungjae is sprawled on the couch on the other side of the trailer, the curtains for the window above him wide open so he can see the night stars. They're parked in a public lot for the night, having paid for the parking and everything, and Sungjae is looking forward to the nights they just pull up on the side of the road and go to sleep without all these procedures.
It's true that they've spent a lot of time together, working together and playing together, but taken out of their BTOB personas and suddenly Sungjae realizes that all he knows is Peniel - but does he really? Even that? He's never been to Chicago in his entire life. All of their concerts in America were in Los Angeles and New York.
But their journey has just begun, and Sungjae is determined to make the best of it.
☂
"Wake up!" Sungjae calls early the next morning. "Wake up, or it'll be too hot to go!"
"What?" Donggeun demands, eyes still drowsy with sleep and his hair a mess from being slept on at an odd angle. "Go where?" He's never been a good morning person, to Minhyuk's exasperation and Eunkwang's amusement - yes, there's still this, after all.
"It's a surprise," Sungjae says and ushers Donggeun out of his bunk bed and into his clothes. He had fallen asleep before Donggeun had, lulled to sleep by the gentle guitar chords coming from the bunk below him; Sungjae could've fooled himself into thinking they were back home in the dorms if he wanted to, the breathing of five others all around him, but instead he'd stared at the trailer roof until he drifted off by himself.
They hail a taxi to go back into Seoul, finally arriving at Bugaksan Mountain, at the Sukjeongmun gate. Their passports are ready in their hands and Donggeun adjusts the hat on his head, staring up at the mountain before them.
"I hope you're ready for this," Sungjae says cheerfully.
"You're crazy," Donggeun says.
In the end, they still climb up the mountain, walking through the famous century gates and along the carefully reconstructed fortress wall, and then back down; of course, they commemorate their achievement with another self-taken picture at the top of the peak. Sungjae's feet burn and they've done more complaining about their impending blisters more than making actual conversation, but Sungjae is feeling pretty good besides the sweat and the ache of his muscles. They exercise often in the gym at the company, but rarely outdoors like this, and it's clear why this trail is also renowned for its scenery in the warmer seasons.
At one point during the climb back down, they move to the side of the trail on the way down to let a tourist group, led by one of the mountain's hired guides, on the way up pass. One of the women asks them politely, "Is it much longer until the top?"
Donggeun smiles back, friendly, and says, "No, you're almost there. The view is stunning."
She thanks him, as well as Sungjae who bows back, and hurries to catch up with her group. By the time the two of them reach the bottom, it's well into afternoon and the snacks they ate for "lunch" are hardly enough to sustain them as a meal.
After a quick shower each, they dress in their street clothes and head to Itaewon, back into the city. It's a bit too early for restaurants to be open for dinner yet, but they wander through the mostly-empty streets aimlessly anyways. One barbeque restaurant has its front door open, some of the kitchen staff carrying in fresh groceries from the cargo truck parked before it.
"Um, excuse me," Sungjae addresses the women overseeing the process who looks like she's in charge, a green apron tied around her waist.
She looks at him expectantly, but before Sungjae can continue, her daughter sitting nearby - who looks about the age to be in high school - looks up from the novel in her lap and gasps loudly. "Oh, umma, it's BTOB!" she exclaims, jumping up in a flurry of notes and dropping her book.
Sungjae and Donggeun are immediately welcomed inside the restaurant and a grill is quickly set up for them, the teenager bringing them their drinks with a look of awe on her face; she introduces herself as Jiwon. It was inevitable that they'd be spotted and recognized, especially around Seoul, so Sungjae pushes down his feelings of dread at their vacation being disturbed and instead pays attention to making sure their meat doesn't burn. It tastes delicious, especially with how hungry they are, and Donggeun doesn't seem to bothered by Jiwon and everything else. It's nice to take their time with a meal; no cameras, and no schedules lined up to force them to inhale their food as quickly as possible.
Before they go, they take another picture and sign their autographs on it for the restaurant to frame and hang on the wall, as thanks. They also sign the albums that Jiwon owns, Press Play and their most recent full album - the one Sungjae internally thinks of as the last full album with Eunkwang and Minhyuk, anyways - and Sungjae recalls all of their fansignings with a taste of nostalgia. It seems that, even when they've left the Cube buildings, they can't escape their identities.
They catch another taxi back to the parking lot where the Jeep and trailer are. Again, Donggeun tucks himself into his bed with his guitar propped in his lap, back leaning against the trailer wall. Sungjae can see his own guitar from where he's sprawled on the couch, having left his bass guitar at home to avoid heaving his amp into the trailer as well, but he doesn't really feel like practicing right now. At the practice rooms back in the Cube offices, he'll practice until all his fingers are red and sore and beginning to form blisters, but now he isn't there. Now, he's just here, body warm from a day of exercise and stomach full.
Before he realizes it, he's fallen asleep.
The next morning, they start driving towards the north-eastern coast. Sungjae is driving this time, but it's a long distance and they'll need to switch off every few hours so the other can rest.
It's a dreary, flat landscape for the most part, and a monotonous car ride to go with it. Donggeun chooses to sit in the passenger seat rather than in the trailer because it will be easier to switch, and he dozes with his head back against the seat. He looks peaceful despite the slightly awkward position, and Sungjae is reluctant to wake him so he just keeps driving and driving.
They make a stop for gas a little after noon and buy some snacks at the nearby convenience store; Donggeun finds Sungjae at the gas pump with a bag full of snacks that Sungjae realizes are all of his favorites. When they get back on the road, it's Donggeun's turn to drive, and the radio is on.
By the time they reach their destination, it is evening and the port town of Sokcho is quiet. They eat a quick dinner at a bustling seafood restaurant and promise to eat somewhere proper tomorrow before crashing in their beds, tired from covering the distance they managed to cover today.
The following morning, they drive a little ways out to Seoraksan National Park, paying the parking fee and going to the gate where a giant electronic sign welcomes them to the park. There are plenty of mountains to climb here as well, looming high above them with their smooth sides and white caps of snow, but Sungjae and Donggeun choose to just walk through the paved walkways and check out the Cheonbuldong Valley, where the spring has coaxed the flowers on the trees into full bloom.
"Should we go hiking again?" Sungjae asks, studying the free map they were handed upon entrance, which is covered in tiny, thin lines meandering across the park grounds. "It looks like there are some really challenging ones on here."
"My feet protest anything more than this," Donggeun winces, stretching out his legs before him. They're sitting on a bench at the end of the valley trail, having taken it at a slow pace. "Maybe we can go back to town and see if there's anything there."
They ask one of the employees, who recommends them to check out the Seorak Cinema. "It's a popular film location for many historical dramas," the man tells them. "Sometimes, you can watch in on their filming, if you're lucky."
"Thank you," Sungjae tells him, and he and Donggeun head back to the trailer.
It's not too difficult to find the general location, and they ride a bus into the center of the town. As the park employee told them, there are people milling about, often clustered around life-size poster boards of actors from Daejoyoung and Hong Gil Dong. It's easy to blend in with the crowd here, where people are busy searching for famous actors instead.
Sungjae remembers when Ilhoon got his first acting role two years into their career, playing a supporting role that was the younger mischievous brother of the female protagonist. At that point, both he and Minhyuk had done plenty of variety roles, and Minhyuk had done some acting during his pre-debut times, but it had been with a sense of pride that Ilhoon had taken his script home to practice. Everyone helped run lines, prompting him whenever he forgot or slipped up and filling in where the other actors and actresses were to speak. It was a fun thing, for the entire group. Supportive but never forgetting that the most important part was to enjoy what they did - something that Sungjae always seemed to feel was unique to them, like brothers rather than co-workers. That had started to fade away though; by the time Hyunsik was taking on acting role after acting role until it seemed like he would be lost in a sea of scripts to read through, everyone else save one or two members was too busy with their own matters to work with him. Ilhoon was away on a variety show, Minhyuk was starring in a sitcom, Eunkwang had a drama OST to record, Changsub and Donggeun were guests on Dream Team, Sungjae had guitar lessons... It was like everyone's schedules never ended - and they never did, really. After the shows and sitcoms were sorted out, there was the comeback to practice for, and with that interviews and photoshoots and fan events and, of course, weekly music show promotions. By then, they never even ate meals together, always someone missing from the table.
But now it's just him and Donggeun, and neither of them are missing, so Sungjae walks around with Donggeun at the vaguely familiar sets of the historical dramas Sungjae's mother adores. They take another picture together here, before heading to the ports for dinner.
Dongmyeonghang Port has its open-air market set up, lanterns and lamps filling in when the sun begins to set, so Sungjae and Donggeun just make their way down the rows and rows of booths to sample a bit of everything. By the time they walk to the Lighthouse Observatory, Sungjae feels stuffed with seafood and tofu, even a little bit of the raw fish that Sokcho is so proud of.
"Hey," Sungjae says when they step into the building and start browsing the poster boards set up around the perimeter of the exhibition rooms. "It says here that the Observatory is open for viewing the sunrise."
"We should do it," Donggeun says immediately. "We can always catch up on sleep later."
It doesn't take much persuading. Once they finish walking around the rooms of the lighthouse, evening has already fallen and the night stretches out before them for hours, promising. The moment they return to the trailer and find some blankets to bring when they return back to the lighthouse before dawn, Donggeun returns to his bunk and takes out his notebook and guitar, like clockwork.
This time, Sungjae wanders over to look, nudging Donggeun over so he can lie on the bed, too. Aside from shifting so the scrawl is out of Sungjae's line of sight - Sungjae's English has improved significantly over the years, after all; it looks like all of those informal lessons about pudding being delicious with Donggeun paid off in the end - Donggeun doesn't mind the intrusion. "You're boring," Sungjae whines into Donggeun's pillow sometime around one in the morning.
"I'm working," Donggeun replies absently, crossing something out.
Sungjae rolls his eyes. "We're on vacation, Donggeun hyung. We're not supposed to be working, we're supposed to be having fun."
"This is fun," Donggeun says. He plays a short string of notes on his guitar, two times. It sounds nice.
"You could hang out with me," Sungjae suggests, wiggling on Donggeun's bed until his foot bumps into Donggeun's calf, the owner of which who doesn't even flinch.
"Just one more line," Donggeun promises. He looks so concentrated. Sungjae knows he's only been helping with the composition and lyrics writing in the recent couple of singles and albums, but he has a gift for it. All of the right parts fall into place where Donggeun wants them to, with how he knows exactly what each member can do without ever asking, and seeing things like "LYRICS. by PENIEL D. SHIN" is more rewarding than Donggeun himself ever expected.
After Donggeun finishes what has to be more than just "one more line," they play cards, a few games that Donggeun taught Sungjae years ago that had learned back in Chicago. Sungjae loses spectacularly at BS but it's still fun, jumping into every opportunity without even evaluating whether or not it's worth it to make the call. Poker isn't as entertaining with just two people, though.
"Let's play Go Fish," Donggeun says, laughing; the time is around four in the morning.
Sungjae is happy to oblige him. They can never remember whether you start with five or seven cards, until Donggeun checks on his phone; it's seven each.
Once the cards are distributed, Sungjae puts on his game face, which makes Donggeun laugh again. "Do you...have any fives?" Sungjae demands.
"Go fish," Donggeun replies.
They always take this game way more seriously than anyone in America ever does, according to Donggeun, but it's more fun this way. When Sungjae wins, he cheers and throws most of his collected pairs into the air in celebration, sending Donggeun into stitches from laughter as they scramble around the trailer to pick all of the cards up.
When they've finished gathering all of the cards, Donggeun shuffles them and asks, "Do you remember what time the sunrise is?"
"I think at 5:54 AM," Sungjae says. "What time is it now?"
"About 4:30, I think, Donggeun says, yawning. "We should've napped and just woken up early to go see it."
"Yeah, but what's the fun in that?" Sungjae asks him with a smile. He thinks Donggeun is at his cutest when he's sleepy, eyes slightly drooping and bangs falling into his face, his sweatshirt wrapped snugly around his torso to fend off the early morning chill. Sungjae has one of his blankets draped over his shoulders, a clip holding his hair up like a tiny fountain spout.
They put the cards away an hour or so later to walk back to the Lighthouse Observatory. A small crowd has already formed at the viewing deck, and they squeeze into a gap of open space to wait and watch as well. A little girl offers them a couple of her candies, which Sungjae takes and Donggeun gently turns down. She smiles toothily at them anyways before running back to her mother, and Sungjae puts the treat into Donggeun's palm. "For you," he says.
"Thank you," Donggeun says softly.
Soon, the sun is rising, hues of pink and cream and orange rushing to fill the grey skies. The colors swirl and seep into the ocean as an imperfect reflection of the heavens, but there's still the awe of Donggeun's face at the sight. It's hard to believe that this is the same sun that Sungjae has seen rise right outside of their dorm window, his pillow wedged under his chin and body tired from a day of dance rehearsals, but it is.
When the sun finally clears the horizon and begin its ascent into the sky, its audience applaud the daily, majestic sight in appreciation. One of the lighthouse employees comments on how she's seen the sun rise so many times over the years, but it's never gotten old. It probably never will, she adds, and bids everyone farewell as each visitor leaves the observation deck.
"That was really great," Donggeun says to Sungjae as they walk back into the parking lot, across which the trailer is parked. "It was... amazing? Incredible?" He shakes his head, at a loss of words.
Sungjae nods in agreement. "Time to sleep," he announces when he steps into the trailer again. Already, it is home.
"You're not allowed to wake me up until noon has passed, tomorrow," Donggeun shoots back, both of them burrowing into bed. "I can't keep my eyes open any longer."
Sungjae laughs once. "Good night."
"Good morning, more like," Donggeun corrects him sleepily.
part two