monthly news and missions
~THE LIGHTNING POST~
1st edition, Sept. 1st, y20347
Refugees!
The S.S. Thor has successfully picked up 77 refugees this month. Ships are constantly being deployed to search for further survivors.
Spider Infestation!
Reports of giant spiders living in the ventilation shafts have been increasingly common! "They're about half as big as I am!" says one plucky youth, eyes wide with remembered terror. Rumors that these creatures are violent and poisonous are thus-far unconfirmed.
Drive-by Insult?
Bbaadrix Aabbraxia, 54, proprietor of the famed Two Elephants, reports an unusual incident as he made his way home from work one evening recently. A small yellow person he had never seen before in his life approached him, addressed him by his full name - "mangling the pronunciation horribly, I'll have you know," muttered an irritated Aabbraxia - and proceeded to call him a "snotflinging knuckle-dragging mattress thumper," before walking away and disappearing round a corner.
Lucky!
Ethel Munchlax of the Chubby Hippo won this months Lightning Lottery. "Now I can finally buy out the Dwarfed Giraffe!" says Miss Munchlax.
Crap!
The levels of feces in the Dolphin Pool are increasing, and so far seven dolphins have been sent to the hospital for salmonella poisoning. The cause behind this terrible tragedy is still unknown, but we are assured that more people are being hired to help with the investigation.
Rumor of the month!
The scientists from the lower levels have been whispering about a mysterious planet called Magrathea this month. Legend has it that its inhabitants would create new planets by request from their customers, complete with oceans, fjords and even wildlife! The Lightning Post is, as always, working hard to confirm the credibility of this rumor.
HELP WANTED
Maintenance
i) The S.S. Thor needs Mattress Herders. Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
ii) The S.S. Thor needs someone to clean up garbage. Slots: [3] Pay: [Minimum]
iii) The S.S. Thor needs Window Cleaners. Slots: [2] Pay: [Minimum]
iv) The S.S. Thor needs help with Maintenance Robot Tune-ups. Slots: [2] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
v) The S.S. Thor needs Door Greasers. Slots: [3] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
Culinary
i) Space Burglers is in need of Burger Flippers. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
ii) The Two Elephants needs Potato Peelers for their kitchen. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
iii) The Chubby Hippo needs Dishwashers. Slots: [2] Pay: [Minimum]
iv) Auntie Gladys' Bakery needs Peanut Shellers. Slots: [2] Pay: [Minimum]
v) The Dolphins need someone to provide them with fresh fish. Slots: [2] Pay: [Minimum]
vi) Starbucks needs Kitchen Sculleons. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
vii) The Dwarfed Giraffe needs Bartenders. Slots: [3] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
Delivery
i) Pizzaxis needs Delivery Boys (all genders may apply). Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
ii) The Lightning Post needs someone to deliver the paper. Slots: [2] Pay: [Minimum]
iii) Sir Jyrgal Anderson has Personal Packages in need of Safe Delivery. Slots: [2] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
Health and Safety
i) St. Xlakkyr XVII Memorial Hospital needs bedpan cleaners. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
ii) St. Xlakkyr XVII Memorial Hospital needs laundry room attendants. Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
iii) The S.S. Thor needs Investigators to search for the cause behind the Dolphin Pool Pollution. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
iii) The S.S. Thor needs Door Therapists. Slots: [3] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
iv) Snorlax 5 Movie Theatre needs Ushers. Slots: [2] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
v) The Hakakaka Nightclub needs Bouncers. Slots: [3] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
Culture and Couture
i) Nebula Nails needs Manicurists. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
ii) The X09 Salon needs Waxers. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
iii) The Snow Globe needs Costume Designers. Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
iv) Orion's Belt needs Shop Window Dummies. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
v) The Snow Globe needs Actors for their rendition of An Autumn Morning Tragedy Beneath the Ever-Shining Moon Of Planet Vorluxx 10. Slots: [3] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
Miscellaneous
i) The Dolphins need Pool Cleaners, after someone continued feeding them them chimichangas instead of fish. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
ii) Pan-Ads needs Tele-marketers. Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
iii) Megadodo Publications, S.S. Thor branch, needs Mailroom Clerks. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
iv) Pan-Ads needs gofers. Slots: [3] Pay: [Minimum]
v) The Lightning Post needs filing clerks. Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
vi) The S.S. Thor labs need test subjects. Slots: [3] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
Note:The missions will be posted on every floor of the S.S. Thor, and can also be found in the Lightning Post for those already subscribing, as well as on the network. Unless otherwise stated it's first come first serve, so just reply to the right comment below and you'll get it!
To see what the requirements are for applying for Somewhat Decent Wage, go here, and make sure you comment if you want the promotion!
Minimum Wage means that you might be able to save up enough to move into the Deckswabbers. Somewhat Decent Wage means you might be able to get a Condo, etc. This depends on how much money your character wastes on other things, and we'll leave that interpretation up to you. Try to keep your characters' spending habits somewhat realistic as well, but we're not mean mods who'll be demanding an explanation for your every move.
Each mission lasts a month, and the paycheck will be handed out after the mission has been completed.
Replies will be in character. Please wait until all the jobs have been listed, and start a new thread for any OOC questions. And keep the spam to a minimum~