Comments | gauchecaesium: [Story] In Sights: KHR/骸雲

gauchecaesium

[Story] In Sights: KHR/骸雲

Jun 30, 2011 23:18

( If anyone did, Rokudo Mukuro deserved his utmost respect. )

writing, character: sawada iemitsu, character: rokudo mukuro, pairing: hibari/mukuro, character: nagi/chrome dokuro, pairing: bl, genre: general, character: sawada tsunayoshi, genre: romance, character: kusakabe tetsuya, fandom: khr, story: in sights, character: hibari kyoya

Comments 6

eclats_de_voix June 30 2011, 20:20:38 UTC

I like how hibari thinks about tsuna - he like how he can bite alone. I like how you describe him physically too. You hit him on the nail, especially toward then end when he makes up his mind and stomps off to do it! But I've just been one never too keen on long reflective and mental pieces and I have mixed feelings about swearing in any story. That's just me though! I've done it, too, hypocritically, but I always feel I can pull it off without it.

himenojigoku July 1 2011, 21:21:36 UTC

I like it ^^ I like how he compliments Tsuna (1827 fan) But my otp is 6918!xD Hibari is just in denial of his love of Mukuro kufufu~

fantasygirl49 July 2 2011, 06:35:20 UTC

a heavy introspective piece, i should catch up on khr...hibari and mukuro are both interesting characters to play off each other.

100paperfans July 3 2011, 21:54:35 UTC

Excellent story! And I love the title pun xD Nice~

Character Interpretation - 10 points for keeping Hibari very IC. I'll have to give you a 7 for both Mukuro and Chrome, though, since they were only mentioned and the reader only gets a vague feel for their personalities.
Grammar/Spelling - 10. Amazingly written.
Story Flow - I think I'll give you the full 20 for story flow because it's an introspection piece that doesn't miss a beat. I enjoyed reading this a lot.
Prompt Usage - 8, the prompt is there, but only vaguely.
Originality - 10. Because of how you describe Mukuro's change from laughing at Hibari to gradual 'hello's and such. Nice touch.
Bonus - I don't really see a love triangle, but that's okay. This story blew me away with it's insight and depth and absolutely love the way you write Hibari.

Also, you mentioned going out of country. Don't worry about voting this week and I'd like to take this chance to tell you we appreciate your participation for the prompt. Glad to have you at write_and_run!

lunadeartemis July 5 2011, 03:34:09 UTC

Very nice! I really enjoyed the fact that it was all Hibari's introspection. I really liked his thoughts on Tsuna, since it shows how his relationship with him and vongola has developed. For that matter, using Chrome to highlight how Mukuro has also changed was a nice touch. The only criticism I have is the F-Bomb you dropped. But only because it really does feel inserted where some other exclamation might have worked.
I really liked it though. I really got a feel for Hibari! :D